Jean tipped back his mug, allowing the beverage to burn down his throat. It wasn't the greatest of the wines, but it served well enough.
Marco's voice in his head was fading with time, but some of his words echoed loudly enough still.
"You should just tell her."
"Jean, someday you'll have to tell her."
"You can't practice with me forever, you know..."
Jean sighed and swirled the vine in his mug, mournfully gazing at himself in the reflection. Someday he'd tell her. Maybe. He hunched forward, cursing to himself.
"Just talk to her." The low voice startled Jean out of his thoughts. He whipped his head up to look at Lance Corporal Levi. Levi was leaning back in his chair, mug of tea in his hand, eyes glittering. "You can't worship her from a distance forever. Man up and talk to her at least."
He almost choked on his liquor.
Seriously? Now Levi was getting on his case too? Really?
The brunette wondered how Levi knew, but before he could follow that thought fully, he was already admitting to himself that he may not have been as subtle as he liked to think he was. He realized Levi was talking again and tuned back at him.
"-ally now, are you that scared of what Jaeger will say?"
Jean stood quickly and slammed his mug down on the table, the little bit of wine still in it sloshing violently. He closed his eyes briefly against a wave of dizziness. "I'm going outside for some fresh air." He nodded to the table, ignoring everyone's surprised looks.
"Goodnight guys." He spun on his heel, and walked outside as steadily as he could.
The cold night air slapped into Jean, clearing his head a bit. He paused outside the doorway, and then decided to just sit under a tree for a little while. Leaves crunched under foot as he walked there, eyes downcast, already lost in thought again.
Marco.
Why did Marco have to die? And so quickly too? It wasn't fair, how quickly that bright life got snuffed.
He slumped against a random tree, the bark biting into his back, but he paid it no mind. Marco had become his best friend, a sounding board for thoughts and ideas, and a voice of reason when too riled up by Eren. Marco had even helped Jean come up with ideas on how to talk to Mikasa. ...not that Jean ever had the guts to try any of them. Jean allowed himself to slid down the trunk, sitting on the cold ground.
Strong fingers ghosted over the ground, feeling the cold grass and leaves. He leaned his head back against the trunk with a sigh and picked up a leaf to idly twirl in his fingers.
He then ruthlessly crushed the leaf he had been toying with in his hand, trying to resist his tears of frustration.
Dammit.
He wondered why couldn't he just talk to her? He had just saved her life, hadn't he?
It'd be nice to at least have a normal conversation with her, without Eren or anyone else there.
Of course, having someone else there could be useful in digging himself out of whatever hole he was sure to dig himself into...
Jean was oblivious to the sound of the door opening and closing, and only realized someone was approaching him when he could hear the crunch of leaves just a few feet away from him.
"Jean? Are you ok?"
Eyes flying wide open, Jean could only hope the darkness was hiding the tears in them.
"Uhhh, Mikasa?" He could see her silhouette dimly, lit ever so slightly from the lights in the house. He felt a jolt of happiness and embarrassment when he realized that she had his jacket in her hands. She held it out to him silently, and he just as silently took it from her, slipping it on. He suppressed a shiver as the warmth of the jacket stole over him.
"Uhh, thanks. I guess I forgot it in there, huh?"
He cursed silently at how lame he sounded and tried not to sigh too audibly.
Suddenly, Mikasa silently sat down next to him. That simple move alone caused a dusty hue to creep up Jean's cheeks.
"Mi-Mikasa?!"
"Thank you." Mikasa's eyes were staring straight out, but she turned to face Jean slightly. "I've been busy, but I hadn't forgotten..."
Mikasa paused and took a deep breath.
"...Thanks for saving me from that titan. Next time-."
Jean cut her off before she could finish her sentence, after affects of alcohol and nervousness loosening his tongue.
"There won't be a next time. You'll be more have to be! You aren't immortal Mikasa."
Feeling tears pricking in his eyelids, Jean looked away and muttered, "I've already lost Marco. Don't make me lose you too."
Mikasa was silent for only a moment or two, but those few moments felt like forever to him. She pulled her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms around her legs.
"...I'm sorry I scared you." Mikasa glanced at Jean sideways. "But you scared me too, you know. That day was hard enough. And then seeing you on Armin's horse, unconscious?" Her eyes closed briefly, eye lashes fluttering. "I think that sight took a few years out of my life."
He knew he was staring, but he couldn't help it. Having Mikasa open up like this to him was completely unexpected. "Sorry. Umm..." Jean could just imagine Marco nudging him right now, telling him this was his grand opportunity to confess his love to her. He paused, took a deep breathe, and-
Mikasa had a leaf in her hand that she was spinning between her thumb and forefinger.
"Jean?"
Jean snapped his mouth shut.
"Yes Mikasa?"
Her dark eyes glanced up at him, then back down to the leaf. Mikasa was quiet for a moment again.
"Please don't take unnecessary risks. I... I didn't realize that you've become so important in my life until I saw you so hurt. I don't think I could handle it if something serious happened to you."
She breathed out a sigh as she looked away.
"I already have Eren and Armin as my family, and now you've somehow joined in. I- I don't know how to feel about that. But, I do know that if you were to die right now, I'd be feeling pretty lost. Sooo...don't do that again, ok?"
Jean wondered briefly if this was all a hallucination of having too much wine. But that was impossible, he had left before he finished even one mug.
Mikasa was looking away from him now, twirling the leaf in her hands with more vigor as the silence stretched.
Jean realized that she was waiting for a reply.
A reply from him.
"Oh..ok. But, um.." Jean scratched the back of his neck nervously. "It's kind of hard to avoid flying horses you know..." He mumbled nervously.
Jean paused. He was out here, having this conversation with the woman of his dreams. Time to get serious. He looked at her intently.
"About being family and dying?"
His eyes softened slightly while holding her gaze.
"Look Mikasa, I don't plan to die any time soon. I...I want to someday actually be in your family, and that requires me to stick around, doesn't it?"
He looked away for a moment, feeling shy suddenly. But he looked back at her before continuing.
"And you too must stick around to make us a family! But I suppose that would also require Eren to be what, my brother-in-law? What does that make Armin? I know he's not really what you'd call your brother, but I know you think of him as family too, so..."
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jean recognized that he was rambling. And, with a sudden shiver, he recognized that he had just...
Oh no! What did I just say?!
That he had just declared his intentions of eventual marriage.
Did I just say that?!
Jean wanted to bite his tongue off and die on the spot.
Out loud?! Wanting to be in her family?! And having Eren as a brother-in-law?!
Jean snapped his mouth shut and timidly glanced over at Mikasa.
Her dark eyes were huge, and her mouth was open in shock.
"Well, that is, to say, uhh.." Jean stammered, fully aware that every bit of visible skin had to be blushing a cherry red right now. He could feel the wave of warmth his blush brought.
He had to get of here. Now. His mind went blank in his panic to escape.
"I've feeling kind of off right now, maybe sleep would help, I should get to bed, thanks for bringing my jacket, your apology is accepted, stay alive, goodnight Mikasa!"
He jumped up as quickly as his cold legs would let him and fled indoors, leaving Mikasa in the dark.
She blinked after him. Mikasa was confused by what Jean just said.
Did Jean just say that he wanted to marry me? Is that what he meant about being in my family? And Eren being his brother-in-law?
A slow blush crept up her cheeks. She wasn't sure if this had just been a confession of love or maybe... It had been a statement of future intentions.
Is this why Armin gave me Jean's jacket and told me to go talk to him?
If she truly understood this all right then life had just gotten much more interesting than it already was.
Many thanks to the wonderful Adventure Span for beta reading all my random drabbles! You rock!