Anime Jeopardy

I know that this is almost as bad as my first story, but here it is. This is inspired from Celebrity Jeopardy from SNL's Will Ferrel days. I think it's pretty funny. I do know that there are some sight gags here, but I do hope to have animations of this, or at least pictures. Someday. You may also see references to ACDM. That will come later. This is mainly a preview, but if you want more games, I've got them. At least pretend to enjoy.

Disclaimer: Charles Tolle is the only character whom I own in this giant animanga/game crossover.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against my four rivals in this series. Except the first one, because he's the Bob Saget of the anime world. Pay attention and you'll see the two who play Sean Connery and the two who play Burt Reynolds.

Episode 1/ Part I

Charles- Welcome to Anime Jeopardy. They just pay me to say that, I really do not want to be here hosting this show. I know the ACDM franchise is great, but this really can't work out. Oh well, the sooner I start the show, the sooner it's over. Today's contestants are Ash Ketchum, Light Yagami, and Ichigo Kurosaki. Gentlemen, good luck, but for the record, I don't give a damn. Today's first round categories are: PEOPLE NAMED ZAC EFRON, VEGETABLES THAT END IN "ARROT", WORDS A KINDERGARTENER WOULD KNOW, POKÉMON, SATANIC NOTEBOOKS, and THE ACDM FRANCHISE. We determine who goes first by a backstage coin toss.

Ash- Hey, wait, I never found out about the coin toss.

Charles- That's because you're the dumbest person on the show. The coin toss is between the two smartest contestants as decided by the system, which in this case is the ACDM employees, facilitators, and scientists. Light, you won the coin toss, so you go first.

Light- Let's see, I'll go with Satanic Notebooks for 100.

Charles- This satanic notebook is Light's forte. Ash.

Ash- What is Show Me That Penis: the Magazine? ()

Light- Hell no! You think I'm gay? What is the Death Note?

Charles- Light is correct, and Ash, I don't think that's even a real magazine.

Ash- You just don't want to admit that you subscribe to it.

Charles- Screw you, Ketchum. Light, pick again.

Light- ACDM Franchise for 200.

Charles- Winner of Fight 45. Ichigo.

Ichigo- Who is John Tanaka?

Charles- That's right. Choose a category.

Ichigo- Uh, wow, I can't choose.

Charles- Make up your damn mind now.

Ash- Here's someone who's a little impatient. Is someone getting a headache?

Charles- No, it's an ass-ache, and you're causing it.

Ash- No, I can't say I feel that way about other men. But I think I know why your ass is aching.

Charles- Ichigo, have you chosen yet?

Ichigo- Yeah, how about Words a Kindergartener would Know for 800.

Charles- A method of transportation. Ash.

Ash- What is a car?

Charles- Good, you're now taking this seriously. Pick a category.

Ash- I'll take men who slept with your sister for 1000 bucks.

Charles- Light, would you like to pick?

Light- I'll take People Named Zac Efron for 500.

Charles- The star of High School Musical. Ichigo.

Ichigo- Who is Ron? ()

Charles- No. Ash.

Ash- Who is your boyfriend? ()

Charles- I don't have a boyfriend.

Ash- Oh, I think you do.

Charles- I'm afraid you've exhausted your time. It's Zac Efron. Ichigo, I think you thought his name was Zac F. Ron, which is not it. Read the category. Light, it's still your board.

Ash- I thought Zac Efron was your boyfriend.

Charles- Light, please pick.

Light- Satanic Notebooks for 200.

Charles- Light's pet shinigami. Light.

Light- Who is Ryuk? And he's not a pet, by the way.

Ash- What, don't you ever feed him and take him out?

Light- Mr. Ketchum, he's a death god. He eats life and doesn't need to go out.

Ash- Well, does he ever ask you to satisfy his other needs?

Light- You're a disgusting bastard.

Ash- You don't even know my parents.

Light- Then who the hell's your dad?

(Ash and Light step out and start fighting)

Charles- We'll be right back.

Episode 1/ Part II

Charles- I apologize for the quality of the programming and the fight right before the break. Ash and Light have both been tranquilized. So, Mr. Ketchum, why the hell do you think you should make my life difficult?

Ash- I'm making your life harder?

Charles- Yes, because of you, it's gotten much harder. Shit.

Ash- I'm sorry, but I already told you that I don't feel that way.

Charles- So, is it true that you are wanted for serial murder and that you keep the corpses in your scrotum?

Ash- No, and I don't want to show you my balls or see yours.

Charles (trying to hide rage)- Moving on. Mr. Kurosaki, why did you want to come on the show?

Ichigo- To be honest, Charles, I didn't want to be here. My dad told me he was sending me to summer camp. Obviously, I'm not there.

Charles- I sympathize with you, my brother.

Ash- Awww, are they gonna get a room?

Ichigo (flipping Ash off)- I'm not gay, unlike a certain game show host.

Charles- Fuck you too, Ichigo. Mr. Yagami, I'm glad to see someone who cares about the game.

Light- I am serious, but playing with a bunch of idiots is not easy.

Charles- You and I are without a doubt the smartest people here.

Light- Yes, but I know Ichigo's pretty smart, and I think Ash is just here to give you a hard time.

Ash- I think I'm giving you more of a hard-on.

Charles- To the game! Light, it's your board.

Light- Zac Efron for 800.

Charles- Troy Bolton's actor. Light.

Light- Who is Zac Efron?

Charles- That's correct. Choose.

Light- Uh, Kindergarten Words for 1 000.

Charles- Something that flies through the air. Ash.

Ash- What is my semen? ()

Charles- Okay, first of all, why would a kindergartener know a word like "semen", and second of all, why would that be the answer?

Ash- Well, your sister can give a great blowjob, but she couldn't catch a drop in her mouth.

Charles- I sincerely hope you rot in hell. Well, your time's up. We'd have accepted airplane, helicopter, bird, fly, bat, butterfly, vampire, or Ash Ketchum thrown off a cliff. Light, it's still your board. I'd suggest you pick a category that Ash might have a shot at so that he won't be as tempted to try to make #1 on my Must-Kill-Now List.

Light- People Named, no, he'll just make fun of you. Vegetables, no, that's just too easy for everyone. Kindergarten will just cause more hell. Pokémon will give him an unfair advantage. Satanic Notebooks I should save. ACDM is something everyone does and doesn't know. I can't decide.

Charles- And you've taken all the time. Stick around for Double Jeopardy, but I really wish you wouldn't.

Episode 1/ Part III

Charles- Welcome back to Anime Jeopardy. I apologize to our in-studio audience for what happened during the commercial break and I will see to it that our contestants stop using racial slurs. In any case, he's here and in second place with -800.

Ichigo- I hate this game. And I hate how you people...

Charles- It's just your bad luck. And I told you about the slurs. Light Yagami is in first with 1 100. And Ash Ketchum has -1 300. Let's go to Double-

Ash- Jeopardy. I'm still here, you know.

Charles- You are, but I still don't give a shit about you. Let's play with these categories. We have: MOVIES STARRING JIM CARREY, FAMOUS NOSES, DO NOT STICK THIS IN YOUR EYE, BLEACH, LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET, and GAG IN A BOX. Ichigo, you're in second and you pick first because I really don't like Ash.

Ichigo- How about Bleach for 200.

Charles- She is the absolute worst pick-up artist in Bleach. Ichigo.

Ichigo- Who is Chizuru?

Charles- That's right. Pick again.

Ichigo- Letters of the Alphabet for 400.

Charles- The letter that begins my name. Ash.

Ash- What is "X"?

Charles- Yes, while X is no longer used because we don't speak ancient Greek anymore, Chi is still an acceptable response because Charles is spelled C-H-A-R-L-E-S. Choose.

Ash- I'll take that last category. For 1 000.

Charles- Vagina Box for 1 000- Vagina Box! What the fuck? (Ash laughs wildly) It's Gag in a Box! For 1 000, answer: Pokémon's #1 gag. Light.

Light- What is Ash's underwear?

Charles- That's right.

Ash- My mom always tells me to change my underwear because your sister never washes hers.

Charles- Stevie, I'm sorry Ash thinks that you have a relationship with him. Besides, I know that if he wore your underwear, they'd squeeze his sac and everyone would know he's a serial killer. Light, pick again.

Light- Famous Noses for 2 000. I know my noses.

Charles- Get a hobby, dude. Okay, whose nose is this? Ash.

Ash- Who is Stevie Tolle? ()

Charles- No, I'm pretty sure that's not my sister's. Does anyone else have a guess? Wait, what's with Ichigo?

Light- He's fine, he just isn't responding to any stimuli, he has a dreamy look on his face, and he has a dangerously large erection.

Charles- Okay, that's more than a little weird. We'd better skip to Final Jeopardy. I think that'd be best. Light, you pick something and that'll be the Final Jeopardy answer.

Light- Bleach for 1 600.

Charles- The one Soul Reaper who I think should host this show. Thirty seconds. ( ) Time's up. Let's see what each of you wrote. Light, you came up with Shunsui Kyôuraku. That is correct. You wagered 2 100 and doubled your score. Ichigo, you wrote nothing, because?

Ichigo- I couldn't think of anyone who'd want to host this show.

Charles- I can understand that. But that's still an incorrect answer, so you lose 3 000. I don't know why you thought you could bet like that. Ash, I'm afraid to see what you wrote. You wrote "look at the board". Why do I want to look at the board? I see "now look at Ash". I'm looking at you and I see you used the time I was looking at the board to take out your penis.

Ash- C'mon, I'll let you have a little taste.

Charles- Frankly, I'm surprised you even have one. Okay, game's over. Two losers. (pulls lever. Ash and Ichigo fall and disappear in bursts of flame). Light, you can go home now. And don't look so surprised, it's not like you've never seen death. As for me, I will go and apologize most profusely to my sister.

What did you think? Better? Worse? I shouldn't quit my day job? Too bad, this is my day job. And my night job.