I. To Pursue a Goal
The day I killed Lind L Tailor was a momentous day, both for me and for the world at large. Before that day, I had constantly told myself that I was ready for the challenges I would have to face and aware of the opposition I would encounter, but my understanding was entirely hollow. I see now that the way I reacted to that broadcast- so rash, so thoughtless- was an indication that in fact I had not been prepared, at least on the emotional level. Intellectually I had no concerns: I was certain that my abilities outstripped those of anyone I would come into contact with. No, it was being called evil, so soon after my crisis of guilt and when I had not yet settled into my role as saviour, that provoked my anger and the hasty response that I later regretted so strongly. I underestimated the enemy. It was a mistake I vowed never to make again.
However, it is not underestimating L to say that the incident had a side effect that he hadn't anticipated, and one that would lead to his downfall. It was that challenge, not face-to-face yet still so direct and personal, that led me to pledge myself fully to my cause and to his destruction. I have never since looked back. How can I? One must be single-minded to pursue a goal such as mine.
Indeed, such determination is necessary merely to maintain the situation as it is currently. There is not a single person in the world able to imagine the extent of the pressure placed upon me from all sides. I am not referring merely to eluding capture, but also to the moral war I am waging. The attitudes I fight are not only located in the criminal classes, but infect politicians, businessmen, the media and even, the biggest threat of all, those who claim to follow me. As time passes I only grow more convinced that I cannot trust anyone else with my mission, not even the superficially loyal, for fear of my message being distorted and my name misused. I have no choice but to bypass a representative and personally control the groups that would support me: anyone else would be liable to fall prey to the creeping corruption that I have already detected, spreading like dry rot through the otherwise worthy ranks.
There were those who, like L and those who arrogantly attempted to follow in his footsteps, were quick to judge and condemn such attitudes as egotistical. But if they had only seen clearly, they would have realised their error. How could I continue chasing my objective if every irrelevant personal criticism was so wounding to my ego? Although dissenting voices were gradually silenced, opposition has always remained; those who would go out of their way to insult me only grew louder as their numbers decreased. I can bear it because I know they criticise me, nothing more or less, and contrary to the hasty assumptions of L and his fan club I am not out to earn love for myself. Little attacks on my personality I can handle. I know that there is nobody who will condemn my perfect world when it is finally realised. All dissent will fade- naturally, without the use of force. What sort of man would raise his voice against utopia?
This is why I can walk the streets. This is why I can live my life as I do, and why I can look my family in the eye. It's common sense that any vast change comes at the price of a period of instability while the population adjusts, and yet already I can see for myself the thousands I have saved and the millions I have aided. The cliché goes that the ends justify the means, and while I hesitate to use such a crude generalisation, I can see the merit in it in my own case.
Ever since the day I killed Lind L Tailor, I have only had two choices available to me. To turn back, which would undo all that I have worked for and signify my failure and surrender, or to continue, which may lead to destruction. And that choice is no choice at all.
Author's notes: I've written nine of these, for the simple reason that I couldn't think of ten characters that I wanted to write. XD;
The next one will hopefully be up in a week or so. Meanwhile, please take the time to review if you can. :D