Disclaimer: The Bill and Its characters do not belong to me

Because You Loved Me

Chapter 1

Sheelagh lay in Des's arms in his flat. They both knew she should not be there. If she was where she should be she would be with her husband at home. But she didn't want to do what was right. She just wanted to stay there for ever.

For the first time in her life she was doing some thing for her instead of her family and Des made her feel as if it was so right. Maybe that was because she wanted it to be right, and so did he. The need they had had of one another since they had fallen in love was mad.

When she thought of it she was sure a love like there's was meant to belong to teenagers or maybe to … well she didn't know. But she had never thought it would be for her. But now that it was she didn't know what she would so if she ever lost it… or him.

And so there they lay under his duvet, the moon shining in through the window. And it felt so wonderful.

"Don't," he whispered in her ear.

"Don't what?"

"Go back to him tonight, stay, stay with me."

The offer was so tempting. She could. She wanted to she thought to herself. She felt when she was with him she was so free to do as she wanted. But the kids and Pat were going to be waiting for her…yet would it be so hard to find a excuse to stay one night. She didn't want to go… she desired to stay above all else.

Slipping out of bed she went in to the living room where she found her phone.

She rang her husband and she was surprised how easy it was to lie to him when she had thought of what she was going to say.

She had to work so late. There was no point in her making the journey home. She would sleep at the motel in town for one night as it was the quickest way to get to a bed. She missed him and would be home tomorrow.

Before she knew it she had hung up and she was off the hook for the night.

She was free, to stay.

Smiling she left the phone on the table and walked back to bed where instantly Des wrapped his arms back round her body and the warmth of his came flooding over hers. It felt so good to be this close to him at last.

As she lay there she let him hold her and she was so contented. He was all she needed.

"Shee." He whispered to her.

She nodded to show she was listening but was enjoying his embrace to much to say any thing.

"You know no one has ever made me happier than you do, don't you?" she turned in to him, nodding. She loved it when he spoke to her like this. It was when she saw the real him shine through the tough man exterior. And she thought it was simply wonderful. Because she knew it was the real him. The man she had fallen in love with. Her Des…

"I know." She said to him. "And the same goes me. Des I…." she tried to find the words. "Lets go to sleep." She said lamely as she put her head on his chest and snuggled in to him.

He nodded, kissed her nose and shut his eyes. Sleeping with her in his arms would be the greatest rest he had ever had. It was rare he found such peace.

She was so over whelmed by his love at times that she wanted to cry. He made her feel as way no one else had. That didn't mean he didn't have his fault because she knew he did, she knew that better than most in fact. It just meant she choose to over look them as his good parts were so good.

That night was pure bliss for the two of them. For two months they had been seeing one another now, no one knew of course. It was better that way. But never before had they spent an entire night together but after that one Sheelagh knew they were going to have to again. It had only served to sew the love she had for him deeper in to her heart. The need for him was growing.

Getting up was a task neither wished to do but both had too. At least they worked together and so wouldn't have to say good bye till that night when she went home but she pushed that thought out her mind. She didn't want to go back there.

"Shee, do you want a coffee?" She heard Des called to her as she got dressed.

"Yes please," she replied to him.

Going out in to the kitchen she couldn't stop smiling. Wrapping her arms round him from behind as he did the coffee, she kissed his neck.

"Thank you." She said as she shut her eyes again, taking in his manly scent.

"What for?"

"For asking me to stay last night."

"It was a pleasure believe me. Thank you for staying. I know this isn't easy for you. It is a lot harder for you then me." he said to her because he knew it was true. She had had a family and a whole other life before him. When he looked back he had had nothing before her. He wondered if he had even been living.

"It's getting easier." She told him the truth. The more she was with him, the more she loved him and the more her mind ran wild with excuses why they were right. And there were so many.

He gave her a small smile, and kissed her fore head and went off to get ready for work.

Within twenty minutes the two of them were pulling up in to the car park at the back at the station. Back to being PC Taviner and Sergeant Murphy.

"When I am going to get you to my self again." He asked as they prepared to get out.

She wished she had an answer to that question, but she didn't. And he knew it. Quickly she looked round to check no one was watching and when she was sure no one was she kissed his cheek tenderly and smiled.

"Soon darling. Soon." She promised him.

That day she had paper work to do and he was out in the area car with Reg meaning there was no even the chance when she was walking around in the corridors could she 'bump' in to him.

Her day was filled with thoughts of him though and it vexed her. Before him, she had been good at her job, good at concentrating. And she was still good at her job, she was a brilliant sergeant. It was just the concentrating she having trouble with.

The day was long, and just as she checked the clock for a millionth time and saw she had five minutes to go, she heard a knock on her office door.

"Come in." she said to who ever wished to speak to her.

There were no words to express her delight when she saw it was him.

"You wanted to see me Sarge," he said to her.

She shook her head confused.

"No…" she hadn't sent for him.

"Mam I never said you requested me to come in, I just said you wanted to see me," he said to her with a cheeky smirk.

"Des…" she said as she blushed. "Not here," she told him.

"Why not?" he asked her. The door was shut and they were alone. He had to take every chance he got before she went to her husband.

"You love the danger don't you…. Of us. You like the fact we could be caught any day and then I'd have to come clean."

He considered what she was saying for a moment. He did love them. The secrecy of it all made it fun as well, he had to admit. It gave him a rush knowing it was all snatch moments and forbidden kisses. But he didn't want it that way for ever.

"Sine times yeah I do. But not always." He replied. "What I'd really love is knowing I could take you home every night with out you having to rush off to be with your husband." He sighed and she nodded. She knew that. "I know that isn't fair though. After all. It's me whose the other man. Not Patrick. You two have history. I should respect that really. He loves you better than I ever could."

"No." she said. "You have loved me better in these last two months than he has in two decades. Don't say stuff like that… now go on PC Taviner. Home."

"Very well. Good night mam." He said as he gave her a polite nod of the head. She watched as he passed her window and flashed one last soft smile her way… she wanted to wake up to that every day.

After a good end to the day, and a brilliant night before, Sheelagh headed home where Patrick and the kids.

"Hey baby." He said to her as he gave her a kiss.

"Hey." She muttered in response.

"Was it tough last night then?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah I am sorry I didn't make it home but I had so much paper work to do." She said to him.

"Shee no worries." He said to her.

"Ok, thanks." She said. He was so kind to her. It made her feel so guilty. But never guilty enough to pull the plug on her affair. Nothing could make her feel so guilty she did that she thought. "Were the kids ok last night?" she asked. All three of them were nearly grown now.

"Fine. Everything was good, honest, don't worry." he said to her, but he knew it was in her nature.

"Alright I am going to go and have a bath." She said to hi m and he nodded, and smiled and she run off upstairs.

The rest of that evening her thoughts were with Des and when she would see him again.