Tears
Tears
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, or the excellent OVAs for them (although I was pretty miffed at Kenshin's inglorious ending).
--oOo--
It's been about 16 years, hasn't it? I made my annual pilgrimage to your grave, but this time I came with someone new.
You remember Kaoru, right? I finally ended up marrying her last year. We are very happy together. I feel… complete, somehow. Of course, I could never forget you. You were my first love, and I needed you in the Bakumatsu period. You saved my soul. Kaoru became my precious person here, in Meiji.
But I have something more valuable than the Meiji, or any other era that has ever happened, or ever will.
It's my son.
Kenji is a very handsome baby. He looks a lot like me, but he has Kaoru's eyes. I'm glad he does. My eyes are not what I want to see in his face. My eyes are of suffering beyond my years.
When I held you in my arms as you laid there dead, I cried. It was the first time I had cried in 2 years. When those hot, wet tears slipped down my face, I was surprised. What ever could they be? It had been so long, I had forgot what tears were.
Those were tears that rocked my view of the world.
I did not cry afterwards. I did not let slip a single tear from my eyes as I carried you back to the cottage, or when I dug a grave for you. I didn't cry for 14 years. Tears became a distant memory again.
When I finally broke down in tears was when your brother Enishi attacked Kaoru's dojo. I had fought him previously, and yet; I did not cry from the pain of my wounds.
I cried when I saw what Enishi had done. I cried when I saw Kaoru's body pinned to her dojo's wall by his sword. I cried when I saw my scar carved into her cheek, and knowing she was dead because of me. I couldn't save her. I couldn't protect her. What good was I, the wandering swordsman; the one who dedicated the last 11 years of his life to helping people? The one I loved most was dead. And so I cried.
Those were tears that sent me spiraling into madness.
I hid out in the Fallen Village, where the misfits and the outcasts of society isolated themselves from the world. I did not cry then. My tears were all gone. It took the old man with your perfume, and news of Yahiko's imminent peril to get me going. When I saw your face after the fight, and having you telling me that Kaoru was alive, I felt like I was the one that was living.
Living. Isn't that a wonderful word? It is the opposite of death, or dying. The opposite of the hitokiri, but still not quite the rurouni. I feel alive now though, as Himura Kenshin. But that's beside the point.
After I rescued Kaoru, redeemed Enishi, and settled back down where I belonged, I felt happy. Content. Whole. When Sano escaped from the police, Megumi headed to Aizu, and Yahiko moved out into Sano's old home, things became very quiet around the Kamiya residence. The next year saw me proposing to Kaoru, and then marrying her. It was a very happy time for me.
10 months after I married Kaoru, 3 years after I met her, she gave birth to our son. Kenji was the most beautiful thing I have ever held. There is no way to describe my love for him. I would do anything to ensure his happiness and safety. I cried when I held my and Kaoru's baby in my arms. These tears, however, were so much more different than the earlier times I cried.
Those were tears of unequaled happiness.
I brought him to your grave, bundled up in his mother's arms (he loves his mother so much), to introduce you to him. Without you, there wouldn't be a him, and I wouldn't be here as well. I probably would be dead, or worse than dead. I love you, and I miss you terribly, but the pain isn't as bad anymore.
I'll be back next year, Tomoe. And this time, I'll bring back more tears of joy.