Hey guys! So this is my second fanfiction and I'm actually really excited to post it! I know it's been a while since my first but as I was going through the stress of exam period I really just had no time
So anyway, this story is basically an alternate interpretation to season 4 episode 1 of supernatural, so it's obviously set then.
If you want a visual aid, think Sam when he was spending those 6 months without Dean in 'mystery spot'.
Dean's POV
Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural or any of its characters! Wish I did…. But I don't, do writing fanfiction will have to do for now.
I was out. I was finally out of hell.
4 months I spent in that place, being tortured beyond what any normal human could imagine….. But then I got out. I don't know how, or why, but hey, I'm not complaining, being back up here truly felt like paradise, but there was only one thing on my mind, the only thing that was really important to me, Sam.
I knew how he felt, well, actually, not really. He was only dead for a day and I couldn't stand it, but him, he was up here without me for so long, I wouldn't have been able to survive it, at least he had Bobby. I started making my way to his house, it seemed like a good place to start my search for Sam, who wasn't answering his phone, that little bitch. I didn't know what to expect when I found my little brother though, did he continue hunting? Did he finally leave the family business and made his own life? Honestly, I don't know which choice I preferred, but what I found, was definitely not what I was hoping for.
Trying to convince Bobby I was actually, well, me, was harder than expected, he kept attacking me with all sorts of weapons and performing different tests. Holly water, silver knife, salt, the lot. But once he believed me, finally, he pulled me into a tight hug. I feeling of pleasure rushed over me, for the past moths all I knew was pain and suffering, and this felt nice, it felt like love. As we he pulled away my mind reset back to the original task, I looked around the room seeing no sign of my little brother.
"Where's Sam?" I asked, noting the way Bobby's eyes turned sad at the mention of the name… oh shit, what happened.
"Last I've heard he was hunting a vampire's nest somewhere in California" Bobby replayed simply.
"Alone!? And what do you mean last you've heard, haven't you been with him?!" I yelled.
"Don't use that tone with me boy" his voice was low and gruff and I settled instantly.
"Look it's not like I haven't tried okay? As soon as we berried you he took off. He wouldn't answer my calls or texts, hasn't talked to anyone actually, I've asked everyone I could think of. The only reason I know where he is, is because the hunting community is small and stories of successful hunts spread like wildfire. He's become one hell of a hunter since you left actually, took down a whole pack of about a dozen werewolves all by himself just a week or so ago".
I turned away from Bobby and shook my head, I felt my heart drop at the words coming out of the older hunter's mouth. My death was obviously clouding Sam's logic because going on big hunts like that alone is practically suicide.
"So we track him down" I stated, "we have to find him".
"Not going to argue with you there" He started, "But how do u suppose we do that, I mean, I've been trying to track that boy down for months now and I always seem to be one step behind" Bobby let out a sigh of defeat as he looked at me.
"Don't worry, I'll find him, I know that kid like the back of my hand. I know what he's going to do even before he knows" I stated with a smile. I have always been the one that took care of Sam, as chick- flicky as it may sound, we were, no, are, really close, always have been, and we know each other more than anyone else ever could.
"Actually Dean, I don't think you do, not anymore anyway. Sam's changed, dramatically" he said sadly and I shook my head in disagreement again. I was angry, how could Bobby say such a thing, Sam hasn't changed, he couldn't have, he was still the same goofy, geeky kid his always been.
"No, he still Sam, the same his always been, he hasn't changed and I will find him".
With that I left the room. I took a seat at the desk in Bobby's living room and turned on the computer.
After long hour's researching things that have been going on in California, I found the chain of deaths Sam must have been following to the vamps. The last body found was the previous night actually, so I figured Sam will be going after them tonight, and I was going to be there to help.
Only a few short minutes later, Bobby and I packed up out stuff, well, Bobby packed some of his stuff, I didn't have any belongings on me, being fresh out of hell and all. We headed into his truck and started the drive towards California. It was going to be a long drive and I was exhausted but didn't care, I just wanted to get to Sammy, and that was the only thing that was important.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
When we arrived in California it was 2:00AM the next day, we went to the motel we thought Sam was most likely to stay at, close enough to the sights where the bodies were found that they were easy to get to, but far off enough so he wouldn't become another victim of the vamps. We entered the office of the dirty, run down motel and approached the guy at the front table, I talked first.
"Hey, have you seen this guy, really tall, long brown hair…." I was about to continue my description when the guy interjected.
"You mean Mr. Carter?" the guys seemed anxious for some odd reason, but I went with it, 'Carter' was a name we've used a few times, so I wasn't surprised it was the one Sam chose for this particular situation.
"Is he here?" I asked hopefully, I knew we would finally find Sam.
The guy was fidgeting with something under the desk as he spoke quietly.
"Um… yeah, he checked in here about two days ago"
"Great" I smiled "do you mind telling us what room his in."
"Room number 12" as I turned to walk away the guy spoke again.
"But I wouldn't disturb him if I was you. The guy's scary as hell" I flinched. What the hell was this guy talking about, the only things that should be scared of Sam are supernatural, not human.
"What do you mean?" I heard Bobby ask from behind me.
"God, first time I saw the guy he sent chills up my spine. He's real tall, and muscly too. He has that scary look in his eyes, you know, one of those series, deadly looks that tells you, you should stay away. Not the mention the huge scar on the guy's neck"
With that I started to walk away again. There was no way this guy could be talking about Sam. My little brother was gentle and happy and always smiling at strangers in that way that made everyone that saw him fall in love instantly. The man this guy was describing couldn't possibly be my little brother. But as I started to walk back towards Bobby's truck, sure we had the wrong place, I spotted my baby, the impala, parked right outside room 12 of the motel. I turned and looked at Bobby, realizing he noticed the car as well, we both made our way to the door. It was locked but there was a small light coming from inside the room, indicating that someone was in there. I also spotted a few drops of blood from between the impala and the door, my stomach instantly dropped and I froze, Sammy was hurt. Bobby walked ahead of me and started to work on the lock, he finally managed to unlock it and opened the door slowly.
What I saw next was a sight I will never forget. Sammy, my little brother, was standing next to a table, blood quickly flowing out of a bullet wound in his side as he was stitching himself up. Sam's continued to patch himself up, not even sparing us a glace as he spoke.
"I told you to leave me alone Bobby, I don't need your help, as you can see, I can take care of myself. Took care of this vamp nest too, their all dead, so you can leave now".
I was completely shocked at the way my brother spoke, how his voice was completely monotone and showed not even the slightest bit of emotion. His face was stoic as he continued his handy work, yet to look up at us and therefor, yet to notice my presence. I decided to make myself known and took slow step toward Sam.
"Hey Sammy" I said quietly.
Before I even knew what was happening, I was pinned to the floor with a sliver knife to my throat, Bobby was right, the kids' skill level was really up there.
"What the hell are you" Sam asked with the same voice as before.
"Sammy it's me" I said smiling, knowing this must be hard for Sam to see me again, and always, I've already been there and done that with Bobby.
"My brother is dead, so why won't you tell me what you are so I can kill you already and move on"
It's at this point that Bobby came into view, he gave a little 'told you so' look before he spoke.
"Sam, I already tested him, it's really him, Dean's back"
"That's not possible" Sam said simply.
"I didn't think so either until it happened, it's really me Sammy, I'm back. Look, I don't know who pulled me up, but I'm kind of determined to find out, so why don't you let me go, we could use you geeky brain to help us figure this one out" That's when Sam pulled the knife back and backed away.
I think I was expecting something, some questions, a hug, maybe some tears even, but Sam just turned his back to us and went back to the table to continue the stitches he was working on before we entered the room. Sam didn't even wince in pain when he pushed the needle into his skin in order to stitch himself up, it was almost like he was used to it, which was extremely unsettling. When Sam finished the job, without a word he went to his duffle bag and pulled out his laptop. He sat on this bed, opening the laptop in his lap and spoke in a voice that was so serious and low that it almost terrified me, almost.
"Ok, so if I'm going to figure out what did this I need to know all the information, so, what exactly do you remember" he asked, not looking up from his laptop, even for a second.
"Nothing much, I died, and then I woke up in the field where you buried me, completely unharmed" I said quietly, still in shock from the way my brother was acting.
Sam started typing things into the computer.
"Are you sure that's all you remember?" he asked.
"Yes" I answered simply, not really knowing how to handle the situation at hand.
"Alright, I will start a list of things powerful enough to pull someone up from hell. If that's all the information you have for me you are free to leave, I will do my best to figure this out" he said in the same, emotionless voice that sent chills up my spine. That's when I noticed the scar the guy was talking about, and realized why he was terrified by it. It was deep and long, stretching from Sam's right shoulder, down past his neck and ended right in the middle of his chest, which I was only able to see since he was still shirtless from stitching himself up.
I walked up to Sam and went to touch the scar, only to have Sam flinch away from the gesture and shuffle slightly away from me on the bed. I must admit I was stung slightly, but that was mostly overpowered by the pure confusion that hasn't left me since we entered the room.
"What happened to you while I was gone Sammy?" I asked concerned, besides that scar, Sam seemed to have acquired many more, and has probably had countless other injuries I could not see.
He finally looked up at me and I felt my heart stop for a moment. His eyes were completely blank and dark and showed no emotions what so ever, it was as though he didn't even recognise me and that was absolutely terrifying.
"What happened while you were gone doesn't matter anymore, it's in the past now" he stated as he looked back down at his laptop and continued his work.
I looked to Bobby who was now only a few steps behind me. I gestured towards the door with my head.
"Bobby, a word" I walked out the room and the older hunter quickly followed. I closed the door, after glancing at Sam once more, he was still doing his research quietly.
"What the hell Bobby" I said angrily, I'm not sure who I was angry at, Sam, Bobby, myself, or maybe just the world in general.
"I'm sorry to say I told you so son. Your death changed Sam, whether we like it or not"
"Well, I don't like it that's for sure, I mean, the guys is barely acting human, it's like he has no emotions at all, and Sam was always the most sensitive out of all of us. I just don't get it"
Bobby sighed
"I think he's just shut himself off, your death was obviously hard on him, and he found it easier to completely shut all his emotions out rather than have to deal with the pain that you're gone. Don't forget, when he died, you brought him back the next day, Sam couldn't. In the first week of him being gone I tracked down a crossroad demon and interrogated it, he told me how Sam has contacted many of them, trying to bust you out, but no one would deal, and he had to face that. The guilt and the shame, he feels like his failed you, especially since you went to hell in order to save him. And honestly Dean, I don't blame him."
"Bobby, I refuse to believe that this" I gestured towards the closed door, "this emotionless shell of a man is who my brother has become, I can help him, I'm back now, ill snap him out of it"
"I don't think it's just that simple Dean, the Sam we knew has been gone for months now"
"No, now I'm going to take care of my little brother now thank you very much"
I was furious, I refused to believe that this was the person my brother has become, and I was angry at Bobby for even suggesting it. This is just a faze, he will get over it and be my loving little brother again. I turned around, walked towards the door and opened it, only to find Sam franticly researching and sitting in the exact same position we left him. A few moments later Bobby entered the room too, standing a few steps behind me. When he noticed we've come back into the room he looked up from his laptop and stared at us with detached eyes.
"Since your still here I take it you going to stay." He threw me the keys to the impala and turned back to his work.
"The duffle bag with all your stuff is in the trunk, only one bed in this room so I suggest you and Bobby can go rent another"
At that point I've just about had enough with this imposter of a brother. I walked over the table, grabbing the chair that was neatly tucked under it and walked over to the bed where my brother was sitting against the headboard. I sat down and looked at him, straight into those cold eyes as a spoke.
"Sam. I want you to tell me exactly what happened while I was gone, I want to hear everything"
Sam looked at me as if I just grew a second head and tiled his head in confusion.
"What do you mean what happened, I've been hunting, that's about it" he reached over to the bedside table and got a small leather journal. "here" he said as he threw it at me, I caught it, "you can read about everything in my journal, but I'm going to need it back later on tonight, haven't had a chance to record this last hunt".
"Sam what the hell is going on with you?!" I said angrily "since when is hunting the only thing you care about, I mean, I just came out of hell for fuck sake! And you barely spared me a glance"
This is when Bobby left the room, probably sensing this was not a situation he wanted to be a part of.
"Look, I really don't think you understand. You died Dean, you were gone and I was left here, alone. After weeks of researching and finding nothing, hell, I even tried going to a crossroad demon and making a trade, no one would budge, I just gave up ok? I decide the best thing I can do is continue the Winchester legacy. Hunt every evil son of a bitch out there and kill it. So that's what I've been doing, I don't see what's wrong with that"
The way Sam spoke sent chills up my spine once again. Even confessing something as emotional as that his voice remained cold and hard.
"What's wrong with it is that your hardly my brother anymore Sam! I mean look at you, you've become an emotionless hunting machine!"
"Don't yell at me Dean, you have no idea what I've been through, none. I died for a day, you've been gone for 4 months, so you don't get to judge me… Just read the damn journal and then you can decide whether you want to stay or go off on your own" at that he turned back to his research.
I was still angry, but had enough sense to leave it at that for now. I took the journal and opened to the day after Bobby and Sam buried me. As I continued to read I was horrified at the information displayed in the book, in 4 moths Sam had managed to kill hundreds of creatures, some things that we have yet to encounter together, he hunted alone and was the one that came out alive at the end. He recorded all successful and unsuccessful hunts, though those where few and far between, along with the injuries he sustained during the hunt, information on the creature and how he killed it. It was almost like reading a bunch of short stories…. Extremely terrifying and gruesome stories. My heart sank as I realized how much he seemed to have targeted hellhounds and crossroads demons, I guess he wasn't completely emotionally detached after all.
I must say though, as much as what my brother had been through terrified me, I was slightly proud of the kid. He managed to kill more supernatural creatures by himself in these 4 months then we have been able to kill together since I came and got him from Stanford. He became strong, flawless in his hunting techniques, and smarter when it came to planning a hunt. But I proud as I was, I hated what he has become, Sam was supposed to be the warm one, the one that acted according to his morals and values and actually cared about his life. But now he was cold and reckless, and I could have sworn a few of those huts were practically suicide missions.
Sam had become dad, and that in itself was enough to scare the crap out of me.
A few hours later I finished reading the dreaded journal, geez he's been on a lot of hunts, and Sam has yet to move and was efficiently searching on his computer and writing things in the book in front of him. I stared for a few moments, taking in the terrifying, dark eyed man in front of me, the man that was a shell of what my little brother once was. When Sam sensed I was looking at him, he looked up from his research and straight into my eyes, I felt like he was quite literally staring into my soul.
"You done with that?" he asked simply, gesturing at his journal.
"Oh yeah" I said as I passed it back to him "here I'm done"
"Great" he stood up and sat at the table, opening up the small book he started to write in one of the empty pages.
Once finished he turned back to looked at me, where I have yet to move from my seat next to the bed.
"So, I have already found the next hunt I'm going on, a particularly nasty spirit in Santa Cruz, so I'm going to leave nice and early tomorrow morning. I suggest you go join Bobby and get some sleep, seems like you've had a long day."
"Tell me about it" I replied "But I'd actually rather stay here for the night, huh, can you blame me for wanting to spend a little time with my little brother after not seeing him for 4 months."
"Ok then, would you like me to fill you in on the hunt, that is, if you planning to join me"
"Yeah, you can fill me in on that later though, but for now, how're you feeling?" I asked, hoping to initiate one of those chick flick moments I'm always trying to avoid.
"What do you mean how I'm feeling?" Sam asked confused by the question, obviously no one has asked him that for a long time and that thought saddened me.
"Come on man, you're the one that usually good at this emotional talking stuff….." I was going to continue when Sam cut me off.
"Well not anymore. Hunting is all I am now, so you just need to learn to adjust to the new me, if you don't like it, no one is keeping you here, you can leave."
"No, I don't want to leave, I just want you to talk to me, I mean, I was in hell and when I come back, my brother is nowhere to be found, can you tell me where he is Sam?" I asked.
"Sam's dead. He died when….. When he couldn't find a way to save you" Sam's voice broke half way through the sentence. I didn't know what to feel, on one hand I was happy, this was the first sign of real emotion shown by him since I came back, I was just disappointed that emotions were shame and grief.
I walked over to my little brother and put my hand on his shoulder, feeling him stiffen slightly under the touch.
"Well, I'm back now, so do you think there's a way I could bring him back?"
"Honestly, I don't know, he's been gone for so long I've almost forgotten who he is. This is who I am now Dean, and if I let one emotion back in, that means letting them all in, and I don't think I can handle that" Sam said with a sigh.
"I guess we are just going to have to ease back into it then" I said with a cheerful and reassuring smile.
"Now, I'm exhausted, coming out of hell really takes it out of you. Goodnight bitch" I said walking out of the door.
"Jerk" I heard Sam saying quietly then I closed the door.
It was at that moment I knew that the little brother he once was, was still in there, he might be buried under thick layers of anger and sadness, but his still there. And I was determined I was going to get him back, I will save Sam, after all, it's always been my job.
So there it is! Hope you guys enjoyed that little one shot. The idea has been going around in my head for a while and I'm glad I was finally able to put it out there. Hoping to start posting more regularly now that school is finished for the year!
Please review!
-Mika xxx