"Barry, GO!" my mum screamed, pointing her index finger over my shoulder towards the gates of the school.
"Please, don't do this" I begged, my voice cracking as a tear slid down my cheek, my hands instinctively tugging harshly at my roots.
If you know me, you'll know that I never cry! In fact the last time I cried was when dad got sent down for armed robbery, 4 years ago.
The only reason I cried was because dad was and I guess he still is my rock. He's my idol and I've always aspired to be just like him. The reason I'm the way I am today, is because I'm keeping up the family name, taking dads role whilst he's gone.
Trying to make him proud.
That's all I've ever wanted. Someone to actually be proud of ME, for something that I, myself did.
I hated crying. As a child if I cried, I got punished for it. Crying is a weakness.
I was well aware that there was a crowd of teachers and students at the entrance of the school eavesdropping and watching all this commotion. Watching me! The schools bad boy, slowly breaking down.
Some looked genuinely concerned, others shocked and some inconsiderate assholes were smirking at me. I'm sure it's thrilling for them to see me in a vulnerable state for once.
I gave one last hopeful look towards my mum, pleading for her forgiveness. However, her stare was fixed and harsh. I knew there was going to be no condoning; I had truly messed up this time. What I had done was bad, really bad. Stealing money from my own sister.
But I was just thinking about the family.
Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one that cares about this family anymore. Kacey going to America would have split us up. Call me selfish, but I just wanted us Barry's to stick together. When dad gets out of prison, we can finally be a family again.
Well, not anymore.
Why can no one else understand my intentions?
I pivoted away from the strong glare of my mother, my feet reluctantly moving towards the gates. I was walking away from my family. Away from my life.
Loud sobs racked my body, cries that I had no control over. No matter how much I wanted to stop the tears pooling in my eyes, I couldn't.
I didn't dare look back over my shoulder at my distraught and angry family, knowing that I wouldn't be able to continue walking away. I'd go running back begging for their forgiveness.
My legs felt like jelly, my heart felt heavy in my chest and my head was pounding.
How am I going to cope?
My family is my motivation, my inspiration to be a better person. I realise that my actions were often the wrong decisions, but my intentions were good. Everything I ever did was to build a better life for my family.
I continued my walk of shame and utter heartbreak, leaving everything I've ever loved behind.
Where am I going to stay?
This is the problem of being the local bad boy and not having any true friends. I can't run to someone for help because whenever someone sees me they flee in fright, worried that I'll try and scrape them for money, or command them to fulfil a job for me.
Now, the realisation of everyone being scared of me suddenly isn't so thrilling, I wish I'd made at least one good friend. All of my so-called friends have been dealers or scammers, or just using me to get them what they want.
I continued walking for what felt like hours, since I had nowhere to go, eventually reaching the seafront. I walked along the seawall, staring at the calm waves lapping happily at the sand. Strangely the thought of being as peaceful as the waves soothed me, no worries, no hate, no pain. Just the gentle rhythm of moving in sync with the other waves.
They all move together as one. Unlike me. I've always just been me, and until now I've been happy with that.
I groaned in frustration as a fat raindrop landed on my cheek, washing the dried tear stains away. The rain grew heavier and heavier until I was soaked through.
What am I going to do now? I can't think of anywhere that I can stay tonight, just to shelter from the rain and to sort my head out….
Hmmm…
The schoolhouse!
Maybe Maggie will let me stay over, just until I find my feet and somewhere to live.
So I turned around and walked back the way I came, back towards the direction of the school, back to the place where I lost my family!