A/N: I'm revisiting everything I've written on this site and it's difficult to keep myself from editing. But I really want to preserve my writing from years ago. Also, I don't think this is terrible for a thirteen/fourteen year-old. Reviews are greatly appreciated :)
InMyHeartofHeart
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games.
The Roar of a Wave
Peeta holds Katniss closely against him as tears stream down this once dauntless girl's face. He does not know exactly what her nightmare had been about, only that it involved him. She had woken up screaming, thrashing desperately as she fought through whatever image that had been raging inside her head. She had convulsively cried out Peeta's name more than once, a relentless sob that—he guessed—had meant that he had not made it out alive within her subconscious.
"I'm here," he whispers gently. "Katniss, it's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
She wraps her arms around his neck securely then, holding onto him as if he were her only stability. Yet Peeta knows that this is untrue. If anything, it is he who needs Katniss more than she will ever need him. A life without her is unthinkable, just the mere thought able to make his heart clench.
And while even though he recognizes Katniss was never his to love, he will always be there for her, no matter whether as a friend, nor lover. As much as it hurts, Peeta knows that a part of her is in love with Gale, despite her abnormal ways of displaying her feelings. At one point, he believed Katniss loved him as well, perhaps even more. It was nothing more than a hopeless dream though, one in which died before it ever had the chance to flourish, to become something more.
Even so, it is within moment such as these that the hope that she could one day grow to love him is once again instilled. He does not know what to make of their relationship. There are times when he thinks he and Katniss have broken every last wall, and others when she simply pushes him away, as if all moments between them when Peeta had noticed something almost like love begin to form behind her eyes, did not exist. Yet, despite her actions, he knows for certain that she feels something for him, even if it may be labeled as complicated.
He is in too deep to ever find the courage to say goodbye to her, as he has long since realized it would be better for both of them. For if it had not been for the Reaping, Peeta knows that their paths may have never crossed.
But sadly, it has never been his choice to make—whether to leave or stand beside her. They still are simply pawn's in the Capitol's twisted games, nothing more than props to be used for their own sadistic entertainment.
Katniss has stopped crying, but his arms remain around her, even after they both fall asleep. She has never told him this, but it has always been Peeta's arms in which she finds comfort and warmth. In a way, he is her safe harbor, a place she goes to seek protection when Katniss herself cannot stand alone—for even the greatest of those who are determined as being strong carry scars with them.
And, when she wakes in the morning to catch sunlight streaming in through the white-laced curtains and her cocooned Peeta's body, his face so close to her own that she can feel his warm breath tickling her skin as she relishes in his scent—cinnamon, soap, and just a hint of summer—Katniss finds that there is nowhere else she would rather be.
They arrive earlier to District 4 than expected. The ceremony is not until six in the afternoon, meaning they have nearly seven hours to themselves. Peeta wishes to simply stay on the train and paint, taking Haymitch's warning about avoiding trouble just a bit too seriously, but Katniss convinces him to spend the day near the water along with her.
When they arrive, Peeta suddenly wants to rush back to the train to bring his sketchbook and draw a near-to-perfect identical image of what he is seeing. But even he knows that he could never exactly find the perfect way to draw how the sunlight reflects off the water, nor the motion of waves, graceful, yet fierce. The scent of saltwater is crisp and sharp, the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore, a loud and malicious roar. For a moment, it is nearly too much to take in.
He turns to Katniss, and as he sees her awestricken expression, his own eyes soften, his heart beginning to beat just the slightest bit faster. Despite the ocean's beauty, Peeta knows it could never compare to what lay right beside him. Her.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Katniss asks, turning to meet his gaze. This is one of the few times she isn't wearing a scowl on her face. Instead, she is smiling, causing him to smile back as well.
"Yeah, it is." She turns back before he replies, not catching Peeta's tone of voice, nor his expression. Most of all, Katniss does not catch that when Peeta answered, his eyes had been directly on her.
They spend almost the entire time there, playing in the sand, collecting shells, and even taking a walk at the very edge of the water, which ended with the two splashing one another until their own clothes were soaked. For several hours, there is no one telling Katniss and Peeta how to act, nor what to say. There are no cameras taping moments when they wish nothing more than to be alone, or people watching them with harsh or pitiful expressions, some whispering loudly the rudest things that they want the two young Victors to catch.
"I'd give anything to live in peace like this, where the Capitol has no control over us," says Peeta softly as Katniss rests her head against his chest, the two laying peacefully in the warm sand.
"Peeta, we can't talk like that here! They could be listening," warns Katniss, rising to face him.
"Through what? A crab-cam?" He laughs, but ends abruptly when he sees Katniss expression has not changed.
"Peeta, I'm serious. What if we can't convince Snow? What happens then? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if he hurt—" She stops, unable to finish.
"You don't think I'm worried? That I don't know that my family and friends' safeties are at risk?" asks Peeta incredulously.
"Then why don't you act like it?" Katniss snaps.
"Because, Katniss, just this one day, I wanted it to be normal. I wanted to spend it with you." He is already walking away as Katniss finally begins to register what just occurred.
She shoots up immediately on her feet and chases after him, amazed at how much ground he covered in just the two minutes Katniss stayed sitting there. "Peeta! Damn it, Peeta! Will you wait?"
He slows down and waits impatiently for Katniss to catch up. He does not meet her gaze when she steps right in front of him, trying his best to hide the hurt that lingers behind his eyes.
"What?" He asks her curtly.
Katniss is taken aback by his tone, finding that she is unable to answer. For she herself does not know why she followed him, whether it was to apologize or because she did not want to have to walk back to the train alone. Or even if it was just the mere fact that she did not want to see Peeta hurt.
"We shouldn't have stayed there that long. The ceremony's in an hour," says Peeta, already starting to walk back again.
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, Peeta," she tells him, hoping he will listen to what is bound to be a horrible apology.
"Don't say that if you don't mean it, Katniss," says Peeta harshly, taking in a breath.
"I'm sorry," she says again. Katniss has never been good with words. Until last year, she never had a need to be, seeing that she did not socialize much with others. But now, she finds herself suddenly wishing that she was.
All his anger quickly vanishes when he sees the slight wetness beginning to form in her eyes. "Katniss, I'm not mad at you. I just some time alone right now," he says.
"Peeta, you say I never let you in. That's exactly what you're doing to me right now. I'm here, just talk to me," she pleads.
"That's the thing, Katniss. I don't want to talk," he murmurs.
And with that, he turns to face her, one hand reaching out to touch her cheek. The feel of his fingertips is almost nonexistent, and yet, it causes a shiver to run up her spine. "I can't talk to you, Katniss. Not without wanting you. But when this Victory Tour began, I realized how wrong it was to still want you, knowing that one mistake can cost our families their lives. There are more important things at stake here than my heart."
"But today, I wanted to forget that. I didn't want to be reminded of what we have to accomplish. I just wanted to spend time with you. That's all. It was my fault, though, for ruining it. I shouldn't have said anything like—"
She kisses him, stopping his words. At first, Peeta is hesitant, debating on whether to push her away gently. All his doubts are lost, however, when Katniss wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. One of his hands stays cupped to her right cheek, the other snaking around her waist, pressing Katniss flush against him. A fire ignites inside of her, a flame that she cannot ignore.
Together they burn as a spark passes through them. She catches her fingers threading themselves in Peeta's ash-blonde hair, an act which causes him to pull her closer, closing absolutely any space that was left between them. It is only when she feels his tongue brush against her lower lip that Katniss pulls back, overtaken by hunger and unable to breathe. They stay like this for several minutes, wrapped in each other's arms, safe and secure from whatever harm others may bring down upon them.
They do not speak of this again as they walk back to the train to prepare themselves for District 4's ceremony, fingers intertwined. But that night, as Katniss rests in Peeta's arms, she discovers that she had been entirely wrong before. Peeta was not her safe harbor, a place she could visit whenever necessary. He was not a toy she could simply play with and then toss away.
He is not her safe harbor, nor has he ever been.
It is within his arms that Katniss is home.
The End