Getting Better
By TheLostMaximoff
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I think I've become a KillerVibe shipper and I regret nothing. R/R.
Caitlin watches the snow flurries falling outside the warm confines of the West house. Barry and Iris left moments earlier and the rest of the people in the house are winding down. She unconsciously fidgets with her power inhibitors. She enjoyed taking them off if only for a moment. Using her powers feels good but this time was different. She still feels Killer Frost in one corner of her mind but her evil self is content to stay put. Caitlin knows she shouldn't get too comfortable but she can't help herself. She thinks maybe she's getting better. The anger she felt towards Barry is melting slowly but surely.
Caitlin turns her gaze away from the winter wonderland outside and sees Cisco standing off in one corner of the living room. Her thoughts turn to Savitar's prophecy. He was very clear in his warning that one of them would betray Barry, among other things. Caitlin can't help but worry about that first part. She's been teetering on the edge of darkness and she knows she could easily fall. Before tonight, she would have thought she was the only one capable of such things. Now she worries about Cisco. She understands his pain too well, perhaps more than anyone else could. She knows the desperation that comes with losing someone close to you. It's a very familiar emotion to her, but it seems that this is Cisco's first taste of it. She wishes for something better for him.
Cisco catches her gaze and smiles at her. She knows what his face really says. He's smiling the way that she has so many times before. It's a smile that says he's trying to be happy but it's not quite working. Caitlin knows she's worn that expression too many times in her life. She wonders if it looks as bad on her as it does on Cisco. The guilt creeps into her gut and settles there like a stone. She tries to stop blaming herself for everything. She's trying to move forward just like Barry and Cisco.
"I'm probably going to head out soon," says Cisco after he comes over to where Caitlin's standing. "I didn't want to leave without giving you your present."
"You really don't have to, Cisco."
"Hey, it's tradition. Don't tell me you're not a fan of tradition anymore."
Caitlin realizes that Cisco knows her too well. She hates change, preferring consistency and constancy instead. Every year, she and Cisco get each other something for Christmas. She had been worried that, with all that's happened this year, that tradition would be broken. She bought him something just in case but decided against bringing it with her tonight. Apparently, Cisco doesn't share her apprehension about possibly breaking their routine. Even among all the turmoil of the past few weeks, Caitlin enjoys the idea that some things haven't changed.
"I didn't bring your present with me though," she tells him but she can tell he's not listening as he heads outside to his car to get her gift.
Cisco returns only a moment later with a small package in his hand. He's hiding his nervousness well but it's still there. He wasn't sure if she should get her something, but it felt right when he found the perfect gift. After what happened earlier with Caitlin talking him out of releasing Savitar, Cisco knows he made the right decision. He thinks she deserves to know that she's still his friend. He thinks she deserves a lot of things, always way more than she seems to get. He holds out the package to her, wrapped in light blue paper because he knows she likes blue. He tells himself that he knows little things about her because they have worked together for so long. You can't be co-workers for years and not know what someone's favorite color is. He thinks it's a universal rule, or at least it should be.
"I was having trouble figuring out what to get you," he admits as Caitlin opens the package with her usual meticulousness. "Then I saw this and I thought it was perfect."
Caitlin smiles a real smile as she holds up the pendant with the silver snowflake dangling from its end. She watches it glimmer in the light and finds herself unsure of what to say. She thinks he was right about it being perfect. She doesn't have many people who know her the way that Cisco knows her. She thinks about all the adventures they have shared with each other and with Barry. She thinks about how he has never given up on her and about how she can't give up on him. She feels something inside her, a crazy impulse that shorts out something in her brain.
"Thank you," she tells him with all the sincerity in the world.
Cisco isn't quite prepared for what comes next. It happens so fast that he doesn't even see it coming. Caitlin leans forward and kisses him. From the moment her lips touch his, he can't think. There were various points in his life when he decided that this wasn't going to happen. It was a hard truth to accept but he made peace with it. Caitlin was always Ronnie's girl and Ronnie was the older brother Cisco wished he had. Now both Ronnie and Dante are gone and Caitlin's still here, kissing him like he's the only thing that matters in this world. He kisses her back because he's always wanted to. He kisses her back because he knows neither of them have the strength to keep denying what was always there.
"So that . . . that means you like it," says Cisco once their lips part.
Caitlin feels like she's going to explode. She feels warm all over for the first time in what feels like a lifetime. Her entire body is full of this nervous, giddy energy that she hasn't felt since the first time she kissed Ronnie. If she could think coherently, she would try to come up with some medical explanation for what she's feeling. She's so damn tired of thinking though. She wants to feel, not think.
"I love it," she tells him.
"And me?" He's searching for some sort of clarification, something to help him define this in concrete terms.
"I think I love you too." She's tired of trying to talk herself out of feeling what she feels. "I . . . I think maybe I always kinda have."
"Yeah . . . I think I have too."
"Best Christmas ever then?"
"Maybe just one more thing." He kisses her and it somehow feels better than the first time. "Yeah, best Christmas ever. Definitely confirmed."
The two of them linger in the living room for a few moments before deciding it's time to leave. They walk to the door, their fingers laced together. For the moment, neither of them think about the future or the past. The only thing they think of is this moment, this glorious present with someone they love. If this is what getting better feels like then it's more than enough for them.