It was a warm late Friday night in Piedmont California. Dipper and Mabel were getting ready for bed. Mabel in particular was very excited. Earlier in the day, she and Dipper had a bet to see who could eat the most cupcakes in one minute. The loser had to read to the winner a story of their choice. Dipper had barley eaten his first cupcake as Mabel had already finished over half the box when the minute was up. As the obvious winner, she raced into bed with the story she planned to have Dipper tell her in hand.
"Okay then, like you've been reminding me since this morning, I have to tell you a story of your choice right" Dipper said.
"Yes, and here it is" said Mabel handing him the book.
Dipper sighed. "Seriously Mabel this again" he said.
"Oh come on you used to love it when mom told us fairy tales" she said.
"Yeah but we were kids then. Now these stories are just disturbing" replied Dipper.
"How are they disturbing" Mabel said.
"Well, the wolf eats the first 2 pigs and then the 3rd one eats the wolf, Humpty Dumpty is just sad, Goldilocks is a burglar, what kind of princess needs a hundred mattresses to sleep on and why did Little Red Riding Hood walk to her grandma's house alone? What did friends not exist back then" Dipper said.
"Geez you'd make a great critic you know. But come on Dipper I won fair and square so now you have to read me a fairy tale" Mabel said.
"Uh fine. But just for the record, I never wanted to" he said.
Dipper flipped through the stories to find which one to tell. He really did not want to but he had no choice. Then an idea struck him. A way to make the night enjoyable for him too. Mabel never said that the fairy tale had to be exactly as it was written in the book. He gets a great idea.
"You don't mind if I change things up a bit. You know, add something fresh to this century old tale," he asked.
"Uh, no. But keep the plot the same," Mabel demanded.
"Okay then. Your gonna love this story Mabel. You ready" he asked.
Mabel nodded her head.
"Okay then."
(Story starts with Dipper narration)
Once upon a time a little girl by the name of Mabel Pines went for a walk through the woods.
(Story break)
"Hang on a second? Why am I in the story," Mabel asked.
"You'll see. Now let me tell it," Dipper replied.
(Back to story)
Mabel was wearing her favourite red sweater as she walked through the woods carrying a basket full of treats. She was on her way to see her great uncle Stan at his run-down tourist trap in the woods. He was not feeling well so her mother thought he might like some of her soup to make him feel better.
Mabel skipped along in the woods on her way to the shack. The birds chirped and she was happy. But she was not alone. She was being watched and followed. Mabel turned around to see who was behind her. There hiding behind a tree, was-
(break story)
"Bill right. You know cause he's a poop head and all like the big bad wolf," Mabel said interrupting.
"Well, I was going to say Gideon but I like your idea better" said Dipper.
"Where was I? Oh yes."
(back to story)
Mabel turned around to see who was behind her. There hiding behind a tree, was a big bad Bill Cipher. Mabel looked at him nervously as he floated up to her.
"Well hey there shooting star. Fancy seeing you in this neck of the woods. How's the old pig of yours doing," he said.
"What do you want blood breath," Mabel asked.
"Well I happened to notice your carrying a basket of garlic bread through he woods. You don't mind if I have a bit, do you?"
"What no way. Get your own. This is for my Grunkle Stan. He's sick and I'm delivering this basket to him. Not you. Now if you excuse me, I have to get going. See you loser," Mabel said as she continued on her way.
"Hmm. Looks like if I want those onion rings, I'm gonna have to get sneaky," Bill said as he disappeared.
(Break story)
"Well, I did not see that coming," said Mabel.
"Oh just you wait. I'm only getting started," replied Dipper.
(return to story)
Mabel skipped along her way through the woods. Soon she neared a clearing with a field full of flowers.
"Oh, Grunkle Stan may want some flowers too. I'll pick him some," she said.
(break story)
"Hang on, I thought Grunkle Stan hated flowers" Mabel said.
"I know but in order for this part of the story to work, he has to like flowers" said Dipper.
"So, your breaking character to tell a story huh," Mabel said.
"Mabel please, this is effectively a fanfic. Those things break character all the time. Have you seen what they do to us" said Dipper.
Mabel quivered in fear, "Don't remind me. Why'd they have to ruin tacos for me," she said.
(Author ponders his life choices and why he made the characters self aware)
*Dipper and Mabel look up*
"Okay. Well, anyways carry on" she said.
"Where was I" said Dipper.
(Return to story)
Mabel puts her basket down next to a tree and runs off into the field to pick some flowers. Little did she know, behind a tree, Big bad old Bill was watching.
"Now's my chance" he said. "If I crawl over to the basket, shooting star won't notice me. Then I can finally eat those chocolate muffins."
Bill laughed in his weird evil way as he got down on his legs and crawled slowly towards the basket. He's careful to not make a noise. Otherwise Mabel might notice.
He's nearly at the basket when all of a sudden, a little butterfly lands on his bowtie.
"Get off me butterfly" Bill yelled. But it was too late. The butterfly crawled up next to his eye and….
"ahh, ahh, ahh choooo."
Bill sneezed so loud that the butterfly flew off. Good for him in that case, but he had also now blown his cover. Mabel who is picking the last of her flowers looked up at the direction of where she heard the sneeze. She sees to her shock, Bill laying on the ground not too far away from her basket.
"Shooting Star. It…. It's not what you think" he said.
"Oh really Bill. Because I think you were trying to steal my basket weren't you" she yelled.
"No. I was just, uh, watching it to stop this, other triangle guy from stealing it. Yeah! He was blue and had a weird name that started with a W. I think his name was Will" he said.
(break story)
"Will? What kind of stupid name is that," said Mabel.
"I assume he's the opposite of Bill. Sad, pathetic, and something a follower of his would ship themselves with," said Dipper.
"People are so weird," said Mabel.
"Yup. Anyways, the story," said Dipper
(Return to story)
Mabel was not buying it as she walked up to her basket and grabbed it.
"Oh come on shooting star. At least let me have one potato chip from that basket" Bill said.
"I'm sorry Bill. This basket is for my Grunkle Stan and you're not getting anything inside it. Go find someone else's instant noodles to steal" she yelled.
Bill watched as Mabel skipped off.
"You left me no choice now shooting star. No more Mr. Nice tortilla chip. If I'm going to get that basket and eat those chicken nuggets, I'm going to have to play dirty" he said.
Just then the butterfly and a whole group of them arrive and land on Bill.
"Get off, get off, GET OFF" he yelled as he ran around screaming. Bill then slammed right into a tree and a bunch of pinecones fall on him.
"Curse you Pinetree" he yelled.
(Story break)
"Wow, your being quite hard on Bill," said Mabel.
"Did you see what he did to my body when he possessed me? This is nothing compared to what he did. Revenge is a dish best served cold Mabel," replied Dipper.
"Okay. Hey mind if I come up with the next part," Mabel asked.
"Sure, why not," Dipper said as he handed the book over to Mabel.
"Okay then, Bill is playing dirty now," she said.
(Return to story with Mabel as the narrator now)
I continued….
"I mean…"
Mabel continued walking. She was nearing her Grunkle Stan's house now. Little did she know, Bill was back at it with his schemes. Up ahead on the path, he was setting up a classic rope trap.
"Perfect," he said as he made the final adjustments to his trap. "When shooting star walks past, she will be scooped up by the rope. Once she's stuck and dangling from the tree, I can grab her basket and then those cinnamon buns will finally be mine."
Bill spots Mabel approaching and hides behind a bush. He watches and waits for Mabel to walk over his trap and get stuck. But given she is skipping, when she reached where the trap was, she skipped right over it.
"WHAT," Bill yelled. He watched as Mabel skipped off.
"Dang it what do I have to do to get that basket," he yelled.
But before Bill can go on, his right foot gets caught in the rope and….
"Swoop"
He flies into the air and gets stuck upside down in the tree.
(break story)
"Wow. That got intense," said Dipper.
"Well, everyone loves an old rope trap gag right," said Mabel.
"Well I'll take it from here now. We're close to the end anyways," said Dipper. "This was actually fun."
"See I told you you'd love fairy tales if you looked at them differently," replied Mabel.
"I guess. Anyways, where were we?"
(back to story with Dipper narrating)
Bill thinks to himself. He can't catch Mabel while she is on the move. He also can't catch her when she stops.
"What do I need to, dress up like sixer's brother to get those pizza rolls?"
It hit him then.
The acorn from the squirrel hurt too, but he also now had an idea.
"If I can't get that basket from Shooting Star myself, then I'll just have to let shooting star give it to me herself."
Bill raced of and made it to the Mystery Shack before Mabel did. He slowly sneaked in and crept towards Stan's room. There he was fast asleep.
"Hey there old man. Mind if I borrow your bed and glasses," Bill said in a whisper.
Using his telekinesis powers, Bill lifted Stan up and locked him into the closet without waking him up.
He then put on Stan's glasses and got into his bed.
"Geez this guy has terrible vision," Bill said as he put on the glasses.
He then sits and waits for Mabel to arrive.
(Break story)
"You do know I can tell the difference between Bill and Grunkle Stan! Right Dipper," Mabel said.
"Well duh. I just wanted to make fun of that theory you made," said Dipper.
"Oh, you mean how I thought Bill was still in Stan's mind right" Mabel said.
"Yeah".
The two of them start laughing.
(Many angry fans get ready to yell)
"Yeah I don't know what I was thinking. It's pretty dumb," said Mabel.
"Anyways let's continue," said Dipper.
(return to story (many angry comments incoming))
Mabel finally arrived at the Mystery Shack and knocked on the door.
"Oh, Grunkle Stan it's me, Mabel. Your favourite (and only) niece," She said.
"Ahh yes, Mabel. Come in the door is open" said a faint voice from inside that sounded only a bit like Stan.
Mabel felt a bit worried but she did not come this far to not deliver bagels to Stan, only to leave before doing that. She opened the door and walked inside.
"Grunkle Stan where are you" she said.
"I'm in my room pumpkin" said the Stan voice.
Mabel walked into Stan's room and sure enough there he was.
"Oh, hello Mabel dear how are you," Bill said.
(story break)
"Okay that just sounds wrong on so many levels Dipper," said Mabel.
"Well it is a story you know Mabel. Its not real or even canon to our lives," said Dipper.
"Yeah but story or not that still sounded weird. It makes no sense at all," Mabel said.
"Again, not real. It's a story," Dipper said.
"Fine carry on," Mabel said in defeat.
(Return to story)
Mabel walked up to the bed and looked at "Grunkle Stan".
"Oh, Grunkle Stan what a big eye you have" she said.
"Uh, the better to see you with my dear."
(Story break)
"TOO FAR" yelled Mabel.
"Fine" said Dipper.
(return to story)
"The better to see you with Mabel," "Stan" said.
"Well why are you yellow" she asked.
"I'm sick what do you think" "Stan" said.
(break story)
"He has yellow fever right" Mabel said laughing.
"Do you even know what yellow fever is" Dipper said.
Mabel shakes her head.
"Trust me, you don't wanna know."
(Return to story (again))
"Well then why are you wearing a top hat" Mabel asks.
"I miss the 1920's okay" "Stan" said.
"Well then where's your mouth" she asked.
"Oh it's there. And I'm going to use it to eat all those cookies you have in there," Bill said as he leapt out of bed, revealing himself.
Mabel screamed and made a run for it.
Outside nearby to the shack a local lumberjack was cutting some trees down. She hears the sound of yelling coming from inside the shack.
(break story)
"Woah, woah. Let me guess, it's Wendy right Dipper," Mabel asked.
"What! No of course not Mabel! How could you even….
Yes, its Wendy," said Dipper as he began to turn red.
Mabel laughed. "Okay fine. I'll let you off the hook. I already destroyed you in cupcake eating. That's enough for the day," she said.
Dipper smiled. "Yeah, but I got the last laugh when you got sick later on," he said.
"I don't think I'm gonna eat another cupcake for a while now," Mabel said, getting a bit nauseous.
"Okay back to the story," Dipper said.
(return to story)
Wendy walked over to the shack and looked inside.
"Is anyone here" she said.
"Help! Anyone help," yelled Mabel as she ran past, not noticing Wendy. Bill flew right behind her. He then crashed into a wall, threw Stan's glasses off and continued after her.
"What the heck was that," Wendy said as she grabbed her axe and slowly followed behind him.
Bill chased Mabel into a corner. She was trapped.
"There's no escaping shooting star. At last your basket of roasted chicken is finally mine" he yelled.
Mabel closed her eyes, waiting for Bill to snatch the basket from her. She heard him laughing and then all of a sudden….
"SMACK!"
She opened her eyes to see Bill fall apart into multiple pieces. She looked up to see Wendy standing there with her axe in hand.
"Well that takes care of that thing dude," she said.
Mabel got up and hugged Wendy.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you" she said.
"Hey, it's nothing. I heard your call for help and saw this, math problem chasing you. Although I did not expect him to fall apart into a million pieces" she said.
The two laughed about it. Eventually Mabel with the help of her new friend Wendy helped Stan out of the closet and the three of them spent the rest of the day eating the soup Mabel's mom packed in the basket and lived happily ever after.
The end or whatever
(return to real world)
"So, what did you think of that Mabel," Dipper asked.
"Well, it was weird I'll tell you that. But I loved it. Especially the part where Bill broke apart like a glass bottle" she replied.
Dipper then got up, put the book back on its shelf, turned the light off and headed to bed.
"Oh, hey Mabel, one more thing" Dipper said.
"What"
"NEVER MAKE ME READ ANOTHER FAIRY TALE AGAIN," he said.
"No promises," replied Mabel.
And with that said, the two headed off to sleep.
The End?