Nothing Worth Having
"I can't stand you sometimes! Just leave me alone. You always do anyway!" The sound of yelling ripped through the calm of an afternoon in Inuyasha's Village, a peaceful settlement of Edo, Japan.
Nosy villagers, spoiled by years of little turmoil and ample boredom (courtesy of their very demon protectors), poked their heads out of their huts to watch the day's entertainment unfold before them. Careful not to be spotted by the source of such irritation, they all tracked Rin's furiously bobbing head as she stormed out of the hut she shared with Kagome, the former village miko, and off into Inuyasha's Forest. Not long after, a pale, almost godlike, figure stepped out through said hut and stared off in the direction Rin had gone. His long white hair cascaded behind him and swayed gently in the afternoon breeze, belying the tension that coursed through him. Sesshomaru's head whipped around and his eyes narrowed ever so slightly, as if daring the villagers to say anything about the scene they had just witnessed.
There was a time when that gaze would have sent dozens of villagers screaming for their lives, but 10 years had passed since Naraku had been defeated, and they simply no longer feared him as they once did. What was once a paralyzing fear had now settled into a… very healthy respect for the brother of Inuyasha, their village's namesake. However, none would wish to be caught staring, so in an instant, every nosy set of eyes had retreated into the safety of their homes.
Sesshomaru turned back towards the hot smell of Rin's tears, irritated that he felt so moved by something so irrational as the girl's dire mood swings. Rin, Sesshomaru, and Kagome had been having a normal conversation over the midday meal, and he had been a silent observer, as usual, only interjecting every so often with a probing question or two about Rin's studies.
They had discovered about a year after Naraku's death that Rin was a miko (albeit not nearly as strong as Kagome or Kikyo had ever been), so she and Kagome had been training together for a time with Kaede. After the old woman had finally passed, Kagome had taken over the position of village miko for a time, but eventually she had conceded the position to a more formally trained miko that had happened upon the village in recent years. She was still determined to uphold Rin's training however, so they were currently studying the art of healing (including the properties of nearly a hundred or so plants) in addition to her classes in the village school.
Kagome had started the small school with only a handful of village children a few months after Naraku's death, and it had grown to the size of 30 children, no small feat for a relatively insignificant human village. The school was open to girls as well as boys, which, as he had pointed out many times before to the strange miko, was highly unusual for this time. As Kagome was wont to doing, however, she would merely smile freely up at him and remind him that she was not of this time, and she wanted better for the girls of her village. Indeed, it was one of the only reasons he had taken Kaede's suggestion to leave Rin in the village with her fellow humans until Rin was better able to choose her path. As much as he appreciated Rin's carefree nature, it pained Sesshomaru to think that he had allowed his ward to wallow in ignorance for so long (not that he would ever admit such things out loud, as it would seem… undignified). If she chose to remain his ward, he would see to it that she was the most educated human in his court.
It was not that he feared her tarnishing his reputation. After all, what did he care for the opinions of fools? None of those cowards would dare to challenge the great Lord of the West, especially since his defeat of Naraku and subsequent transformation into a true Daiyoukai. Briefly, Sesshomaru closed his eyes and allowed himself to bask in the glory of that moment. The sheer power he had felt exploding from his arm had surprised even him, especially when his arm had burst forth out of the once-empty sleeve along with the elegantly sinister beauty that was Bakusaiga. As if it knew its master's thoughts, the sword pulsed at his side, drawing Sesshomaru out of his memories and back to the troubling matter at hand. Releasing an almost imperceptible sigh, he spoke without turning to look at the miko he knew had come to stand at his side.
"She is becoming more defiant every time I return. I blame you."
"She is her father's daughter. I blame you." Kagome shot back. Sesshomaru gave his equivalent of a scowl (which amounted to nothing more than a brief tightening of the lips), but still the miko continued on with her impertinent train of thought. "It doesn't help that she's, well, a full-grown woman now Sesshomaru. If we hadn't discovered her miko powers, she would probably already have a husband and a family by now. As it is, you're the only one she ever chatters about. It's just as well, for the village men here still think her a bit odd and tend to stay away from her."
Not dwelling on the thought of Rin getting married, and all the more complicated things that came along with that, Sesshomaru replied, "she used to follow me without question. Now she argues and whines like a willful pup every time I must depart. It is… most irritating."
Kagome's eyes softened as she spoke her next words. "She is still that little girl that loves you and worships the ground you walk on. When humans are this age, their hormones- errr- energies just tend to become harder to control for a time. She adores you as any daughter would, but she cannot help but feel angry when you leave. In a few hours, she'll regret her words and wish them unsaid. It is the way of the young."
Here, her voice grew more distant as she thought of her not-so-little Shippo who was away at kitsune school where he had been perfecting his craft for the past 5 years. Her heart clenched as she thought about the children she could have had, should have had with Inuyasha. But alas, she had been too stupid, too stuck in her modern sensibilities. After Naraku died, she and Inuyasha had finally confessed their love to each other and had enjoyed 2 blissful years of marriage. She had kept insisting that the timing just wasn't right, that they still had too much to rebuild after Naraku and the destruction of the Shikon No Tama, that she was too young for children.
"What a fool I was," thought Kagome bitterly. It was a few days after they had celebrated their second year of marriage…
Inuyasha had scoffed and proclaimed it a silly human custom to celebrate such small (by demon standards) milestones, but he hadn't been able to deny her such a small happiness. In truth, had probably enjoyed the attention more than he had let on, reveling in every reminder that he had truly found a village and (more importantly) a pack that did more than tolerate his presence. They had been walking down to the fields with Rin (only 10 at the time, with much to learn still about the properties of the flowers she loved so much) to collect herbs for Kaede. The sun was only partially responsible for the small blush that had played across Kagome's cheeks, and the light breeze had been a gentle caress on the backs of their entwined hands as they watched Rin bounce happily from bloom to bloom and cackle gleefully with pure joy as only a child can. Suddenly, a shadow had passed over Inuyasha's face as his hand dropped hers and pulled out the Tessaiga faster than she could blink. Before she could even open her mouth to get out Rin's name, Inuyasha had already scooped the girl up and placed her and Kagome behind him.
"What the hell do you want, and why are you in my forest?" Inuyasha had yelled in his typical blunt fashion. The two menacing figures had turned towards them and said nothing as they advanced. Inuyasha had snorted and slashed the Tessaiga downward, sending a familiar wave of energy hurtling through the air at the intruders. When the dust cleared however, the tell-tale glow of a barrier had enshrined the two intruders, and it became clear in that moment that at least one of them was a skilled miko. Kagome, for some reason, had not brought her bow with her that day (a mistake that still tore at her heart), and could only stand back helplessly as they advanced.
"My lady!" the shorter of the two women had called out to her, "hurry, come with us! We shall not allow this foul abomination to bring harm upon ye! We offer ye and the girl our protection!" Kagome remembered only too well how she had shivered at the hate bubbling within the taller miko's eyes when they landed upon her mating mark upon her shoulder. The priestess had almost hissed as she recoiled in horror.
"Sister Chiyoko!" The taller one had exclaimed in hushed tones. "She bears the mark of the disgusting hanyou!"
"I-Impossible!" Chiyoko had muttered. "No miko would willingly lay with one of their kind." The cruel mouth had twisted with unbridled hatred. "He must have violated her and begot that child against her will." Having decided Inuyasha's crime and punishment, the miko had proceeded to call out to Kagome once more. "My lady, we shall avenge your fallen honor and slay the beast that has sullied ye so." Lowering her voice once more to speak to her sister "the child, I'm afraid, will have to die as well, Leiko. We shall put that miserable creature out of her misery. Her demon blood shall poison her no longer."
"I heard that!" Inuyasha had screamed. "Let's get a few things straight! One-" he had swung the Tessaiga at them again, only to be blocked effortlessly, "I am NOT a rapist! Kagome is my mate. Two-" he had slashed at them with his claws, tearing Leiko's rosary apart as they rolled out of his reach, "the only people dying here today ARE YOU TWO!" With that fierce proclamation, Tessaiga had glowed red as it crushed the miko's barrier. As the sword's energy began crashing down upon them, Chiyoko had rightly recognized their impending death. Snarling in the knowledge of their defeat, she had pulled a dagger from her boot and thrown it at Inuyasha's chest. Inuyasha had spun away from it, the tip of the blade barely grazing his left shoulder. She remembered feeling so relieved and shaken up that the memory of that bitch's dying smirk had been quickly pushed aside. The wound itself had closed over within seconds, so she had taken Inuyasha at his word when he had scoffed at her concern over a simple scratch. She wished now that she had paid more attention to the twisting feeling in her gut as they had embraced before returning to the village with a visibly upset Rin.
Later that night, Kagome had awoken to the feeling of being drenched in sweat. It had taken her a few seconds to realize that it was Inuyasha, and not her, whose body felt like it was engulfed in flames. With a nervous cry, she had shaken Inuyasha so violently that even Shippo and Rin had woken up from their side of the large futon they had all shared back then. Inuyasha had opened his eyes slowly, but it seemed as if even that small effort pained him, and his eyes had been the palest she had ever seen them, almost more of yellow than the darker color of honey she knew and loved for so long. With tears in her eyes, Kagome had sent Shippo to run and wake Kaede, for she had rightly feared the worst: poison.
"Aye child, I am afraid Inuyasha has been poisoned. Tis a miko's curse to be sure, but I cannot tell which spell had been used. I am afraid I can only guess which herbs to use," Kaede had told her regretfully. Kagome had not been able to say anything, she had merely squeezed Inuyasha's hand tighter, alarmed when he had barely been able to give her an answering twitch of his claws. Kaede shook her head sympathetically, and had pulled Rin aside to the door of the hut.
"Child, I need ye to run and wake Sango and Miroku. Tell them what has happened, and tell them that they must ride quickly to fetch Sesshomaru." Kaede had said no more as Rin had run to do as she had been told, but Kagome had known why they might need Sesshomaru.
"Tenseiga… Hold on Inuyasha. Sesshomaru will be here soon enough. You just have to hold on for me, my love," Kagome had not dared voice her fears, but instead had begun praying vigorously to the Kamis that Inuyasha would last long enough that Sesshomaru could still save him.
He had been stuck in that agonizing state for almost three days before Kagome could tell that he was taking a turn for the worse. He had begun waking up moaning and shouting out unintelligible words every half hour or so, and his eyes had seemed to see yet not see what was in front of him. He had grown so weak that he could not even take Kaede's medicinal concoctions without someone holding him up and another forcing it down his mouth while rubbing his throat to force his body to automatically swallow it. Not that any of the medicines they had given him had done much good. By nightfall of the third day, he had begun panting as his lungs tried desperately to suck in enough air. She still had nightmares about how he had looked in those last few moments: his silver hair dull and listless, cracked lips parted in pain, with several claws broken from gripping the floor as the pain and fever wracked his body. Just as she had begun to feel the slight brush of Sesshomaru's aura at the edge of her conscious, Inuyasha's eyes had flown open and he had seemed to focus for the first time since the whole ordeal had begun.
He had looked straight at her with a soul-piercing gaze and had managed to utter only a single word, "Ka-kag-me." With that, his strength and breath had seemed to slip away like sand through her fingers, and his clawed hand had grown limp within her clutches.
"I-Inuyasha?" She had pleaded with him, begging him mentally not to leave her, but she dared not voice her desires out loud, for she had already known the truth in his slack arm, but she had not wanted to frighten the children. Wild-eyed and growing more desperate with each passing moment, Kagome had sprinted out of the hut, awaiting Sesshomaru's ever-growing presence. In the distance, she had barely been able to make out the gleaming white fur of an unnaturally large dog with crimson eyes, and she had fought the urge to run and meet him, for she'd known that such a foolish action would have only slowed the Western Lord down, and time had been of the essence.
With a grace unmatched by any other, he had transformed in mid leap and landed in his more humanoid form, not even breaking his stride as he had stood outside the hut and sniffed what lay inside. The tell-tale stench of death must have already begun settling in the air, for he had pulled Tenseiga out without any prompting from Kagome or Kaede. As he stepped inside, Kagome had followed him in, anxiously waiting for Sesshomaru to slash at the demons of death that had come for Inuyasha's soul. When she had heard the tiniest of inhales from him, she had snapped her gaze away from Inuyasha's body and onto the Tenseiga which had yet to move from Sesshomaru's side.
"Why aren't you doing anything?! Kill them!" Kagome had nearly yelled at him, surprising everyone in the hut for her daring. At that point in time, Sesshomaru had still been their enemy for longer time than he had been an ally, and it was yet unwise to disrespect the feared Western Lord. But Kagome had been so blinded with grief that none could have faulted her for her impatience not even the cold Lord Sesshomaru.
"Miko. This Sesshomaru cannot see the death demons to kill them. Tenseiga shows me nothing," his voice had been soft and almost cruel in its lack of emotion. "It is as if… his soul has vanished completely. What manner of poison was this?" This, he had directed at Kaede, who had still been in shock that she had outlived not only her sister Kikyo, but now Inuyasha as well, and she had stumbled over her reply that it was an unknown miko's curse that had caused all this.
Sesshomaru's eyes had narrowed, and he had sheathed Tenseiga solemnly. Suddenly, it was as if his armor had grown tenfold in weight, and his shoulders had sagged briefly with the realization that his brother, the last of his blood, was gone from this world. With the same emotionless tone, he had proceeded to explain that there was only one miko's curse that could have dissolved a soul like this: Souruītā, or Soul Eater. Because those damned mikos had essentially "eaten" his soul with their curse, there had been nothing for Sesshomaru to revive. They had held the funeral a few days later, but Kagome could barely remember anything other than the pervasive feeling of numbness that had filled her up for months on end. She had managed to put on a brave face during the day, but at night, the exhaustion of pretending would set in, and she would collapse onto the futon, sobbing inconsolably into one of Inuyasha's spare haoris. The entire village had been forced to walk on eggshells around her, for even the slightest mention of his name used to send her spiraling into a fit of depression. Those had been dark times, and the only thing that had saved her was the unrelenting love of her friends and her work at the village school.
"Well," Kagome thought wryly, "that, and Sesshomaru." It had been Sesshomaru that had finally dragged her out of her hut in the days following the funeral. She had barricaded herself in with her powers, ignoring Shippo's and Rin's pleas for her to come out because everyone was worried for her. Sango and Miroku had even resorted to taking turns standing watch outside the door in case she finally relented. This had gone on for almost a week, when Sesshomaru had come for one of his regular visits to Rin.
The poor girl had run up to him shouting and sobbing "Sesshomaru-sama, Sesshomaru-sama! Kagome-sama is hurt-and-we-don't-know-what-to-do! Can-you-help-her-please?" Sesshomaru's eyes had narrowed in silent question, and Rin had gone on to explain that the injury was to her heart and not her body. Still not saying a word, he had turned towards the direction of the miko's hut.
Upon arriving, he had stood at the doorway and called to her, "Miko. Cease this foolishness at once." She had not replied. In fact, she distinctly remembered her barrier flaring out in a non-verbal signal to get the hell out. Needless to say, Sesshomaru had not been impressed with her tantrum. The words "petulant" and "child" had been thrown around, but she had been too deep in the clutches of her despair for his insults to rile her up as they normally would have. With an almost imperceptible sigh, he had walked through her barrier as if the burn of her powers was a mere annoyance (which, in reality, it probably was. Her powers had never truly affected him anyway, and even less so after having been his ally for so long). At the sight of him, her barrier had melted away, seeming to admit defeat. He had found her curled up in the corner of the hut with the familiar fire-rat red of Inuyasha's haori wrapped around her shoulders and a large photo album in her lap.
She had stared up at him with bloodshot eyes and ratty, tangled hair. She waited for him to lecture her about being weak and pathetic in her mourning, but he had surprisingly said nothing. He had merely stared at her for what felt like ages before extending a single clawed hand. Numbly, she had taken it, not even thinking about refusing. Sesshomaru's silent strength was a balm to her grieving soul, and she had taken solace in not having to think but instead blindly following his quiet commands. He had led her outside and handed her over to the worried demon slayer with an order to escort Kagome to the nearby springs to be cleaned up. Sango had gladly obliged, and had chattered nervously to her the whole time, though Kagome had said nothing in reply.
Upon their return, Sango had been surprised to find that Sesshomaru had ordered the children to start a fire and begin cooking the deer he had caught and skinned while they were away. A plate had been placed in front of Kagome, and though she had stared disinterestedly at the sizzling meat, Sesshomaru had given her a stern look that brooked no dissent on the matter, and she had begun to mechanically rip off pieces of it and chewing it. Before she had even realized it, the plate was gone, and Sesshomaru had tilted his head in silent approval. He had then told the children to say their goodbyes to Kagome, that they would be spending the night with Kaede. They had protested at first, but a stern look had silenced their rebellion with ease. They had both hugged her tightly and given her a gentle kiss on the cheek, which she had only half-heartedly returned. After everyone had left, only Sesshomaru had stayed behind. Still, he said nothing.
As she lay down on her futon and her eyes had begun to feel heavier and heavier, she could see Sesshomaru on the edge of her periphery. He had folded his legs beneath him and sat gracefully in the corner staring out the door. Just before sleep had claimed her, she found herself breaking her week-long silence to ask a single question.
"Why him, Sesshomaru?" The words stuck in her throat as the too-fresh grief had seemed to strangle had said nothing at first, but then, so softly that she had strained to hear him…
"I do not know." Somehow, the words that should have frustrated her had comforted her immensely, for even blinded by despair, she could hear in them the faintest tinge of regret. And in that moment, she had known that she was not alone in her grief.