Jace's Happy Ending
She felt his presence long before she saw him. The way she was standing by the bed with her back towards the door hid him from her vision. It hurt to bend over, but she gritted her teeth and finished spreading the cover over the bed. She would leave no mess behind; she had given them enough problems already.
"You shouldn't be up," Jace said.
She turned around slowly; equal amounts of excitement and dread making her heart ache as usual. "I'm fine." Her face said something different.
Jace advanced towards the middle of the room. "You were very sick. It took forever to heal you," he argued, his eyebrows frowning down at her.
She had to smile at that. For a Shadowhunter who was not used to spending more than a night or two in the infirmary, of course four whole days would feel like an eternity. Still, it had been an amazingly fast recovery, considering the fact that since she was a mundane their steles didn't work on her. Even spells only partially did. "Magnus did a good job," she said.
"Yeah, tell me about it." Jace rolled his eyes, and it seemed like he wanted to say more, but he changed the subject. "I talked to the others and we decided that you can stay."
"Thank you, but I'll go." She reached for her bag.
"Go?" Jace repeated as if he didn't understand what that word meant.
"Look, if I stay here I'll die." The words came out in a rush and she felt relieved to say out loud what she had known for a while now.
He looked taken aback by her statement, "You won't die. We will protect you. We just need to be more careful," he said as if it was not a big deal.
"I know you will," she sighed, not entirely surprised that he didn't get it, "but that's not what I meant. If I stay here, Jace, I'll die in here." She pressed a pale hand against her chest, where her heart was doing painful flips under his gaze.
Jace blinked. He obviously wasn't prepared for such admission, and he didn't know how to react.
She decided to push it even further and let it all out in the open, all the things they had never talked about. Maybe he'd freak out, hate her, and push her away. That would sure make her departure so much easier.
"Being around you is killing me," she said with a sad smile and she saw him wince. She shook her head slowly and dark, soft locks of hair danced around her shoulders. "It has nothing to do with your fighting skills. It's you being you that kills me."
"I…" Jace opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again, unable to say the words. Acknowledgement flashed in his eyes and she saw him fight against it. He wasn't ready to face those feelings; perhaps he was never going to be ready.
"It's all right," she raised one hand to stop him, "it's not your fault. I know you're in love with Clary," hell, everyone knew that, "and I know that you'll never get over her." She gave him a long look and he held her gaze steadily, refusing to defend himself. "If you were happy, that wouldn't be a problem. But I can't just sit around watching you suffer. It's killing me to see you like this. If it were only my pain I could deal with it. I swear I could. But I can't handle both yours and mine. I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough."
She let out a sigh and stepped to the side to glance out the window for a moment.
"So you see, I have to go," she continued to speak, without looking at Jace, "I can't sit and wait for a kiss in a dark corner when you're hot and bothered. That's never going to be enough. I deserve more and I want more." She turned her head and her dark eyes burned through him, saying things she would never say because her pride wouldn't let her. "I have to go and try to salvage what's left of my life… and my heart," she spoke quietly. "I have to go away and try to forget you."
It was a plan that she doubted was going to work from the start. Jace was forever branded in her heart, but she had to at least try. She owed herself that much.
Jace stood there in the middle of the room like a statue made of marble and gold. Since it looked like he wasn't going to say anything, she pulled away from the window and moved in front of him. Placing her hands on both sides of his handsome face, she pulled his head down and brushed her lips against his.
"Goodbye, Jace," she murmured. Inside her heart was breaking, but she held on strong. Her eyes were dry. She was beyond crying.
Outside the infirmary, Isabelle, Alec and Maryse were waiting. When she walked out the door, they stopped from whatever it was that they were saying or doing, and looked at her. She stared back, pausing a moment on each face to commit their features to the memory, knowing that they understood. Maryse looked like she wanted to say something, then she changed her mind.
She nodded, and her shoulders lowered along with her gaze as she walked away defeated. She'd fought and she had lost. There was no shame in that. Only heartache.
"You call that a kiss?" The shout coming from the infirmary startled everyone.
She turned around in time to see Jace burst out the door, a vengeful angel looking for revenge. His eyes were a blazing fire, and she braced herself for what was about to come. She'd pushed his buttons with her confession, and now he was pushing hers. One of them was going to end up in a pile of ashes lying on the floor. Was there more honor in going down fighting? She hoped so. At least, when it was over, nothing would hurt anymore.
"We don't say goodbye." He watched her accusingly, his jaw muscles tensed and shoulders almost shaking from too much stress.
"I'm not a Shadowhunter," she reminded him. She didn't have to follow their code.
"Well, that's not my problem, is it?"
It got quiet inside the room. Too quiet. Three pairs of eyes were staring at them, but she couldn't focus on his family. She only had eyes for Jace. She recognized the abrasive tone, that façade he put on each time he had to deal with a problem that bothered him. She raised her chin a little and narrowed her eyes, "What are you going to do about it?"
"I'll tell you," Jace pointed at her with his hand, his voice hard and determined, "what you are not going to do. You're not leaving!" Someone gasped, but it wasn't her. "If you do," his own eyes narrowed menacingly at her, "I'll come after you and find you, no matter where you go. I'll drag you back if I have to. You can count on that." He threatened her and she didn't doubt he meant it.
"Jace…" Maryse interfered, but no one paid attention to her.
She had to draw in a breath before she could utter the next word, "Why?"
Conflicting emotions fought over Jace's face. She'd known there was something in there; she'd seen glimpses of it at times in his eyes, but she'd never known how big that part of him was and she hadn't dared hope. Now it looked like he hadn't been fully aware of it either. You had to lose something in order to realize its real importance, and Jace was just about to do that. His torment was agonizing at this point and she hated doing that to him, but she needed to know.
"Why?" she repeated in a whisper. The silence in the room was maddening, as if everyone had suddenly stopped breathing.
"Because you need to learn how to kiss properly!" he blurted out. The hint of mischief that glinted in his eyes should have been a warning.
She couldn't tell when he had gotten so close, but the next thing she knew, Jace's fingers were painfully digging in her upper arms and he was crushing her against his chest. His mouth was hard on hers, claiming it possessively, just the way he had done it before. This was highly inappropriate behavior to display in front of an audience, especially parents.
She didn't fight it. If this was the last breath of air before drowning, she didn't want to fight against it, she wanted to fight for it. Her hands fisted in the front of his shirt, holding onto him just as hard as the arms that encircled her. She wanted to crawl inside his skin, curl around his aching heart and never come out. If there was the smallest chance to soothe his pain, then that would have been a fine way to go and she wouldn't have had to leave him. She could live with that.
But Jace seemed to have another idea in mind. He wanted her to be there, alive and well, to live and breathe for him, with him. His fingers sank in her mane, holding her as willing prisoner for his assault. His greedy mouth caught her whimpers as his tongue was dueling with hers, and she didn't know where one's body ended and the other's began anymore.
Someone coughed less than discreetly, but they didn't hear it. Blood was pumping loudly in their ears while their lungs were running out of air. When he finally stopped, Jace rested his forehead against hers, his breath coming out in puffs of hot air that brushed against her face.
She didn't dare to move. She could still feel his touch all around her, his taste inside her mouth, the rapid beats of his heart so close to hers. It made her dizzy, and she feared that she might fall and never get back up. It took an eternity to open her eyes.
Jace was staring at her, his eyes clearer than they had been in ages. She stared back in awe. They had kissed before, and it had been just as hot and passionate. Back then it hadn't meant much, merely an outlet to release frustration and soothe the pain. Something had changed. She felt it in the way he cupped her face with both hands, mimicking her earlier move, and he pressed his lips to hers in a lingering kiss, with such tenderness that it totally undid her. She felt herself break into thousands of pieces in a humble offering by his feet. He could have walked all over her, and she wouldn't have cared. She loved him.
"Now that's a kiss," Jace said, satisfaction loud and clear in his voice. His regular crooked grin was back as he brushed the hair away from her face with gentle strokes.
She felt like an adoring dog being petted by its master and she had to resist the urge to press her head against his hand. First shy and weak, her smile slowly found its way back to her lips, that looked like they had been recently thoroughly kissed.
Jace seemed to enjoy that, and when he looked around he was startled to discover that everyone was staring at them with eyes wide open, mouths agape. "What?" he asked impatiently. No one hurried to answer so he took her hand and holding it firmly in his he pulled her after him. "Let's get out of here. They're acting weird again."
Magnus, who was just walking in, had to step out of the doorway and lean against the wall to let them pass. "What did I miss?" the warlock asked. Instead of an answer, Alec grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away. "Oh… okay," Magnus said, seeing the heated look in Alec's eyes.
"I… umm… I need to make a phone call." Isabelle fiddled with her cell phone and hurried to leave too.
Left so suddenly alone, Maryse looked around puzzled and mumbled in the empty room, "They wouldn't… would they?"
The End