This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to him.
As the raven-haired Cuatro Espada felt himself begin to fade away –nothing more now than ashes in the wind- he stared at the scene before him, wondering silently to himself where he went wrong. The monstrous eyes of that human, that shinigami, that dared to call himself an equal of arrancars and even espada stared back at him, watching him with a glare that he couldn't help but assume was condescending and mocking. Though, another surprise came to him as he realized that he did not even care about that fact—he looked over at that woman, his onna, and he knew exactly where he went wrong.
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Hollows, arrancars, and espada- all three being made up of the same, empty, broken soul- had no hearts. They did not love, nor did they feel affection or even any positive emotions. Ulquiorra Cifer knew this. He lived by it, thrived by it. 'Nihilism', that woman had referred to it as, was his code of life. He could not see love, even with his all-seeing eyes, therefore it did not exist.
That onna was absolutely absurd. She tried him, pushed him, and prodded him with questions as she 'tried to understand him'. He once told her that she was an imbecile for trying to understand someone so different than her, since she would never understand his thinking process. He was an espada, a monster to her. Nothing to be understood there.
But she insisted. She insisted on showing him what a heart was, why she loved her friends so much. She explained to him that love was something you felt, a 'warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you're around someone special'. Curiously enough, that basic wording alone made him want to strangle the silly, obviously psychotic woman… while a faint part of his being told him to allow the corner of his lips to tug up into that unneeded and unwanted expression of complacency.
He remembered leaving abruptly as to not allow that insane prisoner that was entrusted in his care to see the smile –the one that she had brought about, nonetheless –form on his lips.
The almost-smile that day was the first step in his undoing. Though, Ulquiorra was almost certain that the feeling that accompanied the smile –that he was extremely concerned about because of the fact that he did feel a warmth in his normally broken, empty chest –was more of his undoing than anything else.
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Orihime stared out of her window. Her eyes were puffy, red, and swollen from the tears she had cried; though, now she had stopped crying. I don't think that there are anymore tears left in me… She mulled dryly.
She wouldn't allow herself to be seen crying, not by her guard at Hueco Mundo.
He's so scary. He never smiles, never laughs… And he is always saying mean things about Kurosaki-kun and my other nakama. I don't think he believes in love, and his voice is so deep… He is so strong, and that power is terrifying…. But… I am not afraid of him. Somewhere inside of him, I know he's good. He's just confused.
I have to show him.
I have to show him what a heart is.
A few moments later the Cuatro himself stepped into her room, carrying the tray of absolutely horridly bland and tasteless food that she had grown accustomed to here in this prison.
"Onna. Here is your evening meal, I expect for you to eat it." His deep, mysterious green eyes remained as stoic and unrevealing as ever, the redhead noted. He stood perfectly straight, the tray balanced exactly in the middle of his left palm. His uniform was neat, crisply so, and he watched her in an almost frightening way. And I am still not scared…
"Ulquiorra-san… Why do you not believe in love? Explain to me again. I want to understand…"
His stare intensified. Though, she did not know if it was out of increased thought or just annoyance at her repetitive question being asked yet again. Probably a combination of them both.
"Love –the heart that you humans refer to –is not physically visible. Not even to my eye, which can see and capture a vision of all that exists. Therefore, the emotional heart –this love that you speak of –never has, and never will exist." He stared her down, his eyes intense and apathetic in a way that she knew only he was able to manage. That was just his way.
"But love does exist! It may be invisible, but you can feel it! Right here," she paused her speaking to place a small hand on her chest, right over where her heart lay, "That is where you feel it. Love, the heart, emotions, that's all where they come from!"
His brow furrowed as she explained. In such a emotionless and intelligent being, it always surprised her just how easily she managed to befuddle him completely.
"Such an imbecilic thing to say, Onna. Now, quit your useless rambling and eat. Do not let yourself forget that my warning of forcing the food down your throat still stands, if necessary."
She sighed, and allowed her shoulders to slump forward. I don't know why I even try. He never tries to even consider my arguments. He just ignores me. She walked forward to take the tray ungraciously from him, her eyes directed to the floor at the extremely obvious hopelessness of her situation. Kurosaki-kun… I need you.
Little did she know the buzzing that she had caused in the espada's mind, and the burning in his heart- neither of which seemed to lessen any as he promptly retreated from her chambers as soon as her food was injested.
Onna… You strange, strange woman…
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Ulquiorra Cifer was not one to over-think, nor to under-think. He was most certainly not one to worry or obsess over something as trivial as some silly woman's words. That is why he was so extremely stricken by the fact that he could not sleep that night. Any time he tried to get his needed rest, any time he closed his eyes… he saw the woman. Her head bowed, shoulders slumped. Her smooth, silky rust-colored hair falling over her face, and two ashy brown eyes staring at the floor with such a sorrowful look in them, he wished to slay her for looking that way and slay himself for bringing that look upon her.
What has come upon me? Just earlier today, that prisoner was nothing more than trash to me. Why, after yet another questioning session from her, have these bizarre symptoms been occurring?
He stared at the stark-white ceiling of his room, large green eyes much like a child's- confused and actually expressive unlike the uncaring façade he showed to everyone else. His brows furrowed once again as he tried to understand all of the strange scenarios and thoughts that ran rampart through his mind.
For the raven-haired one, it was a night of no sleep at all.
And for the auburn, it was a night once again spent crying herself to sleep.
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The Cuatro was dreading seeing the woman again, even if it was only to give her food. She would ask him another idiotic question, and he would yet again spend the night thinking of her- which was absolutely out of the question. He could not and would not take anymore of her trashy foolishness.
He stepped into her room at a brisk pace, the white coattails of his uniform swaying in the drift his speed has built up. His resolve was strong, his mind was set. She was trash, a prisoner. He was above her. He could handle this just as he was supposed to, and he could get it over with in a timely and concise manner.
All of his hard-driven self-motivations were ended as soon as he caught sight of her, however.
She was staring out of the window as usual. However, as he walked up to her and saw her face, he internally blanched. Her normally, dare he think it, beautiful silver-tinted brown eyes were dull and her eyelids were swollen, with dark circles underneath them. Her normally well-kept mane of rusty orange locks was unkempt and tangled. She was a mess.
And he knew that he was at least partially at fault.
Something deep inside of him twisted painfully at the thought, and he had to fight himself from reaching out to her.
"Thank you for bringing my food, Ulquiorra-san. I promise I will eat it. I am sincerely sorry for any complications I may have caused you previously." Her voice, much like her eyes, was dead and desolate of any emotions. She sounded like a robot.
She sounds like me.
He closed his eyes quickly, trying to calm his yet again wild thoughts. He stayed silent a moment before sitting down his tray and walking over to her.
"Onna. Why do you look as if someone has ripped your heart out?" He watched her carefully, trying to catch any decipherable reactions she gave him.
However, she didn't react as he had wished. She merely looked up blandly at him, her eyes matching his gaze evenly, just as stoic.
"Because someone has, Ulquiorra-san."
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They hadn't spoken since.
When he entered her room to give her food, she never looked at him nor greeted him. He sat down her food on a bedside table, picked up her previous tray, and promptly left her presence. The air in her room –tense and melancholic –had become too much for even his level of apathy to handle.
She is breaking me.
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The young auburn girl stared out her window longingly. She wanted her friends. She wanted to get away. Mostly, she wanted to never see Ulquiorra Cifer again.
But that thought killed her inside.
I haven't shown him what a heart is.
She sighed. She didn't know why, but she was attached to her guard in a sick and twisted way. She saw him as her only friend in the place. Even with his coldness, apathy, and obvious rejection of her emotions and curiosity, he was there. Every day, at what she presumed was the exact same time, he showed up. He was reliable, and Lord knows she desperately needed some source of stability –albeit a cold-hearted and emotionless stability-source.
What should I do, Kurosaki-kun? You've always been so strong and brave. I know you can't hear me, but if you somehow do… Help. I need you, I need Ishida-kun, and Sado-kun. I want to see Tatsuki and Rangiku-chan too.
Please, Kurosaki-kun. I wish you could hear me.
Kurosaki-kun… Ulquiorra-san…
She tensed up as she feel a very recognizably dense reiatsu enter her room. She expected him to enter, leave her food, and exit as normal. But, he did not. He hesitated, stopping just behind her spot at her window.
"Your nakama have arrived, Onna."
His voice was deep and bland as usual, though she could almost imagine a hint of remorse buried deep within his tone. She didn't have long to ponder his speech patterns for very long, though, as his words registered soon.
My friends… They're here.
I'm saved.
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No.
She whipped around to face him, not missing the almost-surprised glance she received in turn for her speedy action. She stepped forward, so that she was closer to him and had to tilt her chin up slightly to meet his gaze.
"They're coming for me?"
"Yes, Onna. They have breeched Hueco Mundo's walls."
She watched him, wondering if this was some kind of sick joke. Then, she mulled over the possibility of it being a dream. She stared into his eyes, searching for emotional truth that she knew she would never find –his gaze was always the same. She took another step forward, not missing how his gaze followed her every movement.
"K-Kurosaki-kun… He has come for me?"
"Yes. You very precious viziard has come and will soon be here to rescue you." She didn't fail to notice the drop in his tone. After talking to him, being around him, for so long, it was quite easy to notice any little changes –for they did not happen often.
"You sound disappointed, Ulquiorra-san. Will you be bored without me here?" She managed her first truly-honest smile in months, her eyes lighting up as she spoke.
"Do not be so presumptuous, woman. I never said that you were amusing to me."
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Truth be told, Ulquiorra was dying inside as he spoke to the redhead.
She is smiling. My onna is smiling.
But I was not the one to make her smile.
He managed a gruff exterior, rebutting any playful banter she tried to throw at him. He watched her as he eyes lit up as she heard about her precious shinigami. Her precious 'Kurosaki-kun'. Ulquiorra wanted to kill him. That trash was completely undeserving of the doting love of such a beautiful-
He froze.
Love? Surely I did not just consider such a frivolous matter.
He shook it off, considering it nothing more than a possible slip-up of words. He stood there, listening to the soon to be rescued prisoner go on about how he should stop being such a 'meanie' now that she was going to be gone soon. She waved her hands in gestures, smiling as she spoke. Her eyes, her voice… They were alive again. She was living once more.
And he felt even more like a dead monster as she carried on—
"Hey! Are you listening to me, Ulquiorra-san?"
"Onna. You are not rescued yet. Therefore, I request that you treat me with the same respect as you have the rest of the time you were here. Do not speak to me so casually." His eyes, his voice… He made sure they betrayed nothing.
"Ulquiorra-san… May I tell you more about the heart now?" Of course, his orders were ignored yet again by the silly, careless redhead.
But, he stayed silent. He might as well listen to her while he had the chance. She was soon to be with the viziard once more, and he was absolutely sure that once she was reunited with her much-adored nakama, he would be no more than just a distant memory.
"When you love someone… You want them to be happy, to smile a lot! You want them to never be hurt, and to be safe… Um… You feel the need to be around them, and you really, really like it when they laugh or grin or show that they're happy, because that is what makes you happy as well."
Ulquiorra shook his head, watching her.
"You have no idea how absolutely absurd you sound. How many times will I have to explain to you that love, emotions, the heart as you know it… they do not exist? No one truly cares about another. Beings like shinigami and arrancar… We only care about ourselves."
Orihime froze, her smile erased from her face. A frown took its place, her eyes glazing over with what the raven-haired espada knew were tears. She quickly turned away from him, not allowing him to see the very depth and extent of her upset. After a moment of tense silence, besides her own subdued crying, she spoke up. Although she tried her hardest to sound strong and uncaring, her voice was shaky.
"L-leave. Just l-leave."
And Ulquiorra left.
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She never saw him again until he was fighting Kurosaki Ichigo for a second time. He was monstrous and evil in appearance, his reiatsu had expanded to the point where it was like an ocean around her. Orihime could almost swear that if she just closed her eyes, his reiatsu would just pick her up, fling her around, and she would be lost in it.
She watched, traumatized, as he killed Ichigo. Then, only a few moments later, she watched as Ichigo rose again. She watched, helpless to do anything, as they fought on par with one another. Then the viziard gained the upper hand.
She felt torn and traumatized as she watched her Kurosaki-kun mortally wound the espada that she had come to care for. She knew he would never return what affections she did show, and now it only sunk in to her how little time they had together…. And how deep her care for him ran.
She ran forward to him, watching him with a pleading, desperate gaze. Her eyes were silently begging him to make it, to somehow survive.
Ulquiorra-san! Pl-please! I didn't mean it, I take it back! Ul-Ulquiorra! I don't want you to leave! Please, stay with me!
All of her hopes died, despite all of her silent pleas, as she saw him –the most confusing, evil, uncaring, and profound person in her life –begin to turn to ash and dissolve into the wind.
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"Orihime." The raven-haired knew he was dying. He also came to find all of his other faults.
I love you, Orihime Inoue.
He watched as she stepped forward in response to her name. He saw the sorrow and surprise in her eyes. He felt pain because she was in pain, and he would give anything to take that pain away. He wanted her to smile, to laugh, and to be happy, even if it was caused by that viziard. That would make him happy. He needed nothing else to be satisfied with his life. No power, no glory, nothing except possibly more time with her did he wish for.
He reached out his hand, hoping to touch her. He wanted to feel the simple, comforting warmth of her skin against his own cold hierro-enforced skin. He could almost smile as she reached out to him as well. Their fingers were mere centimeters away from each other, and then his hand dissolved into ash, just like his wings and legs had already done. He wanted to laugh bitterly at the irony of his very last wish being denied.
Oh. It was a predictable fate for an evil being like myself. You'll have to forgive me, my Onna. Even in death, I will never be pleasing to you.
Orihime was crying so hard. Something inside of him was already dead at that fact. He looked her in the eye, and although due to his current despair he could not even attempt to smile at her, he gave her the most sorrowful and sincere gaze he could muster. He opened his mouth and voiced his final words to her.
"Orihime Inoue. I have found my heart. It is right here, right in my hand."
You are my heart.
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Fin.
First ever fic! And it's an UlquiHime, my OTP! I love the tragedy and absolute beauty (and CANON-NESS!) of this pairing! Opposites attract, don't they? Please review, even if it is critical or mean. I'd love to hear what you think of my writing, and if you would possibly want me to continue this with a sequal… with Ulqui coming back, of course!
Please do review or message me, I need feedback! (Even if you just want to talk about how AWESOME UlquiHime is!)