Title: When I'm Gone
Author: Bella. Barbaric
Summary: During Bella's pregnancy in BD, Bella asks Edward to remember her by certain part of a song. Songfic drabble, kind of depressing.
Rating: K+
Author's Note: In Edward's POV, this song is so beautiful, I had to write this, the song verses don't match the fiction, but the chorus absolutely does. Written to When I'm Gone by Eminem
I never imagined, when I met Bella in that biology classroom, that less than two years later she would be my wife, be pregnant by me and I would be fixing cups of blood for her.
Today, for once, we have the house to ourselves, my family have gone hunting, having put it off for long enough, and Jacob is running patrols with his pack. I am pouring a cup of blood for Bella, she has asked me to. It goes against the grain, to be giving Bella blood to drink, but that's what the baby wants apparently. She's getting weaker by the day, her body is unable to cope with the strain of a half vampire baby.
"Edward." Bella calls at a tone and volume no more than in normal human conversations. I hurriedly finish pouring and run upstairs with it, afraid something had happened. When I enter the bedroom, Bella is sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard.
She hunches over the iPod Emmett had given her as a wedding present, filled with his favourite tunes. I can tell this simple position strains her body more than she lets on, her bulging stomach pulling and stretching her skin and her back is burdened heavily with this new weight.
"Edward, come here a minute, I want you to listen to something." She says, still fiddling with the iPod.
I go to her side, immediately, "Is everything okay?" I ask worriedly.
"Yes," She answers absently, still not looking up. I kneel by the bed and wait for her to say something, she finally looks up at me and smiles tiredly, these smiles are the only ones she can seem to muster these days, "Edward," She starts, her eyes bore into mine, "If- if I don't survive this even as a vampire," She strokes her stomach lovingly.
As soon as my fast vampire mind realizes what she's referring to, I go to protest, "No, Bella-"
She puts a finger to my lips, effectively silencing me, "Shh, just hear me out Edward, please." She takes her finger from my lips and I grudgingly keep quiet, this could go no where good. She smiles and continues, "Thank you. So if I don't survive this or it ends up being to late for the venom, then there are three things I'd like to say: firstly, I love you, so so much, and I don't regret any of what we have together, I wouldn't have missed this for the world." She strokes her stomach again, and her voice falters slightly, my eyes start to water needlessly in tear that will never fall, "Secondly, don't go running off to the Volturi, because EJ will need his father, not to mention I'll be your personal poltergeist, reeking havoc on your life if you even consider the idea." She laughs weakly, and I try for a smile, but fail to make one convincing, "And thirdly, whenever you're sad, or lonely, I want you to remember me by this song chorus, Okay? Just this bit of the song."
She puts a headphone in my ear, even though I probably wouldn't need them, she pulls me closer by the back of my neck so her lips are by my other ear, she presses play on the iPod and whispers in my ear the end chorus lyrics of a song I immediately recognize:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice, just know that I'm looking down on you smiling, and I didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain, Just smile back
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn, rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice, just know that I'm looking down on you smiling, and I didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain, just smile back..." The song ends, and Bella whispers, "Remember that, please Edward." My cold dead heart shatters at the desperate tone in her voice as she places a lingering kiss on my cheek.
I pull back to cradle her face gently in my hands, trying to make her believe that she wouldn't die, her eyes are full of tears, "It won't come to that, Bella, I won't let it, you have to keep your heart beating." A tear spills onto her cheek, I wipe it away and kiss her forehead.
I get onto the bed and oh so carefully pull her onto my lap, cradling her too-delicate body to my chest. "It won't come to that." I chant, like a mantra, trying to make her and a very small part of myself believe it.
Her breathing slows, and she falls into an uneasy sleep.
The song chorus echoes in my head,"- Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling, and I didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain, just smile back"
Just Smile Back....