AN: This is a little gift to my girl Angela. Based around the question Michael asked in Split Decisions "Do you really think Fi would replace me with a Brit?" This is a softer and more emotional side of Mike and Fi and a bit of a switch up from my usual flavor of story but I deeply enjoyed writing this one so please read and review. I do not plan to continue this unless Angela requests It and gives me a direction to take it in.
A spy's life is spent preparing, learning languages, researching targets, practicing with weapons. You prepare so that when the important moment arrives you're ready, but there are some moments…human moments…that no amount of training can prepare you for.
Normally in this situation I would be scanning my surroundings, carefully taking in every inch of the perimeter, noting how many guards there are, what they're armed with, and the easiest way to enter and exit the building. This time none of that matter to me at all. Right now I am not the CIA's "Golden Boy" or the Army's top Ranger…right now I am simply a man.
I stare at the think, cold steal of the doors…trying to will them to open and release her back to me. The fight to free her has worn down on me…Sam stands to my left and Jesse is at my right, I know that this has worn on them as well. As we wait not a word is spoken, there are no words for this moment.
We hear the heavy clicking protest of the metal and steel as the door begins to open. Time slows to an unreal pace as she comes into my view…my heart clinches in my chest as I take in the sight of her. I scan her from head to toe, my eyes staying fixed on her and afraid that this is all some kind of dream. That I will wake up at any moment and she will be gone again.
Her hair is down flowing freely, the sun shining through it casts a halo of light around her head. Her face is clean and free of any makeup. For as long as I have known Fiona; she has always been confident, rebellious, and strong…a proud Irishwoman. She holds her head high and her shoulders squared. Her beautiful face shows no emotions…she is stoic, my stone angel. Our eyes lock and my heart sinks as I take in the mixture of pain and brokenness that flash in her eyes and her expression.
I try to smile, desperate to give her some kind of comfort but again all of my training and knowledge fail me as I am unable to fake it…even for her. She begins to move slowly, her steps even and measures. I know that she is putting on a show for all who are watching. With each step she takes the language of her body attempts to display arrogance and defiance as her eyes continue to break.
She takes one more step and the gate begins to close behind her…I breath a heavy sigh of relief, she is finally free. I feel every muscle in my body compels me to move forward, towards the only woman who I've ever truly loved. I see the light begin to slowly return to her eyes as we move closer…her hips sway slightly and I see a hint of a smile play at the lips but she quickly brings herself back into check. The careful mask returns to her face, she is torn and I can't seem to reach her fast enough.
The wind blows strong and for a moment I am wrapped in the smell of Strawberries and honey…Fiona. She's real, she's alive, she's almost in my arms. I allow a smile to cross my face as I see a spark flare in her eyes…her arms raise as she expression changes and she begins to sprint towards me and I feel the gravity that demands that I meet her pace. Her arms reach for my neck and I open my arms…in a moment of rapture she is finally in my arms, solid and real.
As I feel her fingers lace around me I quickly wrap my arms around her and press her as tightly as I can against my body, swearing to myself that she will never spend another night without my by her side. As my fingers glide across the skin of her back I let my eyes close as once again her sent envelopes me. Her grip on me becomes vice like as I feel my heart truly beat for the first time in weeks.
I feel her body relax a bit as we breathe a collective sigh of relief. "Took you long enough; I was beginning to think that you didn't need me." Her voice is like a balm that smoothes the broken parts of my soul, filling me with a painful mixture of emotion. I have never been good with thinks like this…human interaction outside of a life or death combat situation. This is different, in this moment I know that without her I might as well be dead, without her by my side life is worthless and empty.
She pulls away and I reluctantly release her and take her small hands into mine in an effort to have some kind of contact with her. Our eyes lock and I know one true for sure…above anything else in this word I speak the words that fill my heart and my mind. "Fi, I need you more than ever." I don't often tell her that I love her because I have always assumed that she just knew but as I look into her eyes they switch quickly from pale green to a deep emerald.
I pull her back into my embrace…desperate to feel her against me again. As I wrap around her I feel her squeeze me harder and I can feel that change in her breathing…she is worried and I can't bring myself to burden her with the new of Nate's death right now. "What's wrong Michael?" Words escape me and all I can do is bury my nose and face in her hair, inhaling deeply her scent. I place a gentle kiss to her shoulder.
She is thin…too thin for her already small frame. She has lost weight and again I make a vow that I will do everything in my power to bring back the beautiful and healthy Fiona that I love. Unconditional love a concept that I never understood until I watched helplessly as she walked up the stairs and turned herself in. I will lay down the world at her feet, I will give her everything she wants or desires. I feel a pang of grief in my chest as I remember the night just a little over a decade ago when I was forced to walk away from her in Ireland. I know deep down that I do not deserve to have her but without her I am in darkness because she is my light.
"What's wrong Michael?" again she asks and I can't bring myself to answer her, to tell her the truth that has ripped our group apart. She cups my face into her hands and I let my eyes fall closed as her lips brush lightly against mine. I let my mouth fall open under her gently pleading request. Her tongue sweeps across my bottom lip and she sucks it into her mouth and I can't stop the moan that escapes me.
I fight against the force that demands that I remain connected to her because I know that Sam and Jesse are waiting for a chance to hold her too. I realize that she is the only things that will heal us all. "Fi…Sam and Jesse are waiting." A faint smile forms on her lips and she snickers lightly, "Heaven forbid I keep Sam away from his mojitos." For a moment she is almost her old self and I have to smile a little as I wrap my arm around her waist and lead her towards the Charger and her "other men" as she like to call them.
When we reach the Charger Sam is the first to step forward and I release Fi into his wide and open arms. I watch as wraps her arms around his waist and she lets him hold her, her body relaxed and calm. She pulls away and Sam smile at her, "I've got to say Tinkerbelle, you look like hell." She smiles and places a gentle kiss on Sam's cheek. "I've missed you too Sam." She steps out of his hold and looks in Jesse's direction giving him a warm smile.
As I watch them hugging and watch as he whispers something into her ear that causes her to burst into a high pitch laugh. I know that there is nothing between them but a part of me still wants to snatch her away, but I allow them to have their moment. She turns and looks at Sam her eyebrow arching up and he gives her a confused look. "You tried to make C-4 Sam…In my condo?" her voice is filled with mock sarcasm and I can't help but smile.
She returns to me and her hand comes to rest on the small of my back, her fingers gently massage at the skin under her fingers. I lean into her ear and whisper gently, "Let go to the beach." She gives me a playful smile and my heart jerks again because I know that her happy mood will soon dissolve into sadness and tears and I feel like hell for being the one who has to do it to her.
I hand the keys to Sam and he gives me a small sad smile; I signal for Fiona to get into the backseat and she gives me a troubled look but wait for her to speak but she simply climbs in an settles into the passenger side seat and climb in after her, wrapping her into my arms and holding her closer then I even have before.
When we reach the dunes I watch as Sam and Jesse stop and I take Fiona's hand "I need you to myself for a moment." I lead her closer to the shoreline and motion for her to stop. I sink to my knees and slowly unfasten the straps of her heels. I raise and take her hand again as she steps out of them and sinks three inches in height. She gets up on her tip toes and I feel her lips gently glide from my lips…following the line of my jaw until she reaches my earlobe. "Please what's wrong Michael?"
"Fiona, he's gone." She takes my hands in hers and I see the confusion in her eyes. "I know Anson's gone." She cups my face in her hands and again I moan at her touch. I try to keep my voice steady knowing that anyway I phrase it she's going to be in pain in less than 30 seconds. "Yes he is, for good this time…but Fiona" I swallow hard and close my eyes as her hands continue to caress my cheeks. "He's good too…he died in my arms." I see the tears that threaten to form in her eyes as her mind tries to reason what I'm getting at. "Nate's gone Fi." I see the shock as her eyes go wide and I hear her breath draw in sharp and ragged. "God no…he can't be." I want to die as I watch the tears stream down her face and I hear the Irish brogue take over her voice.
She slips from my arms and falls to the sand; I hear the sobs rip from her as she covers her face and her fragile body shakes almost violently…I see Sam and Jesse start to move but they stop. I remove her hands from her face and she stare, "I killed him Michael…it's my fault. He's dead because of me." Her voice is hollow and flat and I quickly wrap my arms around her, I hold on tightly as she tries with all her strength to break free.
"I'm sorry Michael." She repeats this over and over as she rocks back and forth. I let my hands run through her hair as she buries her head in my chest. I run my finger along her jaw line until I reach her chin. Lifting it slowly my heart breaks at the pain and torture that blaze bright in her eyes. "None of this was your fault Fi. I don't blame you, you where both trying to protect me."
I shift and wrap my arms around her tucking her between my legs. We sit in silence for a few minutes before she curls her head towards my neck, she runs her nose up my neck. "Did he suffer?" her voice is small and broken; a sting of pain hits me. "No." She seems to relax when I say this and I moan when her lips begin to pepper my skin with kisses. "I've missed everything about you." I smile…my Fiona is starting to surface for a moment.
"Let's go home Fi, get you some food." I reach across her and pick up her shoes. I pick up her left foot and slip it onto her foot and secure the strap and then repeat with the other one. I stand and offer her my hands; she smiles as she slips hers into mine and I pull her up. We walk back to the car and she looks confused, noticing the absence of Sam and Jesse. "Elsa needed their help." She seems satisfied with that and as she gets into the car.
As I drive I caress her thigh through the soft cotton of her dress. She looks like some kind of fallen angel sitting next to me, her face is still as beautiful as ever but the pain in her eyes wounds me. She keeps her hand over mine, our fingers laced.
I park the Charger next to her Genesis and a faint smile plays at her lips. "Do you remember the first night that you brought me here? You where tipsy on Saki and ready to take me to bed…I'm I right Michael?" I look at her and shake my head, my Fiona; she deals with grief in unusual ways. "No Fi, I was not tipsy and it was you who attacked me first." I raise an eyebrow as I slowly walk backwards towards the railing of the stairs. When my back hits the rail I hear her moan a bit.
"You need to eat." I take her hand and guild her up the stairs. Once we step inside she sets her purse down and walks around slowly. "Has Elsa been over?" I give me a sly smile and I snicker. "Yes a few days ago why?" She runs her finger across the table then holds it up. "I do know how to clean up Fi." She gives me a half smile and strolls slowly towards the breakfast bar.
She sits down at the workbench and I set the plate in front of her. "Hmm real food. It smells good." I laugh and stand there watching her eat. When she takes her last bite I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and let out a small sigh. "I've been so lost without you Fiona." Her hands cover mine again and I let my eyes fall closed as I once again bury my nose in her auburn waves. "I need you Michael."
I release her and she slides off the stool. As she stands there the light filters through the window and the halo returns to her hair. I open my arms and she smiles. I let my fingers rest gently on her hips. She looks down, her eyes stay fixed on the movements of my fingers. I let them slide slowly up her sides, relishing the feel of each muscle as it tenses under my touch. "I've miss everything about you too, Fiona. This place is so empty without you in it…I'm empty without you in me." For the first time in years I'm unsure of what to do with her, how to handle her. I let my thumbs come to rest on the hooks of the suspenders of her dress. "Can I?" Her answering smile sets me on fire with a longing to claim every inch of her…to wipe away the months of separation. "Please Michael."
I unhook both at once and the dress drops to the ground, pooling at her feet. I feel my mouth gape as I take in the sight of her. Little has changed about Fiona Glenanne's form in the last decade. Her hair is longer, the longest part resting at the small of her back. Her breasts are small but firm and at this moment her nipples are semi-hard and I want to cup my hands around them and palm her, something I know she enjoys. Her long torso is thinner than it needs to be, she has always been delicate but she is now too thin and her stomach almost seems to concave.
"You're still so beautiful Fiona." I see a tear roll down her face and I wipe it away with my trigger finger. "Michael." Her voice is soft and pleading as I take her hands and lead her towards the bed. I sit her down on the edge of the bed and drop to my knees in front of her and for a moment I'm not sure if it's from desire or worship that kneel before this fiery Irish lass. I let my fingers linger lightly across the skin of her legs as I journey towards her ankles so that I can remove her heels.
I look up at her and she's studying me, her eyes a wash of emotions. I have been under this woman's spell since the moment I laid eyes on her through the scope of a gun. Now she sits in front of me, baring both her body and her soul. "I've wanted every inch of you Fiona…since that first night in Belfast. When I watched walk up those steps I felt something inside of me die, never again…I will never let you pay for my sins again, I lneed you too much to go another day without you by my side."
She cups my face in her hands and pulls me up and our lips connect in a soft gentle kiss that becomes more forceful as my hands fist into her hair. As we break apart we are both breathless and I let my forehead rest against hers. "You're a bit overdressed Michael. Let me help you with that." She pulls me up and I offer her my hands and return her favor. Once she's one her feet her hands are trailing lightly through my hair and a half smile creeps across her face. "I like this…" She gives my head a gentle tug, "you've let yourself go a bit…its very sexy Michael." Her fingers leave my hair and trial over my jaw line, stopping to run the length of my bottom lip.
I want to suck her fingers into my mouth to taste the salty sweetness of her skin but they quickly move to the buttons of my shirt. Her pace is slow and measured, unfastening each one with skillful fingers. I can't recall the exact number of shirts that I have had to replace over the years because of her appetite for sexual control.
I am always taken back by moments like right now; moments where she slows down and I get the chance to explore the "softer" side of her. She inspires so much in me…forces me to face my demons and my insecurities. Her fingers undo the last button and I let out a moan as she makes quick work of the zipper of my slacks. She gives me an approving smile as her trigger finger draws over the ridges of my abs but her eyes are focused slightly lower. "You're rock hard Michael."
I slip my hands out of the sleeves and let the shirt fall to the floor, "You've been working out a lot." She gives me a playful smile and I grab her around the waist and press her flush against my body, making sure that she feels every inch of my body against hers. I told her that first night that violence was foreplay for her but not for me but as I hold her I realize that violent is that only word that I can use to describe my feelings towards her.
It's only been a few weeks but it feels like an eternity since I've been in this situation. My mind wars between violence and surrender as I let my eyes scan the length of her body; she's unhealthy, too slender for her frame. I raise my hands and let it gently push her hair away from her neck, exposing the elegant length of her throat. She's been everything to me but I still question if I'm enough for her.
"What's wrong Michael?" She looks at me with concern and for a moment I hate that I can't just shut out my thoughts and go back to the casual past that we once had. I reach out my hand and let my fingers run along the line of her jaw, she moans quietly and tilts her head to the side, trapping my hand. Her eyes are filled with concern for me. She has been my strength for so many years and I have never been able to do her justice, she deserves better just here she stands in front of me, naked and vulnerable. "I don't deserve this Fiona…not after everything I've done." I cup her face in my hands and look into her beautiful emerald eyes and will her to see my side. "I told them you had left me…told them you had gone back to Europe with a British spy, they believed me. I told him later that he was crazy for believing that you would ever do something like that but I'm starting to think you should. I'm not good at this…I'm not good for you."
I see the tears start to roll down her cheeks and I try to wipe them away but she swats my hands away. Anger flashes through her eyes as my senses warn me that she's about to strike. Her hands come to rest on her hips and her mouth falls open, "Do you honestly think I could do that, that I would do that? Michael I was heartbroken for the first time in my life when I woke up that morning to find your side of the bed cold and empty, to find our apartment empty. I spend days there waiting for you to return and when days turned to weeks I accepted finally accepted that you where ever coming back. I've been by your side since the day that maid called me an said that you where dying in a motel room. God Michael I came all the way from New York to be here for you in the end. Yes I was pissed and hurt, even after all the years but I still loved you…I hated myself for it but God help me I did. When I realized that you were going to live I decided that I was going to stay in your life whether you liked it or not…why because I knew that a part of you still loved me too. No one carries a wallet that their ex-girlfriend gave them with her name and number still listed as his emergency contact unless he still has feeling for her."
"I still put your life in danger…you've been hurt mentally and physically because of me. You deserve more, someone who can keep you safe." I hear her snicker and I let my head fall down. "Michael Westen I can't take another minute of this bullshit. Yes it's true…you don't deserve me but you're not getting rid of me that easily. Life with you isn't easy…but it's the only life I want. We face death on a daily basis, we take risk that would drive any sane person batshit crazy, we get into a fight and we resolve it by you letting me take out my anger on your body. We're fucked up and damaged people Michael, for God sake we sleep with guns under our pillows and we lie to each other more then we tell each other the truth."
I see a devilish grin play at her lips as she walks towards me and hooks her trigger fingers into my belt loops. "We're not exactly saints here Michael." Her fingers dig and start to massage me, I know that she is trying to change the subject but I can't let her win this time. "Fi…stop." She looks at me and raises an eyebrow. "I need to know…that I'm enough to keep you satisfied." I see her eyes soften and she release her hold on me.
"You have a decent amount of money in the bank now, you have a taste for Armani and you drive a vintage car, you're sexy as hell and you're an animal in bed. I think that makes you some 24 year old's dream guy…and believe me you could get one easy all you have to do is flash that Cheshire smile that makes me ravenous every time I see it…but for whatever reason you choose to be with me. We're not good at relationships…history has proven that to us on more than one occasion. For me it was Armand and Campbell but at the end of the day this is where I want to be…here in the shitty loft with you. You're the only man who has never challenged me, pushed me to my breaking point and then pulled me back from the edge. No one will ever satisfy me the way you can. We're stuck with each other Michael and it's the only place I want to be. Let me show you."
I watch as she runs her hands slowly down my chest, letting her thumbs run over my abs before she hooks them into the waistband of my pants and she slowly pulls them down. I step out of them and moan when I see the hungry look that graces Fiona's face. I let out a hiss when her fingers wrap around the base of my shaft and I see the corner of her mouth pull up in a snicker. She laces her arms around my neck and I feel a shiver run through me as her lips hover over my ear.
"Hmm have you missed me Michael?" I smile and answer her question by cupping her ass in my hands and pulling her up and against me. "Does this answer it for you?" She arches her back a bit and I moan when she presses harder against me. Her lips graze across mine…and she claims them in a soft and gentle kiss, when she sucks my bottom lip into her mouth and she bites down and pulls, I growl and she guilds me towards the bed.
When the back of my knees make contact with the bed I smile as Fiona guilds me down into a seated position. She stands there for a moment, her eyes taking me in as she removes a hair tie from wrist and secures her long locks into a messy bun…something she knows drive me crazy.
She drops gracefully to her knees and rests her hands on my thighs as she guilds my legs apart and settles into the space between them. Her fingers return to my base and a wicked smile crosses her lips. "I thought about you all the time, thought about moments like this one." She slowly moves up and down, her skilled fingers drawing me closer with every stroke. Her head dips down as her tongue darts and swirls around my tip. "God Fi. I've missed you." Her tongue presses into my slit as the pace of her fingers increases, she quickly replaces them with her lips and I growl as she runs her teeth slowly up and down.
"I need…you…more." She smiles as she rises to her feet and places her hands on my shoulders and pushes me backwards and she snickers as she crawls on top of me, pinning my erection between our bodies. She laces her fingers in mine and draws them above my head, she holds them there as our eyes lock and I see the mixture of emotions cross her face.
"You'll always be the only one who can handle me, the one who can tame me…when I let you, the only one I want by my side, mission or not. Never doubt that Michael, I will always need you. Only you…forever." Her lips claim mine but this time she is fierce and forceful, she growls as her fingers lock like a vice around mine. When we break away we are both breathless and Fiona rests her forehead against mine as she releases her grip and shifts her hips so that her core is hovering over the tip of my shaft. I know that it is taking a great deal of patience for her to go slow and gentle. Fiona Glenanne is a force of nature, a short fused live wire that burns and heals in the same explosion.
I open my eyes and I'm met by the most beautiful green eyes, burning with an emotion that I can only guess is love. I've never been big on emotions and I've never needed them with her…so much has been spoken between us, yet so much has gone unspoken. "Fiona I love you." I hear her sharp intake of breath and I worry that I've said too much. "The last time you said that…it was you that left me in a flat in Belfast." I can hear the sadness in her voice and I'm shock because this is the first time I've heard this from her. "Wait…you heard that?" She pulls away and looks at me, her eyes wide and wet with unshed tears.
"Aye, I did. I was still awake when I heard it. I wasn't sure if it was from you or McBride, but when I woke up and you were gone I pushed it to the very back of my mind. Now I know that you love me, you. Michael Westen. I swear to you that I could never replace you and that I will never replace you. I tried that with Armand and it didn't work. I thought of you all the time." I feel the tear hit my face and I cup her face, letting my fingers wipe away the tears and her eyes fall closed.
"Michael…only you, forever." I let my fingers trail down her back and I let them come to rest on her hips as I hear her moan softly as she lifts them up and guilds me inside of her. She eases down slowly and lets out a content sign when our bodies make full contact. She sets a slow and steady pace and with every connect of our hips I hear her moan as her nails dig into the flash of my neck as she starts to pick up her pace and I grab her by the hips and change our positions making sure we remain connected.
I look down at her and give that Cheshire smile that she said drove her crazy. "So is it killing you yet Fiona?" I shift forward so that I am fully inside her and she moans weakly. "Is what killing me Michael?" I snicker and lower my lips to her ear as she attempts to shift her hips upwards. "Going slow…you trying to be gentle and tame, is it making you want more? More of me?" I pull back and slam into her with a sharp force that causes her to whimper.
"More." Her request is almost a growl, as her legs lock around my waist and she hikes them as high up her back as she can. The change in angle allows me to push deeper into her with each thrust and her nails claim my back in long, sharp ribbons of pain mixed with a pleasure like nothing else.
I feel the pressure of her inner walls threatening to send her over the edge and I am ready for the oblivion that comes with her orgasm.
I grab her knees and push her legs even higher, desperately trying to deepen our contact. When her fingers lace roughly into my hair I feel her tighten and then in a moment of pure rapture I feel her fall over the edge and with one last thrust I join her, our screams of pleasure mingling as I collapse on top of her, breathless and sated.
We lay there for a moment in comfortable silence as we wait for our breathing to return to normal. After a few minutes I roll to my side, taking Fiona with me and wiping a sweat soaked strand of hair from her face. "Was that more your tempo Michael?" Her voice is light and there is a playful tone to her question. I kiss the tip of her nose and she lets out a small giggle. "Anything with you is amazing Fi. You're amazing." Her answering smile eases any doubt that my mind can conceive. She shifts so her head is resting on my chest and she lets out another deeply sign, "I love you, forever." As I wrap her tighter into my arms I feel her relax and settle into me. I smile as my nose is filled with the heavenly scent that is ours. "Forever Fiona." With that I close my eyes and let sleep overtake me, confident that this firecracker in my arms is mine and mine alone.