Date Started: Saturday, September 25, 2010
Date Released: Sunday, September 26, 2010
Title: The Hilarity of 74
Author: Gin Nanashi
Creation Type: FanFiction, "Crack"
Main Rating: M
Disclaimer: Gin Nanashi © Gin Nanashi; Dear 59-kun © mangarox14; Katekyou Hitman REBORN! © Amano Akira
Summary: What happens when you throw a devilish soul into the craziness known as KHR? Simple. Pure, pure crack.

The Hilarity of 74

Crack 01: The Reason Behind It All

The area was completely and utterly dark before a single spotlight shined on a figure standing on what appeared to be a stone stage. This figure, upon closer inspection, was revealed to be a female who's somewhere between being a teenager and being an adult. She stands at 5' 7" (or 170.2 cm) and is fairly androgynous. Her dark-brown hair is layered to her neck and her right eye is red while an eyepatch covered her left one. A smile played on her lips as the white cat on the black covering mimicked her expression. She bowed dramatically as her canines flashed in the light before her voice echoed in the dark room.

"Hello, fellow souls and random humans, UMAs and all other things that I'm too lazy to name~!"

She straightened up with a hand over her heart.

"Let me introduce myself to you!"

She held out a hand as white flames flickered and danced in the air, spelling out her name in various forms and adding more light to the darkness.

"I am called Nanashi Gin! (And, that's first name and then last, mind you.) But, just call me, 74-sama~!"

Her red eye flashed dangerously for a second as she added lowly, "Or, else…"

Suddenly, her eye curved up in a soft crescent as she chirped happily, "Now, then!"

With a flick of her wrist, the flames dissipated, taking the light away, before 74-sama clapped her hands together twice, making flames roar in the background as the area lit up dramatically.

"Welcome to my humble abode! Or, as it's better known as…"

She trailed off as her bangs shadowed her face and her canines glinted in the fire before proclaiming with wide arms.

"HELL~!"

The flames intensified at the declaration before settling down as 74-sama coughed lightly.

"Moving along…!"

She gave a small and (not) innocent smile, "You may be wondering what this FanFiction has to do with Akira Amano's Katekyo Hitman REBORN! - which is more affectionately known to us fans as KHR."

Her smile turned into a fanged grin, "This (here) FanFiction is-!"

"YA HA~!"

The devilish soul twitched faintly at the sudden interruption.

"YOU GOT SOME JUNK, FUCKING BOSS!"

The boss of her lair coughed lightly before bowing apologetically with hands clapped together, "So sorry, guys! Just hang on for a bit!"

As 74-sama makes her towards one of the two doors in the room (which greatly resembled Musee Rodin's The Gates of Hell), the viewers might want to get a more detailed idea of this… Hell, as the master had put it.

The room is large, about 36 by 36 ft (or about 1097.3 by 1097.3 cm), with what appears to be wooden flooring. (Of course, that can't be true since wood would burn far too easily. Or, is it…? Only 74-sama knows for sure.) Flowing at the bottom of the stone walls (on which were inscriptions of various languages, predominantly Latin) was a "river" of lava that was about a foot (about 30.5 cm) in width which branched off into various smaller "lava rivers" of about an inch in width (or 2.5 cm) in a relatively simple layout of a heartagram in the center of the room. Off to one end of the room was a large California King-sized bed with violet and white linens and two bedside drawers; on one stood a black metal lantern while on the other was a green apple-shaped alarm clock. On the wall opposite The Gates of Hell was another stone door though it was less dramatic, having only various flowers engraved in it. Finishing up, in the center of the room was a-

BOOOOOOOOOM~!

Smoke billowed out from The (half-destroyed) Gates of Hell as a twitching shadow was seen. The wisps began to clear to reveal 74-sama looking charred with several fingers missing on her right hand. A dark aura hovered over her as she growled.

"Mailbox-san, why did my letter blow up on me…?"

The red metal object began to shake as its bat-like wings fluttered in a panic, "Y-Ya ha… A-About that…"

Flames crackled around the master as her bangs shadowed her face, leaving only her red eye to glint dangerously as flames engulfed her mutilated hand. A torrent of sweat poured down Mailbox-san's quivering body.

"Well…?" Came the low prod, making the object squeak rapidly.

"Thatdoggypersonsent-thatletterinreplytoyours-PLEASEDON'TDESTROYMEMASTER~!"

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Silence reigned before 74-sama began to shake and cackle lowly before it intensified.

"KEKEKEKE~!"

Abruptly, the destructive intent evaporated as the flames dissipated, revealing a perfectly fine right hand. The master pranced towards the hovering silver-shelled and black-leather chair. Jumping onto the seat, 74-sama swiveled to face her semi-circle granite desk and opened her white laptop, singing.

"What an interesting guy he is~! To be able to track down my location~!"

Mailbox-san sighed in relief as its wings creaked softly, "Ya ha~ I forget about Master's strengths…"

Ignoring the animated object now…

The master had opened her laptop to check her e-mail and, lo and behold, she found what she was looking for. Her lips curled up to reveal her sharp canines once more as she briefly re-read the message she sent to the advice column known as Dear 59-kun. It appeared as followed:

Dear Inu-dera,

(I don't expect a real answer. In fact, I'm only writing this to see if I can piss you off with such a random question. Anyway!) I keep seeing this old man pull dynamites from out of nowhere! Does he pull them out of his ass, or something? Of course, that's the only thing interesting about him since my real focus was on the cute uke-brunette behind him. (So, have I pissed you off yet?)

Sincerely (Not) Innocent,
Silver74

In a stack format, there was but a single reply:

Dear Happy Birthday, Asshat,

I hope you're happy, because the next time you wake up, you might be missing something…like a finger. Or three.

… But that's not my fault, mind you. You provoked me. On fucking purpose. What'd you expect, daisies?

"Kekekeke~!" Came the gleeful cackle as 74-sama brushed her tongue against her canines before cracking her knuckles, "Time to piss him off some more~!"

Fingers breezed across the keyboard as 74-sama appears to have forgotten about her original task-

FWOOM~!

-white flames obscured the omnipresent vision as the master snapped.

"FUCKING ANNOUNCER-SAN! BE GLAD THAT I STILL NEED YOU!"

The incorporeal Announcer-san sniffled a bit while continuing his job of narrating as 74-sama relaxed into her chair and snickered, "Besides, this is a part of my original task."

Returning to her laptop, 74-sama finished typing up her next message to the seemingly unknown "59-kun" of the advice column. (Of course, all KHR-fans know who this blogger is.) Hitting the send-button, the master stretched out her body before grinning cheekily as she re-read her e-mail:

Dear Inu-dera,

I pissed you off and I am utterly amused by your threat~! But, I'll tell you this, you can try, but you'll never be able to harm me. Why? Because I am a diabolus. No, that's not a typo or a made-up word. Search it up if you're feeble mind can't comprehend anything further than your precious Decimus.

Speaking of whom... I wonder how he'll react to my pet... Kekekeke~!

Sincerely Yours (In The Form Of A Nightmare),
Silver74

Getting out of her chair, 74-sama whistled at the 16 kHz frequency. A white blur dashed through the still-destroyed gates before skidding to a stop at her feet. It was a male fox kit with white fur and bright golden eyes. His tail wagged happily as 74-sama ruffled his fur with a smirk.

"Want to play, Go-chan?"

"Yip!" Came the cute reply as the kit bounced a bit on his paws.

"Kekekeke~!" The master cackled before whipping out a picture from her hammer-space, "See this cutie here?"

Go-chan tilted his head and examined the picture. It showed a young teenager with fluffy light-brown hair and large light-brown eyes. He had a light grin on his face while walking alongside and chatting with two others (whose faces were doodled over with no chance of being recognizable). The kit wrinkled his snout and whined a bit.

The master gave a fanged grin, "It's nothing too difficult, Go-chan! Just find the uke and make friends with him, yeah?"

Golden eyes blinked before the kit perked up and nodded happily, bounding off in search of the poor vic-

WHOOF~!

-white flames obscured the area once again as a killing intent leaked out from 74-sama.

"Want to finish what you were trying to describe, Announcer-san?"

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Golden eyes blinked before the kit perked up and nodded happily, bounding off in search of the ever-lovable and extremely molest-able brunette known as Tsunayoshi Sawada~!

The master's red eye glinted as she cackled without regards.

"KEKEKEKE~! That's what I thought, Announcer-san!"

She then cleared her throat and straightened up, addressing the audience once again, "Anyway~!"

Plopping onto her comfortable chair again, 74-sama tapped her fingers together in a very "Mr. Burns' Excellent" gesture, which she does not own but enjoys mimicking from time to time.

Her red eye rolled upwards briefly before 74-sama gave a fanged grin, "Anyway! I was going to tell you what this FanFiction's all about, correct?"

She gestured to her laptop and continued, "I'm sure that at least one of you have read mangarox14's awesomeness about a certain bomber's advice column and his ever-dramatic life."

The master leaned forward with a devious grin, "Well, I've been faithfully reviewing the awesomeness ever since I first read it and my reviews have transformed into a small story in itself so..."

Flames bursted forth dramatically as she held out her arms and cackled loudly.

"WELCOME TO MY STORY IN WHICH I MESS WITH HIM AND OTHER KHR-CHARAS!"

Her eye flashed as she smirked.

"Don't die while reading now."

Author's Note:

Yes, this is pure and utter crack. x3

This FanFiction story is dedicated to the ever-awesome mangarox14 who is the author of Dear 59-kun which you should all check out 'cause it's just that awesomesauce. (Not my word!)

I hope that this story will eventually rise to your expectations, love~! And, remember - RAWR! *hearts* -^^-