an: If you have looked at my stuff you already know how I feel about them. I heard the lyrics and I was instantly inspired.
Middle
Staring at two different views on your window ledge
I had gotten myself in this horrible position. I woke up with only the recollection of getting drunk in the pit last night before everything gets distorted and hazy. The clock reads 4 and my head is pounding. The girl in my bed and the box on my nightstand tell me everything that really needs explaining.
Tris. My beautiful girl will be so broken and betrayed. We are not even officially together and I just know that I feel so dirty. I had not technically cheated but I sure as Hell felt that I had. I know we have unspoken feelings and I also know she only reciprocates halfway, but she does feel them and this is an act that cannot be undone.
Coffee is going cold, it's like time froze
I woke up the girl in my bed and sent her home. She looked as tired as I felt making my coffee. I need it black just because I never get enough sleep as a leader. Tris is like my heavenly escape from reality. I know what we have is not supposed to be real. The flirting. The nights. All of it is not even official, but after all the words denying I know deep down that I have never felt this way.
There you go wishing, floating down our wishing well
I walk to her apartment with a plan and the first leather jacket I see on my way out. I have only one piercing which is in my eyebrow and I have not taken it out. I feel stripped and hope she sees that I have nothing. I need her to forgive me, even if she doesn't feel about me the way I feel about her.
It's like I'm always causing problems, causing hell
We have had no problems like this with each other. I am the first in a relationship that is not a relationship to cheat but not really cheat on a girl who is not really my girl. I hate my stupid drunk brain. I reach her apartment and stand there with my hand raised for a good ten seconds before I even get the courage to knock twice. Why did I knock? We never knock. Stupid. I hear her reach the door and it opens to reveal a half asleep Tris. "Do you have any concept of time?" She asks annoyed and I just smile weakly as I realize it is 4 something in the morning. This just can't wait.
I tell her it's important and memorize her features as she seems to wake herself up from her sleepy state. We walk in and she automatically begins talking about a new tattoo she recently got until we sit down. "Breakfast?" I say and then realize she had abruptly stopped moving.
I didn't mean to put you through this, I can tell
The look on her face says it all and I look down to see where her eyes are cast. Oh my God. How stupid can I get? I realize that the jacket I am wearing is the same one from last night as a condom wrapper lays on the couch next to my unzipped pocket. I sigh heavily as I see her eyes gather a few tears.
We cannot sweep this under the carpet
"Tris." I open my mouth to say more but she closes her eyes to push back tears and gets up to get food.
"We have, um, bacon and eggs." I hear her sniffle and wipe her nose. I had destroyed us.
"I'm so sorry. It was a drunken mistake I would ne-" She cuts me off once more.
"You can do whatever and whoever you want Eric. It's not like we are together." She sighs and pulls out the containers of food.
I hope that I can turn back the time
"Don't." She says as I come up behind her. "It's fine, Eric." She pulls on a fake smile and stares at me dead on. "No. It's not. I messed up. This is my fault. You know how I feel about you and I think I know how you feel about me. " She smiles a real smile this time and I embrace her before she can protest.
"Eric if you don't know how I feel about you then you are blind and stupid. Don't think that I will forgive you this easy, but we are not even together so I can only be so mad. I won't play victim if you don't think being drunk is an excuse. It's not an excuse for anything."
''I know."
To make it all alright, all alright for us
"Who was she?" Tris asks as she finally steps closer to me. Our distance has been quite profound reaching a at least 4 ft.
"I don't even know. I think I could point her out if I had too but she didn't matter."
I stare at her reaction just hoping she won't change her mind on us, on me. I love this girl, no she is not a girl she is a woman. She is the only person in my world who I love.
I'll promise to build a new world for us two, With you in the middle
"I just need you to know that I will do anything to fix us, to fix whatever this is. " She nods a little and steps even closer.
"Eric, I know you better than you know yourself and you can say the same about me. I know you are sorry. Don't doubt that. I know you can tell my anger and jealousy. Don't doubt that either. The one thing we have in common right now is feelings, as dumb as that sounds. We can make this something, or we can trash it. That is up to you."]
Lying down beside you, what's going through your head
Her stare is driving into my soul. She only stares and it is the most intimidating moment in my life. I have never had to make this decision, but I know my answer. I am never going to let her slip away. This choice is like life or death with a less serious consequence. I know that once I say what I am bout to, there is no changing my answer, no going back.
"Well. I think you know how I feel about this." She says as she takes a step back.
The silence in the air felt like my soul froze
Her face says it all. Even she knows I can read her like an open book. Tris is worried about what I am going to say next and the silence that blankets us is suffocating. Neither of us dare to move as we both wait to see what my mouth decides to let come out.
Am I just overthinking feelings I conceal
I know that I can never have anyone else. In the past I have even denied this. I had lied about no feelings and just friends. It was automatic for me. A wall that was hard to break. But every wall begins to crack and chip and as soon as someone decides to tear that hole enough, the whole thing is destroyed. That was what she had done. She was the fault in the armor.
This gut feeling I'm tryna get off me as well
"I love you, Tris." I smile nervously and wait for her response. I worry that all of a sudden she will laugh and mock me. How could anyone love someone like me? The heartless, merciless leader.
I hope we find our missing pieces and just chill
Silent is violent and she knows as well as I do that I hate to be left in the dark. I love this beautiful creature standing in front of me. I can only pray to whatever it is above, that she feels the same. Maybe she never will, but I already know that this moment could define the rest of my life. Even if we end things later, I will have spent this precious time with her.
We cannot sweep it under the carpet
I know my faults and she knows hers. We both know what happened was a mistake. But so was this relationship. It was a happy accident. Something that came from nothing and had changed my views on everything, it had changed my views on life. I don't know how this spell was cast but this is the most powerful emotion. This is love and love is pain. Love is beauty. Love is everything. Love is the emotion only felt by the strongest, because maybe you will have all your cards laid out and be destroyed. Throwing your entirety into a situation not knowing the outcome takes bravery and a good dose of recklessness. Maybe that is the beauty of this though. Love is not for the faint of heart.
I hope that I can turn back the time
I hope she knows me. I hope she knows herself. I hope she agrees to lay her cards down and throw in the chips for something that can go many different directions. I hope that she knows my truthful apology. I hope.
To make it all alright, all alright for us
I would lay my life down for us, just to touch her face and kiss her lips. I would jump in front of a train if it meant she could survive. I hope she feels the same. I selfishly hope she believes the same things.
I'll promise to build a new world for us two, With you in the middle
"I love you too, Eric. God, that feels good to get off my chest." She laughs. I lean down and scoop he into my arms.
"God, I love you Tris."