Author's Note: This chapter takes place several years before the rest of the story. I assumed that Rukia originally had a different name, because when Hisana abandoned her she would have been too young to remember her name.
In the world of the living, Hisana had loved the rain. Summer rains were her favorite, the kind that cascaded down in a warm, soothing shower, but she had enjoyed the cold winter rains too. Everything felt cleaner afterwards, bright and wet and fresh. That, however, was in the past. The present was here in the Rukon district, where the falling rain only made her feel colder and more miserable. Water dripped off the edge of the roof, soaking into her clothes and draining away more of her meager warmth. She shivered, pulling Reika closer against her. At least her little sister had finally stopped crying.
I can't protect both of us, she thought, then stopped herself before she could carry that idea further. It was a thought that had occurred to her far too often recently.
It's true, though. I can't even protect myself. The bruise on her cheek was proof of that. Hisana closed her eyes and leaned back against the battered shack that was currently her only shelter. She would have gone inside, but two strangers were in there, and she had learned from painful experience to avoid strangers. In an effort to distract herself, Hisana focused on the people walking by. An old man mumbling to himself, a boy with a nervous smile, a girl with tired, defeated eyes.
Is this all my life will ever be? She looked at the tiny, sleeping infant in her arms.
My life and hers? Bitter frustration flooded her.
It's unfair. How can I care for her when it's so hard just to take care of myself?
"Hey, girl." The two strangers, a pair of burly men, had emerged from the shack.
"Get out of here, girl. This is our turf," one of them said. Hisana stood obediently and started to walk away from them, keeping her gaze lowered.
"Didn't even try to put up a fight," observed the taller of the two. Hisana did not look back.
"We could take her easily." She heard the soft rasp of a blade being unsheathed. A rush of adrenaline coursed through her, and she took off running. Behind her, she could hear the men running as well, following her. Their shouts woke Reika, who stared up at her sister with wide, frightened eyes. Hisana dodged into an alleyway and hid behind a large wooden crate, where she tried to quiet her ragged breathing.
Please don't start crying, Reika, she begged silently. If they find me…She had heard plenty of stories about what happened to unprotected girls like her in the worst parts of the Rukon district. Long, agonizing seconds passed.
Did I lose them? She heard footsteps and instinctively tightened her hold on Reika. The infant let out an indignant wail.
"There!" Her pursuers appeared, blocking the way back to the main road.
"I heard something!" Hisana didn't wait for them to find her; she stood and bolted down the alley. Each breath tore at her throat, and the weight of Reika in her arms felt heavier with every stride.
Faster! She screamed at herself. If I can just find somewhere to hide- She skidded to a halt. The alley ended in a dead end. She turned to face her pursuers, who now advanced towards her confidently, knowing she had nowhere to run. Hisana charged at the shorter of the two. He grabbed her easily and slammed her hard against the wall. Dark spots of pain exploded from the back of her head, obscuring her vision. Distantly, she felt Reika slip from her grasp. Then there were hands all over her body, pinning her helplessly, sliding under her thin shirt, groping her chest. She screamed, knowing that even if she was heard, no one would help her. One of the men slapped a hand roughly over her mouth, and she bit down. He swore and drew back, and she saw the gleam of a knife in his uninjured hand.
She struggled wildly against the grip of the man still holding her, managing to twist away just as the knife blade came down. It passed so close to her face she knew it must have cut her, but she felt no pain. Before either of them could grab her again, she seized the knife by its blade. Blood welled instantly from the deep slice in her palm. Whether he was surprised by her action or for some other reason, the man holding the knife let go. Hisana quickly switched the weapon to her other hand, shaking with a mixture of fear and defiance. They eyed her more warily now, aware that the odds had shifted against them. Reika gave a low whimper, and one of them kicked her. Hisana flinched, but otherwise made no move.
After several tense seconds, the taller one, trying to save face, muttered "Bitch isn't worth it." They backed off slowly, still watching her. Hisana did not lower the knife. Only when they had vanished back down the alleyway did she allow herself to sink to the ground, the knife sliding free of her numb grasp. The cuts on her cheek and hand throbbed painfully. She trembled with delayed shock, hearing the sound of soft, whimpering crying. It took a few moments for the noise to register.
Reika. Her baby sister was unharmed, but the fact did not provide her with any relief. As Hisana picked her up, felt her pitiful, helpless weight, the realization pressed down on her.
I can't protect both of us. More importantly, she had just demonstrated that when things became desperate, she would choose her own life over her sister's.
I was only trying to protect myself. I didn't even think about her. She was grateful it had stopped raining. It would make her feel less guilty about what she was going to do.
"It's okay, Reika," she lied, holding her gently. "It's okay. You're safe." Reika stared solemnly back at her, and Hisana noticed again how her sister's eyes were the exact same color and shape as her own. Slowly, those eyes flickered shut once more. She stood carefully and began making her way out of the mess of muddy streets and ruined buildings. Late evening spread across the Rukon district. The fitful lights gleaming from houses gave Hisana the illusion of silent, accusing eyes watching her.
"Be realistic," she muttered to herself. "You can't protect her and you know it. Even if you could, do you want her to grow up in a place like this?" Tears stung her eyes. She didn't try to hold them back.
"You're just going to abandon her, like you've been thinking about doing for weeks." The words rang out louder than she had intended and Reika stirred briefly. Hisana wished she would wake and start crying so that she would have an excuse to put this off again, but her baby sister almost immediately slipped back into sleep.
Damp grass swished under her bare feet and she realized that she had emerged into the fields outside the town. It didn't make any difference where she abandoned her sister. She just wanted to be somewhere where no one would see her.
Just set her down and walk away, she told herself. Slowly, gently, she lowered her sister to the ground.
Now walk away. Just do it. She studied Reika's face one last time.
This isn't my fault. There's no one I can trust to take care of her. Both of us can't survive here, and this is the only thing I can do. Her eyes burned with fresh tears.
"I can't," she whispered. "I can't." She clenched her fists tightly and felt the bleeding ache in her injured left hand.
I may be able to protect myself. But only if there's no one else I have to protect. She drew a slow, shuddering breath.
"Reika… I'm sorry." She took one step. Another. And she knew she couldn't do it, knew she was going to turn back. So she ran. Dull pain pounded through her body, telling her to get out, escape, before someone hurt her again. Perhaps, if she ran hard enough, she could forget her guilt, forget the innocent little sister she had abandoned. But she knew, even then, that she would never forgive herself. She didn't believe anyone else ever would either.