I didn't understand myself. I didn't understand why I wanted to do this. She had cheated on me time and time again and we had broken up over and over again. Looking at her tonight, though, under the cheap lights in Buck's house I realized why I was doing this.
Because I loved her.
She was the girl I wanted to spend my life with, and maybe, just maybe if we were married she wouldn't run off with everybody else. She wouldn't two-time me. I wouldn't mess around, I wouldn't go to jail. I would spend every minute with her and only her. We could make a family. Johnny could be the godfather to our kids.
"I gotta pee," she said and she got off the bed. I smiled at her. She just walked out.
I looked around the room and found my pants. The ring was in there. I quickly got up, slipped my clothes on and prepared to ask her. I didn't know what I would say, but I hoped I didn't look like an idiot.
"Sylvia, I love you, I never loved someone so much. You are the only one I wanna be with the rest of my life," no, that was too corny. Not like me.
"Listen babe, I know we've had our problems but I wanna be with you forever. You are the girl of my dreams," that was better. I sat back down on the bed and waited. My heart was racing and my hands were sweating. I was shaking so bad I could barely sit still. I didn't want to give anything away too soon.
Sylvia's clothes were laying on the floor. If I hadn't known her it would have been weird for her to leave her clothes on the ground and go to the bathroom. Sylvia didn't care though. She had a banging body and loved to show it off. It made all the girls jealous of her. Guys weren't jealous of me, they figured they could have her anytime they wanted. If I ever caught her with another guy, I would rip his head off.
The doubts started to slip into my mind. She could run off again with someone else. She could decide a life with me isn't what she wants. It couldn't be true. Sylvia had sworn to me she would never run off again. She had sworn to me that I was the only guy she would be with from there on out. She had even gone off to get tested for STD's and to make sure she wasn't pregnant.
I trusted her; I knew she would keep her word. She had never cried in front of me before that night. She told me she was too afraid of not having me to ever mess up again. That was the first time Sylvia was honest with me. I knew in my heart and my brain that nobody would ever take her from me again. She was mine forever.
I opened the box and looked at the ring. It wasn't much, I had only been able to save three months pay to buy it for her. It was a low-end job, cheap pay and pretty crappy, but it got me money. I needed the money, I wanted to propose to her. Truth is, if it hadn't been for Soda and Steve I wouldn't have had the job at all. All I did was pump gas, which is hard work because it means being nice to everyone. I got minimum wage with tips. My rep was bad in Tulsa, though. I didn't get many tips.
Sylvia was gone for a long time. I thought she was having problems with someone, had gotten into a fight or couldn't get passed a guy. I would give her five more minutes then I would go looking for her. The clock ticked slowly. One minute.
It wasn't weird for Sylvia to be gone for a long time when she went into a room with mirrors. She loved to look at herself, sometimes she even talked to herself. She found any imperfection she had on her even if nobody else could see it. Sylvia didn't like herself, but she wouldn't admit it to anyone. She figured if nobody noticed it didn't matter.
I was getting worried. I knew she didn't know I wanted to ask her to marry me but she was taking a long time. I stood up and walked out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom. I didn't see Sylvia anywhere. I knocked on the door. Nobody answered. I knocked again, then opened the door.
Buck was running around trying to find all his clothes. Sylvia stood in the corner staring at me. Buck tried to run past me and I caught him by the throat.
"What are you doing?" I yelled in his face. I had never seen Buck so scared in his life. I was going to kill him. I didn't care if he was once one of my best friends. I didn't care if he had any sort of life ahead of him. He was with my girl, and you just don't hook up with someone else's girl.
"Dally, stop!" Sylvia was screaming in the corner. I ignored her and shoved Buck into the door frame.
"You think you can just run off with her and get away with it? I'm gonna kill you!" I could feel my face getting red. I grabbed my knife out of my pocket and put it against his troat.
"Dallas! Please! Stop!" Sylvia's voice was barely above a whisper to me. I was so caught up in my anger that I didn't care. I knew people were crowding around now and I knew they were judging me, judging Sylvia, judging Buck. I didn't care. I dug the knife deeper into his neck.
Someone touched my arm. I turned, knife in hand and was face to face with Sodapop. Buck ran off, leaving a nice trail of blood behind him. My knife must have cut him when I turned. It was fine, the bastard deserved it.
Soda backed away, seeing the anger in my eyes. I turned on Sylvia. She was still standing in the corner.
"Dally, I can explain, I really can." Her beautiful brown eyes begged for me to listen. The begging was over. I was past that. My heart felt like it was about to tear out of my chest. I wouldn't cry. Not in front of everyone. I approached her slowly. The fear grew in her eyes and she shrunk against the wall.
"This is what you left me for? For a little fun with Buck in the bathroom? You're a bitch. You're a lying bitch. You can rot in hell," the words tasted bitter coming out of my mouth. I pulled the ring out of my pocket and threw it at her then left the bathroom. I walked out the front door and into the dark, wiping my eyes so nobody would see me cry.
She was the only girl I ever wanted and she was gone. She never came after me, she never called my name. She was really gone. I walked home. I wanted to be alone. I layed in my bed and let the tears flow down my face. I didn't cry a lot, I didn't like crying but this girl was worth it.
I lied.
She was not worth it, she lied to me, and she cheated on me.
But I still loved her.
I held the knife in my hand and circled it around my fingers. I pointed the blade towards my chest. I pushed the knife through my heart and was surrounded by blackness.