My name is Stiles.
I have to write this down because if I don't, I might forget. I probably will forget.
The only thing I know for certain anymore is that I've been forgetting everything.
It's like my memories are water and day by day they trickle out. Just little drips
at first. Now it's a steady stream.
And I want to remember. My friends. My dad.
Everything good and bad, embarassing, traumatic.
It makes me who I am.
I am STILES.
Scott . . .
Scott Mc . . . McHale?
That's not right.
McCall. Scott McCall is my best friend. I remember now. We've been friends for
as long as I can remember. Which actually could mean a matter of weeks for all
I know. But I'm pretty sure it's been years. There's this image in my mind of us with
squirt guns running around a kiddy-sized pool and his mom's there shouting at us
to be careful. And I slip and fall but Scott helps me up.
Scott always helps me. Always saves me.
I don't know why he hasn't saved me yet.
But I trust that he will.
L . . . . . L . . . .
Lydia is so beautiful. God, she's so beautiful. Every time I look at her, I wonder
how someone so perfect, so flawless could even exist. But of course, she has
flaws. Hell, she loved Jackson and I don't even know - stop. I won't. Mostly
because I can't remember why I don't like Jackson. But I also don't want to
put down Lydia.
I've seen her cry.
She was in her car and I can't . . . I'm not sure how to put into words how much
I wanted to take her hands and just hold them but I couldn't. So I told her she
looked beautiful. Because she did, she always does. It didn't matter that her eyes
were puffy, or her skin blotchy. Even the little snot bubble that she didn't manage
to wipe away in time. She was amazing.
I kept a picture she drew of a tree. That damn tree was so important but . . .
Anyway, she doesn't know. I framed it. It's of her, something she created with
her own two hands and - she kissed me once. To calm me down.
Maybe she could kiss me now.
You know, Scott had a girlfriend. It was so weird how I felt about it. I wanted to
be happy for him because the dude deserved something for all the crap he
was dealing with. But I was jealous because there he was with Allison, so blissed
out, and Lydia didn't even know my name. Yet.
But, yeah, Allison. She's a good friend, too, I think. I know her family is almost
insane. No. They handle things wrong. Her dad is a good guy. I never thought
he'd come around. She might not be with Scott anymore but I've never
resented her for it. Isaac . . . has issues. But if anyone can help put his pieces
back together, it's her.
I fell asleep in class again today.
Or I thought I did.
. . . . Scott said I was awake.
What's real? What if I'm asleep right now?
What's happening to me?
I'm afraid.
And tired.
Exhaustion. That's what I feel every single day. I don't want to sleep.
If I sleep, I might not wake up.
If I sleep, I might not be me.
If I sleep, I