Authors Note: This is a one shot of Rory and Jess relationship after going out for a couple of months. It is set a couple years after the finale. This is basically an open letter to Jess that Rory wrote in her journal, she is venting in true Gilmore Girl Fashion. To avoid any confusion this is from Rory's POV and Jess took up playing the guitar over the years.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gilmore Girls Characters they all belong to the lovely Amy Sherman - Palladino

Dear Jess,

You were more concerned about your guitar than anything else - that's all you wanted to talk about - for hours on end. What was the point of me coming over when that's all you wanted to talk about and all you did when I was over was either watching videos about guitar or playing with it. It's all you ever did. You said you were going to help me - but you never did. You wasted my valuable time. You are full of empty promises and always giving me false hope. You say you miss me but actions speak loader than words. You said so much but nothing at all.

You promised you ll will help me, but you never do. You say we are going out but we stay in and all you do is play with your guitar. I needed your help and your support but all you do is throw empty words at me that don't mean anything anymore. You say i don't relay on but the fact is i can't. You always disappoint me or let me down - i came to expect that from you but it doesn't meant it hurts any less. Actually it hurts even more and the worst thing is i can't even talk to you about it because you get offended and angry so quickly and somehow you always turn it on me. Somehow its always my fault and my doing and i should be the one doing so.

Its not that you are a bad person, its just the biggest asshole to walk the earth. You drop everything for your friends no matter what you are doing because they mean so much to you. When i need help - you either have work to do or you can't because its how these things work, or this how its supposed to be. Its not fair - you say i mean a lot to you but you never show it with your actions. Everyone else comes before me. And that makes me feel like i m not important enough for you and i never will be. I m always second best to everyone and it hurts.

But i can never tell you because it will hurt you and i don't want ever to do that and yet that's what you do to me most of time.

You fill me up with so much anger and frustrations that i want to hit things and break things and scream until my throat is raw. Crying seems to be the only thing i do lately and my hurt feels like its your personal punching bag. You are a walking contradiction you make me fall in love you despite my best efforts - i wanted to avoid all this - i told you once you had my heart you have it forever and now i have to accept all the pain and hide what i am feeling because i put your happiness over mine and yet you put yours in front of mine. I wanted someone to look after me to help me out in the difficult times and not hit when i m already down. I don't know what i ever did to you I only want is the best for you. I may sound selfish but i always try and be there for you help in the best i can and all i ever wanted was that in return. Is it too much to ask for? I guess so.

Not everything you do is bad - you make me laugh and understand me better than anyone, we click and get along so well but you have the ability to hurt me and that used to scare me now I just accept. I love you i really do and i always will - nothing will ever change that. I just hope that over I can be immune to this and i pray that with time this will hurt a little bit less, because i don't my heart can take it anymore.

x Rory x