This fanfiction has been rated M for Mature.
(Paid for by the department of education, educating our children about the horrors of gang violence.)
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Once upon a time there was a man.
His name was Gerald and he absoulutly loved strawberry cake.
But he doesn't have anything to do with this story.
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Anyways, it was a normal day in the town of KOHANABANANAFANA. (where the gangsters all live)
Naruto was just walking along, being a gangster, in his bright orange jumpsuit. (which, if you really think about it isn't a very smart color to wear during a shootout.)
Anyways, he was just walking around, whistling a tune, when he ran into his bestest friend, Sasuke!
"Yo, Sasuke!" Naruto yelled.
"Yo, Naruto, my bitch!" Sasuke yelled back.
"I'm not your bitch!"
"Oh, yes you are!" (I'm sure you fangirls are like, wetting yourselves or something over this, AMIRIGHT? ARR ARR!!)
And well, Naruto and Sasuke went walking along the road, when they ran into their other friend Rock Lee!
"Yo, Rock Lee!" The other boys shouted.
"Hello, my dear friends!" Rock Lee smiled and hugged his friends.
"Yo..." Sasuke started, taking the arm Lee had around him off. "...Lee, you ain't up to date on the new trends, are you, dog?"
Rock Lee gave them a blank look.
"Er...my friends, I don't understand! I am not a dog, I'm Rock Lee! Naruto, Sasuke is asking pretty weird today..."
"Dog, dog, dog." Naruto shook his head. "...you mean, you aren't a super gangster yet?"
"...a...super gangster?"
Sasuke pushed Naruto over, and whispered in his ear "You don't remember, that Lee was born...without his fashion sense glands?"
Naruto's mouth made an 'o' and he stroked his chin. "Lee, my boy! Today Sasuke and I will make you the coolest kid in the entire village!"
"OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!"
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-At this time, we would fade out to a commercial break, with zit cream, and something to clean your bowels-
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Naruto, Sasuke, and Rock Lee are sitting in a parking lot, throwing ideas around on how they could possibly improve Lee's sense of fashion (or lack thereof) and make him a better gangster, when...Neji comes walking by hand-in-hand with Shikamaru (hey, some people roll that way, no need to be hatin'!)
"Hey, you guys have a pretty good sense of fashion, right? Because you're gay and like...clean?" Naruto asked.
"Well, sure. I'd like to think so." Neji said.
Shikamaru rolled his eye.
"We ain't gay."
Naruto stared at their intertwined fingers.
"Yes, I think so, dudes."
"No, we ain't."
"It's okay, man! Sasuke and me will still be your friends, no matter what!"
"It's Sasuke and I, Naruto." Shikamaru whispered.
"Sasuke and you? Sasuke, you're going out with Shikamaru!?" Naruto looked back and fourth between the two boys.
"...no." They both said.
"Fuck this man."
Everyone turned around to look at a small boy, sitting on the curb.
"Uhh, who are you?" They all asked.
"The author."
"Ohh."
"And, I've grown tired of this story!"
"Story?" Shikamaru asked.
"Tired?" Neji asked.
"Grown?" Naruto asked, also.
Everyone glarred at Naruto.
"Yes...
"I'm writing a story."
"Writi-"
"DAMNIT NARUTO, GOT BUGS IN YOUR EARS?" Sasuke pushed Naruto on the ground.
"Why, that wasn't very nice...you really shouldn't push people around. Especially your precious persons."
"Precious persons? Naruto isn't my precious person..."
"Yes he is, I'm even writing a story about you guys..."
"A story?"
"Those boys are right, you should most likely get your ears fixed."
"Wait, who ARE you?"
"My name is Haku."
"HAKU IS A GIRL NAME! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto looked around to see no one else laughing. "Haha...ha..ha."
"I'm going to have to kill you now, for calling me a girl." Haku pulled out a shotgun.
"Well, the lipstick is a little much, I mean, you look like a prostitute." Shikamaru put his hands on his hips, and pointed at Haku's small, pouting, red lips
(Everyone: awwwwwwwwwwrrrr -drool-)
"Well..."
"HAKU!" All the boys turned around to see a tall dark man running down the street.
"Oh shit!" Haku cursed.
"Who dat?" Naruto asked.
"That's my sugar daddy! He's angry because I haven't paid him yet!"
"..." Rock Lee looked at the man.
"Sugar daddy? Why do you call him that, is he made of sugar?"
"No, damn! I gotta go!"
Suddenly, a white car drove by, and loud gun shots were heard.
"Haku..." The man whispered, clutching his chest wound.
"Zabuza...I'm sorry." Haku fell to the ground, dead.
Then immediatly afterwards so did Zabuza.
"Oh well! That was a sight, wasn't is, boys?" Suddenly, their math teacher, Kakashi appeared out of nowhere.
"AHHHHHHHHHOMG" Naruto jumped around, covering his crotch with his hands (He wet himself, lollllllll)
"Well, my friends." Kakashi wrapped his arms around Sasuke (in a 'friendly' sort of way?) and rested his cheek against Sasuke's hair.
"You've just witnessed your first death. The life of a gangster is a hard one, and in the end, we all die. As a gangster, we must protect our clan, and our precious persons, we live to fight. And fight to live."
All of the boys stared at the older man, eyes wet with tears.
"Wow..."
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END OF CHAPTER ONE, MOTHERFUCKERS!11
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Fade in on a small, dark boy.
Sitting on a green spiny chair, in a dark lit room with a laptop as the only source of light.
He smells funny, and you guess he hasn't eaten or bathed in awhile. He types softly on the keyboard, grinning like a madman.
He takes a sip from his drink.
He has finished it.
It is done.
Time to sleep.
-
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IN THE NEXT CHAPTER: We actually start doing something, lol!1 THIS WAS THE THING THAT GOES BEFORE THE STORY, I FORGET WHAT IT'S CALLED.
Next Chapter we cover; SCHOOL ISSUES, WHAT HAKU HAD WRITTEN IN HIS LITTLE PINK NOTEBOOK, SUBSTANCE ADDICTION.
See you next week, children.