A/N: EDITED VERSION (I could not stand the grammatical errors).

Okay, here's the deal guys. First, thank you mysterious reader for hopefully reading on in a bit, it means a lot! Secondly, as stated in the summary this story is lightly based on series 7 of Skins. It's canon up until Fire started, including a few of the spoilers from back then (Naomi's got brown hair, Effy's work etc.). Thirdly, this is my first Skins/Naomily fanfic, so please bear that in mind. Fourthly, I know the chapter is quite emotional and a bit of a heavy start, but bear with me, we have to start somewhere, right? It's gonna be an angsty ride, so if you're not into that, this is not your kind of story haha. It's also from Naomi's POV.

I would love some feedback from you guys, so don't be shy and enjoy!

RS x

Take Me or Leave Me
Chapter 1

It's funny how life never turns out the way we thought it would. Life changes right under our noses and we never notice before it's too late to do anything about it. If someone had told me four years ago that this would be where my life would be today, that this would be my life, I would've told them to go fuck themselves.

"Eff, stop fucking staring at me, it's creeping me out." I said to my flatmate Effy Stonem, without opening my eyes.

Yes, believe it or not, she's still alive and breathing despite the endless pills, fags, alcohol and a few 'minor' mental breakdowns. And yes, she's my flatmate and though I've never been much for labels or anything like that, I guess you could say she's also my best friend. Not that there're really anyone else in the running.

When there was no answer, but I swore I could still feel someone staring at me even with my eyes closed, I slowly opened them. Sure enough, Effy sat in the chair across my room and stared at me with her piercing blue eyes.

"Fuck's sake Eff, did you forget to take your meds this morning or something?" I asked annoyed and turned my head away from her.

"You're certainly not a morning person, eh?" She asked.

"You're just figuring that out now? We've been flatmates for God knows how fucking long and this is my fucking room so if you don't mind I'd like some fucking privacy. " I said and pulled the covers over my head.

Those piercing blue Stonem eyes that looked right through you and into the dark secrets of your soul were just not something you wanted to wake up to. Don't get me wrong; I loved Effy to death, just not as much in the mornings, especially not when I had a killer hangover.

"Do you need me to point you to the door or something?" I asked annoyed from under the covers when she still didn't get the hint.

For most parts Effy was a brilliant flatmate. She usually knew when I needed my space and vice versa. Over the years we both found that we were more alike than either of us thought. We were both under the impression that we didn't need anyone, that we would be fine on our own. We both had walls around our heart and soul that kept our true and vulnerable selves locked away inside. We had both let someone special break down those walls and we had both loved and lost.

So yeah, for most parts she understood me better than most people, almost like she knew what I was thinking half the time, but I reckon that's just Effy for you.. She sees what no one else does, which was exactly one of the less attractive sides of having her as your flatmate. She had never bothered to think about what people thought of the things she did or said in the past, and she sure still didn't. Not even when it came to perving on your flatmate sleeping.

"I met Katie for coffee last night." She simply stated.

"Congrats Eff, I hope she was as delightful as ever." I said indifferently, "Now piss off."

She didn't answer for a few minutes, but I knew she hadn't moved an inch, because I could still feel her eyes on me, studying me.

"You were a lot less of a bitch when you were with Emily." She finally said matter-of-factly.

I flinched from her words. I knew she wasn't trying to hurt me, but was simply stating the obvious. Sometimes she had moments like those when she was so lost in thought that I doubted she knew what she was saying half the time… but it wasn't like it was a lie.

For most of my relationship with Emily I had been less of a bitch, less angry. I had simply been a better person, but that had ended up hurting me so bad in the end that I had put those walls up again where they belonged and I wasn't planning on letting anyone see beyond them ever again. If I had to be a sarcastic bitch to spare me for the obvious shit that followed love, then so be it. It was worth it.

It took every ounce of my self-control not to fire back some stupid remark about her not being the same as she was when she was with Freddie, but I knew that would be a serious dick move. We may both have lost the one we loved, but she didn't have a say in it, and I knew she up to that day still walked around with the guilt of Freddie's death. So with a deep sigh I came out from under the covers, looked at her and simply asked: "Did you want something, Effy?"

"Yes, I did actually." She answered, clearly still lost in her thoughts.

When she didn't elaborate but simply kept staring at me I gave her my best "well?" look I could muster up with the hangover I was having.

"Right," She finally said, shaking her head as if she was shaking the thoughts away, "Are you gonna do anything productive today?"

"Define productive." I answered.

"Like, I don't know, clean up this mess you call a room, get a job or even just take a shower?"

"I already have a job."

"Please, I think we both know you have a lot more potential than being a waitress at a bar, Naomi." She said annoyed and when I didn't comment she went on, "Look, I have to get to work, but please, just take a shower will you? You smell like an ashtray."

And with that final comment she left the room and closed the door. For a second or two I didn't move. Whether it was because of what she'd said or my massive hangover I wasn't sure of. Most likely the latter, but it was true though. Not the part about me smelling like an ashtray, but about me supposedly having more potential than being a waitress at a bar. I would've at least thought so four years ago, but like I said, life changes.

After smelling my hair and indeed finding myself smelling like a freaking ashtray, I decided to take Effy's advice and take a shower. It did wonders for my hangover, not to mention the smell.

As I stood and looked into the mirror I found Effy's words about having more potential were stuck in my head, but all I could see was a brown haired, azure eyed girl who was so far from the girl she was in college that she could barely recognize her. It was like someone had taken a balloon filled with her beliefs, her passions and her will and simply popped it. There was nothing left.

"Fuck's sake." I whispered and wiped away the tear I'd noticed running down my cheek.

Pull yourself the fuck together, I thought as I walked back to my room to pull on some clothes.

The rest of the day I spent doing pretty much what I did everyday, which was nothing. I smoked some fags, zapped between channels and looked out on the streets of London filled with people who had these high expectations for their lives. If only they knew it would never turn out the way they thought.

When Effy came home around five, I was splayed out on the couch watching something I wasn't even sure what was. I wasn't going to work for a couple of hours still, so I was dressed in sweats and a hoodie with a fag in my hand.

"So you've actually managed to get from your bed to the couch today. Impressive."

She said as she took off her coat.

"Isn't it?" I simply said without looking up from the antelopes running across the screen.

She didn't say anything else, she just came to sit in the armchair at my feet and started staring at me again.

"You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were starting to develop a crush on me, Stonem." I said indifferent, "I know I'm quite fuckable, but let's just be friends, kay?"

"Emily's in town." She simply stated out of the blue.

I nearly choked on the smoke I'd just inhaled when she said that, "'Scuse me?" I said coughing.

"I said, Emily's in town," she answered evenly, staring at me intensely.

I couldn't believe she was saying it like it was no big deal. I mean, it wasn't really; I was just shocked, is all. I hadn't spoken to Emily for about a year and back then we didn't really leave things in a good way, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised she hadn't let me know she was in town.

Last I heard she was in a relationship, so I'm sure I was the last person she wanted to see anyway. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like we couldn't stand to be in the same room together, quite the opposite really. After we broke up, we tried with a clean break, you know? Like, no calls, no texts, no nothing. So when we got together because of some event we were both invited to because of our shared friends, the past bitch-slapped us hard in the face and we could barely control what happened afterwards. It was like, one second we were politely small talking about how things went, what we were up to and whatnot and the next second our clothes had magically disappeared and we were tangled up with each other like we were in college again and nothing else mattered as long as we were together.

The first few times it happened we always cuddled and behaved like we had never been apart afterwards, at least for a couple of hours until reality would hit us, but as we got older and the get-togethers with the gang happened less and less frequently, we started sneaking out the next morning like what we had done had been wrong. I'm not even sure who started doing it, though from past experience, I'm guessing it was me.

The last time it happened though, it completely screwed up her relationship at the time and I think she blamed me, but, I mean, it wasn't like I raped her, so she couldn't blame me completely.

It was at JJ and Lara's wedding (yes, they got married already, but then again, they kind of already have a kid, so…), and to be perfectly honest I acted like a kid on Christmas Eve the week up to the wedding because frankly, I just really missed Emily and I couldn't wait to see her.

So, imagine my surprise when she waltzed in to the church with a 5'11 gorgeous brunette on her arm as her date. Fuck's sake, of course I got fucking jealous, no one had even bothered to tell me that she was seeing someone, not even Emily herself, so I was not in the least bit prepared to see her with someone else, let alone a girl who looked like she had been picked from a freaking catalogue.

Needless to say, I got pretty pissed, like, I think I might have tried to snog JJ's mom at one point, but I'm not a 100% sure. The whole night is kind of a blur. However, I do remember Emily finding me on the stairs in the hotel lobby where the reception was being held. Apparently Effy had tried persuading me to go to my room and sleep it off, but had sent Emily after she failed miserably and only got me as far as the lobby.

"You okay there, Naoms?"She asked as she sat down next to me on the stairs.

"Just fucking peachy." I answered as I took a swig of the bottle I was holding. I think it was Vodka.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly after a while.

"You could have at least fucking told me, Ems!" I nearly yelled, "Or was it some kind of sick plan to rub it in my face, huh? To punish me some more perhaps?"

"What? No! Of course not, Naomi." She answered and looked down on her feet, "I just didn't know how to tell you…"

"Great, well that's just fucking great." I said as I tried to stand up and get away from her, but with the amount of alcohol I had consumed, I nearly fell on my arse had it not been for Emily steadying me with her hands.

So there we stood, my skin on fire from where her skin touched mine. We locked eyes for a second or two before I pushed her away from me as if she'd actually burned me.

"Don't," I said on the edge of tears, "Don't fucking touch me."

And with that I walked past her and up the stairs to my room, hoping I would be able to even find it in the state I was in. I thought I heard her call after me, but it wasn't until I reached the hallway my room was in that I knew she'd followed me.

"Please, would you just wait a minute," She begged as she gripped my wrist, "Please, let's just talk about this, okay?"

I pulled my wrist from her grip harder than was necessary, and it was obvious, even in my state, that it hurt her that I couldn't stand her touch, that I could barely look at her.

"What's there left to fucking talk about, Emily? You're with someone else and you couldn't even be bothered to fucking tell me about it." I spat viciously, tears running annoyingly down my cheeks now.

"I know, and I'm truly sorry, I really am. I should've told you." She answered, clearly trying not to cry herself, but why she would be crying beat me.

"You think?" I asked sarcastically and turned around again to walk away.

"I just… I didn't think you would react like this…" she said behind me, not moving.

I turned around immediately again, not believing what I was hearing, and walked back to where she stood.

"How did you think I would fucking react, Emily? Did you think I would just congratulate her, whatever the fuck her name is, on getting the only thing that has ever made me feel the least bit of real happiness, huh? Did you think I would give you my blessing and ask if we should all go out for coffee one day? Is that it, is that what you would have done?" I yelled at her, not caring if I woke up any of the other guests.

I barely knew what I was saying; it was just rolling off my tongue. She didn't answer, she just looked up at me with confused, sad brown eyes that I used to love getting lost in, but not anymore. Now they represented everything I had tried to protect myself from before she waltzed into my life and broke through the walls like they were made of fucking jelly.

"I guess not, 'cause you've clearly moved on." I added when she didn't answer and turned away from her again, but before I could make it down the hall she asked the one thing I couldn't answer.

"Haven't you?"

I stopped immediately in my tracks. It was a question I'd asked myself every day since we broke up, and deep down I think I knew the answer, but I couldn't tell her the answer, let alone admit it to myself. I couldn't admit to myself that I was as much a slave for my feelings for her as I'd been since I was twelve. I had to rebuild the walls; otherwise I'd die loving her.

I turned around to look at her, to tell her something in the lines of 'It didn't matter' or 'what kind of question is that', but I'd hesitated just long enough for her to know the answer, to read my thoughts the way she'd always been able to. She knew me too well.

The moment I turned around I was met by her lips crashing against mine, her fingers instantly and familiar in my hair and though I knew it was wrong, that she would regret it in the morning, I just couldn't stop myself. My hands flew around her waist and I pressed her against me like it was the last time I might hold her, which for all I knew, it might've been.

She gasped from the closeness and pushed me hard against the wall, her tongue begging entrance to meet mine, which I gladly granted. Suddenly it was like it always had been, nothing else mattered but us. I couldn't think clearly, I couldn't think rationally. I couldn't think past her familiar taste I'd missed for months, I couldn't think past her familiar touch, how we always moved so brilliantly synchronized, the way we fitted each others bodies, her smell of vanilla mixed with her own sweet scent… It was all too much.

I wanted her to be happy, I truly did, and I knew that even though she might've wanted it, wanted me right then, she would hate herself in the morning for what she'd done, but it didn't matter, she was mine. She always would be, no matter whom she was with.

As the last few rational thoughts slowly gave up their miserable attempt of getting past my desire, my love for this one girl, I pushed her hard against the opposite wall of the hall so I was the one pinning her against the surface, like I was trying to keep her from ever leaving.

She moaned into my mouth as her back made contact with the wall and I pushed her against it with my body. Her hands were still in my hair. I'd moved one of mine to her cheek and the other one was slowly making its way up her bare leg. I started trailing kisses up the side of her jawline to under her earlobe and down the side of her neck, just as my hand reached the fabric of her dress and I wrapped her leg around me so my own thigh pressed harder against her centre. She threw her head back up against the wall and moaned loudly into the empty hallway.

One of her hands was now pressed against my lower back, begging me for more. I breathed heavily into her neck as my hand that wasn't holding her leg slid down her neck, past her collarbone and cupped one of her tits. She moaned again as I squeezed softly. It was like fucking music to my ears.

"What room?" She asked almost impatiently in a husky voice that did more to me than I could ever explain in words.

There was no going back now, I thought to myself as I was frantically trying to remember my room number.

"Um…" I tried, completely short of breath and distracted by her hands pressing me more fiercely against her and my own hand nearly below her sweet bum, "I think… It's…."

"Naomi!" She moaned, definitely impatient, as my hand reached its destination.

"2….206." I finally stammered between breaths.

She immediately pushed herself off the wall and I let go off her leg. Her lips were on mine again, not wanting complete loss of contact. We made our way down the hallway, kissing, as we reached my room. I pinned her against the door again with my body, as I looked for my room-key. When I finally found it I unsuccessfully tried finding the keyhole while kissing her at the same time, no pun intended. It was my turn to get impatient.

"Fuck's sake," I groaned as I reluctantly removed my lips from hers and concentrated on finding the damn hole.

She laughed a soft, husky little laugh that I hadn't heard in such a long time and it just did it for me. I finally heard the very welcome click that informed me that I now had full access to do whatever I wanted with her.

I almost smashed the door open, making us practically stumble into the room, but fortunately I managed to steer us over to the bed before we fell on the floor. As I fell on top of her I heard the door lock itself, but before I got a chance to do the things I wanted to do to her she pushed me around so she was on top, straddling me with a knee on each side of me.

She looked down at me with pure desire before she leaned down to kiss me, but I met her halfway and grabbed her hair with my hands, pulling her to me as her hands went around my neck. We kissed feverishly like that for a few minutes. It almost resembled how one would breathe in the last few breaths of air knowing there would be none left after that.

I started sliding my hands down her neck, past her collar bone, down her sides, to her thighs where the hem of her dress had been pushed up a bit. I took a hold of the dress and started pulling it off of her, slowly letting my hands drag the dress up her bare stomach.

She broke the kiss to raise her arms so I'd be able to pull it off of her completely, but just before I pulled it off we locked eyes, and when I'd thrown the dress somewhere far away from her, we didn't resume kissing immediately.

She put her hands around my neck and pulled me closer. I put mine on her lower back and did the same. She looked into my eyes and for the first time since she kissed me in the hallway I noticed the tears very slowly running down her cheeks. For the first time I noticed the look in her eyes that beyond desire and want looked genuinely sad.

"I can't stand it… I can't…" She echoed my words from years ago and started kissing me again through sobs. As she said those words, I knew what it was and the tears started running down my cheeks again as well. It was goodbye.

"It's okay… it's okay." I echoed her words between sobs and kisses.

She went on to pull my dress off of me more aggressively and when the dress joined the other somewhere in the room I lifted her up slightly and turned us around so I was on top again.

Somewhere inside of me an unwelcome voice was telling me that she was doing this for my sake, that this was closure for me, and as I could feel her trying to get on top of me again, to make me feel good, the voice grew stronger. But if that was the last time I was ever going to make love to the only person I'd ever loved like that in my entire life, the only person I would ever love like that in my lifetime, then I sure as hell didn't want to be on the receiving end.

For one last time, I wanted to see the things I knew I could make her feel despite everything. I wanted to see her beneath me, clutching the sheets, my hair, crying my name and not some other girl's who didn't know her like I did. From the wrinkling of her nose when she first woke up in the morning, to the way I could tell she missed her family even though she'd never admit it, to the exact places I knew drove her crazy with want and desire.

The thought of never experiencing these things again, experiencing her, almost split me right open with heartache right then. I grew more aggressive in my kisses as the tears kept coming faster and faster and she tasted more and more like saltwater.

I slipped my hand behind her back as I'd done so many times and quickly unclasped her bra, took it off of her and threw it away. I went to trail kisses down her neck again as I parted her legs with my knee and pressed my thigh against her centre as I'd done in the hallway.

I was strangely relieved when I felt how wet she was and how she arched her hips up to meet my thigh. I was also more grateful than ever when I heard her moan softly in my ear. I started trailing kisses further down her body until I reached her tits. I started licking and sucking gently as her pushed her hips further into my thigh.

"Please…" she begged, breathing heavily.

If it was up to me, I would've let it go on and on until it was simply nothing but torture, just so I could be with her longer, but I knew that would be selfish, which I already was by letting her doing that, knowing it would kill her tomorrow. She wasn't the cheating type. I was, or I had been at least. So I obeyed and started making my way down her stomach, kissing every inch like it was the last time, which it was.

When I reached her knickers I quickly pulled them off and traced my fingertips ever so lightly up her legs and inner thighs.

"Fuck. Naomi, please…" she moaned, arching her hips involuntarily again.

I parted her legs a bit further and pulled her hungrily towards me. I kissed her inner thighs teasingly a few times, only because I knew she loved it, before I went to work on where she really wanted me. As I held her in place with my arms, I let my skilled tongue taste her, letting myself remember the taste of her. She moaned out loud and grabbed fistfuls of my hair, begging me for more.

I could do nothing but obey her wish, so I started pleasing her more with my tongue in the exact way I knew she loved, in the exact way I knew would please her more than anything.

"Naomi… I can't…I'm gonna…" she said between heavy breaths and moans.

I mixed the sensation and skillfulness of my tongue with a finger, causing her to moan out loudly while grabbing the back of my head harder. She was so wet though, that I immediately added a second finger. I found the familiar place almost instantly and was rewarded with her breath hitching and erotic soft moans that were the sweetest, sexiest thing I would ever get to hear in my life. As I felt her body quiver beneath me I knew it wouldn't be long.

I replaced my ravishing tongue with my thumb and started kissing her up her body again. I wanted to see her come - I needed to. As I reached her mouth I swallowed her sounds with my mouth and let her taste herself before I looked down at her. Just before I felt her tense beneath me we locked eyes again and I couldn't stop the tears that started running down my cheeks involuntarily again when I saw the tears on her cheeks.

When she clutched at my back, threw her head back and cried out my name I was sure the sound pierced right through my heart, so I had to swallow it with a kiss or I was sure I'd die right then and there from heartbreak.

"Please, look at me, Ems." I said just before it was over, my voice breaking.

She looked up at me, brown and red puffy eyes and I thought to myself that I didn't really deserve her. That was my punishment, my ultimate punishment for fucking it up when I had her and for ultimately letting her go. As our breathing slowed I slipped my fingers out of her gently and kissed her like my life depended on it. The kiss tasted too much of saltwater and too little of her.

As she started kissing my neck and trying to remove my bra I nearly broke down completely.

"Don't." I said sobbing, and removed her hands. She looked at me confused, sniffling.

"Just… Please, let me hold you for a while. That's all I want." I said crying.

She did what I asked, a final wish if you will, and we just lay there, crying and holding on to one another one last time until we fell asleep in each other's arms.