Lord Chaos: I do not own FF7, or any of its characters. I do, however, own the plot, my Self Insertions, my move names, and the annoying little thing in my head that I never listen to.
Random Servant: That's called a consience, sir.
Lord Chaos: Really? Well I'll be...
Random Servant: The master now presents you with his masterpiece humor: FFSI.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*We find Cloud sitting in Tifa's bar, rebuilt in Nibelheim*
Cloud: *burps* Ahh...booze...
Tifa: *grins and writes down an outrageous number on his tab*
Cloud: One...mor...pleeze...
Tifa: Coming right up! *writes down another insane number on the tab*
Cloud: An...makeitsnappy...
Tifa: *snickers and grabs some antacid from the shelf, mixing it with the beer*
*suddenly, a mysterious man who looks like a cross between Sephiroth and Vincent walks into the bar*
Tifa: *gasps* Look! Vincent and Sephiroth have fused!
Cloud: *hic* Huh...?
???: No, you idiot! I'm the author, Lord Chaos!
Tifa: *gasps* Look! Vincent and Sephiroth have fused into the author, Lord Chaos!
LC: *sighs* No, no. Vincent's sleeping in his coffin, Sephiroth's going to appear in this demented story later, and I am the author.
Tifa: *gasps* Look! Vincent and Sephiroth have fused into the author, Lord Chaos! And Vincent's sleeping in his coffin, Sephiroth's going to appear in this demented story later, and that mysterious guy is the author!
LC: Close enough. Now, before this stupid joke goes any farther...*notices Cloud's drunken state, then Cloud's bar tab* Good lord! You're charging 10000000 gil per drink? Remind me never to drink here.
Tifa: No, I just raise the bar tabs of drunk guys in order to make more money. *cackles insanely*
Cloud: *suddenly becomes sober* YOU WHAT?
Tifa: Meep!
LC: Oh, god. Look, Tifa, Cloud, Barret, Yuffie, Nanaki, Aeris, Cid, Reeve/Cait Sith, Vincent, and Sephiroth...First, don't drink here. Second, don't drink alcohol period. Third, I'm the author, which means I have powers that you guys can't even dream of.
*All of the main AVALANCHE members, each of who mysteriously appeared when LC said their name, stared at him blankly*
LC: Okay, good. Glad we got that cleared up. *clears throat* Now then...
Cloud: *notices that Aeris is alive* Holy crap! Aeris! You're back!
Aeris: *notices that she is alive* Holy crap! Cloud! I'm back!
LC: *notices that they're all idiots* Holy crap! Sephiroth! They're all idiots!
Sephiroth: *notices that LC is right* Holy crap! LC! You're right!
Vincent: *notices that this gag is stupid* Holy crap! LC! This gag is stupid!
LC: *notices that Vincent is right* Holy crap! Vincent! You're right!
Aeris: Why is Sephiroth alive, anyway? He killed me!
LC: Yees...well...
Aeris: Kill him!
Cloud: He killed my Aeris!
LC: Well...first, he's not evil any more. Second...I DON'T CARE!
Cloud: But...
LC: No.
Cloud: But...
LC: NO.
Cloud: But...
LC: NO!
Cloud: All I want is a drink of water!
LC: *makes a drink of water appear hovering in front of Cloud*
Cloud: Thank you! *drinks the water*
LC: *sighs* Look, this is going nowhere.
Cloud: So, why did you call us before you?
LC: Well...seeing as how there's some kind of new bad guy around...
Cloud: Gotcha. You want us to go kick his ass.
Nanaki: There goes the PG rating.
LC: Actually, I could beat the crap out of this new bad guy with one hand tied behind my back, seeing as how here, I'm a god, but...yeah, pretty much.
Cloud: Al-RIGHT! Ass-whooping time!
Nanaki: I spoke twice!
LC: Hey, come on, I gotta cut back, dude.
Yuffie: Aww...but I like to talk!
Cid: No @#!*&!, girl!
Vincent: .....
Cait Sith/Reeve: Umm...you know what? I think Tifa's having a breakdown...
Tifa: *gasps for breath* A...stroke, you bastard!
Cait Sith/Reeve: Whatever.
Cloud: Par-tay! No more Tifa! No more Tifa!
Tifa: No...more bar...Cloud. No...more booze.
Cloud: S@*T! No more booze!
LC: No more jacked-up bar tabs...
Cloud: But no more booze!
Aeris: No more man-stealing whore! (A/N: Ongoing joke. If you like Tifa, ignore it.)
Cloud: BUT NO MORE BOOZE!
LC: Ooookay...well....now then, if you're not toooo busy whining... Cloud: *perks up* Woo-hoo! ASS-WHOOPING TIME!
LC: Erm...yes. His name's...
Cloud: WHO CARES!
LC: Shut up before I turn you inside-out.
Cloud: Oooh...I've always wanted to see inside my skull!
Sephiroth, Vincent, Aeris, LC, Nanaki, Barret, and Cid: SEE WHAT???
Cloud: You know! My...what's that stuff in there called again?
Hojo: *runs in* Brains, also known as grey matter, are the major nerve central organ inside the skull, and servers as a cont-*is cut off due to Sephiroth ramming the Masamune down his skull and Vincent shooting him in the head*
Vincent: I've always wanted to do that.
Sephiroth: That was fun.
LC: Okay, if you guys are done...the villain's name is...
Cloud: Just tell us where he is!
LC: Uh...well...if I told you, then you wouldn't be able to go on a long and pointless quest!
Cloud: And...WHY would we want to?
LC: *glares at him with a look that plainly says "Do it, or I'll shave your head"*
Cloud: Okay, okay! At least tell us what he looks like!
LC: He looks like you with red hair, red eyes, and a cooler, spiked sword. *pats his own magic nodachi lovingly*
Cloud: My sword is cool! Right, Aeris?
Aeris: *looks at him oddly, then looks at LC* That's all there we get?
LC: Yep.
Aeris: *gives him the finger*
LC: You want to keep that finger? Then put it down.
Aeris: *swallows and clasps her hands behind her back*
LC: Good girl.
Cloud: Don't threaten my Aeris! Sephiroth: Yeah, that's my job!
LC: Shut up all of you. I'll give you a town to go to, but you won't find him there. You'll get some information, materia....
Yuffie: MATERIA!!!!!
LC: *ignores her* ...weapons, and...
Aeris: *sad eyes* You aren't coming with us?
LC: Well...I... Aeris: Plleeease?
LC: I...
Aeris: *walks over to him* Pleease?
LC: I dunno...
Aeris: *leans towards him seductively, kisses his cheek*
LC: *sighs* Fine, fine, fine...I'll go...
Aeris and Yuffie: WHOOPIE!
Cloud: Dammit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LC: So ends Chapter One! Did you like it? Reviews, please, even flames are appreciated! Because I can cackle at how stupid they are!
Random Servant: But doesn't your consience tell you not to?
LC: My what?
Random Servant: That annoying little voice in your head you never listen to, sir.
LC: How should I know? I never listen to it!
Random Servant: That's called a consience, sir.
Lord Chaos: Really? Well I'll be...
Random Servant: The master now presents you with his masterpiece humor: FFSI.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*We find Cloud sitting in Tifa's bar, rebuilt in Nibelheim*
Cloud: *burps* Ahh...booze...
Tifa: *grins and writes down an outrageous number on his tab*
Cloud: One...mor...pleeze...
Tifa: Coming right up! *writes down another insane number on the tab*
Cloud: An...makeitsnappy...
Tifa: *snickers and grabs some antacid from the shelf, mixing it with the beer*
*suddenly, a mysterious man who looks like a cross between Sephiroth and Vincent walks into the bar*
Tifa: *gasps* Look! Vincent and Sephiroth have fused!
Cloud: *hic* Huh...?
???: No, you idiot! I'm the author, Lord Chaos!
Tifa: *gasps* Look! Vincent and Sephiroth have fused into the author, Lord Chaos!
LC: *sighs* No, no. Vincent's sleeping in his coffin, Sephiroth's going to appear in this demented story later, and I am the author.
Tifa: *gasps* Look! Vincent and Sephiroth have fused into the author, Lord Chaos! And Vincent's sleeping in his coffin, Sephiroth's going to appear in this demented story later, and that mysterious guy is the author!
LC: Close enough. Now, before this stupid joke goes any farther...*notices Cloud's drunken state, then Cloud's bar tab* Good lord! You're charging 10000000 gil per drink? Remind me never to drink here.
Tifa: No, I just raise the bar tabs of drunk guys in order to make more money. *cackles insanely*
Cloud: *suddenly becomes sober* YOU WHAT?
Tifa: Meep!
LC: Oh, god. Look, Tifa, Cloud, Barret, Yuffie, Nanaki, Aeris, Cid, Reeve/Cait Sith, Vincent, and Sephiroth...First, don't drink here. Second, don't drink alcohol period. Third, I'm the author, which means I have powers that you guys can't even dream of.
*All of the main AVALANCHE members, each of who mysteriously appeared when LC said their name, stared at him blankly*
LC: Okay, good. Glad we got that cleared up. *clears throat* Now then...
Cloud: *notices that Aeris is alive* Holy crap! Aeris! You're back!
Aeris: *notices that she is alive* Holy crap! Cloud! I'm back!
LC: *notices that they're all idiots* Holy crap! Sephiroth! They're all idiots!
Sephiroth: *notices that LC is right* Holy crap! LC! You're right!
Vincent: *notices that this gag is stupid* Holy crap! LC! This gag is stupid!
LC: *notices that Vincent is right* Holy crap! Vincent! You're right!
Aeris: Why is Sephiroth alive, anyway? He killed me!
LC: Yees...well...
Aeris: Kill him!
Cloud: He killed my Aeris!
LC: Well...first, he's not evil any more. Second...I DON'T CARE!
Cloud: But...
LC: No.
Cloud: But...
LC: NO.
Cloud: But...
LC: NO!
Cloud: All I want is a drink of water!
LC: *makes a drink of water appear hovering in front of Cloud*
Cloud: Thank you! *drinks the water*
LC: *sighs* Look, this is going nowhere.
Cloud: So, why did you call us before you?
LC: Well...seeing as how there's some kind of new bad guy around...
Cloud: Gotcha. You want us to go kick his ass.
Nanaki: There goes the PG rating.
LC: Actually, I could beat the crap out of this new bad guy with one hand tied behind my back, seeing as how here, I'm a god, but...yeah, pretty much.
Cloud: Al-RIGHT! Ass-whooping time!
Nanaki: I spoke twice!
LC: Hey, come on, I gotta cut back, dude.
Yuffie: Aww...but I like to talk!
Cid: No @#!*&!, girl!
Vincent: .....
Cait Sith/Reeve: Umm...you know what? I think Tifa's having a breakdown...
Tifa: *gasps for breath* A...stroke, you bastard!
Cait Sith/Reeve: Whatever.
Cloud: Par-tay! No more Tifa! No more Tifa!
Tifa: No...more bar...Cloud. No...more booze.
Cloud: S@*T! No more booze!
LC: No more jacked-up bar tabs...
Cloud: But no more booze!
Aeris: No more man-stealing whore! (A/N: Ongoing joke. If you like Tifa, ignore it.)
Cloud: BUT NO MORE BOOZE!
LC: Ooookay...well....now then, if you're not toooo busy whining... Cloud: *perks up* Woo-hoo! ASS-WHOOPING TIME!
LC: Erm...yes. His name's...
Cloud: WHO CARES!
LC: Shut up before I turn you inside-out.
Cloud: Oooh...I've always wanted to see inside my skull!
Sephiroth, Vincent, Aeris, LC, Nanaki, Barret, and Cid: SEE WHAT???
Cloud: You know! My...what's that stuff in there called again?
Hojo: *runs in* Brains, also known as grey matter, are the major nerve central organ inside the skull, and servers as a cont-*is cut off due to Sephiroth ramming the Masamune down his skull and Vincent shooting him in the head*
Vincent: I've always wanted to do that.
Sephiroth: That was fun.
LC: Okay, if you guys are done...the villain's name is...
Cloud: Just tell us where he is!
LC: Uh...well...if I told you, then you wouldn't be able to go on a long and pointless quest!
Cloud: And...WHY would we want to?
LC: *glares at him with a look that plainly says "Do it, or I'll shave your head"*
Cloud: Okay, okay! At least tell us what he looks like!
LC: He looks like you with red hair, red eyes, and a cooler, spiked sword. *pats his own magic nodachi lovingly*
Cloud: My sword is cool! Right, Aeris?
Aeris: *looks at him oddly, then looks at LC* That's all there we get?
LC: Yep.
Aeris: *gives him the finger*
LC: You want to keep that finger? Then put it down.
Aeris: *swallows and clasps her hands behind her back*
LC: Good girl.
Cloud: Don't threaten my Aeris! Sephiroth: Yeah, that's my job!
LC: Shut up all of you. I'll give you a town to go to, but you won't find him there. You'll get some information, materia....
Yuffie: MATERIA!!!!!
LC: *ignores her* ...weapons, and...
Aeris: *sad eyes* You aren't coming with us?
LC: Well...I... Aeris: Plleeease?
LC: I...
Aeris: *walks over to him* Pleease?
LC: I dunno...
Aeris: *leans towards him seductively, kisses his cheek*
LC: *sighs* Fine, fine, fine...I'll go...
Aeris and Yuffie: WHOOPIE!
Cloud: Dammit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LC: So ends Chapter One! Did you like it? Reviews, please, even flames are appreciated! Because I can cackle at how stupid they are!
Random Servant: But doesn't your consience tell you not to?
LC: My what?
Random Servant: That annoying little voice in your head you never listen to, sir.
LC: How should I know? I never listen to it!