A cat. It had only been
a cat. Mikaila watched it, hoping it would move. It did not. She had not meant to kill it. She had not wanted to. It had hissed at her, and she had gotten angry. And as always, her "friends" had stepped in, and took care of her problem for her. Mikaila sunk to her knees.
It had only been a cat.
You can't solve all of your problems through violence, Mikaila. You need to learn to control them.
Mikaila clutched her head, squeezing her eyes shut and hunching over.
Mikaila
Shut up. I didn't mean to.
Mikaila...
Shut up.
You must learn...
SHUT UP!!
Mikaila moaned. Why had they had the spiders killed it? All she'd wanted was to pet it. Why had it hissed at her?! Why was it so stupid?! Didn't it know it would get hurt if it made her mad?! Didn't it KNOW?!
Mikaila felt tears fall from her eyes and slide effortlessly down her cheeks. She'd only wanted to pet it. That was all. Like how that doctor was petting it earlier. It hadn't hissed at him, it had just accepted his affection without a moment's hesitation. Mikaila began to grow angry again, and she felt the uneasy swarm of her spiders, just waiting for her aura to give the word of 'attack'.
She forced herself to calm down. She looked at the cat once more. It had been cute. Now I was nearly unrecognizable. It's once white fur was now saturated in its own blood, and it was swollen from all of the bites and the poison. It had been quick. But not nearly quick enough. The poor thing had suffered for almost five minutes. A five minutes that had probably been an eternity of agony for the cat. Mikaila took a deep, shuttering breath. She hadn't meant to hurt it.
It had only been a cat.
She bowed her head. She knew that was no excuse. She had only wanted it to be as willing for her attention as it had been for Jizabel's. For it to follow her too. For it to love her. She buried her face in her hadns. Why could no one love her? Truly, honestly love her? Alexis didn't love her, she knew this already. She wasn't a fool. And Cain most certainly did not love her. He had made that quite clear. All she had wanted...
It had only been a cat.
She knew she had to learn to make her spiders stop reacting to her temper. She knew this. She ahd been told this. Jizabel had told her a million times... And each time she had not cared to listen. She hated the doctor. He was just like her. But... he wasn't. He could be loved. No matter how damned he was, he was loved. Animals loved him. And even that strange runt of an assisstant loved him, she could tell. He was loved.
Cain was like her too. And he was also loved. He was loved by his friedns, what was left of his family...
Family...
Mikaila looked up. She had none. She had been created. A doll.
They had purposes too. Things that kept them going. Cain's was to defeat Alexis. Jizabel was driven by his own hatred of Cain. And Mikaila...
She did have a purpose. She was meant to be with Cain. But Cain was not meant to be with her. Cain did not want her. And thus, Mikaila had no purpose.
Control yourself, Mikaila...
What for? Mikaila thought, looking at the glassy eyes of the dead cat once more. Why do I have to keep control of myself? What I wouldn't give to just let go. To let myself destroy everything.
She reached out to touch the once immaculate fur of the creature before her. She would be just like this cat someday. She would disappear too. Already, her range of motion was fading. She was going to end up exactly like this cat. But would it be this quick?
She closed her eyes, stopping her hand just before her fingertips had actually made contact with the cat. Maybe. She certainly hoped so. But who cares how she would go?
It had only been a cat.
And she had only been Mikaila.