Author's Note: For my birthday (which was four days ago...), I wanted nothing more than Emily and JJ to stay in the BAU. Since season six started that very same day, I knew that probably wouldn't happen, especially for JJ, but hey. A girl can dream, right? So anyway, I decided to work some of my own magic for Emily. And this little story was formed. Please enjoy! Oh and...reviews would make for great belated birthday gifts. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. If I did, I would keep AJ and Paget on the cast for forever. And I would probably make an episode that plays out just like this.
Aaron Hotchner was falling apart. Knowing that Emily, his Emily, had left was driving him insane. He needed to talk to someone who would understand him, so he made his way to his closest friend's house, the pouring rain obstructing his vision. Trying to distract himself from half-hearted thoughts of suicide, he turned on the car radio.
Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly
Hotch sighed. "A Beatles song. Thank God," he murmured, finding solace in lyrics he could relate to.
Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
His heart clenched as the full force of the words hit him. Holding his tears back, he immediately turned off the music.
It wasn't helping at all.
Pulling into the driveway of his friend's house, he slammed the car into park and got out, not caring that the rain was seeping through his clothes.
David Rossi opened his door and instantly froze, taking in the sight before him. Hotch was soaking, his shoulders were sagging weakly, and altogether, he looked broken. The worst thing, however, were his eyes. They looked so cold and…soulless. Dave opened his mouth to speak but ended up closing it immediately, trying but failing to say something comforting.
"Can I come in?" Hotch asked hoarsely, not quite meeting the other man's eyes.
"Of course," Dave said quietly, opening the door wider and letting his friend in. He needed no explanation for his friend's behavior and sullen demeanor. He already knew what…and who…was plaguing him.
Emily.
The dark haired beauty had singlehandedly robbed him of everything he loved; her.
Hotch slumped onto one of Dave's living room chairs. Closing his eyes, he asked, "What do I do?"
Dave sat across from him and evaluated the situation. Emily had left less than three weeks ago, and with each new day, Hotch seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper into depression.
All in all, things weren't going very well.
"Have you thought about calling her?"
Aaron thought of the countless times he had dialed her number, only to never actually press "call." He shook his head solemnly. "I've wanted to…but what would I say? Nothing I tell her will change her mind. If she can cope, so can I."
"How do you know she's coping?" Dave retorted smartly.
"She hasn't called…" he murmured.
"Well, maybe she's waiting for you."
Aaron groaned. "Are you trying to help, Dave? Because honestly, it is not working."
Dave sighed. "Don't you think I miss her, too? Hell, I miss her andJJ. I honestly had no idea what we would do without them. I was sure the team would fall apart. Above all that, they were my friends and I miss them both like crazy. But…the past is the past. Someday you have to just let go."
"How?" Aaron croaked.
"By knowing that she's probably enjoying Texas. You want her to be happy, right?"
"Yes," he answered. "But I'm also a selfish jackass and I want more than anything for her to come back." He let out a shaky breath. "I asked her to marry me, you know," he said quietly.
Dave met the eyes of his friend. "Oh, Aaron…"
"She said no," Aaron added bluntly. "Why would she say no?" Dave said nothing, letting the other man arrange his thoughts. "I think I will call her." He fished around in his jacket pocket for his cell phone.
Dave nodded approvingly. "Good. Hearing her voice will be good for you."
Without hesitation, Aaron dialed Emily's number and pressed the small green button labeled "call."
~.~.~
Marry me, Emily. Marry me and stay.
Emily felt tears claw at her eyes as she thought of Aaron's desperate last words.
She had just…walked away.
She felt horrible. She had never wanted to leave him, but she had to accept the job in Texas. Although Emily missed the BAU with all her heart, she couldn't turn down the promotion. Especially when Strauss had practically forced it upon her.
Emily buried her face in the pillows and let the tears flow. She would give anything to see him again, but she knew she couldn't.
Why? Because she knew why Strauss had suggested the transfer. The woman had found out about her and Aaron's relationship.
Emily sighed. Staring at the ceiling, she willed her mind to relax as she imagined that she could feel Aaron's lips against hers, his feather-light touch gliding over the length of her spine, his long, nimble fingers twisting in her silky hair…
She shook the thoughts away. "You need to stop it," she chastised. "He's probably moved on already." Her fingers itched to pick up a phone and call him, but she didn't. She didn't want to seem too…clingy. "If he can deal with the pain, then I can, too," she murmured confidently.
But apparently he couldn't, because a few minutes later, her phone rang. Glancing quickly at the caller ID, Emily closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and said…
"Hello?"
~.~.~
Aaron walked out of Dave's living room, needing some alone time. At the sound of his lover's voice, his heart skipped a beat.
"Hello?" Emily asked tentatively.
"Emily," he managed.
"Aaron," she said quietly.
"How…how have you been?" he questioned, clearing his throat awkwardly.
"Good," she answered truthfully. "Texas is nice. It gets pretty hot in the afternoon, but nighttime on the San Antonio Riverwalk is absolutely beautiful." She paused. "How about you? And everyone else on the team?"
"We're doing well. Our new media liaison can't even compare to JJ, and your replacement…well, he's nothing at all like you. But all in all, we're surviving."
"I'm glad."
There was a brief moment of silence that passed, but Aaron immediately broke it by saying what he had been longing to say for so long.
"I've missed you so much, Emily."
It took all of her willpower to keep from breaking into tears for the second time that say. "I've missed you, too, Aaron. I…I'm so sorry. I never wanted to leave. I just –"
"Then why did you?" Aaron interrupted. "Was it something I did, or said? Was I a horrible unit chief?" he rambled.
"No, no, no…Aaron…it had nothing to do with you. You were perfect. I just didn't have a choice."
"Why? Why did you absolutely have to leave? Neither you nor JJ ever explained it."
"JJ left because Will got a position in Texas that was too good to pass up. She talked to Strauss about it and found out that the San Antonio field office desperately needed someone with her qualifications. They had a backlog of cases and needed to start as soon as possible."
"But what about you, Emily? Why did you have to leave?" he asked again.
Emily shook her head; she would have to tell him someday. "Strauss found out about us. It was either you or me, and since the BAU is your home, I couldn't force that upon you. So she recommended the job I have now, and I left. I had no other choice," she repeated.
"Yes, you did! You could have married me. Strauss wouldn't have been able to object. You could have transferred to another department as a translator, or…or…anything! You could have even retired! I make more than enough money to support a family. I did it once before, and I swear to you, I can do it again. Just give me that chance, Emily," he pleaded. "I would do anything to have you back in my life," he said, his voice cracking.
"It's not that easy," she whispered.
"Then tell me what is making this so hard! Are…are you seeing someone else?" he asked suddenly, fearing the answer.
"No! Good God, no," she immediately replied. "After everything we had, everything we went through…I couldn't possibly do that to myself." She paused. "Or you."
"Then what is it?" he asked, sighing in exasperation.
"I…I've never been good with relationships," she began slowly, taking a breath to steady herself. "But when I was with you, I felt different. I loved you. And…I was so scared, Aaron. I fell for you so hard, and nothing could change that. But I knew that if either of us tried to progress our relationship, something bad would happen. I can handle having my heart broken; I've been through it more than enough times. But with you…I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to have to take a risk on me, and then see everything unravel and just fall apart. I didn't want to put you through that. Because I knew, without a doubt, that it would happen. I don't have commitment issues; I was more than willing to give you my heart and everything else I had. But when it comes to relationships…I have the worst luck ever. I…I…" Her voice trailed away aimlessly.
"Emily…you are not a risk. Regardless what you say about your track record with relationships, nothing is going to change my mind. I love you more than anything, and I can promise you that together, we could make anything work out." He chuckled humorlessly. "In fact, if anyone should be called a risk, it's me."
"Don't say that, Aaron. It's not true."
He nodded thoughtlessly, although she couldn't see him. "So…if this isn't too sudden…will you marry me, Em?" At her silence, he added, "Please? I know we can make it work."
"Yes," she answered, her voice almost inaudible.
Aaron felt as if his heart stopped. "You…you will?" he asked, disbelief very present in his voice.
"Yes," she repeated. "Of course I'll marry you. In fact, there's nothing I could ever want more."
~.~.~
Dave glanced at Aaron as he reentered the living room, his face unreadable. "So…how did It go?" he asked almost reluctantly.
Aaron forced back a smile. "Relatively well. She told me why she left," he answered vaguely.
"Why?" Dave asked curiously.
"Strauss found out about our relationship. But…the past is the past, right?" Aaron looked over at his friend for reassurance.
Dave nodded. "Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah. I think I'll be just fine." Finally, he couldn't keep the secret any longer. "You want to know why?"
Now Dave was intrigued. "Of course."
"I was able to convince Emily to come back to D.C. She'll be back as soon as the San Antonio field office finds a replacement," he answered, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Dave's face lit up. "That's wonderful!"
"It is," he agreed. "And you know what's even better?"
"Tell me."
"We've managed to talk everything out and come to a certain…agreement." His smile was full-blown and there wasn't a single trace of sadness on his features as he announced, "We're getting married."
