Ok, she doesn't want to be here, front row with all her former teammates from New Direction, M. Schue et Mrs P.-Schue, her dads, his mom and his stepdad, watching, hearing her singing this song because she knows it's gonna be heartbreaking even more than the first time.
But she's here, front row, at Funny Girl's premiere with all this people to watch one Rachel Berry performing the role of her life.
Her stomach does a flip-flop but not in a good way and she has some bile rising up. When Rachel got the role, she was really thrilled for her friend because in all these darkness she deserve a litlle happiness, but, this, this is not happiness, this is torture, just plain and simple torture and she didn't want to see this, but she do it anyway because Rachel is her friend and Finn was her friend and she owed them so much.
The first time Rachel sang this song during the solo's auditions for nationals in junior year, she was certain that even Jesse StJackass knew she sang for Finn, he was an asshole but not a dumbass. If Santana was honest at that time, she would have say that Rachel killed, nailed her audition, but the Satan in her would never admit this because it was also admitted her part in this mess and the girl sadness.
Frankly, seeing the hurt on Rachel's face when she had outed Finn about their night together, was priceless because, at that time and at first, Rachel was just so frustrating … so Rachel freaking Berry, getting all the solos, always having something to say or constructive criticism, so fucking boring but seeing the hurt, the heartbreak during this song and everytime she saw Finn and Quinn together was just the mirror of her own pain toward Britt.
At the beginning of Finchel's break up, Rachel was very quiet and sat in the back of the choir room, talking to nobody and it was like during a long time but then, during the valentine's week, Rachel eventually came back, not totally but she was there.
Even when she won the MVP avard she wasn't herself totally but during this song Santana knew that Rachel came back because she poured her heart on this stage at this moment like she always did.
Rachel was always aware of who she was, she had hope and faith and she seemed so fine with that while Santana wasn't at the time and she was jealous, very jealous and it drive her doing thing she regrets today.
So, when she hears the first notes of the song, her heart literally broke because today there is no hope for happy ending, no hope to see a crooked smile, no hope for an epic stage's reunion, no hope for a wedding, no hope for a shoe box appartment.
Over the years in glee club, Santana learned and knew a few things : first, she's a « lebanese »
Second, people who matter to you aren't always who you think they are ;
Third, when two people belong together, no matter what, they found their way to each other
Fourth, life's too short to be wasted and filled with regrets, so you make amend and carry on
Fifth, Rachel Berry is a short, very short, annoying woman with a gold heart, a powerfull voice and a strength that force respect ;
And last, Finn was Rachel's person and Rachel was Finn's person, no matter what.
When she sees Rachel clutching on the gold star necklace as she's belting out the last note of the song, she knows for certain that Rachel is going to be the star that Finn had always wanted her to be.
So through the tears, when Rachel bowes, she gets up and starts the applause and the whistle like all the members of their very, very weird family and she thinks that, maybe, Funny Girl is the start for a new life.