Title: Hirsute Crushes.
Author: FloppyWandedDementorBuggerer
Rating: T (for language and such)
Pairings: None, really. Just fabrications of an awkward one.
Genre: Humor! Tee-hee
Warnings: non-slash, mentions of homosexuality.
Summary: Harry and Ron find the diary of a fellow student and try to figure out to whom it belongs. No slashes just a 'hirsute' crush. Homophobes beware. Prisoner of Azkaban year. ONE-SHOT.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter!
(^-_-)^ CHAPTER BEGINS ^(-_-^)
"Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry! Har-"
"WHAT?" Harry bellowed as Ron made it to the side of his bed slightly out of breath.
"I found a diary- in the library- and you have to read it! Oh, my- just read it!"
Ron looked so full of happiness and joy that Harry decided to humor him.
'Dear Diary, today in Care of Magical Creatures, Professor Hagrid looked so nice! He had the cutest coat on and the way his beard would shine in the light! Oh, my Merlin! I hope that after I graduate I can get a job here and see him every day He even looked right at me as he explained the Blast-Ended Skrewts' eating habits! I think it's love!'
"Oh… my… Merlin." Harry said after reading the last entry to the diary.
"I know! I can't believe this! It doesn't even have a name!" Ron said snatching it back and flipping through, "This person has some problems! I only read a few entries and apparently they have a fetish for 'hirsute people' and has already planned for their wedding."
"Wait… so is it a girl… or a boy…?" Harry asked hesitantly.
"It's either a boy or a girl who wants to wear a tux to her wedding. I just wanted to read more to- oh, shite. It's a boy." Ron said as he read a page from the diary with wide eyes.
"Seriously? What did they-"
"Let's just leave it as 'it's a boy', okay?" Ron said shutting the diary and setting it on Harry's bed. Harry decided that if they were going to find out who it was, he should go through it so they could, uh, properly return it. Or at least that's what he told himself. He stopped on a page that had his name on it and read aloud to Ron.
"'Dear Diary, I hate that Professor Hagrid only cares for that stupid Potter and his friends. I hate that. I remember when I had a detention with him second year and Harry was ruining the whole thing. I always pretend I hate him, I'm not sure why… I used to have a crush on Potter and I always hated him… maybe it's the same…' Ron… Who do you think it is?" Harry asked praying to every entity that it wasn't who he thought it was.
"Well, didn't… Malfoy get a detention with you his second year?" Ron asked.
Harry cursed and sighed, "Yes."
"So… this means…"
"MALFOY HAS A CRUSH ON HAGRID! OH, MY MERLIN!" Harry screamed completely forgetting the fact that Malfoy had a crush on him prior to this.
Ron and Harry began laughing and the book fell to the floor.
"Ron- Ron, how- how are we going to go to class tomorrow with a straight face- knowing this?" Harry asked trying to calm his laughing.
"I have no clue, mate. What if he's looking for this? We could totally use this against him."
"Blackmail? I don't know…" Harry said looking around as if he were already guilty of something.
"Come on! He's such a prat! Please?" Ron looked pleadingly into Harry's eyes, tears starting to form.
"Fine. But let's just let the fear of a lost item fester. I'm sure he'll notice its absence soon. Potions will be so fun tomorrow."
^(-_-^) PAGE BREAK (^-_-)^
'Where is it? Oh, Merlin, where is it?'
Draco Malfoy was searching so frantically for his diary. Why had he even thought of writing his most personal thoughts in a book for people to read? It was in fact a good way to release stress and remember things, and he had charms placed on it, which he forgot to reinforce after his last entry.
Oh, Merlin, my last entry! Me telling of my most personal crush! Damn it!
"Where is it?" He asked aloud as he ran his hand under his mattress.
Let's see… I had it in my bag when I was at lunch and then I went to the- the library!
"Draco? Where are you going?" Blaise asked rather amused, he'd been watching as he went through all his things and emptied his trunk.
"To the library." He said running out of the room.
^(-_-^) PAGE BREAK (^-_-)^
"Madam Prince! Have you seen a book around?"
"Oh, well I can't say I have." She said rudely, "What makes this book different from the hundreds here, Mr. Malfoy?"
"It's… a personal journal. I left it here a few hours ago."
"Ah, I can't say I have. And no one has turned anything in. But I will keep my eyes open." She said with a sad smile.
"You don't understand. Personal journal. If someone finds it- I'll go look around."
He ran to the spot he usually used and- no book. He looked through all the shelves and no book.
"Accio book!" He cried. No book.
'Fuck! Damn it all to bloody hell!' Was more of the less gruesome thoughts that came to his mind, 'someone has taken it! I know they have! Damn it!'
He was almost to tears when he finally reached the common room. Everyone became silent and watched as he looked them all over. Not a single twinge of wrong doing. He went on.
"Blaise. Have you seen… a journal?" Draco asked as he sat on his bed.
"No. Is that what you were looking for?" He asked.
"Yeah. My journal." Draco said as he began to shake from rage and realization of all the damned things he'd written in it and the possible people who could be reading said journal.
"Your journal? As in a diary?" Blaize asked with a uncharacteristic laugh.
"It's not a diary! I just write my personal thoughts in it."
"So… a diary."
"Irregardless, Blaise! It's lost and gone and anyone could have it!" He said his voice shaking.
"What did you write in it to make you this paranoid, Draco?" He said as he realized the intensity of it.
"Personal things… " Draco said.
"Come off it. Tell me."
"I may have a crush on a certain… professor." Draco said to the floor.
"What? Which one?"
"… Hagrid."
"WHAT? YOU- YOU HAVE A-"
"SHH! It's a secret! Shut up! It's a really big secret for someone to know! Merlin!"
"Ah, Leprechaun taint, Draco. Why didn't you charm it or something?" Blaise asked putting his had in his shoulder.
"I did! But I had to take them off to write in it." He said quietly, "I left in such a rush and- now it's gone."
"So we must find it. I'll start the interrogations."
"No. We mustn't let anyone know. If it's someone cunning, they'll use it as blackmail. I really hope it doesn't get to that though."
^(-_-^) PAGE BREAK (^-_-)^
*Next day in Care of Magical Creatures.*
"All righ' class. Today we're gunna look at some unicorns. Can anyone tell me…"
Draco gazed up into the large black eyes of Hagrid not taking in a word of what he was teaching.
"Draco. You need to pay attention." Blaise said nudging him slightly, completely annoyed (Repulsed? Confused? Jealous?) by his friends… crush.
"Shh! He is talking, Blaise!" Malfoy whispered. When his eyes went back to the front he saw Harry Potter and Ron Wealsey standing off.
'Of course they aren't getting in trouble! They're friends with Hagrid!' Draco thought angrily. With further examintation of two-thirds of the Golden Trio, he saw that Harry had a book under his arm, a black journal-
"Blaise… Blais- the- Potter- he had my journal!" Draco hissed to Blaise.
"What? Oh- Oh, snap-"
"Yeah! Come on! I need to go get it! Now!" Draco whispered.
Draco walked through the throng of students to where Potter and Weasel-butt were standing.
"Potter-"
"Looking for this?" Harry asked holding up the diary, "Really cute Malfoy. Really cute."
"G-give it back! I demand you, Potter!"
Now the entire class was watching, even Hagrid stopped teaching to watch, since no one was listening anyways.
"Why should I? I should tell the whole school." Harry said with a smirk, "Dear Diary…"
"I never wrote 'Dear Diary'!" Draco seethed, "Give it back!"
"What do you have to hide, Draco?" Pansy Parkinson asked.
"N-nothing. It's mine and I want it back! Now!" Draco screamed almost in tears.
"Read it! Read it! Read it!" Everyone began shouting.
"No." Harry said over everyone, "Read it for yourself."
Harry threw the book to the group of students and laughed as they all groped for it. Those twisted freaks.
"No!" Malfoy screamed, "Potter, you will rue this! You will wish you were-"
"Here." Harry said, handing Malfoy the actual diary, "No matter how much of a prat you are… I could never do that."
"T-thanks, Potter."
"But this doesn't mean I like you!" Harry said quickly holding his hands up, "But Hagrid gets lonely in his hut, if you know what I mean."
^(-_-^) END (^-_-)^