Author's Note: This is another old story of mine. This was the first ever Buffy story that I wrote and I wrote it my freshmen year of high school. So it's really old. It's one of my faves so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

It was dark and cold. The sun had set just moments ago and with it had taken the heat and her protection. "Damn," She said as she hugged herself, "Never really realized how cold night could be." She was alone. God those words hung on her conscious day in day out. Well ever since she'd been ripped out of heaven. She'd been so happy. Now she was slowly realizing that her home and town was hell. And the only person she shared that with at first was Spike. But then that stupid singing demon came along and secret came out. "Better get on with the slayage" She said as she started walking. :CRUNCH: She heard the sound of leaves and spun around. "Spike,"

"Slayer,"

There he was, the only person she could feel anything with. "What do you want?"

"Nothing just heading out, what do you want?"

"Huh?"

"You're the one at my crypt slayer." She looked around and noticed that she had been walking to Spike's the whole time.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"Well I…um…well."

"Get on with it slayer."

"I didn't notice I was here…I kind of didn't know."

"Something else on your mind?"

"No I'm fine." But she knew he didn't believe her.

"Buffy, love, you can lie to your mates but not me." He looked at her with so much concern.

"Spike, I don't want to live anymore."

"What?"

"I think I came here to say good-bye."

"What?" This time he grabbed her. "Love, what are you going on about?"

"Good-bye Spike." Buffy said then punched him and he fell over and she took off. He just laid there not knowing what to think.

She was running practically non-stop to her house. No one would be home. Dawn was out with Tara and then they were heading to the magic shop so Tara could talk to Willow about how she's been too up with the magic's lately. 'Good' she thought, 'no one home to stop me from doing what I need to do.' She ran to her room and sat on her bed, found paper and a pen and started writing.

At the cemetery Spike was trying to piece together what had happened. Finally it hit him. "She's gonna kill herself." Spike said as he got up and ran to a certain home on Revello Drive.

She was lying on her bed with 6 little notes, 2 of which were in envelops, and a knife that she had found in her drawer, that she kept from her angel days. She looked up at the ceiling and said, "Please take me back!" With that she slit her wrists.

He was running at a fast pace that only a vampire or slayer could do. Finally he met his destination. He ran in, didn't really care if she got mad about the not knocking or not, and up to her room. "BUFFY!" He found her just barely alive on the floor, blood everywhere. "Buffy…no please."

"Spike…what are you…"

"Shh it's ok love, I'll help you."

"No Spike, Please…just let me go."

"What…NO!"

"Spike…I love you…"

"What?"

"I love you, please protect her…." With that she let go of her life.

"NO, Buffy…No please come back." Then he looked at the bed and saw the notes.

"Willow calm down I didn't mean it."

"No Dawnie, now it's payback time."

"AHHH!!" Willow grabbed Dawn and started tickling her.

"Willow, stop she's sorry" Tara said with just a bit of attitude in it.

"Ok, fine Tara." She put Dawn down and returned to her seat.

"So Dawnster how's the Buffster?" Xander said, "Look I made a funny."

"Yes, you did honey." Anya said from behind the counter.

"Oh she's getting better." Dawn said while laughing a little from Xander's joke. She loved it when he did stuff like that.

"That's good." Xander said.

-Ding- Dawn was startled by the door. "SPIKE!" She said as she ran up and hugged the blonde vampire.

"Hello nibblet." Everyone turned and looked at Spike.

"Where's Buffy?" Xander asked.

"Umm…sleeping." Spike said.

"Oh…ok that's odd." Willow said.

"Yeah…" Spike said while playing with the letters in his coat pocket. Dawn looked up at him and noticed the redness under his eyes.

"Spike," Dawn said in almost a whisper, "Have you been crying?"

Spike looked down at her. "I can't lie to you nibblet…yes I have been."

"Why?" Spike looked at her and realized that it was time.

"Can everyone sit down; I have something I need to tell you all." They all looked at him kind of in a state of confusion, but they listened to him. Spike pulled the 6 letters out of his coat pocket as they sat down. Then he handed one to each of them and kept his own. "Ok these are from Buffy."

"What are you talking about Spike?" Xander asked impatiently knowing that something was incredibly wrong.

"I'll get to it Harris just shut up." Spike said. "Ok Buffy came to my crypt tonight in a mood. She talked about saying good-bye and then she did and hit me. When I got to her house I found her upstairs just barely alive and she said good-bye and died in my arms." Everyone just looked at him neither really believing what he said. After what felt like an eternity Dawn fell to the floor.

"Spike look at me." Dawn said.

"Yes, Nibblet."

"Look me in the eyes…" He did and he said,

"I'm sorry Dawn, she's gone." She knew he wasn't lying.

"Oh god…NO…NO!" Dawn began crying and screaming. Spike fell to the floor with her and cried.

Willow couldn't believe it. Then again she could never really believe anything. Then she saw the letter.

"Dear Willow, I'm very sorry. I had to. You wouldn't understand. But I don't want to leave saying mean and hurtful things to you, but please don't bring me back. I love you. You're my best friend. My dad doesn't want Dawn. So I'm letting Spike raise her. Watch her and protect her. I love you so much Will. I'm so sorry, I had to do this. Please take care of your self. -Love, Buffy"

"Oh no." Willow said and began to cry.

Anya didn't cry, but instead got angry and grabbed her note off the table.

"Dear Anya, I know I really don't know you, but in the last 2 years I have grown to admire you. The way you work and run the magic shop is wonderful. I hope you and Xander can share a lasting relationship full of love and in your words sex. Take care of yourself. I'm with you. -Love, Buffy"

"Oh wow…" Anya said as a tear ran down her cheek.

Xander just sat there staring. "God Buffy, how could you?"

"Xander just read your note." Anya said between sobs.

He picked it up and began to read. "Dear Xander, Oh god I know what you must be thinking. Buffy you're an idiot. How could you do this? And once again you don't know. But Xand I love you so much. I remember a long time ago when you were my hero and save my life. Well you can do that again. Watch over Spike and Dawn. They are my life. I love both of them. And I know you aren't even close to being ready to accept my loving Spike. But I do and it took me a while to realize it. So I'm letting him raise her. Just make sure he doesn't end up a pile dust. I love you Xander Harris. I always will. -Love, Buffster."

"Oh god…Buffy…please don't." Xander said as he threw his chair back as he got up. Anya looked at him as he went to the backroom.

Tara, who had been quiet, picked up her letter when Willow did. "Dear Tara, Thank you. I know you're the reason Willow and Dawn are still Willow and Dawn. I need you to do me a favor. Write to Giles. Please don't call. Tell him I'm gone, but that I love him. And he is my true father. And Tara…I love you. Please take care. -Love, Buffy" Tara just sat there, then looked at Willow and began to cry.

"Spike, No please no…not again no." Dawn cried as she hugged Spike. He picked her up and carried her out of the magic shop and then to his crypt. By the time they had gotten there Dawn was already asleep.

"Ok nibblet…" he said as he laid her down on his bed under the crypt. "Now you sleep." He said as he walked over to his chair and sat. 'God' he thought to himself, 'my world sure has gotten horrible.' And with that he fell asleep.

It was Dawn who was the first to awaken. She was at Spike's in his crypt. 'Couldn't take his coat off?' She thought to herself. Then she saw the note. It had fallen out of her coat pocket. Written on the front of the envelope in neat and perfect cursive it said, "Dawn" She opened it and almost cried when she saw a little bit of red on it. "Dearest Dawn, I love you. I am so sorry. Dawn, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. To me you were never a key. You were always my sister. And I love you so much. I know, wait, No I don't have any clue how hard this is on you. To get me back and then lose me again. I am so sorry. Dawnie, I'm giving you a choice. Honey dad well he doesn't want you and I'm not letting you go to some foster family. So I've given full custody of you to Spike. He is your legal guardian. But you have a choice here honey. Willow or Spike or both. Just Dawn, do well, stay smart and grow up to be a beautiful intelligent woman. I love you so much Dawn Summers. I just pray and hope to god that you know that. -Love always, your sister, Buffy Anne Summers." Dawn just stared at the paper trying to understand and be strong. Then suddenly she started to cry. Not silent cries but loud wailing cries.

Spike was sleeping when suddenly he heard Dawn crying. He got up and went over to her. "Shh…Shh…Nibblet it's ok…I promise." He held her close and whispered to her. "Come on sweetheart…you just let it all out." After some time she fell asleep. He laid her back down then went upstairs. He sat down in his chair and turned on the T.V. Then he glanced over and saw HIS letter. He walked over to the tomb and picked it up. "Dearest Spike, Ok now you're the hardest person to write a good-bye letter to. But I kind of want to be honest with you. Spike, I haven't felt hardly anything since I was brought back. But when I'm with you I feel like me. So thank you, Spike. You've been wonderful. My sister loves you so much. So I'm going to tell you. I had a will drawn up 2 weeks ago. You'll find out on Monday, but Dawn is now yours. She knows it. But even though she's under your custody now, she can choose to live with Willow. Raise her well Spike. Love her, as much as or more than you love me. On that topic. I went to your crypt tonight to tell you something, then I looked the sky and forgot. But I remember now, do you remember that night I reinvited you into my home? Well the things you said…God Spike I wanted to run down the stairs and kiss you. And to tell you that I loved you so much. You were always right. I do love you. I love how you've taken such great care of Dawn. I love how you are always there for me no matter what I do. I love you William. Please take care of my sister and please always remember me. Love always-Buffy Summers." Spike staggered back to his chair and just stared at the paper. He couldn't believe what he was reading. "No…Buffy, why didn't you tell me all of this before? Why did you wait until you were gone?" He said as he looked at the ceiling. "Spike?" Dawn said as she climbed up the latter.

"Yeah Nibblet?" She walked over to him.

"She loved you Spike…I know she did." Spike just looked at Dawn.

"I know sweet bit…I know."

"Hey Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I live here with you?"

"Yes Dawn, yes you may." With that she climbed into Spike's lap and they watched T.V. and drifted off to sleep.

"SPIKE!!!" Dawn screamed as she ran around her bridal room.

"Yes Dawn?" Spike said as he opened the door.

"Where's Willow?"

"Um…I don't know."

"Can you find her and tell her to come here?"

"Sure Dawn sure." Spike said as he walked away. 'I'm not gonna bug her about the please…this is her day.' Spike thought as he headed to front doors.

"Willow" Spike said as he walked over to the main door. "Dawn wants you." Willow turned around and smiled.

"Ok, but someone needs to greet the guests."

"I will." Spike said. With that Willow left. Spike greeted person after person. "I don't think anyone else is coming and I have to walk Dawn down the aisle soon." Spike said as he sat down. "So she is living with you." A familiar voice said. Spike looked up and couldn't believe his eyes.

"Bu…Bu…Buffy?" Spike said.

"Yeah baby…I'm back." Buffy said.