TITLE: "Mr. Mom" (1/8)

RATING: AA
CHARACTERS: Piper and the gang

SUMMARY: Keegan comes home

POV: Toby

FOLLOWS: Keegan

**1**

I had just finished putting Keegan down from his way too early feeding. By the time my head hit the pillow my alarm clock started ringing.

Not wanting to get up I tried to shut the damn thing off but it still continued to ring. Finally I picked it up and threw it across the room.

CJ stirred in bed beside me, "That's the fourth one you've broken in two weeks."

I rolled over onto my back, "It had an attitude problem."

CJ tried to stifle her giggle, "The alarm clock had an attitude problem?"

"Yep," I answered yawning. I fell back to sleep in seconds and then I felt CJ begin to jab me with her elbows.

"Toby get up."

"I'm sleeping."

"I know you are I can hear you snoring but you still have to get up."

"But I'm tired," I whined hoping she'd care. She didn't.

"Whose fault is that?"

I took a stab at it, "Keegans?"

CJ pushed my arm as if she stood a chance at removing my bulk from this nice and cozy bed. She made a game show's buzzer sound and said, "Wrong."

"Maybe I could call in sick? I do feel a cold coming on," I faked a cough twice.

"Nice try Toby but I don't think so."

"But I'm tired!"

"Then I guess you shouldn't have stayed out with the boys drinking and carrying on."

"For your information we had a business meeting," I lied.

"Yeah right. Since when does a business meeting take place in a strip joint with beers?"

I turned to face CJ, grinning uncontrollably, "How did you know about that?"

"I've got my sources," she teased.

"Donna," I whispered. "I knew Josh's telling her was a bad idea."

CJ pulled the blankets over her stealing some from me, "Hey I need some too. My toes are exposed and they are cold."

"I can fix that easily," CJ said throwing the covers back and climbing out of bed. I watched as she walked to the dresser and removed socks which she threw at me.

She then went into our closet and removed a dress shirt and pair of slacks. "I'll pick the tie out while you shower. I'm assuming you're okay with choosing your own underwear?"

"Has anyone mentioned to you lately that you can be very cruel? Here I was being nice and getting up with the baby so you could sleep and now for my good intentions you're forcing me to go to work."

"Don't give me that," my wife said dryly to me. "I want nothing more than to go back to work so stop your whining, get showered, get dressed and get out!"

CJ left the room and went into the bathroom and started the shower for me, "If you loved me there'd be hot coffee when I got out!" I shouted from where I still remained in bed.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see," she said smiling at me from the doorway.

I sat up and slowly swung my legs to the side of the bed. "What about Piper? Will you be feeding her before you throw her out too?"

I heard CJ titch from outside the bedroom door. I rose and walked out into the hallway where CJ was coming back from the baby's room.

"Piper isn't going with you. She's staying home with me."

"Ahh, how come she gets to stay home and I have to go work?"

CJ gave me a kiss on the forehead, "Because there isn't any sense in our putting her in daycare when I'm home." She gave me a swat on my backside.

I grumbled as I stepped into the shower. This being the adult sure did have its disadvantages. I screamed as soon as my foot hit the shower and it felt the cold water coming down. Leave it CJ to force me into a below temperature shower to prove a point.

**2**

It was almost noon when I decided to call CJ again for the fifth time. She answered on the fourth ring, "Hello."

"Hi honey. How are things?"

"About the same as they were a half hour ago when you called Toby."

"But you miss me more don't you?" I could picture CJ smiling on the other end.

"Of course I do. I take it you're not busy?"

"Nothing that I can't take care of. Hey here's an idea. How about I leave early and take you out for dinner?"

"Oh sweetie I'd love to but Piper's not feeling that well and Keegan is kind of cranky."

"So? They'll still be that way when we get back."

"I don't think so Toby. But I can make you a nice dinner that we can share after we put Piper to bed?"

I sighed, "I guess that will have to do."

"I read the paper this morning. I see they have Bruno still doing my job."

"Yeah, I was going to tell you about that."

"Bruno's the best you guys could come up with?"

"Actually he's the only one who Josh could blackmail into doing it," I teased.

"This sucks Toby. I should be up there with them. You know how the press hates a new face."

"I'm sorry CJ there isn't much I can do. It was Josh's call and he went with Bruno."

"And you named our son after that smurf."

"If I remember correctly you gave it your blessing."

"Yeah well I take it back."

"No you don't CJ. You're just mad because you want to come to work and you can't."

"Why can't I by the way? I thought we had agreed before the baby was due that we were going to get a nanny?"

"CJ we've been over this. I just don't trust anyone but us to take care of our children. Especially with Keegan being so young and Piper so-"

"So what Toby?"

"difficult at her age," I finished closing my eyes as I said it.

"Well I had a nanny and she was wonderful. I can't see why our children won't benefit from having one."

"Great you hire your nanny and I'll drive you to work myself."

"You know I can't do that Toby. She's blind now."

"Then I guess it's settled then. You stay home and play mommy while I rough it out at the office."

"As much as I'd like to argue more with you I can't. Keegan is crying I have to go."

"I love you."

"Yeah yeah," she replied and then hung up. I smiled into the receiver. I hadn't noticed that Abbey was sitting on my sofa until I glanced outside my door.

"Abbey," you startled me.

"Yeah I have that effect on people. Was that CJ?"

"Yeah. She had to go because Keegan was crying."

"You're looking for a nanny?" I stared at Abbey. "I wasn't eavesdropping Toby. I just happened to overhear while I was sitting here listening," Abbey replied holding her hands up.

"Well you're mistaken. We're not for looking for a nanny."

"No eh?" Abbey challenged.

"Okay CJ is. Why who do you know?" I asked afraid she was best friends with a Mary Poppins wannabe.

Abbey shook her head, "Not a soul Toby. But I do know this. Jed wants CJ back and he wanted her back yesterday."

More sighing from me as I sat there watching Abbey watching me back. "I don't know what to tell him Abbey. I suppose we could hire outside for the time being?"

"I tell you this as your friend Toby. Jed won't do that. He wants CJ."

"Well what am I supposed to do? Strap Keegan onto her back and stuff her pockets with diapers?"

"If I can find the most suitable person for the job of caring for your children will you give your blessing for CJ to return to work?"

"Abbey you're asking me to place my babies into the hands of a stranger. You of all people should know that isn't going to happen."

"Toby you know Jed and I love those kids as if they were our own. We would never stand for anyone to hurt them."

"I know. You're right."

"So will you trust me?"

My eyes wandered to my hands that were placed on my desk. I began rolling my thumbs over one another. I knew I had to answer and yet at the same time I was hoping Abbey would give up and leave.

"I'm not going to leave Toby. So you can keep waiting for it because it isn't going to happen."

Damn she was good. Finally I relented, "Alright. But on one condition?"

"Sure name it."

"CJ AND Piper both have to approve of who you choose."

"I think that is fair enough," Abbey got off the couch and came towards me with her hand stretched out. "Deal?"

I accepted her hand, "Deal." It was official. I had sold my soul to the devil.

***3:10 PM***

I was in the middle of writing a speech when I drifted off and began daydreaming. I was sitting here at work and CJ was down in the press office doing her thing. Of course in my story she was wearing a black silk teddy with stiletto heels and her hair piled onto her head with only a few loose strands. But hey this was my vision.

And then we received a call that the decrepit old nanny Abbey hired had drifted off with a cigarette in her hand and a fire broke out, leaving my kids all alone to fend for themselves.

Only Piper was too small to reach into Keegan's crib to get him out and now she was trapped in his room. She couldn't call 911 because she didn't have access to the phone and even if she did she was without the knowledge of who to call.

I ran with Superman abilities all the way to our home and just as I'm about to brave the flames and run in-I get woken back to reality with Sam knocking on my door.

"Toby? Earth to Toby?"

"There's a fire," I gasp jumping up.

"What? Where?" Sam follows me as I run from my office out into the bullpen. And then reality sinks in and I realize that my children are safe at home with CJ.

I turned back to Sam who wasn't more than two steps away from me. "The deal is off," I tell him before walking as fast as my legs could carry me down to the Oval Office. I bet if I look back Sam is still standing there trying to figure out what I'm talking about.

Charlie is sitting at his desk and Debbie is behind hers. Oh how I miss Mrs. Landingham right now. Even though I have come to love and adore Debbie, Mrs. L remains an important figure in my heart.

"Is he in?" I ask breathlessly before stopping at the door leading me to the President.

"He's with Leo right now but-"

I don't wait for him to finish. I burst into the office. "I'm sorry to interrupt Mr. President." I nod at Leo, "Leo."

"I could have been naked," Bartlet informs me.

I think my eyes pop out but because I can still see I'm relieved to know they didn't, "I beg your pardon?"

"I could have been naked in here you know. I mean for your sake you're lucky I'm not but I could have been. Didn't your mother ever teach you that it's rude to enter the Oval Office without knocking?"

I looked at Leo for help but he looked more confused then I did. "I'm sorry Sir. I guess I was taking the chance that you might be decent."

Bartlet nodded, "This time you were right. Next time you might not be so lucky."

"I pray to God Sir that should there be a next time I will be so lucky. And by the way Sir, thank you for that kind imagery you have so graciously given me." I licked my lips as I eyed the liquor sitting on a tray.

Bartlet followed my gaze, "I'd offer you some but for some strange reason I think you're too close a friend with Mr. Johnny Walker at this moment in time."

I shook my head and half laughed, "Sir I assure you I haven't had anything to drink besides coffee. And I'm not even sure what I drank could be correctly identified as coffee."

Bartlet tilted his head to the left, "Recite the alphabet without slurring and I'll forgive you for barging in here."

"Are you kidding me?"

Bartlet gave me a deadpan look, "Of course I am." He smiled and sat down behind his desk and picked up his reading glasses.

I released a sigh of relief and then he said, "Start at the beginning."