DOCTOR WHO:
KEEP YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
(Author's Note: You Must View Dimensions In Time to understand this)
The Doctor wasn't sure which was more nightmarish, being trapped in a time loop in London's east end or reliving the experience in the company of a freakishly quaffed, smug self assured and common touched cretin seated next to him wearing 3D glasses.
The host gave the television audience he was commanding a stark choice, vote for Big Ron or Mandy to save his incarnations from the grip of the nefarious Rani.
The Doctor had already peered aside to the next day; the host would add a touch of self-deprecation to proceedings, saying that the choice had best be worth it to look this stupid.
The host was like some reject from a package holiday firm, incredibly downmarket and thoroughly slimy from head to toe. So much so that The Doctor envisioned him turning into a massive oil slick right on camera and causing unprecedented damage to the coastal shore lines.
Still, this far into this third incarnation, he knew he had better things to do with his time than dwell on whether or not this person was thick in either waistline, mind, or both.
As the session drew to a close, the host removed the 3D glasses and urged the Doctor to stay a bit longer so they could discuss the future; for The Doctor had let it slip to him that he had just travelled to the year 2010 and found this person was still on television.
"Well it's funny you mentioned GMTV earlier my dear chap, as in the very same year I travelled to earlier, that franchise has met its end. They have another breakfast show going on there now, and it isn't exactly fated to have much life in it either"
"Does that mean I outlast breakfast television?" said the host enthusiastically.
"If you can outlive Lorraine Kelly you might stand a chance" The Doctor said, trying to gently burst the ego of the man as softly as he could for the sake of allowing him to save some face with his rather lightweight audience.
As The Doctor motioned to depart Crinkly Bottom, the host asked him one last vital question.
"Does the party ever end?"
"My dear chap, all things must end, but so long as you keep your house in order, you can remain not just the life of any party you associate yourself with, you can be a bit of a lifeline for others too"
The host nodded.
"And for goodness sake, keep that pink blob of yours on a tight leash"
With that, The Doctor departed, all too knowledgeable of the insanity to come for the master of the house party as he tried to place his ego and the needs of others hand in hand, and wondered now if this all due to the advice he'd just given.