Pairing: Myka/HG
Disclaimer: I own nothing if they were mine they would be….. let's face they are so already maintext but there would be a significant increase in on-screen make-out sessions. xD
Note 1: Okay so this started out as a straight foward non-angsty fic but somewhere along the way my plot bunny got into Beatrice Potter's tea set, therefore there are two versions. The first is an angsty ending complete with Warning!Character Death [please don't come after me the bunnies made me do it] and the second cut has fluffly ending xD.
Note 2: Huge frakkin' thank you to my friend and beta of this inlove_n_inhate for the beta but more importantly for putting up with my excessive Myka/HG flailing.
Reality Bites (Virtual Reality Kills)
Myka looked desperately at the game console, her mind whirling with options and stratagies.
On the one hand Pete and Claudia needed her and the sooner the better by the sound of it. Under normal circumstances, the audible snort she emitted got her strange looks from the room's conscious occupants but she was too deep in thought to notice, she would never hesitate to risk her life for that of her team, her family.
On the other she had unfortunately spent the better part of the day on research duty and was keenly aware of the the hows and whys of this particular artifact. Thinking about the current state of her own psyche she wasn't sure if her being there wouldn't cause more harm than good.
The furious beeping of Claudia's heart monitor broke through her thoughts. By the looks of it the gamers were once again getting up close and personal with the 'reality' of that research. Clearly she had to make a move, fast and logically she knew there wasn't anything more she could do from out here.
She snapped at Gibson to help hook her up to the system, all the while hoping she wasn't making a grave mistake bringing her fears into the mix. She was so going to strangle Fargo when this was all over.
The scene she stumbled into broke what little was left of her heart. She quickly fired off two shots from her crossbow wishing the arrow aimed at Claudia's tormentor would offer up far more damage than a mere distraction. What she really wanted to do was tear his head off his shoulders with her bare hands but these were Claudia's deepest fears and therefore hers to fight.
She watched proudly as Claudia proceeded to make quick work of her doctor. She wanted to wrap Claudia into a giant hug but opted for just asking if she was ok…twice. Redundant? Maybe. But hey it worked. As the others filled her in on the goings on in virtuo world and formed a plan she made sure to carefully relay every detail of what she knew from the real world to Claudia.
She could feel the dark pull of her fears and didn't want to bring down anyone else when she eventually succumbed to them.
When the team broke for their separate missions Myka and Claudia kept Pete and Fargo in their peripheral vision, it figures they really would prove to be excellent distractions. Excellently annoying perhaps but then there was a distinct lack of axe aimed at important body parts so she wasn't exactly complaining.
Myka managed to hold on until they got Jerry out of the guillotine and sent him towards monstro-Hannah with a pep talk.
Myka couldn't deny it was an interesting feeling. She knew it was coming but not exactly how, and she knew rationally that it was a manifestation from her mind but was powerless to stop it.
She heard the clatter before she saw it and then suddenly all her field of vision consisted of was a tiny black orb crackling with blue energy.
She edged towards the slowly moving object checking once over her shoulder to ensure that everyone was still focused on the drama continuing to play out in all its etch-a sketch graphic glory. When she swiveled her head back around the ball was moving more rapidly and then so was she. Myka followed its winding path through warehouse shelves like a puppet on strings. When the orb finally came to a stop it was in the one place she wished she never knew existed.
She tried not to stare at all of the bronze encased figures, tried not to think about the atrocities they'd committed or the cruelty that was the very act of bronzing, tried to block out the desperate screams and manic ramblings she could hear in her head.
It's only in your head she reminded herself.
Suddenly the orb's energy crackled to life and from a blur of bluish particles H. appeared out of the ether to stand before her.
"Except they're not really in your head now are they darling" Myka hated that HG's voice never failed to send pleasant shivers down her spine even when the occasion most definitely called for shivers of the distinctly uncomfortable kind.
"They are. All of this is in my head. YOU are in my head" Myka wasn't entirely sure why she bothered arguing with a figment of her imagination.
"Be that as it may, technically YOU are in your own head, so this dear is as real as it gets. Is it not?" The eyebrow quirk and slight upturn of lips hinted that she wasn't asking really a question so much as she was making a point.
None of this is real.
Myka knew it was useless but she turned and ran anyway, stumbling through aisle after aisle of artifacts knowing that no matter where she tried to run her fears would always take her back to where she didn't want to be. She tried anyway running faster and harder and longer. When she finally stopped, doubled over gasping for a breath she was less than surprised to discover she was in the H. section.
"Enjoy the run?" Helena smirked. She leaned causally against some shelving looking immaculate, nary a hair out of place. It was infuriating how good Helena always looked, even when she was in the middle of destroying the world only the glimmer of madness in her eyes hinted at anything amiss. It was only recently that she…. no Myka couldn't bear to think about the defeated air that hung around Helena as of late.
So Myka did the only thing she could for now opting to glare fiercely at the apparition, trying in vain to just make her disappear.
"But where ever would the fun in that be? You knew upon entering this world what awaited you."
"Ugh of course I'd get you at your most infuriating." Myka blustered, trying not to think about how much she enjoyed cheeky Helena, worried that this fear based world would replace her with a visibly tortured version.
"It's your subconscious darling, although you did know me better than any I have ever known."
"No." it was barely a whisper, a desperate futile plea to stop the direction she knew this was headed. It couldn't be true because if it was she should have noticed, should have interpreted the signs better. She should have offered more than silent comfort when the nightmares awoke the older woman, should have pushed harder when inquiries into one of Helena's sudden moods was casually brushed off. Too many should haves, could haves and what if's it was too much and they were drowning her.
"NO!" Myka screamed as the warehouse phased out. Her surroundings rematerializing into a place she never wished to see again but visited often in her nightmares.
Who knew that a renowned tourist attraction and family vacation spot could be a place of such unprecedented pain and nearly the site of Armageddon?
She meant to shake her head and that was when she realized she was held firmly in place by the barrel of a gun. She could feel her lips moving, vocal chords straining, hear her voice echoing but she was incapable of stopping the play of events, could only watch in horror as she relived the worst day of her life with startling clarity.
"I want you to look me in the eyes and Take. My. Life."
"Come on. Do it!"
"DO IT!"
She watched the finger on the trigger move in slow motion, heard the deafening crack from the gun, and through the searing pain she vaguely registered the shifting of the earth as recoil drove the trident into the ground for the third and final time.
She fell backwards motionless, eyes open staring sightlessly at the violently changing atmosphere around her, blood spreading beneath her head like a ghastly halo.
"Oh do stop it…" came the crisp British tone at its most exasperated.
The figure on the ground stared up irritably at the woman looming over her, hands on canted hips.
"You can't even let me enjoy oblivion in peace?" Myka huffed sitting up and wiping blood from her forehead.
"You're not really getting concept of worst fears are you darling?"
"I'm not getting the concept of… I ….you just….. I just re-lived possibly THE worst moment of my life with the added bonus of you murdering me! How is that NOT classified as worst fear material?" Myka's pitch was threatening to reach supersonic.
Helena's serenely smiling face was doing nothing to calm her angry rapid breathing.
"I suppose it would fall into that classification if it was that which you truly feared. Except you never thought for a fraction of a second I'd actually pull the trigger, not before and not since."
"That isn't true." the response too quick and ardent to not be a lie.
Helena slowly glided over, invading Myka's personal space. Almost against her will Myka's eyes fluttered shut at the contact of Helena's hand gently caressing her face. Helena brought her mouth up to Myka's ear, her breath whispering against the skin there.
"You know your greatest fear don't you? The truth which you renounce, with which you do battle and ultimately the truth which you inter." Helena's hand drifted from Myka's face down until it settled on her waist.
"Every time you pass by our chair in the library, or my section of the warehouse, every time you turn to tell me something but find me absent, each time you vehemently shoved down the urge to defend me against Pete. It's why you said 'Goodbye Helena' the last time we parted."
Helena's other hand trailed down her arm entwining their fingers.
"The warehouse chooses people who are as much in need of it as it is in need of them. When you departed from the warehouse you felt that loss acutely, but it didn't hold a candle to what I robbed from you, did it darling?" At this Helena pushed her body into Myka's, their curves fitting together seamlessly.
Myka bit back a moan and H.G. just chuckled and pulled away. Myka was helpless to contain the whimper that rose unbidden from her throat. Her eyes flickered open at the sudden loss of contact leaving her wishing she'd kept them closed. In the tiny part of her mind not consumed with agony and guilt and terror she swore once again to strangle Fargo when this was all over.
"Victory dance! Woo-hoo..." Pete exclaimed, holding up his controller and making random sound effects.
"Pete..." Claudia struggled to be heard over the explosion and shooting noises.
"Who's the man? I'm the man!"
"PETE!" This shout was loud enough to garner Pete's attention.
"Geez what Claudielf…." He trailed off when Claudia looked up with a stricken expression painted across her face, holding up two controllers in explanation.
"Where's Myka?" Frantically looking around and realizing for the first time she was nowhere in the immediate vicinity.
Everyone stopped as they tried to pinpoint exactly when the last time any of them had seen Myka was.
"Alrighty. Pete I have an idea but you're kinda gunna hate it. You and Jerry are going to beam out. No arguments."
" PETE." She had to yell to be heard over Pete's protests. "Listen, Myka helped me talk up Jerry which means she hasn't been gone too long and uh I'm 99% I know where to find her."
"There's no way I'm leaving here without Myka, we're going to go find her and we're going now!"
"Dude, hold up. Hear me out. Okay I'm pretty sure she's in the H.G Wells section and considering recent events I think you - i.e. your fears- could really crank up the oh shit factor. Besides there's no point in all of us continuing to risk getting stuck here indefinitely. And since Myka's now in here too, someone besides Gibson should really be monitoring our vitals man."
"Look I get what you're saying but there is no way…..I'm leaving while Myka's…..in trouble.. "
"Sorry dude but time kind of an issue" Claudia mumbled to the empty space previously occupied by Pete before she reached over and deactivated his controller.
"Okay Jerry you are gone, make sure Pete doesn't reenter the game. Fargo, with me let's move!"
H.G. loomed over Myka, any trace of her Helena gone. Her features twisted into a horrid mask of sorrow, vengeance, rage and not just a bit of madness.
It jolts Myka to the very core to realize when faced with this frightening visage of Helena, amid the feelings of agony, shame and fright coursing through her body, is a spark. In the midst of all the heartbreaking angst, a glimmer of the purest sentiment entwined throughout her essence, almost entirely obscured by the grim emotions, but still there pulsing. Thrumming in every fiber of her being as if frantically trying to prove love can conquer all.
Faux Helena sidles forward grinning gleefully, her face screwed up in a grotesque parody of affection.
"Even now in the face my most ghastly traits in their purest state, not an inch of humanity in this depraved form, and yet, you still feel love for me, don't you dearest?"
Myka tried to shut her eyes but found it physically impossible. She attempted to block out the noise but only managed to cause H.G.'s disturbing voice to echo in her head. She couldn't move physically frozen, as a torrent of emotional recollections washed over her.
She felt the years she spent under the thumb of her father chip away pieces of her heart. The trials and tribulations of being the nerdy girl in high school bruise the delicate muscle. The failed relationships of college dent it, and discovering her first love wasn't really into girls and was just experimenting left quite the scar. When Sam died her heart broke, there was guilt and pain and more than a little self doubt but she pulled herself together and once at the warehouse even managed to piece it together again.
Then came Helena, Myka hadn't known she was capable of such deep, incredible, floating-amongst the clouds love. That being the case, she discovered the hard way the truth in the adage the higher you are the harder you fall or something like that.
Helena's betrayal shattered her heart irrevocably and yet it continued beating keeping her alive, if visibly damaged.
So when Helena turned up at her parents' bookstore and her instinctual reaction was not anger or hurt but a slight flutter in her chest where there had been nothing but an encompassing numbness, Agent Myka Bering felt an unprecedented wave of complete and utter terror.
Through the haze of shock and projected thoughts Myka was unable to process the perversion of Helena slinking closer, now resembling a Tim Burton sketch, long razor sharp fingers moving steadily towards Myka's chest.
Myka shoved the alarm down that day in the bookstore and heard Helena out and a few pieces of her heart reassembled. With each apology, emotion filled glance, assisted case, aborted touch her heart became more and more solid and she despite her best efforts not to she fell in love all over again.
The fear dwelled though, in every fiber of her being knowing that this time if Helena turned on her again her heart wouldn't break or shatter but be ripped out of her chest entirely. She knew this and yet her willingness at the base of all that she was, past the hurt of betrayal, past the sting of lies and deceit, past the burn of self-doubt, past the disapprovement from her self-made family, beyond all of the negative and the crazy and the trepidation was the fact that there wasn't even really a choice when it was all said and done.
It unsettled the woman who prided herself on independence, strength and loyalty to acknowledge she would go to Helena freely, wholly, aware of the price she could end up paying.
Like a small insect in the web of a spider Myka was paralyzed as the twisted Helena plunged her hand into her chest cavity.
Claudia and Fargo were just rounding the corner when an inhuman scream filled the air. Claudia broke into a dead run catching sight of the Helenathing with its hand in Myka's chest.
Claudia tackled the creature bringing Myka out of its thrall. Scrambling away as quickly as possible Claudia darted over to Myka forcing the controller into her hand. Myka shook herself out, getting reacquainted with having some semblance of control over her faculties.
"Claude hold on, I can't go with you" and oh how she wanted to, of course even in a virtual reality with built in escape hatches, she couldn't just use one to flee before having to deal with this mess her subconscious had so kindly conjured up for her.
"But..." Myka cut her off.
"No Claude I literally cannot." She holds out her controller pressing the button to demonstrate.
"Nothing happened, why did nothing happen?" Claudia squeaked out starting to panic.
"Claudia. Breathe. My controller won't work because I haven't defeated…"
She motioned over to where the Helenaesque creature seemed content to observe her prey while waiting for their next move apparently having sensed the change in atmosphere.
"Nuh-uh dude no way I'm leaving you here with that thing!" They both knew this was one fight Myka had to handle on her own but she was still grateful for the outward show of support.
"I'll be ok Claude I promise but you know you gotta let me do this on my own. I really need you to go, I won't be able to concentrate if I'm worried about you." She smiled and pulled Claudia into a hug. "Thanks for snapping me out of that back there, you helped me remember what I'm fighting for, I'll be right behind you, kay." Myka took a deep breath, watching as Claudia made her way over to Fargo.
Myka waited until they disappeared from sight before she turned on her heel and marched towards 'Helena'
She stopped barely outside of what was generally considered an acceptable amount of personal space.
"My Helena." Myka said her name reverently. The Helena creature eyed her in wary confusion. Myka just smiled and moved closer "You were right, you know?" she said almost conversationally "I do know you better than anyone else and because of that I know that THIS isn't you."
Helena snarled but she already looked less sinister. Myka continued as if she didn't hear the sound.
"God Helena I always knew your soul was far from rainbows and puppies, why couldn't you just let me in?" Myka drew a ragged breath quickly reining in her emotions, refusing to let her subconscious use her own feelings as ammo against her any longer.
Myka let out a sigh.
"I knew about the darkness in your soul Helena, I understood as much as anyone who hadn't experienced the trauma firsthand about Christina, about the pain it caused, about what you did to her killers, how you lived your life in the aftermath."
"For crying out loud, Helena we shared a bed, just because you pretended they never happened didn't mean I just magically forgot the frequent and extreme night terrors come morning."
Myka reached out bringing her hand to stroke Helena's cheek.
"Looking back I realize you were so tortured you could barely accept the good things in your life were real. You held on to plans forged in years of despairing solitude because it was all you'd known for so long and quickly became the only thing familiar in an alien world that was suddenly your home."
"I feel guilty sometimes for being grateful to know you, to love you because I know we'd have never met if you weren't bronzed."
Myka dragged her hand through her hair trying not to feel like their love was always destined to fail due to the hundred some years between their births. But one of the harsh lessons Helena had learned was you can't rewrite the past, so mostly Myka preferred to think of it as destiny. It was hard sometimes and more than a little corny but Myka felt it suited them.
That still didn't mean Myka had come to terms with the whole bronzing issue.
"When I think about it I want to hunt down and throttle the regents! I mean I know it was the 19th century but for Christ's sake how did anyone think it was a good idea to take a grief stricken, emotionally unstable, genius of a woman hell bent on vengeance and essentially trap her in her mind for a hundred years, longer if not for McPherson?
You needed to grieve, needed human touch and compassion not to be imprisoned in metal with only your bitter, dogged thoughts and your intellect being the only part of your mind remaining stable"
Myka brushed at the tears streaming down the cheeks of a once again normal looking Helena.
I wish you could've trusted in our love. In the end it kept you from destroying the world but I wish it would've been enough to stop you from ever getting to that point."
She leaned forward bringing their lips together. She savored the sensation, reveled in it before finally reclaiming a hold on responsibility and pulling away. Myka sighed staring at the image of her Helena.
"There are things I need to know that only the real you can tell me, I can't achieve anymore here without that"
Myka felt lighter, for the first time there was no dread mixed in with anticipation of seeing Helena. She was anxious, thinking about possible answers to her many questions, but that daunting blanket of fear slowly suffocating her, had vanished.
Myka didn't know what the future held but for the first time she felt hope not fear when she thought about second chances.
The orb reappeared suddenly in her hands, Myka rolled her eyes at the arcade sound effect that accompanied it.
Myka leaned in one more time placing a last lingering kiss to Helena's mouth before stepping back. She clasped the top of the orb and twisted watching HG dissipate.
"See you around Helena." her voice echoed in the now empty warehouse.
FIN.
Maybe.