Beauty and the Kyuubi

Okay, this is a SasuNaru, not a NaruSasu. Yes, Sasuke is seme and Naruto's uke. It works; trust me, so just read the story. ^_^ My school's doing 'Beauty and the Beast: The Musical' this year and I'm in it, so I have a copy of the script, so I can finally do this thing accurately…well, my way of accurate, meaning it'll only slightly resemble the original. Anyway, enjoy!

Once upon a tome in a faraway land, a young prince named Naruto lived in a shining castle. He was not spoiled, selfish, or unkind, as the false version of his story goes, but the most kind-hearted person in all the land, and only 15 years old! Anyway, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Saddened by her mournful plea, the prince gladly opens his doors and welcomes her, only to be tricked by the bitch and have a curse put on him. That old witch melted to reveal…well, Tsunade, so it's not very different. As the prince transformed she said, "Well, this'll be interesting," and proceeded to place a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

Ashamed of his adorable appearance (seeing as the only thing different about him is that he now has whisker marks on his cheeks, fuzzy fox ears and a tail), the 'Beast', or Kyuubi for the sake of the story, concealed himself inside his castle with a magic mirror that he mysteriously got from nowhere as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom for many…months. If he could learn to love another and earn, erm, his or her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not…he would be doomed to remain a Beast for all time and risk being molested by fan girls. As a year past, he fell into despair and lost all hope, even though he never left the castle to try and meet someone, for who could ever learn to love an adorable little uke like him? Um…well, okay, we all know that everyone would, but he is afraid of people and never leaves the castle.

Now let us look to this charming, provincial Japanese village. It is sunrise and the town is just starting to wake. A young boy named Uchiha Sasuke leaves his cottage that he shares with his only living family, his psychotic older brother, Itachi, and heads out into the now-bustling marketplace to break into song and dance!

"No way in hell," Sasuke says. What, you really though he'd sing? Ha! As if! This is Sasuke we're talking about. Anyway, the villagers all wish him good morning as he makes his way through the streets, just in time for his worst nightmare to enter the scene; a disgusting man named…Orochimaru, followed by his little man bit-I mean, henchman, Kabuto.

"You didn't miss a shot, Orochimaru. You're the greatest hunter in the whole world!" Kabuto says as he pranced around his master while holding a bag of seeds, seeing as Orochimaru didn't actually catch anything. Oh yeah, that'd happen.

"I know," Orochimaru says with his gigantic ego and false pride over his capture of...seeds, as he strikes a 'manly' pose.

"No beast alive stands a chance against you! Nor any ass for that matter." Yep, Orochimaru's a pedo, one that rapes Kabuto every night, not that it's really rape though. Kabuto want it.

"It's true, Kabuto, and I've got my sights set on that one," he says as he points to a very pissed Sasuke, who's heard every word of their conversation.

"The inventor's brother?"

"He's the lucky boy I'm going to fuck."

"But he's-"

"The most beautiful boy-" Sasuke, unable to take any more of this, simply goes over and punches his lights out, causing Kabuto to cry over his unconscious rapist, and simply walks away to go to the library and check out some books. About an hour later, Orochimaru regains consciousness and finds him. "Hello…Sasuke."

"Fuck off." Orochimaru grabs the book Sasuke's currently reading and looks at it.

"How can you read this? It's not porn."

"Well some people use their imagination!" Sasuke says. No, this does not fit the plot, but it's Belle's original line, and I couldn't come up with anything better, so it stays. So there.

"Sasuke, it's about time you got your head out of these books and paid attention to more important things." He strikes a 'so-called handsome' pose.

"Hint, hint!" Kabuto says from beside him, though is very hurt that his master is after someone else's ass.

"Like you? Fuck no! I have to get back and help my brother, so stay the hell away from me you pedo."

"That hot brother of yours? I'll do him, too!"

"Don't talk about me, or my brother, but mainly me, that way!" Orochimaru hits Kabuto on the head.

"Yeah, don't talk about him, or his brother, but mainly him that way!" Sasuke rolls his eyes and runs off while Kabuto distracts his master by pleading for forgiveness. He enters his house just in time to hear an explosion from the basement and goes down to see what it is.

"Itachi, shut up already with that stupid invention already!"

"Oh, I'll never get this bone-headed contraption to work," Itachi says in despair. Yep, he's emo…an emo with purple nail-polish.

"No, you won't, so just give up."

"Thank you for the encouragement, little brother! I was just beginning to doubt myself, too!" Itachi exclaims as he begins going back to work on his…whatever the hell. "So…did you have a good time in town today?"

"No, Itachi, I didn't get laid."

"Why not, you're 17 and you haven't even had your first kiss yet!"

"Because I'm not a slut like you."

"Hey, I'm not a slut, I'm in a committed relationship with the guy who I slept with first, and he's the only one I ever did!"

"Yes, and you guy's have been having sex since you were both 12."

"Twelve is a perfectly reasonable age to start doing it." (Totally not my excuse for the SasuNaru lemons I've written where Naruto's 12 and Sasuke 13!) "Besides, it's fun." Sasuke rolls his eyes, twice today so far, and sighs." Hey, my invention's working!"

"Is it?" Sasuke watches as the massive machine begins to shake violently until…ice-cream come out into a little cup. "You made…an ice-cream maker?"

"Yup!" Twitch, twitch. Welcome to Sasuke's pathetic life. "Now I know I'll win. And then, we'll get out of this town and travel to all those places you've read about in your books!" Itachi dances around before packing up his invention and leaving for the competition, only to get hopelessly lost in the woods. "Now let's see, is it this way…or this way…oh shit. Hey, a conveniently located castle! I'll just go there and ask for some directions!" So, Itachi runs inside the castle gates and enters the castle's doors. "Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me? ERECTION!"

"What, who is that? And why did he shout 'erection'?" an unknown voice asks. Another unseen figure sighs.

"Maybe he has one. So troublesome."

"He must've lost his way in the woods."

"Is anyone home?" Itachi asks.

"If we keep quiet maybe he'll go away and we won't have to deal with this," the apathetic voice says.

"I don't mean to intrude, but I'm lost and need a place to stay for the night," Itachi says in an overly seductive fashion.

"Poor fellow. Oh Shikamaru, have a heart, man. Yo, horny guy, you're welcome here, just stay away from my girlfriend!" the first voice says as he makes himself visible, revealing that he's a candelabra.

"Oh, is she an object too?" Itachi questions, completely un-phased by this whole situation of talking to a candle man.

"Yes."

"Then no problem. Now come on, you look frozen. Come, there' a fire in the next room. By the way, my name's Kiba," the candelabra says as he guide the visitor into the next room and into a chair by the roaring fire.

"O-Oh, we have c-company?" a feather duster asks as she peaks into the room.

"Well, who's this?" Itachi asks.

"That is my girlfriend," Kiba says threateningly.

"…oh…" To think that an Uchiha is slightly frightened by a guy with flames coming out of his head and hands.

"Coming through!" a teapot calls as he enters the room, followed by his lover, (no, not child, lover). "Would you like a nice spot of tea, sir? I can fetch you a cup if you'd like. It'd warm you up in no time!"

"Why can't I use the cup beside you?" Itachi questions.

"Oh, him? He's um…cracked." The cup turns to reveal a crack across his…'face', along with a napkin covering the bottom half of his…'face'.

"Yes, but so are you," Itachi remarks, referring to the chip across the teapot's…'nose'.

"Uh, um…" the teapot stalls. No way in hell he's letting this guy drink from his seme! However, another person entering the room releases him form the torment of creating excuses.

"There's a stranger here?" a small voice asks from the entrance to the room. Everyone turns to see their master standing half-way inside the doorway, is beautiful blue eyes full of hesitance.

"Ah, so you're the 'beast' are you, the ruler of this castle?" Itachi asks as he rises to his feet. Then might I introduce myself; I am Uchiha Itachi, at your service." He kneels before the blond prince. "Now then, would you be interested in dong it?"

…

"WHAT?!" Naruto screams as the visitor lunges at him, but is stopped by the other inhabitants of the castle.

"But he looks so damn fuckable with those cute ears! Please, just let me touch him! Just once, once and I'll leave!" Itachi cries as he's lead into the castle's dungeon.