Deep in the meadow, my children play. Giggling, laughing away the troubles of our world. Laughing away my own troubles. I don't dare smile. Today is the anniversary. The day the bombs dropped, the day my life came tumbling down. Coin payed her price, but the debt could never be forgiven. The bill of war, the toll it took, is true strong to be fixed.
I lay a blue rose, the colour of her eyes, down into the clear water. The same place her ashes had been scattered. The same place I had truly said goodbye. But I can't forget that moment, it imprinted into my mind. Watching her, my sister, scatter into oblivion. When ever I think of her, that is what I see. I see my soul drifting away. Now I am empty, even with my children.
Rosanna was the first time I truly felt happy after. I truly felt something, not just an empty shell of the women I used to be. She was so beautiful, the day my eyes fell onto hers. The day I held her in my hands. Her smiles are as dazzling as light, her eyes as clear as crystal.
Dawson. What could I say about him? The young boy who explored everything, asked the questions that nobody else would. That nobody else could. He was bright, brighter than anybody else. Like a shining star, lighting my way as I went along.
As much I'd let to believe, neither of them could fill the hole. The empty void inside of me. I was empty. Gone. I doubt anything could bring me back.
Haymitch tells me that drinking helps it, soothes the pain. I don't think it does, believe me. I've tried a thousand times to drain my sorrows, to live in the moment. But I can't. Even Peeta is happier than me these days, in his own weird way. He isn't the same, though. Not same Peeta I loved.
We have given too much to ever be the same. We have loved to much that has fallen to ever smile. I walk into the water, my feet cleansed in the lake. The girl on fire, basking in water. I am never the same as I used to be, my wings have been clipped. Not the Mockingjay anymore. Katniss Everdeen has been lost, forever. Once lost, never found.