It's whitely vanishing, the silhouette of that day
Chapter 1: The silhouette whose faint smile leads me alongIt had been a while since a rehearsal had felt that good and gone so well. Shuichi thought of nothing but the songs they needed the practice, songs he himself had written and songs that had been wrote by Gods -because of course Yuki Eiri and Sakuma Ryuichi were Gods-. The pressure was on, but nobody felt intimidated by anyone, not even by their seniors from Nittle Grasper... because this time, Bad Luck had been chosen to participate in several concerts alongside the legendary Nittle Grasper, performing songs from both bands all together.
Noriko and Suguru were getting along surprisingly well, working on new arrangements for each other's songs; Hiro was rocking the guitar as always, somehow standing out even more now with more people than when it was just them three.
Shuichi and Ryuichi had the best chemistry of them all. There was the rivalry, it would always be there, but the songs would go as good as they could, all thanks to them.
"The cold times drift about in dreams,
but are caught and held in your hands.
When I woke up from the countless wishes,
you are reflected in a shimmering illusion-"*
Shuichi was looking right into Ryuichi's eyes while he singed those words, getting an intense glare back from the older singer and feeling both challenged and pleased by the gesture. He had discovered he loved that feeling and couldn't be more grateful with the opportunity to sing like this with his long-time idol. He -and Hiro- was sure that was most likely the reason why -again- the distance Yuki was putting between them hadn't affected him like in the old times. This time Shuichi wasn't letting his depression getting in the way of his career and dream.
It was fine. Shuichi was busy pretty much all the time with the rehearsals and having an awesome time with everyone; Yuki was busy with an important release of his latest novel. Really, it was fine. They were fine.
Ryuichi had tilted his head a little, encouraging the pink-haired boy to follow his lead with a pose for when they finished the song. Sakuma was smirking self-satisfied and Shuichi smiled as well, the music was just about to end when the door from the recording studio went open and Sakano, K and Seguchi Touma entered. The room went quiet immediately; the song hadn't been finished.
"Am I interrupting?" asked NG's president with polite concern in his voice.
"Interrupting? You're late, Touma!" replied Ryuichi, immediately changing to his casual, childish voice.
Nobody could ever talk to Seguchi Touma like that, nobody dared… but Ryuichi.
"I know I should've been here, Sakuma, I'm sorry" he offered with a small shrug, again polite "but I've been busy."
"W-we've got great news!" Sakano looked like he was trying really hard not to faint. If it was out of excitement or nervousness, nobody could really tell. "A fourth date has been confirmed!"
Everyone cheered. Shuichi and Hiro bumped fists in the air; Suguru looked for reaffirmation in his cousin's eyes, Seguchi smiled and nodded happily, causing the young boy to smile widely. Noriko was patting Ryuichi down, but she showed how happy she was about the news as well.
"Now now, there is more to tell on that but since we're only a week away from our first show…" continued the short-haired blonde.
Before he could finish, the sound of the safe of a gun was loud enough for everyone to hear, and a gleam coming from K's bright smile flashed them all, warning them.
"…shall we?"
With the whole band finally together, they were able to continue for a bit more than half an hour before everyone decided it was time to go and rest.
NGBL was the "name" of this collaboration, in which all members of Nittle Grasper and Bad Luck would get together in stage to perform and give three -now four- big shows, and if everything turned out to be a success -which it looked like it already had- it was more than likely than a tour would be organized for the band.
Shuichi got home exhausted. All lights were out so he didn't bother on turning them on and collapsed with his belly down on the big sofa from the living room, jacket on and everything. He forced himself to breathe evenly and made sure his throat was ok; the last thing he needed was to get sick before starting their concerts.
Even though he was tired, the excitement of the rehearsal and the big news had filled him with adrenaline and energy, and so he had made his way home shorter in time as he was walking pretty fast despite the chilly weather -hence why he was concerned about his voice-.
He sighed loudly and tried to relax. The enthusiasm he now always felt after being with everyone was wearing off, and the cold darkness of the room was catching up to him, reminding him of the situation he had left at home in the morning. He was already feeling his shoulders tense at the thought.
"You're home."
Yuki's voice startled Shuichi in his spot. The small boy twitched and with his hands he raised his face from the sofa, with sleepy but hopeful eyes looking in Yuki's direction.
"Hi Yuki! Yes, I'm home!"
He had started with a sweet happy tone but immediately faded into a flat -even a bit sad- one once he met with Yuki's cold glare. That hadn't been a question at all.
The blonde man blinked once at him and before resuming his way to the kitchen. Shuichi felt hurt but it was a feeling he was more used to than what he would've wanted to admit, and so he thought to himself that he would try harder than this morning. He would try harder to connect with Yuki.
Quick steps followed the novelist to the kitchen, who did nothing to acknowledge the other's presence and went on on his coffee routine. He noticed he had already finished his coffee so started to pour more water into the coffee maker when a voice cut through the silence.
"I thought you weren't home since the lights were off, I'm sorry I didn't notice Yuki." The blonde kept on doing his chores, but Shuichi wasn't about to give up so quickly "Do you want me to finish with the coffee? I'll take it to the studio so you can continue!"
Shuichi was giving his best faked smile -whether Yuki could notice it was fake or not, he didn't know- and offered the gesture with a forced happy tone. Only then Yuki stopped at what he was doing and looked at boy.
"Aren't you tired?"
Shuichi blinked one and then a second time, having found the question really odd. Since when…?
"I…"
"I thought you were going to be all day at the studio" continued as if nothing, and again, went back to the coffee maker. Now he had finished so he put away the flask with the rest of the coffee and pressed the button for "Expresso".
Shuichi felt even more hurt, but now he was getting annoyed as well. He did not want to be ignored right now.
"I was, I had a really nice day and the rehearsal was-"
Yuki had given him a side glare, one that was enough to make him fall silent. Then suddenly, the older man approached him and cornered against the kitchen table, flanking his sides with his arms, face close to his own.
When Yuki spoke, his tone was now soft and low, his hot breath running across Shuichi's face, making him blush.
"You do look tired, Shuichi." He said softly, with that voice of his that could make the singer melt "Why don't you go to bed and rest?"
And before he could argue, his lips met Yuki's in a deep kiss. The older man caressed Shuichi's cheek while he kissed him deeply, using his other arm to get a strong hold on the boy's mid body and pull him close. With half lidded eyes Shuichi let himself be kissed and noticed how he was dragged out of the kitchen and into their bedroom. He finally closed his eyes when he was placed on the bed completely, with big hands running through his body and wet kisses on his face and neck. What he didn't notice was the moment he lost his jacket -which was surely laying on the kitchen's or living room's floor-.
Shuichi knew he should've seen this coming, he shouldn't have allowed Yuki to treat him and avoid him like this, but it was too late when the hot body above him left with a cold last touch. When Shuichi opened his eyes all he could see was Yuki's back disappearing behind the door -which got closed-.
Immediately, tears filled his eyes and started going down his face quickly. Shuichi felt miserable but couldn't help himself. Shuichi curled up in a ball hugging one of the pillows, crying and sobbing against the fabric in an attempt to be as quiet as possible.
He cried for a while, telling himself that it would be the last time, remining himself that in just one week we would accomplish one of his dreams, so he had to be strong… but for now he would let it all out, all his anger and sadness and misery.
When Shuichi woke up the next morning, he felt empty but calm. He got himself up and rubbed his dry eyes with his hands, already feeling the consequences of last night's cry.
Yuki was not in the room.
Shuichi sighed loudly. From what he could tell, the writer hadn't even gone to bed at all -probably had fallen asleep in the desk at his studio-. Deciding he would start fresh that day, he first thought of going to Yuki's studio to wake him up with a kiss to bring him to bed and rest… but then on a second thought, Yuki was never happy when he woke up at the studio, so he ditched his first idea and went to shower to get ready for his day. He would kiss Yuki goodbye anyways.
During his shower and while he was preparing to go out, the pink-haired singer thought of another idea that might -just might- bring him and Yuki closer again. The writer had already declined any special invitations to all three of NGBL events, but with yesterday's news Shuichi couldn't help but to feel hopeful. Again.
"Ah, Yuki!"
Shuichi had just finished getting his backpack ready and was about to put on his jacket when Yuki made his appearance, with a cigar in his mouth and coffee mug in hand. The boy felt bold at the moment and so he went and kissed Yuki on the corner of his lips -away from the smoke-; the blonde just closed one eye at the touch and then blinked.
"I figured you didn't want to be disturbed, did I wake you up?"
The older man raised an eyebrow "Since when do you care about that?" he said annoyed. Yuki clearly wasn't a morning person.
Shuichi decided to ignore the bitter comment and continued with his plan before leaving.
"Uhm, Yuki, about the shows-"
"I've told you I can't, my novel is-"
"No, no, I know! And I understand" Yuki's eyebrow went even higher, but he insisted "I understand, really, but this is something else." His eyes shone again and he brought his right fist up in the air when he announced: "NGBL is getting a fourth show! Sales were so great they had to open a new date, isn't that awesome?" he said, feeling enthusiastic for the first time in the day -it would always happen with that subject- "So if the other dates interfered with your interviews or deadlines, maybe you could make it to the fourth date!"
Yuki's expression had only changed a little since he got the news, his eyebrows were even again but other than that there was no "yes" or "no" answer in his face. Shuichi smiled sadly and made his way to the entrance, and then while putting on his shoes spoke again.
"Or, if that's also not going to be possible, you could watch our shows on T.V." when he finished he stood up and without turning back, said his goodbyes to his boyfriend and left for the studio.
Alone at home, Yuki Eiri sighed tiredly and retired to the bedroom to try to get some sleep.
At NG, Shuichi found Hiro at the usual table by the vending machines. He told his best friend about what had happened the day before and the resolution he had come up with. None of them let that affect their moods though, so when they arrived at the recording studio and saw Seguchi Touma also there, they just got even more excited.
The last one to arrive was Ryuichi, and when he did Shuichi felt even better, having his idol by his side only made him steadier.
The following days of rehearsals went good, with all six members of the bands there to attune the last details. K was pleased and so were everyone else since he hadn't had to pull out any of his guns on those days; there were just a couple of calls Seguchi had to take but besides that, everything went smoothly.
Things at home weren't as Shuichi would've liked, but they weren't terrible either. He had just given up on trying to get Yuki's attention for more than two minutes -or however long Yuki would want to kiss and grope him, sometimes- and so their interactions and fights were pretty much zero.
Shuichi was ok with that, he preferred to focus on the now, and that was his upcoming show with NGBL.
When they only had two days left, their suits were finally finished and so they all tried them on for the last time. Shuichi -actually everyone, really- fell in love with them. Hiro looked very handsome and he knew his girlfriend, Aya, would appreciate the looks.
His favorite ones though, were his and Ryuichi's costumes. Even though they weren't identical, the suits had been made to match, both being black leather pants and jacket in Ryuichi's case, and shorts for Shuichi. Ryuichi's top was red while Shuichi's was purple. They both had chokers and bracelets on them.
The day had finally come and everyone was excited and -being honest- nervous for the big event. This was the opening show for the remaining three and luckily, for an upcoming tour. They were all under a lot of pressure but tried to not focus on that.
Everyone -especially Hiro and Seguchi, who knew what was going on- was surprised on Shuichi's stability through the whole week and during the day, not having -visibly- any breakdowns, blocks or sudden lack of voice problems. Everyone was surprised, yes, but truly glad things were working.
The place for the concerts wasn't as big as the Tokyo Music Fest had been, but it was bigger than usual for one band. It was also sold out. They were going to open with one of Nittle Grasper's songs, and end with one of Bad Luck's. The moment had finally come.
Hiro's guitar made the audience go wild when he started with Sleepless Beauty. Seguchi, Suguru and Noriko followed with the keyboards and synthesizer and when the time for the first verse came, the audience screamed and singed along Sakuma Ryuichi's magnificent[CG1] voice.
Shuichi joined at the first bridge and stayed for chorous:
"(without an exit)
If you intend to survive the impact
(to the point where you fall apart)
enrapture the deceits
You who have been reborn,
color your eyes, without smiling alone.
Even if the world you've longed for has suddenly,
burned to ash, in some miracle we could still brush into each other"
The chemistry of both bands was palpable, the crowd was aroused and so were them.
Shuichi, Ryuichi and even Hiro moved across the stage, teasing the audience, owning everything in the moment.
"(Hold me gently
in order to break me)"
Ryuichi was approaching Shuichi -as he normally did during rehearsals- but this time, Sakuma's glare was significantly more serious, but instead of smother at the closeness, Shuichi only felt himself, again, steadier and better.
The older singer grabbed Shuichi's choker with the index finger and pulled him even closer. The younger singer felt his cheeks blush, and his heart was somehow beating a lot faster with Sakuma's closeness, but he kept on going; he felt amazing. The crowd got even more exited but they both kept on singing, Ryuichi keeping his hand firm in the spot.
"(A cold hand)
gathers up the shed thorns, so
(A banked flame)
continues to smolder"
With a final look, Ryuichi sized Shuichi's state and when he found nothing but longing and reassurance that he was ok, the older singer closed the gap between them and kissed him unwaveringly on the lips. The music stopped completely -as rehearsed- and there was a synched gasp coming from the audience and musicians themselves.
Shuichi felt the soft lips of his idol smoothly but firmly kissing his own.
Shuichi's heart skipped a beat.