I love her.
It's that simple. I know that it's forbidden. I know that it's wrong. I know it's the worst possible relationship for someone in my world to have. But I love her anyway.
No matter the time—day or night, awake or asleep—I'm always thinking about her.
About Sydney.
She's so breathtakingly beautiful. So smart. So funny. So charmingly witty and sarcastic.
So perfect.
Originally, when I'd been informed of this little "mission" to go to Palm Springs, I have to admit, I wasn't thrilled. I'd gone along with it for Jill. She needed me.
I'd hated it here at first. Hated the sun, hated the people… Hell, I'd even hated Sydney.
But then, I learned just how fun it was to piss her off, just to see her constant, unshakable composure get a little more ruffled each time. And then, slowly, we'd become gradual—albeit unwilling—friends.
Then, there'd been that whole kerfuffle with Lee, and everything had changed. When you go through a life-or-death experience with someone, it becomes impossible for you not to have a connection with them. It was kind of like having a bond.
Not that I was comparing my situation with Jill to how I felt about Sydney. Jill was like a sister to me. Not to mention way too young.
But with Sydney… I don't know. It's different than what I had with Rose. What Rose and I had was kind of like a temporary fling, and I think I knew it the whole time, and just kept lying to myself and thinking I could make it work.
With Sydney… I don't know what it is. I know that I've never felt this way about someone before. That, at least, I'm certain of. She just amazes me with all her little quirks and qualities. Like naming the car. Latte. (Pretend I'm snorting derisively, dear readers.) Her obsession with neutral colors and calorie-free foods? I love it, because it makes her… well, it makes her her.
I do worry though, because I know she's scared of the fact that I have spirit, and that she's scared because she doesn't know about it. I hate that I scare her, even though I think she can usually overlook it.
I don't know what's going on. I don't know that it'll even work out. But I know that she's the one. I've never been able to think of anyone the way I think of her. That's why I'm scared of the whole Warriors of Light business. If I lose her… It's like my life was dark until I fell in love with her. Then she became the light. If I lose her, it'll be like shutting the light off, and it'll seem even darker. She's my reason to live.
She's my flame in the dark.