Hi. Quick Notes: The title of this fic is subject to change. I'll tell you the chapter before if it will be changing.
Sorry about the XXX's – it wouldn't let me put double spaces.
Reviews are welcomed and highly appreciated.
Chele xx
Disclaimer: All characters (apart from OC's) are property of JK Rowling. I am making no money.
Chapter One
Into Hiding
31st October 1981
"I believe I have already answered that question." Albus Dumbledore sighed, leaning back in his chair and placing the tips of his fingers together. Sirius had found himself in the very same seat many a time during his school years, being stared at in the exact way Dumbledore looked at him now. Bright blue eyes piercing through him, almost like they were really staring at the wall behind him. Sirius ran a hand through his hair, his fringe flopping back down over his eyes almost instantly.
"But, I still don't understand." He exclaimed finally. "Surely it's the best place?"
"Mr. Black" Dumbledore began in an exasperated tone.
"Sirius!" Sirius cut in.
"Alright, Sirius." Dumbledore corrected. "The Potters are trying to raise their son. It is enough that they now much live in hiding. They do not need one more person Voldemort is looking for under their roof."
"James'dwanmethere." Sirius replied quickly under his breath. Dumbledore leant forward, placing his arms on the desk between them.
"We all agreed," Dumbledore continued, speaking slowly to make sure every word counted. "that this was the best cause of action. You would become secret keeper, and then disappear."
"But if I was living with them, I would have disappeared!" Sirius argued.
"Mr. Black!" Dumbledore retorted angrily, his eyes flashing dark blue, leaving Sirius no chance to try to make the headmaster call him by his given name. "You agreed to this. You did it for your best friend and his family. If you will not hold up to your word, maybe it is best the charm is broken and performed by someone else, and you will have no choice but to leave your friends forever."
Sirius sat in pained silence, his breaking almost ragged.
"You wouldn't?" He breathed quietly.
"Believe me, I would. I will do whatever if best to keep the Potters from harm. How long would it be before you'd decide you needed a stroll? Left the house and were caught by Death Eaters waiting for someone slip up?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and finally, after two and a half hours, Sirius sat defeated. He'd never been good at being cooped up. His exploits at Hogwarts had proved that. He nodded somberly, rising from the hard-backed chair in front of Dumbledore's desk.
"May I at least go and see them before I leave?"
"I would expect nothing less. I hope I hear nothing of you for a long time, Sirius."
Sirius nodded and smiled lopsidedly. He supposed that was a compliment, or maybe a warning, maybe it was an expression of luck, he wasn't entirely sure, but he also hoped he wouldn't see the headmaster for a very long time. Sirius walked to the door and opened it, stepping from the office before the headmaster's voice brought him back once more.
"Sirius." He stuck his head around the door and looked at Albus Dumbledore. "I trust I am the only person you divulged the information to about the Potter's whereabouts?"
"Yes Headmaster."
"Thank you. I will be visiting the Potters at first light. I expect you to be gone."
Sirius nodded.
"Yes Headmaster. I believe I will be long gone, not to be heard from again."
"Hopefully not never again." Sirius shrugged, and disappeared down the stone stairs, the door closing behind him with a soft click.
XXXXXXXX
Appearing from behind the stone Gargoyle, Sirius wrapped his cloak tightly around himself. The smell of pumpkin pie wafted all the way from the kitchens and into Sirius's nostrils. He savoured the smell. Maybe he'd pop down to the kitchens before he left, get some food for the road. He remembered the Hogwarts House Elf cooking, the chicken that was always cooked perfectly, not too dry, the potatoes that was always roasted so the outside had that slight greasy crunch to them, just the way he liked them, the sandwiches the elves made for you if you snuck into the kitchens late at night. Sirius ran a hand over his face, his jaw stubbly from days going to and fro, back and forth, here and there. Slipping into his thoughts, Sirius padded along the corridors of Hogwarts like second nature, not even thinking of where he was going until he had to swerve to miss collision with a black mass who looked up and glared angrily at him.
"Black!"
"Snivellus!" Sirius snarled, looking into the cold black eyes of Severus Snape. Snape visibly stiffened at the use of his nickname, his hand clenching in his pocket around what Sirius was sure was his wand.
"What are you doing here?" Snape sneered.
"I've decided I didn't take in enough my first time around here. I'm one of the new first years." Sirius replied sarcastically.
"Don't insult my intelligence, Black."
"That would assume you had some."
"You did not answer my question." Snape glared coldly at him.
"I owe you nothing, Snape." Sirius shot back. Snape's eyes flashed angrily, and his mouth curved into a snarling smile.
"Oh really? I seem to remember I have certain information about your friend Lupin. In these… troubled times; that could be quite damaging." Sirius couldn't stop the flash of fear that shot across his face. Snape had obviously seen it, for his smirk widened sickeningly.
"I came to speak with Dumbledore. I'm leaving now." Sirius replied quickly, glancing around the hallway. "Excuse me." Snape stepped to the side, and held out an arm mockingly granting Sirius passage.
"With pleasure."
Without looking back, and hating himself for backing down to Severus Snape, of all people, he stalked off down the halls, making his way down three flights of stairs and through the entrance hall. In fact, he didn't look around him at all, until he was pulling open the oak doors into the cold night air. Students piled happily into the Great Hall, laughing and talking, blissfully ignorant to what was happening in the outside world, at least for tonight. They had their feast to attend, their delicious food to eat, nothing to worry about in this castle except classes and Quidditch. Sirius rubbed his temples again, and stepped out into the cold October night air.
He walked briskly down the sloping lawns toward the winged boars that flanked the entrance to the grounds. Before passing, he took one last look at Hogwarts, etched the image in his brain, and walked through the gates, Apparating instantly.
XXXXXX
"James! James, don't let him eat those. His dinner's almost ready!" Sirius watched through the small window for a moment, as Lily walked into the room and scooped up little Harry in her arms. James sat cross-legged on the floor, scowling up at his wife.
"Come on Lil', it's Halloween!"
"It could be Christmas for all I care. I want him to eat something healthy." Sirius grinned through the foggy window, his hand clasping tightly around the bag of sweets he'd bought on his way here for the youngest Potter. Amused, he shook his head and stepped over to the door, knocking in the way he'd arranged with James, Lily and Dumbledore.
"Pads!" He heard James exclaim happily. He heard the soft padding towards the door and beamed warmly as it opened, his best friend's face grinning happily back at him.
"Hey." Sirius grinned, raising an eyebrow. "You in trouble again?"
"It's Halloween, he should be allowed sweets." James grumbled.
"To the point he's sick, I agree. Hence why I bring gifts." He held out the bag and handed it to James. Taking a fugitive look inside, James grinned wickedly and quickly hid the bag from sight as Lily came into the hallway, carrying a grumpy looking Harry.
"What's this I hear about gifts?" She asked, looking suspiciously at the two grinning men. James tried to look innocent, but never being that good at it, Lily looked at the arm bent around his back and raised an eyebrow.
If it were anyone else, James would have claimed innocence until he was blue in the face, but under Lily's suspicious glare, he grumpily showed her the bag.
"I'd expect nothing less, Sirius." She scowled teasingly, turning back towards the kitchen. "Close the door, would you. You're letting the heat out."
Sirius closed the door behind him, following her into the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. As if in reflex, Lily returned to him, and placed Harry in his lap. Sirius wrapped a tight hold around his Godson and pulled a face for him. Harry giggled happily, and began trying to pull himself to standing in Sirius's lap by tugging on his shirt. Lifting the small boy to standing, Sirius put his forehead against Harry's and pretended to try to lick the boy's face. Harry laughed, and batted Sirius hard around the nose.
"Ow! Rough little bugger, isn't he?" He said cheerfully, looking at James, who seemed to have disposed of the sweets for the time being, and was ambling into the kitchen.
"Talented too." James replied happily. "Got a hold of my wand yesterday. Set fire to the carpet!"
"I told you not to leave it lying around!" Lily scolded, but from the loving look she threw in Harry's direction, Sirius could tell she was bursting with as much pride as James was.
James took a seat opposite Sirius, and leaned forward onto the table.
"So, what news of the outside world?"
Lily looked ready to tell James he should be asking, but Sirius assumed her curiosity got the better of her, and she continued stirring a pan silently.
"Still no news of Remus." Sirius answered somberly, sitting Harry back in his lap. "That's three weeks now, James. I think we have to admit it."
"NO!" James snapped, causing Harry to look around in alarm and begin to sob. Sirius leaned over the boy, kissed the top of his head and began rocking him slowly back and forth.
"James…"
"I refuse to believe it, Sirius!" James's eyes were darker than Sirius had seen them in a long time. "Remus would never go over."
"He always had a fascination for the Dark Arts, James." Sirius argued calmly. "What he is… there are better offers for him there."
"He only studied the Dark Arts to fight them! No one could give Remus anything that would make him turn." His angry tone flattened and he continued evenly. "He's no more a Death Eater than you or I."
"I just wish I could trust that, James." Sirius replied sadly. Lily was now busying herself with something in the oven, but Sirius knew she was listening to every word. "Dumbledore knows there's a spy." James snorted.
"Dumbledore hired him!" He spat. "Snape's holed up in that castle."
"James." Lily cut in quietly before Sirius had time to respond. "Please, let's not get into this again." She turned to him, her large green almond eyes softening her husband.
"I know. I'm sorry." He shrugged.
"Can we not talk about this? It's my last night here."
"Good point. I suggest we drink!"
"I suggest you don't. You don't want to wake up tomorrow and not remember all this." Lily laughed, taking what Sirius smelled was a roast lamb joint with roast potatoes to match out of the oven, and placing it on the side. "I hope you're hungry, Sirius."
"When am I not?"
XXXXXX
When all the food had been eaten, when Harry had made a good deal of mess with his own, and when they were all so contented, that even Lily wasn't complaining that Sirius had slipped Harry enough treats to make a seven year old hyperactive, they settled in the living room in front of a roaring fire. Lily sat in an armchair, Harry finally beginning to drift off to sleep in her arms, Sirius and James sitting on the floor, legs splayed, arms leant back like they were lazing on the grass on a sunny afternoon. For a long time, nobody spoke. Each lost in their own thoughts, enjoying the spreading comfortable silence that they would never enjoy again.
Sirius shifted his arms, cramp beginning to set in. Laying flat out, he folded his arms under his head and stared at the ceiling. James looked over at him.
"It'll be over soon, Pads. The entire Order are working tirelessly. You'll be back before you know it." Sirius breathed deeply and closed his eyes.
"I'm going to miss him growing up." Sirius sighed.
"You won't." James reassured him. "I wouldn't let you."
Sirius shook his head, his thoughts swimming around in his mind.
"It's not like you have a lot of choice in this James. You're here until he's destroyed. It could be years."
James fell into contemplative silence as Lily stood, Harry in her arms.
"I'm going to put him to bed. He's spark out."
James smiled and nodded, kissing the tips of his fingers and pressing them softly to Harry's head. A year ago, Sirius would have found this type of gentle, instinctive affection odd. James had been such a clumsy father when Harry was born. Always nervous when holding him, so scared he'd hurt the tiny baby he still couldn't believe was his. Lily, of course, had been a natural. Sirius had known that since they first told him they were expecting, but James. Maybe it was the adventure of their time at Hogwarts, maybe it was that he'd been almost inseparable from James for over ten years, but Sirius would always see James as the arrogant sixteen year old, ruffling his hair and carrying around a battered Snitch to look cool to the girls in their year. The year of hiding had obviously changed his best friend. He was more docile, quieter. He knew the real dangers that lay out there, and maybe it was that those dangers were directed at his son, and not himself, but he had definitely calmed down significantly since his Hogwarts years.
Sirius got to his feet and stepped over James' legs to Lily, smiling down at the sleeping boy in her arms. He felt the tears building behind his eyes, looking down at the miniature James, so alike in every way except his eyes. He'd not be at Harry's next birthday, or maybe even, the few after that. Stroking Harry's jet black hair that was already as unruly as his fathers, he kissed his forehead and rested his cheek against it for a moment.
"Be a terror, kid!" He told him softly. Above, Lily smirked softly. Sirius stood up straight and smiled tearfully at Lily who nodded sympathetically. She stared at Sirius for a moment, her eyes scanning his, before she smiled slightly and swept past him, the soft thumps of footfalls as she climbed the stairs, taking Sirius's last view of his godson with her. Sirius collapsed back into the couch, rubbing his eyes clumsily with one hand.
James, who'd never really been a sure thing when it came to emotional scenes, looked away nervously. For god's sake, it'd taken the man three years just to get Lily to go on a date with him, and even then there were a few times even Sirius thought it wouldn't happen. As it turned out, Lily had liked his slightly clumsy approach to dating. Sure, he was arrogant sometimes, and incredibly talented, but having liked her for so long, James had something huge to lose, and it showed. Lily told Sirius at their wedding that it was one of the things she fell for about him. That he obviously loved her so much that his arrogance faded with her, he became himself.
Sirius smiled softly to himself. For all his affection to his wife and son, his attitude to his friends hadn't changed. Blindly loyal, but anything to avoid an emotional scene. Sirius wondered how James would handle it is Moony was unveiled as the spy they'd suspected him of being. Sirius hoped he'd never have to see that day. In the current state, it was likely that he wouldn't, if it did happen. He was sure that the disappointment in James' eyes would be a million times worse than the disappointment in Dumbledore's eyes Sirius hated so much. He couldn't protect James from everyone, most of all his friend's disloyalties. But he could protect him from Voldemort. He could protect Lily and Harry from Voldemort, and he steeled himself with that thought. It was the best thing his life could bring him, that the Potters would all be safe.
"He should be ok 'til morning." Lily announced as she reappeared at the doorway. James nodded, happy of the distraction.
"I should be going." Sirius replied quietly.
"You don't have to!" James replied quickly, sitting up straight.
"I do actually. Dumbledore thought it best I travel muggle fashion. I have a flight leaving in a couple of hours."
"Where are you going?"
"James…" Sirius begged.
"Please, Sirius!"
"I'm flying to America. I'll go somewhere else once I'm there, but I won't book a flight until I get there." Sirius explained, his voice cracking slightly.
Lily rushed to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, his arm pressed into her body. He gripped her arm with both of his, unable to stop the tear from slipping from his eye and creeping down his cheek. James didn't look away. Sirius turned his head to Lily's and nodded slowly to her. She swallowed back a sob and looked at him with sad eyes.
"I'll miss you. Harry will miss you!" She muttered.
"I bloody well hope so." He choked a laugh, and she hugged him even tighter.
Standing, Sirius wrapped both his arms around Lily and hugged her tightly, letting her fold into him in a way he knew James would only let Lily do to him. Finally, she drew back, and cupped Sirius's face in her soft slender hands.
"I'd better see you again." She stated kindly. "But for now, I'm going to let you boys have your moment." Before Sirius could say anything, she swept from the room, and Sirius was sure he could hear a sob as she disappeared into the kitchen.
Sirius and James stared at each other for a minute, tears now pouring down Sirius's face. James stood and clenching his face, he stepped towards Sirius.
"It'll be ok." He stated roughly. "It'll all be ok in the end." Sirius nodded.
"Maybe if Peter had… maybe I could have stayed. Been here for Harry and Lily, been here for you."
James shook his head.
"It had to be you Pads. We both know it." Sirius nodded again. "Promise you'll stay safe. I want Harry to have someone to teach him the best things about Hogwarts." He grinned. "Morally, I can't. I'm his father. I'm not meant to condone that sort of thing." He made his best serious face that made Sirius laugh wetly.
"You too."
"Not a lot of trouble I can get into here." James grumbled. Sirius looked away.
"I should go." James nodded, and wrapped his arms around Sirius, pulling him into an almost bone crushing hug. Sirius replied it with equal force, holding tight to his best friend. Backing away almost sheepishly a few minutes later, Sirius smiled sadly and walked quickly to the door, opening it and stepping out into the cold night air before James could stop him. He knew he'd be crying full pelt any minute and he couldn't stand to do that in front of James. He had to stay strong for them.
Closing the door, he stayed on the path for a moment, looking back at the house, staring through the window, watching Lily came back into the living room and hugging her husband as he began crying onto her shoulder, his shoulders shaking for the loss of his friend he had seen almost every day since they were eleven. Sirius choked back a sob.
There was no crying for the Potters now. Once he was beyond that gate, there was to be no more crying. He would probably think about them every day until he was able to see them again, but until that day arrived, the Potters no longer existed. He was the Secret Keeper, and what better way to keep a secret, than to try to forget it.