Title: A word or two before you go.

Rating: pg-13

Disclaimer: I own nothing, in fact, I owe money, suing me is pointless.

Summary: In the middle of the fight at the end of Angel Season 5, Angel gets sanshued. But, with a retaliation from Wolfram&Hart looming on the horizon, and his life thrown into turmoil, how can he deal with his new humanity, and the responsibilities he still carries from his old life?

Pairings: Spike/Illyria, Angel/Someone-I-haven't-decided-who-yet, Conner/oc,

A/N:Just, honestly, this is probably the most insane thing I've ever written.

Read and review. Readers rock, but reviewers rule.

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The inconvenience of humanity hit Angel about five seconds after it had been granted him. Right about the time the dragon he'd been fighting scorched his entire right side and the pain pulled him down into the dark.

The ptb weren't exactly a gracious lot and though it would have been much more beneficial to grant him his sanshu after the battle, they felt no need to wait. So, without Angel, the brooding avenger, Illyria, Gunn, Spike, Conner, an odd mix of not-so-lucky half-demons, and two very recently called slayers fought back the demon horde and reclaimed Los Angelus, if not for the light, than at least for the vaguely grey area.

In a moment Angel's entire world changed. His identity changed, his victory was lost to him, his cause was transformed. Perhaps that's why it took him so long to wake. Angel, not only no longer Angelus, but no longer angelic.

When he did wake, to an empty hospital room filled only with the soft light from beneath the door and the beeping of a monitor, his confusion was beyond anything he'd felt since returning from hell. Why was he in a hospital? Why…why did he hurt? Where were his friends? He moaned as he tried to sit up with trembling arms and found that he could not.

It was then that Spike, who had been sitting out in the waiting room, burst in. Though they had never gotten along in unlife Spike felt an odd kind of sad protectiveness for his once-sire now that he'd become human. Perhaps Spike's gift for empathy allowed him to predict the sense of loss and mourning that Angel would surely experience upon waking. Perhaps they were much closer than either of them had ever surmised.

The light blazing in from the overly-lit hallway caused Angel to wince, and then flinch violently when he realized who was standing before him. Angel, once the berk Liam, then the sociopath Angelus, was now an entirely different entity. Reendowed with his humanity and no longer shielded with the righteous indignation of the demon the full weight of his guilt, and what he had done to his too-human vampire childe, hit him with devastating force. After the things he had done he could not fathom why William would not take his vengeance here and now.

Instead Spike stopped short when he saw Angel's reaction, a look of shock and, was that hurt, crossing his face.

"Angelus, you alright?"

Angel could only stare, any words and he would break down in tears. He could see now what he had never been able to see before and it thoroughly broke his heart. There stood a boy; a brave, genuine, noble, beautiful boy, trying desperately to be a man. A man who, without futile attempts at an impossible standard, he would have become long ago. Angel could see, in those fathomless blue eyes, every ounce of pain that Angelus had ever inflicted, and ever ounce of purity that Angel would never touch. The fact that Spike seemed concerned for him only made it hurt worse. Unable to maintain eye contact Angel closed his eyes and turned his head away, tears leaking down his face to drip on the pillow below him.

"Doctor!" Spike bellowed, and the noise surely echoed through the entire facility. "Get your arse in here. Our boy's hurtin'."

Angel would have smiled at that, if it hadn't hurt so much.

Gunn was the next one in the room and Angel immediately felt relief wash over him. A familiar face, a friend. Then Gunn rested his hand atop one of Angel's and smiled softly, specks of gold flitting through his eyes for a moment, and Angel felt his stomach drop out. Oh, yeah. That's what he did before this happened. Too tired of loosing people he cared about he chose to turn the dieing man. Turn him and destroy his chances of heaven. New tears formed in his eyes, and welled in his throat. He choked back a sob. Oblivious to the concern that painted itself on the faces of his children.

Gunn caught on first, and rested his other hand gently on Angel's shoulder. "Eh there. None of that boss. No harm done. I ain't no nasty. Got me a soul." Another uncontrollable sob and Angel looked up in shock.

"A soul?"

Gunn nodded. "Yeah, courtesy of some witch coven in England. They said something about there needing to be two champions or some other shit. Anyway, by the time I woke I was all souled up. So, I'm good. Speaking of; how are you?"

Angel stared up at Gunn for a moment, trying to wrap his mind around what was just said. Just then a noise caught his attention and he turned his head to see a heart monitor beeping steadily away. He followed the cord from where it came out of the machine to where it lay in a heap on the floor to where it stuck in a little round bandage to his chest. The beeping skipped a little and sped up.

When he spoke his voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't think now is the best time to answer that question."