AN: I welcome you to my first Kenshin fanfic. I am not new to the actual art of writing fanfics, nor am I new to the art of shounen ai and yaoi. I hope that you will find this as adorable as I found it.
Warning: If you couldn't tell, there is SHOUNEN AI in this. That means two males finding each other attractive/hugging each other/holding each other's hand/kissing each other. Don't like it, simply don't read it. I don't know how much I stress this enough…(and watch, I will get my first flames in a year over this. XD)
Disclaimer: No Sir, I don't own them. Don't make money of them, either.
Just One Night
Kenshin sat down next to the wall of his room, sighing. Another day, another night where he would sleep with his sword by his side. His days as the Battousai were over, but he still slept with the damned sword. It was a habit he could not break, not even when surrounded by loving friends. The truth was, Kenshin still didn't feel entirely safe there.
That or he was always worried. Someone would attack them in the middle of the night, he was sure of it. He had enough enemies to know that he would probably never be truly safe for the rest of his life—but he was fine with that. He deserved those people wanting him dead. Some nights Kenshin wanted himself to die. He was only going to cause more suffering if he remained alive, even if he didn't intentionally do so.
Trouble liked to follow him, after all. Closing his eyes, Kenshin tightened his ever-present grip on his sword, hoping its presence would bring him some comfort. It never did. It probably caused him to remember too much of his past, the past he still had to reconcile. Slowly, he allowed himself to drift, but not for long. He woke up instantly only to find a rat scurrying across the ground in front of him.
It looked at him, its beady red eyes unfeeling. Kenshin moved towards it to brush it away. If Miss Kaoru were to see the rodent, she'd give them all hell. The rat stared at him defiantly, causing Kenshin to smile at it. Rarely anyone these days—be they human or a simple creature like the one before him—showed him defiance. Being the nice Rurouni that he was, Kenshin looked away from the rat and let it do as it pleased.
If it were still there with him in the morning, he would pick it up and place it outside. Besides, it was nice to have something around him that didn't fear him in some way. Sighing again, Kenshin leaned his head back against the wall. "Everyone fears me—at least, the Battousai inside of me, that they do. I really wish…I could guarantee to them that that part of me would never resurface, but I can't…"
The rat seemed to be listening to him, inching closer to him as Kenshin continued to stare out into space. It wasn't until the rat climbed up his leg and sat neatly on top of his knee did Kenshin glance at it out of curiosity. He decided to let it sit there as he closed his eyes again, getting ready to sleep. He needed the rest; he hadn't slept decently for weeks. Fear over his friends' lives kept him up, but he knew he really shouldn't be afraid.
Everyone at the Dojo could take care of themselves. Miss Kaoru was pretty much on her own already, Yahiko could definitely live alone if he wanted, and Sanosuke…Kenshin smiled at the thought of Sanosuke—the idiot might need Kenshin more than the other two. With how Sanosuke always jumped into trouble without a second thought, he needed someone to keep him from hurting himself.
Granted, every time Kenshin tried to help, Sanosuke always managed to help him more. Kenshin didn't fear for Sanosuke just because he was his friend, but Kenshin feared for another reason…since Sanosuke was always helping him out, he would be in even more danger. Kenshin couldn't have that. Wonderful people such as Sanosuke shouldn't have to worry about their lives like he did.
That was probably why Kenshin did all the worrying for them. He glanced at the rat, which was still perched on his knee. "Don't you have a nest to return home to?" he asked it, not feeling silly at all for talking to a rodent. The rat just stared back at him. Kenshin could sense something from it, almost as if the rat were a feeling person. "If you don't, you should find yourself a nest, that you most certainly should. It's…it's not nice to be lonely, I know that for a fact."
Kenshin berated himself, shaking his head at his own silly antics. Who in his right mind would talk to a rat? If he wanted to talk about how he was feeling, he should probably go to another human being. That would make sense, wouldn't it? But he knew he was the only one up at this hour. It would be inconsiderate of him if he went to wake up one of his friends just so he could talk. He could always wait until morning….
By morning he would have reconsidered talking to anyone. These were his problems—problems he had brought upon himself. It was his fault he didn't feel safe enough to sleep; it was his fault that he put everyone he knew in danger. Knowing that these were his fault made him feel better, in some respects, but also made him feel worse.
The rat jumped off his knee and went back to the floor, sniffing around, probably for some food. Kenshin watched the rat in faint interest, his eyelids becoming heavy. He knew sleep was winning, but he also understood sleep would not win for long. It never lasted long…if only he could feel safe while he slept—if only he didn't need the damned sword by his side in order to even consider sleeping. He shouldn't be afraid of something as simple as sleep.
He hated what sleep brought to him. Pleasant dreams were a thing of the past with him. Nightmares, memories…they always haunted him as he slept. He preferred the nights when he didn't sleep at all, when he could hide his memories from himself. He hated remembering what it was like to be the Battousai all over again. If only he could completely rid himself of his annoying memories….
He wondered, briefly, how his Master was doing right now. He knew he shouldn't bother thinking about Hiko—he'd probably never see that man again, but it was something Kenshin could not help. What he would give just to hear Hiko call him his stupid apprentice…. As much as he hated being called that so many years ago, he missed it now. Thoughts of his days with Hiko calmed Kenshin enough to allow him to sleep some more.
It was a black sleep, one that Kenshin had been hoping for. No memories, no nightmares. It wasn't a peaceful sleep, per say, but it was better than what he was used to. When Kenshin woke up again, a few hours had passed by, but the sun still had not made its appearance in the sky.
Kenshin slowly stood up, popping his back softly before stretching. Might as well get a jump-start on the chores. He had to do his laundry again, maybe Yahiko's too, if Yahiko needed him to…he could prepare breakfast for Sanosuke, who he knew would be up soon. Kenshin wondered if Sanosuke was having trouble sleeping as well—Sanosuke had always struck him as the type to sleep in until nearly half the day was over. It was a bit unnatural to see Sanosuke up so early.
As he opened his door, Kenshin blinked repeatedly at the form that was standing in front of it. "Sano…what are you doing here?" he asked, tilting his head upwards so he and Sanosuke could make eye contact. Sometimes Kenshin really hated being short.
"I was…just wondering if you'd want to talk. You've been a bit out of it, Kenshin, for the past few weeks," Sanosuke muttered, looking down at him.
"I'm fine, Sano, really," Kenshin replied, smiling. "Why are you up so early?"
"Couldn't sleep. Something was bothering me," Sanosuke continued to mutter, moving so Kenshin could walk out of his room. Kenshin just shook his head and motioned Sanosuke to walk into his room. Sanosuke obliged, but a little reluctantly.
"Have you been having problems sleeping lately, Sano?" Kenshin asked, shutting his door. "It seems like you've never slept in past seven."
"It's not that I'm having problems sleeping…. I can sleep if I wanted. I just…don't want to."
"Why's that?"
"For the same reasons you probably don't sleep too well yourself, Kenshin," Sanosuke replied without missing a beat, crossing his arms over his chest. "You may not act like it, Kenshin, but you haven't slept decently for weeks. That's probably why you haven't been yourself."
Kenshin blinked at Sanosuke before sitting down, crossing his arms over his chest as well. "Nothing gets past you, does it, Sano?"
"Wait—I was right?!" Sanosuke blinked repeatedly. "Well…why can't you sleep well, Kenshin?"
"I'd rather not talk about it," Kenshin said softly, looking away. "It will just bring back memories."
Sanosuke sat down next to him and stared at him defiantly. Kenshin smirked to himself, remembering the rat. "I'm not leaving here until you tell me, Kenshin."
"I thought you might say that," Kenshin muttered, still smirking wryly. "But I'm not going to tell you anything, that I won't." He uncrossed his arms, picking up his sword and holding it across his lap.
"You don't feel safe here, do you?"
Kenshin gasped, looking away from his sword and glancing over at Sanosuke. Sanosuke turned his head and smiled at Kenshin. "Sano…do you feel safe here?"
"I do, but only because—well, it's not important. I asked you first. I want to hear your answer."
"I can't sleep even for a few minutes without my Reverse Blade by my side," Kenshin whispered, running his hand over the sheath. "Does that answer your question, Sano?"
"It does, but I don't understand why you're so afraid, Kenshin," Sanosuke whispered, lightly placing a hand over Kenshin's. Normally Kenshin would have pulled away, but all he could do was turn his head to stare at Sanosuke questioningly. "You have no reason to be afraid."
"But…Sano—I've made so many enemies ten years ago. Every single one of them can find me and try to harm me. I have every reason to fear, that I do," Kenshin whispered, feeling Sanosuke's grip on his hand tighten. He turned his hand so he could return the grip, interlocking their fingers.
"You're safe here, Kenshin. Yahiko, Kaoru…myself, we'll all be looking out for you. You're not alone anymore, and neither am I. You really do have no reason to be afraid," Sanosuke urged. Hesitantly he reached out and pulled Kenshin's Reverse Blade out of his hands. "You can sleep without this. Maybe you just…"
Sanosuke blinked when Kenshin shook his head. "I'm a habitual person, Sano. Even if…I wasn't afraid, I'd still hold onto that sword. It's become a part of me, that it has."
"Can't you…replace the sword with something else?" Sanosuke asked, blinking. "Maybe if you hold onto something else while you slept…."
"Are you trying to suggest yourself, Sano?" Kenshin asked, grinning as he pulled his hand out of Sanosuke's. "Because if you are, Miss Kaoru wouldn't like to find us sleeping together, that she wouldn't."
Kenshin stifled a snicker as Sanosuke blushed lightly. Sanosuke looked away from him, still holding onto Kenshin's Reverse Blade. "Do you want this back, Kenshin? There's still an hour or two left before the sun comes up…"
"I'm too awake to go back asleep, Sano," Kenshin whispered. "But…if you wish to stay here, you may."
"Kenshin…" Sano reached out and pulled Kenshin towards him. Sighing, Kenshin pulled away, looking away from him. "Kenshin, please, one night."
"No, Sanosuke," Kenshin muttered, snatching his sword back. "I told you once before, I'll just put you in danger. I don't wish to do that to you."
"Kenshin…" Sano whispered before sighing. "We'll both be able to sleep for once. Just…please, this one time."
"It's not like you to beg," Kenshin mused as he stood up, moving to the other side of the room. "Are you sure you can't sleep without me?" He turned to face Sanosuke, smirking. "Are you really so desperate, Sano? We can't be dependent on each other."
"I am not dependent on you," Sanosuke muttered, crossing his arms over his chest, glaring at Kenshin. Kenshin smiled, sitting down next to the wall opposite of Sanosuke.
"Then you would be able to sleep without me near, correct?" Kenshin asked, raising an eyebrow at Sanosuke.
"I told you, I could sleep if I wanted to," Sanosuke responded. "I just won't sleep until you do. I don't want you to hurt yourself, Kenshin."
Kenshin blinked at that. "You're…depriving yourself of sleep because I'm not sleeping well?" he breathed, putting the sword down next to him. "Sano…you don't have to do that for me, that you most certainly don't."
"Kenshin, please, let me just hold you tonight. If you don't fall asleep easier than you normally do, then I won't ask to hold you again."
Kenshin saw how honest and sincere Sanosuke was, his eyes set downward, his little frown making him look so determined to get his way. Sighing, Kenshin closed his eyes. "I'm going to regret this, I really am, but…Sano, come over here."
Sanosuke's smile was brief as he walked over to Kenshin; Kenshin sensed how uneasy he was. "Yes, Kenshin?" he breathed, sitting down in front of him. Kenshin inched closer to Sanosuke, unsure of his actions, but Sanosuke seemed to sense them, opening his arms, pulling Kenshin over to him. "I'm surprised, Kenshin…."
"I don't want you losing sleep over me," Kenshin whispered, finding himself comfortable in Sanosuke's arms, resting his head on the other's chest. "Just this one night, Sano." He could feel Sanosuke relax a bit, his grip tightening.
"That's all I was asking for, Kenshin," Sanosuke whispered back, sounding smug. "Do you mind if I…?"
"No, Sano, you may not," Kenshin muttered, turning his head so he could smile up at Sanosuke. "If I decide I like you here, then maybe you can…. I love you, Sano."
"Kenshin," Sanosuke blinked down at him in shock. Sanosuke blinked even more in shock when Kenshin leaned upwards, lightly brushing his lips against Sanosuke's. "I—I thought you said we couldn't—"
"I said you couldn't, I didn't say a word about me, Sano, that I didn't," Kenshin replied, grinning. "Good night, Sanosuke."
"Good night, Kenshin."
Even if it was just for one night—not even a full night, for that matter—Kenshin slept better, just this once. Maybe he really did need to be held like this…maybe they both did. Whatever the reason, Kenshin made sure that he and Sanosuke would both sleep well like this again. That he most certainly did.
Ah, yes, that's the end of this little story. I'm a little unsure of it…as I usually am of my first fanfic for a new fandom. Considering that I haven't seen that much of the series to be exactly sure of what I'm doing when it comes to their characters, I hope I was pretty in character for my first try. All I can do is improve, right? Please, tell me how I can do that. ^^
