Blue-eyed Devil
Summary: Four hours was bad enough. How did full-time babysitters put up with this?
For the OTP Prompts Weekly Elimination Battle Competition: Round 1.
Mercury's gaze shifted to the door when Weiss got up, following Pyrrha outside to say goodbye to her and Jaune for the time being.
Four hours. That's when they would be back for their little devil. A devil that Weiss insisted that they look after so they would be ready for their own incoming meteor. As if they couldn't just read a book on what they were suppose to do. Then again, that was something Weiss would be more inclined to do. Still, it would have been nice to get a heads up sooner that this was her chosen plan for dealing with it.
The thought that Weiss might be pregnant hadn't occurred to him when she asked him if he had ever - seriously, her own words - thought of having children. Before then they had never discussed it seriously - quote, unquote. It just hadn't really come up before in their relationship. They had pretty much agreed that neither of them was ready for a child at any stage in their life when they did dip their toes into the question.
So it was entirely unexpected when Weiss came to him a few weeks after that talk and announced that she was nearly five months pregnant. She hadn't looked like it then, and the bump to her stomach was barely noticeable even now. Which explained why even she hadn't noticed much, though she did tell him that her 'monthly schedule' had been spotty at best for awhile, and she only thought that it was possible she was pregnant when she started waking up with morning sickness, plus the weird cravings at odd hours of the day. Something he usually had to go and fetch from the store, wondering what the heck was wrong with the baby half the time for demanding it's mother to eat more than half those things.
The result was them having only four months to prepare, Weiss grabbing baby books for the expecting mom, not to mention a number of baby name books; she had guessed correctly that they would have vastly different opinions on the name, no matter the gender. Something she wanted to be a surprise. Which didn't help since they would have to argue over both sides until the very end, then they would just be indecisive on one front. In all, this baby thing was becoming a real pain in the ass to deal with. And it wasn't even born yet.
Oh, that's right. Weiss didn't like him referring to it as 'it' but, as he pointed out, he didn't know the gender. So what else was he suppose to call it? Weiss had suggested using a pronoun that wasn't gender specific: like xe, ey, ve, thon, or - for maiden's sake - peh. Those damn pronouns sounded more insulting than him simply calling the child 'it' for now. He even made the suggestion that they just find a gender-neutral name while they were at it. A mistake in hindsight as Weiss showed him right then and there the hormonal wrath of a pregnant woman.
Which happened to include a whole bunch of screaming, yelling, and unexpected crying, not to mention her semblance randomly going off. A truly terrifying hurricane of emotions that brought disaster in its wake. In other words: something he would watch from afar, but didn't want to be a part of in any other context.
"What are you thinking about?" Mercury was jerked out of his thoughts when Weiss walked back into their house, locking the door behind her.
"You." Weiss smiled brightly at him, as if to say that was the right response. "Driving me crazy." She only laughed at that, walking past him to pick up Pyrrha's sixteen-month old that had been quietly sucking on a pacifier for the past few minutes.
"Get ready for a car crash, then."
That's what he had been expecting the moment Pyrrha left her child behind, for the little girl to start screaming and yelling for her mommy. The fact that she had been quiet so far made him want to duck and take cover.
"Could you bring that baby bag in here?"
Mercury pushed himself up from the couch, snatching his scroll from the side table before he retrieved the bag Pyrrha had left for them, saying anything they would need for her child would be in there: including diapers, toys, a few extra change of clothes, and a bunch of other things he hadn't familiarized himself with yet. If Weiss asked why he wasn't constantly reading baby books to know everything he was just going to say he was busy getting her odd cravings every other hour.
"Here you go." He set it on the kitchen table a moment later, fingering the scroll in his pocket.
Weiss glanced over her shoulder from where she stood in front of the sink. "Get out a bottle. I already have the formula." Mercury retrieved it without a word, placing it on the counter next to her before moving to the bathroom and closing the door behind him before getting out his scroll to punch in a number.
After a few seconds passed Emerald picked up. "What do you want at this hour?"
"You never sound happy when I call you."
"That's because I highly dislike you, Mercury."
"Remember when I told you Weiss was pregnant?"
"Yes?" He swore he could hear Emerald rolling her eyes from across the connection.
"She brought Pyrrha's kid over to babysit as practice."
Laughter erupted on the other end of the line. "Oh, I almost feel sorry for you."
"Shut up," he snapped before sighing a moment later. "You got any advice?"
"You're asking me?"
"Who else would I call? I got blind-sided here. Weiss said we would be babysitting the child a little over an hour ago and now the devil is here."
"You know you can't keep referring to other people's kids as devils, don't you?"
"I call them how I see them."
"Noted. Well, I could tell you what not do to."
"Like?"
And Emerald started listing off the obvious to him, things like 'don't let the kid starve,' 'keep an eye on them so they don't get into things they shouldn't,' 'don't throw them out on the street like dick head.' It was here that he stopped paying attention, not because of the snide comment she slipped in, but because Emerald was really just stating what her parents had done to her. Not that she knew them very well, but still, the advice he was suppose to be getting wasn't even helpful, mainly because it was all common sense. What sort of dumb-ass didn't know the basics of parenting? Oh right, his own father for a start. Now this shit was just getting depressing.
Without a word Mercury pulled the scroll away from his ear, letting Emerald ramble on about her 'advice' right up until he clicked the End Call button. He opted to turn his scroll off then, dropping it into his pocket. He turned on the faucet briefly to run his hands under the water, surprised to find them trembling a bit.
It was almost comical. He had killed men and woman before, but a single baby that hadn't even been birthed yet was what struck terror in him. He had never dealt with children before, one reason being that he felt it beneath him to take on a contract that would have asked him to kill one. The other being... he had never interacted with them before, even when he was a kid he had rarely seen another child. So its not like he could look back on any moment and have an opinion on how some random parent had been raising their child. All he really knew was that he didn't want to go and screw it up, like his father had. Although that had been deliberate, not accidental.
He turned the faucet off, drying his hands before opening the door and walking out of the bathroom, closing it a moment later as he remembered there was a baby somewhere in the house. The absolute last thing he needed was the child drowning itself in the toilet or something - by lifting the lid and falling in for example, - according to Pyrrha babies were abnormally strong. Or at least it seemed that way because they were so little, so any display of strength was unexpected.
After a moment of standing there and listening for any noise in the house he made his way to the living room. His gaze landing on Weiss as she set the phone down, after briefly scanning the room for the child; who was happily sitting on the couch, an empty bottle toppled over next to her.
"Emerald just called," Weiss spoke up when she turned and noticed him in the doorway. "She said you hung up on her."
Mercury sighed. Of course she did, trying to get the last word and berate him like usual. "How did you get rid of her?"
"I hung up on her," Weiss replied with a straight face.
He blinked, staring at her for a second before muttering, "I think I've rubbed off on you."
"Of course you did." The quirk of her lips told him she was trying to hold back a smile. "Or else I wouldn't be expecting."
For a second he just stared at her, then continued staring in silence, not sure what to say to that. It took another moment before he got his mouth to work again - something that wasn't easily stopped. "Don't talk dirty in front of the baby."
Evidently Weiss couldn't hold the smile back anymore as she laughed, startling the baby as large blue eyes focused on the two of them now rather than the black screen of the tv. Probably wondering why the hell it wasn't turned on. That was the easy way for babysitters to divert a child's attention.
"You know, out of the two of us, I don't think anyone would expect you to be the bad influence here."
Weiss giggled, grinning at him now. "Then you watch the kid for a second so my bad influence doesn't spread." And with that she skipped away, skipped. Clearly her hormones were high on cloud nine.
Where the hell was she even going? Mercury began to turn to watch her when the baby let out a happy giggle-burp, and his head snapped back around to look at the child. Great, he had just been left with the devil child, and this time it was actually starting to move.
The baby was sliding off the couch, hanging onto the edge before it's feet touched the floor, then dropping to its hands and knees to start crawling around. Well, this was just some fucking perfect timing.
Mercury walked over to the couch, picking up the discarded bottle to set it upright on the coffee table before turning around to pinpoint where the child was. It just so happened the child had crawled off towards the wall, making its way to an open electric socket at a steady pace.
Fuck me.
"Oh no, you don't." Within a few steps Mercury was above the baby, reaching down to scoop her up in his arms, switching the positioning a second later as he remembered Weiss telling him repeatedly that when he held a baby he had to support the head. Like the damn thing couldn't support its own head. Okay, it couldn't but that wasn't the point.
Wasn't there a box with covers for the electrical sockets somewhere in the house? It was one of the items Weiss had gotten to baby-proof the house but hadn't gotten around to actually doing yet. He hoisted the baby further up into his arms. "You're coming with me you brat."
The baby let out another giggle-burp and Mercury had the fleeting thought that he hoped it wasn't about to throw up on him. He gave a little pat to its back, prompting another burp, giggle free this time. Not that it did much to reassure him.
He sighed, nudging the door to the future child's room with his elbow before just kicking it once the handle had been turned. Mercury frowned for a second as he stared at the boxes around him. He knew which one he needed from looking at the labels from the shipping companies, he just didn't know how to get it open without putting the bahy down.
With another sigh he placed the brat onto the carpet floor. "Don't go anywhere," he snapped before focusing his attention on the box, ripping it open to reach in and retrieve two packs of the covers for the time being. It should be more than enough for the living room, since that's where he would be taking the baby back to in a second.
Of course, when he turned around the baby was crawling around again, going towards the wall. Big surprise. It seemed determined to shock him to death with how stupid it was.
"This isn't a god damn arms race." Mercury reached the sockets easily, tearing open a pack to slap two of the covers in place. The little girl had stopped in her tracks, frowning for a second and then starting to crawl off once again. He had a feeling he knew what she was looking for, Thankfully the boxes made it hard to pinpoint anymore sockets in this room from her height. "Quit crawling towards the electric sockets. You brain will become more fired than it already is."
He retrieved another pack just in case from the box before leaning down to scoop the child up, walking back out and giving a kick to the door that he had no way to close with his arms full. Well, he would just have to keep the girl occupied so she didn't crawl off in that direction. In other words: keep her in the damned living room.
When he passed the threshold he set her back down, on the couch specifically to slow her down before he went around the room, placing the covers over the sockets, and with a brief glance at the baby he went into the kitchen to put the remaining covers down for now. He wasn't surprised when he walked back in to see the little rascal had gotten down from the couch, though this time she at least looked a bit confused on what other stupid decisions she could make.
"Ha. I beat you."
"You sound really accomplished over beating a child."
Mercury turned quickly to see Weiss standing in the doorway, feet bare of her usual heels, which explained why he hadn't heard her. "Stop doing what I usually do."
Weiss only frowned. "You weren't surprised."
"It's going to take more than that," he replied, turning his attention back to the baby, just watching, waiting to see if the blue-eyed devil succeeded in her chosen objective.
"What if I said I was carrying twins?"
"You're not carrying twins," he kept his tone dismissive.
"But if I was?"
"I would have a heart attack."
Weiss laughed, walking forward to pick up the child; he kept his gaze on it even then, as she sat down with the red-headed girl, turning the tv on and changing the channel to something age appropriate for the little one.
After a few seconds of listening to the too-happy music and over-the-top voice acting Mercury sunk to his knees before face-planting onto the carpet. He was going to have to listen to this sort of stuff for years after the child was born, and he was pretty sure it was going to drive him insane.
He was still laying there when a commercial came on, only tilting his head to the side when he felt a baby of all things crawling on his back. "Get that thing off me."
"She's not a thing," Weiss scolded him with a swat to the back of his head as she sat down on the floor not too far from his body, watching the child crawl over him. After a few minutes she extended a hand toward him, which he turned away from then went back to trying to block out the cartoonish sounds coming from the tv. It was a bit more concerning than Pyrrha's child using his collapsed body as an obstacle course, not too mention a lot more annoying.
He could feel Weiss' fingers rubbing along the back of his neck as he waited for the night to be over. At some point the baby had finally gotten bored with him, instead of hands and feet on his back he could feel her using his side as a cushion, back turned to him, so she had to be watching the 'educating' cartoon on the screen. Supposedly educating all children on the world about feelings through music and dancing. He didn't even dare turn and look to see just what the heck was prancing around the screen.
Whatever it was he was pretty sure the person that had created it was high at the time.
Weiss' hand had moved from his neck, instead her fingers were poking and prodding at his back, specifically beneath his shoulder blades at the moment. "I'm still not tickilish if that's what you're up to," he spoke into the carpet.
"I'll find your T-spot eventually."
Mercury sighed. "Stop being suggestive with your words."
"Problem?"
"No."
The noise coming from the tv had been more like a low drone at this point, up until he spoke and it seemed to increase in tempo again. Damn it. Maybe there was a way to get it shut off. Mercury turned his head letting out a low, "Raaawr."
Weiss just tilted her head to the side, the baby on the other hand had turned around to look at him, then started giggling and clapping her hands together. The meaning was not lost on him.
"I think she wants you to do it again."
Oh goodie, if he wanted the tv off he would have to keep entertaining the baby himself. Well, that plan went south fast; that and he may have not thought this far ahead. "Fuck me."
"Don't curse in front of the baby!"
"If you're going to talk dirty in front of the baby then I'm going to curse in front of it."
"She's not an 'it' either."
He decieded the best thing to do at this point was just to play dead. Not the best plan to escape Weiss' lecture or even the baby that was crawling over him again, pushing at his back for more 'funny noises,' but he was out of ideas.
When he heard the the click of the lock he turned his head, gaze flickering to the door, watching the handle turn. He was confused at first. They only had two keys for the house, one for him and one for Weiss. Weiss must have given Pyrrha the key for the night though, so if the baby was asleep she wouldn't wake her by ringing the doorbell.
"Pyrrha," he groaned from the ground. "Take your brat back."
"What's going on?" he could hear Jaune ask from beyond the door as it swung open.
Pyrrha was standing in the doorway, looking at the scene in front of her: with Mercury on his stomach, the baby poking him and making a disappointed noise, and Weiss reaching over in that moment to pat his head. "You're almost out of hell, honey."
Pyrrha laughed.
prompt: imagine your OTP taking care of a baby