Chapter 1 – PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! :D
"James, get lost." I turned and stormed off down the corridor. I hated his guts. What an arrogant little git.
"Just ignore him." Mariana told me. "All boys are the same at this age."
She was partially right. But Severus was different... although he had changed. He used to be my best friend but he had recently gotten mixed up in the wrong crowd. Him and his friends like to call themselves 'Death-Eaters'. What a pathetic name for a club.
"Anyway, I have to go and meet up with Dillon. He's... waiting for me." Mariana waved and left. I appreciated her caution when she spoke to me. I was single and she wasn't – it was a touchy subject for me.
They were probably just about to go off and have sex in the broom cupboard as usual.
I suppose you want to know who I am if you don't already know.
My name is Lily Evans. I'm in my 6th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. My best friend is Mariana Ibbotson and she has a boyfriend called Dillon Gabble who is in Hufflepuff. My ex-best friend is Severus Snape. I have had a lot of boyfriends before but I have never been serious with them. I hate James Potter and his friends. I am quite popular and a lot of boys say they fancy me. Most people think I'm not a virgin, but I am. I personally think that sex before marriage is disgusting but when I say that people just think I'm covering up. If they only knew...
"Lily, hi." I heard Severus behind me. Good. I needed somebody to talk to about my problems and he was always there if I needed him. I turned to smile at him. My smile froze into a grimace as I saw his 'friends' hanging at his shoulders.
"Hello, Severus." I nodded curtly to him.
"Sev, how many times have we told you not to talk to mudbloods?" One of his friends guffawed.
I was used to them calling me this as they called it to me frequently. Without another word, I turned on my heels and made my way down the corridor. I heard speedy footsteps behind me.
"Wait, Lily." He caught me by the shoulder and turned me around. This time he was alone. Finally.
"What do you want, Severus?" I asked a little harshly.
"I wanted to talk to you about something." He looked down.
"Well, spit it out then."
"Yeah, Sev, spit it out." I heard Sirius Black, one of James' best friends say. I was not in the mood for them right now.
"Oh, he's turning red." Laughed James.
"Shut up." Severus said quietly.
"What was that?" James' expression suddenly hardened ad he walked towards Severus, clenching his wand tightly.
Severus looked up, "I said: Shut up."
"How dare you talk to him like that?" Sirius followed James.
"James, how many times have I told you to get lost?" I turned to face him, reaching for my own wand.
"Oh, hey, Evans. What you doing tonight? Not him I hope." Then he turned to Sirius, "Although I don't suppose he would mind." He then looked at Severus, "You wouldn't, would you, grease-head?" Him and Sirius sniggered.
"Don't call him that." My wand was out.
James stopped laughing, "Aw, come on, Lily, I was only having a laugh."
"Well it wasn't funny." I spat.
"Are you still talking to that mudblood, Sev? The Dark Lord won't be pleased." His friends had returned. Severus didn't say anything. Crabbe, one of his friends, started jeering at me, "You don't deserve to even be at this school. You're almost as bad as a bloody Squib! Stupid mudblood."
They all started laughing, even Severus joined in a little. He didn't look as though he wanted to, but I still flinched.
Then James did something unexpected. He dropped his bag and strode over to Severus and his friends, "Talk to her like that again and I will personally make sure you can't sit on your fat backsides until next Christmas, do you hear?" The look in his eyes was quite terrifying. His wand was pointing at them. They then made a very unwise decision.
"What? Oh look, the mudblood's got itself an admirer." They shoved James and although he looks skinny, I was surprised at how strong he was. He knocked back their hands and began hitting Crabbe over the head. Crabbe was a little bit taller than James was but you could safely say that James had the upper hand in the fight. They began rolling on the floor, swiping for the other's face.
A crowd had now formed and they began chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
Sirius ran and jumped on top of Severus who was attempting to push James off Crabbe. Severus fell back as Sirius took him out.
"Protego!" I shouted, pointing my wand at the fighting couples. They fell back, shocked by my shield charm.
"Get up, all of you!" I yelled. When they all looked up at me stupidly, I shouted again, "Now!" And just to make my point clear, I allowed sparks to shoot from my wand. They hurriedly stood up, "Come on, boys, let's go." Severus followed the rest of the 'Death-Eaters' down the corridor.
James panted towards me, his ruffled black hair sweeping across his sweaty forehead. I wasn't altogether sure how to react as I saw him look half hopefully at me. He looked as though he were about to say something when a group of 5th year girls surrounded and congratulated him on single-handedly beating up the 'Death-Eaters'. Sirius slouched against the wall and muttered to himself, "Well done, Sirius. Good fighting."
I watched how James tried to shake off the girls. That was odd; he usually lived off their praises. But his eyes were fixed on me. A few more girls added themselves to the fan-club and I'd had enough. I turned away and walked straight into Remus Lupin. "Sorry."
"It's fine." His voice cracked. I looked up and his eyes were shadowed with black circles.
"Are you alright?"
A hint of a smile played at one corner of his lips, "Is that James over there?"
I wondered vaguely why he hadn't answered my question, but I got distracted, "Yes. Somewhere in that crowd of girls..."
"Right, I should have known. Thanks, Lily." He walked past me, limping a little.
I risked a glance behind me to see James pushing his way through the girls towards Remus. Hmmph.
"Lily?" Mariana came around the corner hand in hand with Dillon.
"Hi Mari, Dillon. Are you both okay?" I tried to hide a smile. I'd been right about the broom cupboard thing. Dillon's tie was loose fitting and a few buttons weren't done up. Mariana's skirt was on lopsided and her lipstick was fairly smudged. I subtly wiped at my own mouth hoping she'd get the message.
"Oh, right." She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "I've got to go, Dill, see you soon." She craned her neck up to Dillon's mouth and they had a quick kiss before we headed back to the common room.
...
Back at the common room, I was sitting in my favourite chair while Mariana was cleaning herself up in the Gryffindor girl's toilets.
"Lily!" I heard somebody gasping deeply behind me. I looked at James who was squatting with his hands on his knees, "I – called – after – you – but – you..." He fell back onto the floor and breathed heavily.
"James?" I almost asked if he was alright but then I remembered that I hated him. But he just stuck up for you... but he was probably only doing that for an excuse to fight Severus... but he didn't fight Severus... I sighed, "Are you alright?"
He nodded, "Sorry – just ran up – 3 flights of – stairs." He stood up, a little shakily and walked towards me. Great.
"Where are your friends?" I raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
He sat in the chair opposite me and closed his eyes for a second before saying, "I wanted to talk to you alone."
"Come on, Lily, we'll be late for Divination. Oh. What's he doing here?" Mariana returned and then looked disgustedly at James. I hadn't told her about him sticking up for me, yet.
James looked at Mariana a bit annoyed, "This happens to be my common room."
"Was he bugging you, Lily?"
"No, it's fine. Well, let's go then." I got up and followed Mariana out of the portrait hole. What could James have possibly wanted to say to me? Usually he was being followed by his friends or some fan-club or other, but he was alone for once. I was brought out of my deep thoughts as Mariana tugged at my sleeve, "Where are you going, Lily? Divination is this way."
I realised I was heading in the complete opposite direction.
Unintentionally, of course.
...
Over the next few days, James was extremely nice to me. He even asked me to sit next to him in Potions. I usually sat next to Severus in Potions but I wasn't on speaking terms with him, so I did. I told myself that he was an idiot and I shouldn't be hanging around with him. He even asked me to eat lunch with him when Mariana was somewhere else... probably the broom cupboard. I hated myself for breaking my vows against James and his friends. But I found myself getting along with them all really well. Sirius was actually quite kinds and funny, Remus was a gentleman and James seemed to be all of the above. I wasn't too keen on Peter Pettigrew, though. I didn't like the way he followed them around, basking in their 'glory'. They were very good to him, however, but I didn't think he deserved it.
On one Sunday, it was very cold and wet outside and once again, Mariana had left for the broom cupboard. I hadn't told her about me becoming good friends with James. I suppose I'd just never gotten round to telling her. It was on this day that James requested I had a private word with him. I followed him up a few flights of stairs and we began walking. He was talking to me about lots of things but I could tell he was trying to put off telling me something for as long as possible. Then he stopped. He suddenly blocked me against the wall.
"James, what on earth -?" I began.
"Lily, listen. I don't know how long I've wanted to tell you this." He took a deep breath and looked at me with his dark brown eyes. "I – I... I don't know how to say it." His arms were pressed against the wall either side of me. I had no way of escaping... not that I was particularly looking for a way, however.
"Lily, look, I think... no, I know I do." I had never seen him so lost for words. It had to be something important.
"Lily, I love you." He said at last, his hands slipping down the wall. I was stunned into complete silence. I had stopped breathing. This wasn't happening. How could I? I was going against the very thing I'd swore not to do. I stared at him open mouthed.
"Now would probably be a convenient time to say something." He said.
I didn't know how to react.
I noticed there was nobody else on the corridor. Where were we? I looked into his eyes and he looked as though he could have melted. How did I feel? It was James Potter. Everybody loved James Potter. Everybody... except me.
Well, at least that's what I told myself.
I couldn't do this. I pushed past him and fled for the stairs. I heard him shout after me, "Lily, wait!"
I didn't stop running until I was safely in the Gryffindor common room.
I collapsed in the chair. I didn't understand what had just happened.
"Lily, are you alright?" I saw Remus sat at one of the tables. "Where's James?"
I didn't reply straight away as I was too out of breath. When I finally found my voice I said, "I don't know. He – he just told me he loved me."
"It's about time, too. He's been going on about telling you for months now." I turned and saw Sirius leaning casually against the armchair I was sat in.
"He has?" I asked.
Sirius nodded, "Yeah, he's fancied you for ages. Like years."
"Really?" I felt a mix of emotions well up inside me: Confusion, worry... love? No. Definitely not. Desire? Absolutely not.
Sirius nodded, "What did you say?"
"I – er – I didn't. I just ran as fast as I could." I replied, awkwardly.
Sirius laughed, "I told him you would."
Then the portrait hole opened. "Is Lily in here? I really need to talk to her." James' voice came from behind the armchair. Nobody said anything.
"Lily, is that you?"
I stood up, quickly and ran for the girl's dormitories.
"Wait!" I heard him shout. I ran past a group of girls in the year below. He ran up the stairs towards me.
Then, obviously, they disappeared and turned into a long stone slide. I stopped and turned to see the younger year giggling madly at James who was scrambling desperately up the slide. He was doing well, I had to admit. I'd never seen anybody make it as far as he had made it so far. He was almost at the top. The girls were still giggling and squealing merrily. They didn't breach his determination, however even though they were calling things like, "Ooh, you're going to fall!"
His hand grabbed the top of the staircase and I watched as his red face emerged, "Lily..." He whispered, straining. Then his foot must have slipped as he slid all the way back down to the bottom again. I turned into the dorm and threw myself on the bed. Why me? I heard the girls giggling again. He was still an arrogant git.
But then...
He risked the embarrassment of trying to get to me. We had become good friends... What if I did fancy him? I tried to picture us kissing. It was too weird. Then, I tried to picture somebody else kissing him. I liked that a lot less. In fact I hated it. Come on, Lily Evans, you know how you feel.
I knew I loved him back, but it felt too weird. I wasn't prepared for this just yet.
...
Over the next few days, James didn't speak to me. Not out of spite or anything, but just because he knew I wouldn't want to talk to him. He was quite right. He would smile at me if we caught each other's eye, but it was sad and wistful.
Then I heard somebody call my name. My heart dropped as I turned and saw Severus striding towards me. He wasn't alone, either. "Evans, listen, we can't be friends." His friends were smiling smugly behind him. The sun was hot and I was feeling rather irritable out in the courtyard.
I wasn't too happy but I didn't consider it a great loss as he never spoke to me anymore, anyway. "Fine, have it your way." I stalked away but they caught up with me. I could see James sat on the bench a little way away. He was looking down at his books.
"Wait, aren't you bothered?" His black eyes glinted.
I shrugged, "Why should I be? It's not like you've been incredibly friendly with me, anyway."
His expression hardened.
"Go on, tell her why, Sev. Tell her why you don't want to be friends anymore." Crabbe sneered.
Snape looked at me half-apologetically but then seeing no gleam of emotion in my eyes, he opened his mouth, "Because you're a – a mudblood."
I was vaguely aware that James' head had snapped up and he had closed his book.
"That's right." Goyle laughed.
"I'm glad we got that cleared up." I retorted. I'm not going to lie; it hurt when he said that to me. The word hadn't bothered me when it came from anybody else, but Severus was meant to be my friend. He used to be my best friend... I should have seen it coming.
"See, we told you it wouldn't be hard. Hey, where are you going, Evans?" Snape's friends were following me again.
"Get lost."
They started throwing pebbles and twigs at me. Then I heard a thud and a crack. I turned and saw James standing in front of the Death-Eaters. They had fallen over and had landed in a heap. He had his arm outstretched with his wand pointing at them all.
"What have I told you about calling her that?" I couldn't see his face. "Well? What did I say?" He shouted.
"Expelliarmus!" I saw a wand fly out of somebody's hand. Then one of them laughed at James.
"Your hair's a bit messy, isn't it?" What a ridiculous thing to say.
Then I heard James shout, "Calvorio!"
A few people gasped and some onlookers laughed.
"Yeah? Well, at least I have hair."
"Nice one, James."
Then the fan-club joined the scene. I walked towards the castle.
"Look, she's getting away. Levicorpus!"
I suddenly felt myself being dragged upside down. I screamed as my bag tumbled to the ground and all my books fell out. My skirt was slipping down. I quickly moved my hands up to stop it from revealing my underwear. It was horrible. A few Slytherins were egging whoever it was who just cast the spell on but most people were yelling angrily, "Let her down!"
The blood was rushing to my head and I felt myself dip in and out of consciousness.
"Put her down!" James was shouting. Then I blacked out.
...
I opened my eyes and saw a few people gathered around me. They were peering anxiously into my face. I sat up, feeling dizzy. I was in the hospital wing. Mariana, Dillon, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Eliza, Janet and Dorothy were stood around my bed. Where was James? Probably getting attacked by his fan-club again, I thought bitterly.
"Are you alright, Lily?" People were asking me.
"Yes, I'm fine." I hopped off the bed and told them I wanted to go back to the common room. I wanted to be alone. "Thanks for caring, but I've got to reply to my parents' letter now, so I'll see you all soon." I lied.
Mariana followed me, "Lily, what happened?"
"I don't really remember. I just remember being dragged up into the air and then James made somebody bald."
"Oh... he would have been a part of it, wouldn't he?"
"No, he stuck up for me." I replied.
"Do you want to be alone?" Mariana asked, kindly.
"If you wouldn't mind." I smiled.
"Don't worry about it, I'll see you around." Mariana waved.
I opened the portrait hole and saw James sat facing away from me, staring into the fire. He didn't even turn to see who had come in. I was going to just see if I could slip past him but he had just stuck up for me in front of everybody.
Then I spoke to him for the first time in about 2 months, "James?"
He whirled around, "Lily!" He stood up.
"Listen... I er – want to thank you for helping me. What exactly happened after I blacked out?"
"Well, I told them I'd do the cruciatus curse on them if they didn't put you down. So they finally let you down and you sort of landed funny. Then I took you to the hospital wing, but I didn't think you'd want to see me when you came around so I came up here."
"It's a good job that they believed you when you told them you'd do the cruciatus curse on them, isn't it?"
"But, the thing is, I actually was going to."
"Right..."
"No, really."
"But you would have been sent to Azkaban." I raised my eyebrows.
"I don't care. I would have done it for you. I would do anything for you."
My heart caught in my throat.
"Really?"
"Of course, I've already told you how I feel about you." He replied, with complete sincerity.
"Well... thank you, James." I meant it as well. It was then that I realised just how much I loved James Potter.
"Don't mention it." He faced the fire again. I crouched down beside him and draped a hand on his shoulder. He was a little startled at first, and he seemed unsure how to react. I leaned my face towards his cheek and left a small kiss there. Standing up, I walked towards the girls dormitories.
"Wait!" He grabbed my hand and twisted me around so I was staring at him face to face. "Remember what I told you?"
I nodded, blood rushing to my cheeks.
"Well, I still haven't changed my mind. Have you changed yours?" He asked hopefully. But I shook my head and his eyes dropped to look at his shoes. His hand pulled from mine but I didn't let it go.
"James, I haven't changed my mind at all. I knew from the moment you said you loved me that there was only you who I could ever love back. I was stupid and ran away because I was frightened. But I'm not frightened anymore." I pulled his head down towards mine and I paused before allowing our lips to meet.
His arms wrapped around my back and pulled me to his body. We kissed passionately for a good few minutes before Sirius and Remus showed through the door.
Then I heard Sirius say loudly, "It's about time."