Title: I am fine.
Pairings: Charles/Erik
Warnings: Lots of slash, SMUT! some fluff. Tiny bit of angst. Do I have to say non-canon?
Summary: Charles makes Erik feel whole. Set before the shit hits the fan.
Disclaimer: Considering I'm publishing my work on here, and not sticking it into a movie which involves lots of Charles/Erik loving, I imagine you can all guess that I do not own any part of X men or First Class.
A/N: Still a little bit Angsty, but less so than my first two forays into this fanfiction have been. Based on another song, music is a great muse. I'm not going to put the lyrics down for this one because it's the whole song. For a complete experience please play Counting Crows – Colour-blind in the background whilst reading.
When Erik meets Charles he is broken. Completely broken, all horrific memories and jagged edges.
The drawing out process begins slowly, and as Charles puts Erik back together, he slowly works his way into Erik's mind, his heart, his soul, stitching him up and gluing him back together using only love and kindness.
Occasionally, Erik confronts Charles about what he is doing, what Erik is letting Charles do to him.
'Why do you think you have to fix everything?' he roars one evening, after a particularly gruelling day of training in which Erik accidentally dislocated Alex's shoulder, resulting in a lot of singed and mutilated trees. Charles and Hank had fixed Alex's shoulder, reassured the other children, and then Charles had eventually gone after Erik, which is when the shouting began.
'Because, my friend, I cannot know of another's pain and suffering without trying to heal them.' Charles had replied calmly.
'I don't need healing!' Erik had shouted in reply, thumping the table in the study that usually held a chess set. 'I do not require your help, or comfort Charles, and I certainly don't want it!' he had snarled, and stormed out of the room, not registering the look of hurt on Charles' face and the tears threatening to spill from his friend's eyes.
Most of the time however, Erik is content to let Charles help him, to train with him, to comfort him and stroke his hair after a nightmare; under pain of death if he should ever tell anyone that is.
Things came to a head one night, when Charles woke Erik from a particularly terrible nightmare. Charles held Erik until his violent shuddering and heaving sobs subsided, and he sunk onto Charles chest. They sat peacefully for a few moments, Charles absent-mindedly stroking Erik's hair. Erik broke the silence;
'Charles?' he murmured,
'Hmm?' Charles replied
Erik swallowed, 'You are the kindest person I have ever met. And my truest friend.'
'Thank you, my friend.' Charles said sincerely, 'Although I do believe I'm also your only friend, although the children are nearly there.' He added as a humorous after thought.
Erik sat up, and turned slightly to look Charles in the eye;
'I mean it Charles,' he said softly, 'I dread to think what I may have become without you.'
Charles stared at Erik for a moment, and then, slowly and carefully, leaned in and kissed his lips, so softly, that Erik was not entirely sure it had taken place. He looked back at Charles, his gaze unfathomable.
Mistaking this for rejection, Charles began a hasty retreat,
'I'm sorry Erik,' he said hastily, with a forced chuckle, 'don't know what ca-,'
He was cut off suddenly as Erik's lips crushed against his own, with nothing of the softness that Charles had used. Charles moaned into the kiss, and the parting of his lips, allowed Erik's tongue to slip between them hungrily, their teeth clashing.
In a few minutes they were panting for breath, and Erik eventually broke the kiss. In the dim light of his lamp, he could see Charles' face, tinged with a soft blush, his red mouth parted and gasping, his eyes blue and bright. Charles was truly beautiful.
Their lips crashed together again, and Erik's mind seemed to glow with heat, as his hands roamed over Charles' body, touching and savouring every piece of skin they could find. He could feel Charles projecting into his mind,
God Erik, want you so much, wanted you for so long, ah, Erik, so perfect, want you so much,
Soon, touch alone was not enough. Erik wanted all of Charles, and he wanted him now, underneath him, gasping and writhing and moaning his name. He began to tear feverishly at the ridiculously difficult buttons on Charles' pyjama shirt, and then just ripped them instead, pulling the sleeves down Charles' arms and casting the offending garment onto the floor. He himself was just wearing boxer shorts, and was eternally grateful to some unknown God for this, as it allowed Charles to put his hands down them, and stroke his aching cock. He arched into Charles' hand; temporarily forgetting his quest to rid Charles of his clothing.
'Charles,' he groaned softly, before leaning away from the younger man and rolling off him so he could tug Charles' pants off and discard them onto the floor. Underneath the trousers, Charles' wore nothing, and Erik's breath faltered for a second as his eyes roamed over Charles' body. Charles' was nowhere near as muscular and chiselled as himself, but this only made Charles more perfect in Erik's eyes. Charles had always been the softer one, the gentler one. His musings were interrupted by Charles' voice;
'If we're going to do this Erik,' he whispered, 'I need to get a couple of things from my room.' And planting a kiss on his now lover's lips, he slipped from the room.
In those few moments alone, Erik began to panic. Sex for him was usually meaningless, a means to an end, whether it be for revenge or to fulfil a simple need. He had never felt any feeling other than contempt for the individuals he had slept with over the years. They were meaningless. Charles was not. Charles trusted him, wanted him, cared for him. He could not just abandon Charles after he had finished, he would not allow Charles' to become tainted with any of his darkness. He would not use Charles. He didn't know for sure he could be intimate with another without being brutal and harsh, it was how his life had always been; no room for softer feelings. His breathing sped up somewhat, and his palms began to sweat.
'What is it Erik?' Came Charles' voice from beside him, Erik looked up, and saw that Charles had fetched condoms and some sort of lubricant. He forced a smile.
'I see you were prepared.' He said. Charles blushed slightly, and lay down next to him on the bed, taking one of Erik's hands into his own.
'What's wrong Erik?' he asked, softly, his blue eyes locking with Erik's green/grey ones. 'If you've changed your mind, then it doesn't matter, you should know that.'
'I don't want to hurt you.' Erik admitted, looking away. Charles took Erik's face in his hands and kissed him, softly again, pouring out feelings of safety and warmth and . . . love, into Erik's head.
'I love you.' Was Charles' simple reply. He then removed Erik's boxers, and kissed slowly down his body, until he came to Erik's cock, which he took into his mouth. Erik groaned as Charles began to move his mouth up and down Erik's length, one of his hands following the movement around Erik's base. Erik gripped Charles' hair in his fingers, gasping and thrusting, and he thought he was going to come . . . when Charles' let him go, making a soft popping sound. The sight of Charles' cherry red lips hovering between his legs was almost too much for Erik. He reached down to pull Charles up and then rolled them so he was on top. He reached between them and took Charles' cock in his hands and tugged at it, causing Charles to moan beneath him. If he lived until a hundred, Erik knew he could never get tired of that sound. Eventually he stopped his ministrations, and took the bottle of lubricant from the bedside table. Coating his fingers, he dragged one slowly over Charles' throbbing cock and balls to his entrance, which he teased before sliding a finger in. He looked up at Charles,
'Okay?' he asked. Charles nodded, his eyes glazed with lust and pleasure. He gently worked another finger in, and felt Charles tighten, saw him wince.
'Is this your first time?' Erik thought to ask; Charles looked down at him, and replied with his mind.
With a man, yes. But don't you dare stop.
Erik grinned at him, carefully probing for a spot that he knew would make Charles forget all about his pain. When Charles suddenly gasped and pressed himself further on to Erik's fingers, Erik knew he had found it. He gently withdrew his fingers and then proceeded to open and roll on a condom, adding more lube before beginning to slide, little by little into Charles. His lover, his friend.
This was perfection. Charles spread out beneath him, eyes half closed, mouth open, his tightness surrounding him, squeezing him. He could feel Charles in his head again.
Oh Erik, God Erik, please Erik, move Erik, slower Erik, harder, faster, more
He inched his way out of Charles, watching his adorable lab-rat squirm slightly, before pushing all the way in again.
Please Erik, can't take it, want you, need you, faster more
After that, Erik could hardly control himself, he thrust into Charles with abandon, angling himself until he hit the spot he knew Charles wanted him to hit. He leant down to press a bruising kiss to Charles' already swollen lips, reaching between them again to stroke Charles. He felt Charles' orgasm as it if were his own, heard him scream his name in his head, as well as out loud, felt Charles come, hot and sticky beneath him;
Yes Erik, mine Erik, love you, love you, love you
Erik's thrusts became erratic as he quickly followed suit, the pleasure blinding his vision as he collapsed onto Charles, slick with exhaustion.
When he finally pulled out, he curled up behind Charles', who sleepily said to him
'How do you feel now?'
'I am fine.' He replied, content. And as he drifted off he projected his lasting waking thought to Charles
Love you too.
A/N: Reviews continue to be an optional part of your reading experience, which I hope has been pleasurable.