Title : Trouble
Author's Notes : Part of "The Hunter Chronicles". Epilogue to "How You Like Me Now?" . (You might want to read that first before this one, just to avoid any confusion.) Continues from the last scene of HYLMN. Starts out with a bar scene and ends at the airport, with a giant stuffed panda bear.
Disclaimer : I don't own any of the recognizable characters. They belong to Jeff Eastin, White Collar writers and USA Network.
Summary : Peter and Neal say goodbye to Valerie and Alex...but not until after the two ladies cause just one last mischief. Epilogue to "How You Like Me Now?" [very AU/OOC]
Warning : Some violence and suggestive language...nothing graphic. Just, you know, action stuff. Also, as mentioned, this story contains copious amount of Alex Hunter. So if you're allergic to her, you might want to stop reading now. If not, then by all means proceed to reading and please enjoy.
Alex took Valerie to "Crossroads", a pub she frequented back during the days when she slummed the underbelly of New York City's bar scene. It was a run-down joint where the patrons need not dress up and didn't have to wait in line to get in. The dark, edgy hangout reminded Alex of the bad old days, when she loved to raise a little hell. While the beautiful and filthy rich people of New York City went to the poshest clubs, she used to hide herself from the rest of the world in that dive bar, where SIN is in. The place later on became Alex's favourite haunt, a place where she planned her next con when she first started out as a grifter.
She looked around and saw that nothing much had changed. The place still had sticky floors and lewd graffitis on the walls. It still had the same old jukebox that blasted rock music. It had a couple of pool tables and a mechanical bull. The fair, yet surly bartenders who only served cheap booze, and not the kind with fancy names that had umbrellas on top. The rowdy patrons who don't care about news or sports or politics or fashion or celebrity gossip...they just came there to get drunk.
Alex looked at Valerie. "This used to be my playground." she told her older friend. "Come on, I wanna introduce you to someone." she said, before walking towards the bar, followed closely by Valerie.
At the bar was a tall, muscular woman, in her late-fifties. She had short, spiky hair, a nose ring and was dressed in leather apparel. She turned around and smiled when Alex tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hey there, lady! Long time, no see!" the woman said.
"Been a while!" Alex replied. She pointed to Valerie. "This is my friend, Valerie." Then she looked at Valerie. "Valerie, this is my pal, Ruby. She owns this place." she introduced her.
"Pleased to meet you, Ruby." Valerie said.
"Yeah! Nice to meet you, too." Ruby replied. "Although I gotta say, any friend of Alex's should have their heads checked." she said. She turned to Alex once more. "Look at you! Little Hurricane Hunter, all grown up!" she marveled. She turned back to Valerie. "I remember when she first breezed through that door with her fake ID!" she chuckled.
"Alex was a wild child, eh?" Valerie asked.
"Oh, the stories I could tell you!" Ruby replied. She looked at Alex and arched an eyebrow. "You still looking to cause trouble?" she asked her.
"Always!" Alex replied with a laugh.
"What's your poison tonight?" Ruby asked.
"A bottle of Bourbon with two glasses." Alex answered for both of them.
Ruby looked at Valerie and gave her a brief sum-up of the place. "If you want more booze here's the bar. If you wanna ride, there's the bull. If it's music you want, there's the box. If you wanna dance, there's the floor. And if it's time to leave, there's the door." she summarized. "Have fun, and remember...you break it, you buy it!" she said with a wink, before giving them the Bourbon and glasses.
Valerie and Alex walked over and sat down at the nearest empty table. Alex poured Bourbon on both of their glasses.
"¡Salud!" Alex said.
"¡Salud!" Valerie replied.
Valerie took a small swig of her drink and looked around the place. By the time she looked back at Alex, she was already pouring herself another drink.
"Alex...where did your drink go?" Valerie asked her.
"To a very happy place, Val! A very happy place!" Alex replied, before taking another gulp of Bourbon.
"Aretha would love this place! Too bad she's not here!" Valerie said, remembering they're English friend. She gazed at Alex again, who was silent, deep in thought. "Everything alright?" Valerie asked her.
"Peachy keen...the world is my oyster!" Alex replied as she took another drink.
"You wanna talk about it?" Valerie pressed.
"Talk about what?" Alex asked.
"Come on, Alex! I heard the things that Burke said to you. That sanctimonious prick!" Valerie told her, as she took a sip of her drink. "Question is, why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you defend yourself?" she asked Alex.
Alex looked at her friend. "Because he didn't say anything that wasn't true. I am that little troublemaker who pops in and out of Neal's life and gives him drama and gets him caught in the ugliest situations." she answered in a somber tone.
"That's Peter's perspective of the truth." Valerie told her. "He doesn't know the whole story. He doesn't know the real you!" she added.
"And who am I, exactly?" Alex asked her.
"You are a very clever woman, Alex. A fiercely loyal friend. A strong person who's had a hard life, but doesn't use that as an excuse to lash out at the world in anger. You're a good mother who raised an amazing little boy, almost entirely on your own, and want nothing more than a bright future for him. That's the Alexandra Hunter that I know." Valerie told her. She took another swig before continuing. "Screw Peter and all his preachings! You should've knocked his teeth out!" she said.
Alex laughed. "You know what? You're right!" she said. "Let's go over to Burke's place right now! You hold him down...I'll kick his ass! Then, when I get tired, I'll hold him down and you kick his ass!" Alex joked, before taking another drink.
Valerie played along. "And after that, we go to Caffrey's place and do the same to him! We'll make a night out of it!" she said with a laugh.
Alex chuckled at that. Then, she looked at Valerie. "Seriously, Valerie. Don't worry about me. I have a tough skin, a thick skull and a heart that doesn't shatter quite easily. I'll be fine!" she assured her friend, as she downed another shot.
Valerie put both her hands up. "Alright then, I won't." she told her. "Promise me one thing though..." she said.
"What's that?" Alex asked.
"Have a little fun tonight. You've earned it." Valerie told her.
"Thank you. Don't mind if I do!" Alex replied, before downing another shot of Bourbon.
Neal and Peter walked inside the crowded pub. Peter had a smirk on his face once he saw the kind of place where Neal took him.
"What? You said to surprise you. SURPRISE!" Neal told him.
"I didn't even know you went to places like this. I pictured you as a guy who hangs out at classy nightclubs, not in some hole-in-the-wall dive at the shady part of the town." Peter told him.
"A place like this has its charms." Neal saw Peter arched an eyebrow. Neal smiled. "Peter, slumming can be lots of fun, especially when you do it right." he informed his older friend. "Come on, let's go find ourselves a table." he told Peter.
As they weave through the crowd, they noticed a group of guys standing by the mechanical bull, hooting and hollering. Then, they saw who was riding the bull.
"Neal...is that-" Peter started to ask.
"Alex?" Neal finished for him.
They watched as Alex gyrated while riding the mechanical bull. She was laughing and yelling and singing along to the jukebox that was playing the song "Cowboy" by Kid Rock. The crowd that was gathered around cheered her on and sang along with her.
"Cowboy...
With the top let back and the sunshine shining.
Cowboy...
Spend all my time at Hollywood and Vine.
Cowboy...
Riding at night cause I sleep all day.
Cowboy...
I can smell a pig from a mile away.
Cowboy..."
When the song ended and the mechanical bull stopped, Alex stepped down so that others could ride. She went over to rejoin Valerie back at their table, when she passed by a group of drunken bikers. One of them, a burly guy with tattoos, grabbed her arm.
"You wanna feel real power between your legs, baby? You should try me." he told Alex.
"No, thanks! I think I'll pass! I'm saving myself for marriage!" Alex replied snarkily, as she tried to pry herself away from the man's clutches.
The fat guy didn't let go of her arm though. "What? I'm not good enough for you, bitch?" the man asked her, tightening his grip on Alex's arm.
Alex swatted his hand away and broke free from his grasp. She looked the guy in the eye. "Touch me again and I'll break your arm." Alex warned him, before turning around to walk away.
The guy snatched her arm again. Alex then grabbed the guy's hand and twisted it around, you could hear his fingers crack. Then she pulled on the guy's arm so hard that his shoulder popped out of place.
"Why the hell do people think that I'm kidding whenever I say that?" Alex asked frustratedly, before chaos erupted.
Neal and Peter saw the bikers that were hassling Alex. They tried to get near her to help her out. Then they heard a familiar female voice with a Spanish accent coming from behind them, stopping them in their tracks.
"Stay right where you are, Boy Scouts!" the tipsy Valerie told them from her chair. "I mean it. She needs any help, I got her back. You two just stand back and enjoy the show!" she said. She looked sternly at Peter. "Alex is buying trouble tonight...and I blame you!" she told him.
Neal looked at Peter and then at Valerie. "Look, I don't know what's going on, but you can't expect me to just stand here and watch while Alex fights off a bunch of goons." he said.
"That's exactly what you'll do, Mr. Caffrey." Valerie told him. "Oh, don't worry...give that woman enough liquor and she can raise hell on earth all on her own! Seriously, that woman wrestled with an alligator once...and won. This is a cakewalk compared to that. She'll be just fine. I've seen this before, I know how it ends." she stated matter-of-factly, before returning her gaze on Alex.
Valerie continued. "First, she takes on the fat one." she said, as they watched Alex break the fat guy's arm. "Then, she takes on the ugly one." she went on, as they saw Alex smash another guy's face with her fist. "Then, she takes on the one with the communicable disease." Valerie told them, as they watched Alex kick another angry biker in the groin. "Ugh! That could've been you!" Valerie told Peter.
Valerie then looked at Peter and Neal. "This is when it gets really interesting!" she told them, before more pandemonium ensued.
Alex grabbed one of the bikers' by the hair. "As you can see, I have a certain amount of anger in me that you don't wanna tap into." Alex told him, before slamming the heel of her palm into the guy's nose.
One of the guy's biker friends came at Alex. She whipped back and did a roundhouse kick, hitting him squarely in the jaw, and knocking him down to the floor.
One more came after her, this time the guy was armed. The biker flicked open his switchblade and whipped his weapon at Alex.
"Oh, Sugar! Only four inches? Really? You poor baby!" Alex mocked him.
"It's not the size, bitch...it's how you use it!" the guy replied, before lunging at her.
Alex side-stepped away from the direction of the blade and caught the guy's wrist. "Well...you suck at using it!" she told him. She twisted his arm until he let go of the knife. Alex kicked it away after it dropped on the floor. She then grabbed the guy at the back of the neck, then bashed his head on the edge of the pool table.
Another one grabbed Alex from behind, pinning her arms. She slammed the back of her head into the guy's nose, causing him to fall back and let go of her. She did a butterfly kick on him that sent the guy flying onto one of the tables.
Alex then took one of the pool cues and used it as a staff, hitting anyone who dared to come at her. Once the bikers were all down on the ground, she threw the cue back on the pool table.
"I was hoping you guys would give me a workout. You didn't even make me break a sweat!" Alex told the unconscious bikers.
She turned around to rejoin Valerie. Alex walked towards their table, passing both Neal and Peter, blatantly ignoring the two.
"That looked like fun!" Valerie told her.
"I had a blast!" Alex replied, as she took the bottle of Bourbon and chugged its remaining contents. "I love Bourbon!" she said with a smile. "You drink an abundant amount of it, and soon enough you'll feel like you're 10 foot 2 and bulletproof!" she added, as she used her sleeves to wipe off some of the liquor dripping from the corner of her mouth.
Just then, they heard one of the biker boys yell and came at Alex again. Alex took the empty bottle of Bourbon and smashed it on the guys head, knocking him unconscious once again.
"Alright, Alex! That's enough!" Peter warned her. "Cool down!" he told her sternly.
"Oh, I am cool, Peter!" Alex replied. "You should see me when I'm hot!" she told him with a sheepish smile. Alex looked past Peter's shoulder. "Ain't that right, Caffrey?" she asked him wiggling her eyebrows.
Alex turned to face Valerie. "As fun as this night has been, all good things must come to an end. We gotta go...we have an early flight tomorrow." she reminded her friend. She turned around to leave. "¡Vámonos, Vega!" Alex told Valerie. She shouldered her way past Neal and Peter, making sure that she connected with both of them, before heading for the door.
"Right behind you, Pumpkin!" Valerie replied.
Valerie headed towards the bar to find Ruby. She tossed her a roll of hundred dollar bills. "There you go, Ruby! That's for the damages. Keep the change...buy yourself something nice!" she told the owner.
She walked past the biker boys, who were starting to regain consciousness. "You guys took quite a beating!" Valerie told them. "Yeah, you pansies just got your asses kicked by a girl...any of you wanna file a complaint, talk to those two pretty boys over there." she said as she pointed towards Peter and Neal. "They're with the FBI." Valerie informed them before walking away to join Alex outside, leaving Neal and Peter stunned and speechless.
After a few moments, Neal gave Peter a questioning look. "Valerie said that you were the reason why Alex was buying trouble tonight. What exactly did she mean, Peter?" he asked his partner.
Peter looked at him for a moment, gauging Neal's temper. Finally, he spoke. "I told Alex to keep her distance from you, Neal. I may have said a few harsh words to make myself clear." he reluctantly answered.
He saw Neal shook his head at him. "Come on, Neal! It's not exactly a secret that she caused a lot of the drama in your life, especially recently. I'm only trying to protect you." he explained.
"Protect me? From Alex? Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?" Neal asked him.
"I'm trying to prevent you from being tempted back into your old life!" Peter answered.
"The temptation will always be there, Peter. Whether Alex chooses to be a part of my life, or not...the allure of my old life will always be every where I look. That way of life, that feeling, that rush...I yearn for it most of the time! I can't change that. Neither can you." Neal stated.
"I can help minimize it." Peter answered.
"My life...my choices." Neal said. "You can't save me from myself, Peter." he added.
"You don't know that, Neal. I won't stop trying." Peter told him.
Neal shook his head again. "You know something, Peter? I respect you. Sure, I make fun of your taste in food. I mock your choice in music. I tease the suits you wear. I test your patience...a lot. But deep down, you know that I respect you, both as a partner and as a friend." he told him.
Peter nodded, and Neal continued. "That being said, I need for you to step back a little." Neal told him. "Give me some breathing room. I know, it's your job to make sure that I don't stray too far from the sidewalk...that I don't go back to the dark side, but nobody appointed you as vice-president of my life. You don't get to decide on who I choose to be a part of it." he added.
"I only have the best intentions, Neal." Peter said.
"I know." Neal replied. He took a deep breath before speaking again. "Look, it's been a very long and exhausting day. I think I'll go home now." he told Peter.
"I can give you a lift." Peter offered.
"Thanks, but I can walk from here. I need to clear my head." Neal politely turned him down. With that, he turned around and walked away, leaving Peter at the bar.
The next day, Alex sat in the waiting area of La Guardia Airport. She waited while Valerie confirmed their travel arrangements. She stood up when she saw her friend return.
"Just spoke to the pilot. The jet is refueling as we speak, then we're good to go. We'll be wheels up in an hour." Valerie told her.
"Fantastic." Alex said dryly.
"How's the head?" Valerie asked her.
"Still attached...barely." Alex answered.
"Wild night, last night." Valerie said.
"Ugh! Please, don't remind me!" Alex replied, pressing both her palms to her temples.
"Okay, I'll go get you some water. Maybe it'll help." Valerie told her, before walking away.
Alex let her eyes roam around the busy airport, trying to focus on everything and everyone around her. Something caught her attention, not far away from her. She rubbed her eyes, just to make sure they weren't deceiving her. It was still there. A giant stuffed Panda bear, and it was coming closer towards her.
Once it was in front of her, someone peeked from behind it. It was Neal, flashing her one of his million killer-watt smile. "Hey, Alex." he greeted her.
"Caffrey? What the hell-" Alex said, finding the panda and Neal's smile very distracting.
"You weren't really going to leave with out saying goodbye, were you?" Neal asked her.
"Neal, I told you...no pandas!" Alex said sternly.
"Oh, come on. They ran out of ugly hats back at the shops! This was the only cute, kid-friendly thing they had." Neal whined mockingly.
Alex looked past his shoulders and saw Peter waiting at a safe distance. "Your keeper is okay with all this?" Alex asked Neal.
"I have done so many things in the past that Peter doesn't approve of. I figured one more thing wouldn't hurt." Neal joked. He then straightened up an spoke in a more serious tone. "Alex, what Peter said to you-" he said before he was interrupted.
Alex held her hand up to stop Neal. "It's okay, Caffrey. I understand where he's coming from. It's actually kinda good to know that someone's looking out for you. Keeps you out of trouble and away from prison." she told him.
Neal chuckled at that. "Here, take it." he said as he handed Alex the giant stuffed animal.
Alex smiled. "Thank you, Neal. I'm sure that Nicholas will love it." she said.
"Do me a favor...give him a hug for me." Neal whispered to her.
"I'll do that." Alex whispered back. She looked at the stuffed toy and said in a louder tone, "This is going to be a bitch to get past inspection!" she told him. They both laughed.
Not far away, Peter was watching their conversation, confused as to why Neal would give Alex a giant Panda bear. Apprehensively, he stood there, racking his brain trying to figure out what the two were up to this time. Then, he felt someone from behind tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to see who it was.
"Relax, Agent Burke. I know it all seems dubious from here, but sometimes, a panda bear is just a panda bear." Valerie told him.
"Thank you for the fortune cookie input, Chief Vega. I'll be sure to keep that in mind." Peter replied.
"Peter, I understand why you don't trust Alex, given what you know about her. But believe me when I tell you this, she's not as evil as you make her out to be." Valerie assured him.
Peter just looked back at her, with an uncertain expression on his face, unsure of what to say next. Trying hard to be careful not to offend anybody anymore.
Valerie continued to speak. "Look, I know it doesn't come easy for you to trust someone. Either you're suspicious by nature, or I'm partly to blame for that. In any case, I think you've been way too absorbed in this job for far too long that you're starting to only see the worst in people. That person who gave me a chance, that same person who gave Neal Caffrey another shot...that man is starting to disappear. It would be a shame to lose him. I happen to like that guy." she stated.
"That man isn't lost...just misplaced." Peter answered with a weak smile.
Valerie smiled back at him. "A bit of unsolicited advice, Peter. Stop viewing the world as black and white. It's not even gray. It's a bright and colorful world out there, Peter Burke. I'd sure hate for you to miss it!" she said cryptically. She leaned closer and gave him an innocent peck in the cheek. "Goodbye, Peter." she said, before turning around and walking away.
"Goodbye, Valerie." Peter whispered after her.
Valerie walked towards Neal and Alex. "Time to go, Slugger." she told her friend. She handed Alex a bottle of water, before heading towards the boarding terminal.
"Right." Alex replied. She turned to Neal. "Well, Caffrey, it's been interesting, as always!" she said. She picked up the giant stuffed animal and proceeded follow Valerie.
"Alex, wait." Neal called after her. He leaned closer and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. "Don't be a stranger, alright." he told her with a smile.
"You know me, Caffrey. I'm like a bad penny. You'll never get rid of me that easily." she joked.
"And please, stay safe." Neal said as he watched her walk away.
"You know what? I've tried playing it safe. Ever so DULL!" Alex shouted back at him as she continued towards the boarding entrance.
Peter walked towards Neal and stood beside him. He followed Neal's gaze and chuckled. "There goes trouble." he joked.
Neal smiled at his partner. "Thanks again, for letting me do this." he said.
"Didn't have much of a choice, did I? I mean, you wouldn't stop moping." Peter replied, as they both headed for the nearest exit.
"I wasn't 'moping'. I don't mope." Neal told him.
"Oh, so it was all an act then? I get it. You conned me into accompanying you to the airport just to say goodbye to Alex." Peter said in a mocked accusing tone.
"Yes. I am THAT good!" Neal replied, flashing him a sheepish grin.
"Whatever. I don't care. She's gone now." Peter told him. "Explain this to me though. What's up with the giant Panda bear?" he asked Neal.
"I smuggled the Hortensia diamond inside. I needed her to fence it for me and-" he answered, trying and failing to keep a straight face.
"Oh, shut up!" Peter said, knowing that it was a joke. "Fine, don't tell me then!" he said, walking faster.
Neal smiled. "I doubt you would understand it even if I told you, Peter." he told him, as he followed his partner out the door.
"Try me." Peter said.
"I like to pay back old debts, in however small way I can." Neal explained.
"I don't understand." Peter admitted.
"Why am I not surprised? Oh, wait...I told you!" Neal replied sarcastically.
"Neal?" Peter called out.
"Yes, Peter?" Neal replied.
"Get in the car!" Peter ordered him.
Neal laughed and did what he was told. With that, Peter started the engine and proceeded to leave the airport.
~FINI~
FOOTNOTES:
*I've been off the grid for a while. Some higher power (PLOT BUNNIES! * shakes fist *) forced me to come out of retirement.
*For those who were wondering, Nicholas is Neal and Alex's secret son. Neal learned recently that the boy has a penchant for (ugly) hats and panda bears.
*This was the first time Peter called Valerie by her (new) first name. Before, it was always either, Carol or Chief Vega.
*The 20-carat Hortensia diamond is safe and sound and heavily guarded at the Louvre...for now.
*Many thanks for taking time to read this story. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.