Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
Santana Lopez crashed onto her bed fully dressed.. She couldn't let something like Brittany pass by, she had to tell her, tell her that she wanted to be with her. She might just love Brittany. She had to talk to her, tomorrow at school, she had to ask her, ask her to be her girlfriend. Santana searched inside her, she had to break down her protective wall and tell someone she wanted them...
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard
She didn't believe in God, she was sure of that. It was herself she wasn't sure of. She wanted to know what she felt, understand why she felt this way, why she felt this way about Brittany. She clasped her hands together her eyes tightly shut, and she sort of prayed… but not quite.
Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars
It was seven am in the morning and instead of getting ready for school Santana was sitting on her bed, staring at the photograph pinned onto her pin board. Her and Brittany aged seven at a bonfire. They were holding sparklers, they were holding each other, they were so happy. She remembered Brittany told her that if your saw a shooting star and wished on it, the wish had to –had to have to – come true. They'd spent the entire night staring into the cloudy sky, giggling like crazy anticipating a miracle. Not a star in the sky, nothing to wish on. But they didn't care.
I see this life
Like a swinging vine
Swing my heart across the line
Santana Lopez arrived at school the next day. Santana didn't dare make eye contact with anyone; she knew that a few selected members of the school knew her secret. The secret she'd spent the last two years ignoring, pushing away and trying to cover up. The secret she was about to tell. She'd seen those movies when people turn to their best friend, put everything on the line and told them they loved them. It didn't work like that for Santana, but she wanted it to.
And my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and you shall find
Santana walked along the hallways, could they tell just from looking at her, maybe they could sense that she wasn't like them. Maybe they could see past her act, she knew Brittany had. She knew that if they dug deep they'd find out everything, if they looked hard enough, everyone would find out.
Old, but I'm not that old
Young, but I'm not that bold
She was so young, so scared
I don't think the world is sold
I'm just doing what we're told
They world hated gay people, she had been told that she had to like boys; she had been told that being gay was bad.
I feel something so right
Doing the wrong thing
When she lay with Brittany she felt complete. She didn't care that everyone judged her, it was meant to be.
I feel something so wrong
Doing the right thing
When she was with Puck or Finn or any of the other guys it felt forced, unnatural, she wasn't herself.
I could lie, coudn't I, could lie
She knew that when she pushed those feelings away, she was lying to herself, lying to everyone.
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive
And now she was prepared to commit social suicide to be free to love whoever she wanted
Lately I been, I been losing sleep
Dreaming about the things that we could be
But baby I been, I been prayin' hard Said no more counting dollars
We'll be counting stars
Yeah, we'll be counting stars
I feel the love and I feel it burn
Brittany was standing by her locker, Santana watched her, she couldn't look at her without smiling, and she knew for certain. She loved Brittany.
Down this river, every turn
Hope is a four-letter word
Make that money, watch it burn
Santana took one step towards Brittany she felt shy, nervous, but excited. In front of her was a million possibilities of happiness. There was hope, and there was the potential for that hope to be crushed.
I could lie, could lie, could lie
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly
She couldn't be dishonest, to Brittany, to herself. This secret that burned her insides and caused her so much pain and upset that made her be such a bitch. This secret was going to be set free, she was going to be free from it, it had pulled her down all her life, and now she everything was going to be okay.
Santana was standing in front of Brittany, they say you should count your blessings, but all she could think of was her and Brittany at the bonfire waiting for the stars, but there wasn't a shooting star in the sky. But maybe their wish was going to come true…
"I want to talk about that thing we never talk about."