This was something that I never saw coming. I thought that my life would consist of me raising my two children alone. Yes, two children. I never saw a third coming, and this was something that Derek and I wanted together. As usual the higher power in my life had something different in mind.

One week after Derek's Funeral

Even though a week ago, I buried my husband life needs to go on, and one of the things that humans need to survive is food. That was something that we were running low on in the last week, so at 12 am I decided to run to the store, leaving the children with Derek's sister, who has been staying with us since the funeral.

As I was walking down the aisles of the store I was just throwing random things in my cart, just so we would have food. This week has no doubt been the hardest week of my life, and its all been a blur. I've had every emotion under the moon, all except for happiness, and that I felt like would never happen again.

I finally got to the beauty aisles, where I remembered I needed shampoo and conditioner and all of the bath stuff for the kids. After grabbing what I needed I ended up in the aisle with the tampons, and that's when it hit me.

I couldn't remember my last period.

So, I checked my calendar on my phone, and that's when my jaw dropped.

I was almost two weeks late.

Okay, this could just be stress, right? I mean I feel like by now I would know if I was pregnant.

As I strolled down the aisle I ended up at the pregnancy tests, and I couldn't help but stare at them.

I couldn't bring myself to pick one up, I was so scared. This is something that I wanted to experience with my husband, not as a widow. A widow. That was the first time I referred to myself as that, a widow.

Without another thought I picked up the test and threw it in the cart in anger. I went to check out and all I could think about on the way home was the feeling of being a widow, being alone.

Now as I was all alone in my bathroom I read the directions on the box. It takes two minutes, and in those two minutes my life will change. I will either laugh at myself for worrying so much, or, or I don't know what I would think.

Finally, I just decided to do it.

Those two minutes took forever, and I mean forever. I made a mental note to in the future if I can't think of something for a clinical trial to make a faster at home pregnancy test.

Finally, two minutes, and now it was time. With a deep nervous breath, I turned over the test.

Oh, my God.

Positive.

With that I cried a bit, and now I know the feeling. This feeling is happiness mixed with guilt. I feel guilty for Derek not being here and getting to see this baby.

"Mer, don't feel guilty. "I froze. Someone is behind me, but this embrace was a strange, familiar feeling. It was warm, and smelled like… smelled like Derek?

I turned around and there he was, standing in front of me with his face no more than two inches from mine.

Well, I guess me, Meredith Grey does get scared.