The Cruelty of Fate
By Kitara Lira
Warning: If you're looking for a happy ending, it won't come here. So readers you've been warned.
I'm not exactly sure when it started; this bizarre feeling in my chest. Maybe it was the first time I had met you. Flowers are always such a nice thing – at least you made them. Perhaps it was the first fight; the court yard during the Carnival; or maybe it was none of that. Maybe I was just being stupid and it has always been there.
It's funny really. The moment I come to my senses - it's too late. But isn't that how everything that was ever worth while ends? With me here, you there, and the world of separation between us. Only the lucky fools end up with what they want and funny thing? They never started wanting i.! More often then not, they opposed it.
I didn't oppose it. I failed to understand it. Failed to believe it. Maybe I should have loathed it – then things wouldn't be like this.
Courage is something that is hard to come by. But you want to know something even harder? The truth. Not only from others, but also from yourself. I lied. For years I lied to myself, to you, and to all our friends. I wish I hadn't, but I did. And because I did, I continue to, the vicious cycle only getting worse. I hate you. I love you. I hate me. But even more then that? I hate them. Them for lying. Them for destroying any chance we had.
I'm being negative again, I know you hate that. I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I'm just bitter. Bitter that I couldn't have you. Bitter that I lost. Even if I smile, even if I live, it is all a lie. A façade. I learned to build a mask – to the extent of perfection. As yours faded, mine grew. Funny isn't it? How it all turned out in the end.
Well you two are coming over for supper tonight and he should be home soon. Is it a coincidence? That they're both high school friends and now colleagues? That every Friday night they insist we get together? Or maybe you…
Regardless of who, every Friday is the same: dinner and games. Games to which you always insist upon. With him you're so free – relaxed. The mask is gone, your eyes show an overall expression of joy, yet at the same time I wonder if that glint I see… is sorrow. If like me, you hurt. That you hate this life just as much as I hate mine. If only I had been stronger. If only I had been faster. None of this would have happened.
Arms wrapped about my shoulders, drawing me back into an embrace. The scent of cologne is strong, but not too strong. Before your eyes can notice, I slip the papers under my magazine. You don't ask if you did notice – you never do.
"How was your day love?" The voice is soft, gentle. Anyone would melt. But I'm not anyone. As your hand finds its way to mine, I merely shrug – giving my usual response.
"Fine I suppose. It was no different from any other day this week. Yours?" This routine is mundane, but apparently a must. Why? Oh right… to pretend.
"Mine was wonderful!" Chipper, do you ever lose enthusiasm? Some days I swear… "And then my boss was in absolute…" He drowned on. It didn't matter if I would hear a word he said now or ever. He loved to talk.
When he finished, his hold relinquished from me during the process of the story in order to better tell his "wonderful" tale. I rose to my feet, gathering my things. "Well as nice as that sounds I need to start making supper. If I don't I'm never going to hear the end of it when your friend comes over." Tossing my things into my briefcase I clicked it shut: locked. It was where all my secrets went. The journal I kept, the pictures of you: us. Anything that I didn't want to share with him. Our memories were special. Special in such a way that not even his eyes were entitled to view the memories. No one was: except for you of course.
"Someone's a little grumpy. Those guys at the shop must be giving you a hard time again huh?" From his throat a deep chuckle was released. Why in the world did I ever say yes? It was all just a lie – as I'm sure you already knew. But even if you did, you failed to mention it. Maybe you're just thinking it will blow over in time.
It won't.
Turning to leave the room, I merely waved back to you, shrugging my shoulders high, "Yeah, whatever." As I made my way to the kitchen I sighed.
I am twenty-eight years of age. I own my own Auto-repair shop with a full crew of fifteen – one of the biggest in the city. My name is Kuga Natsuki and I am living a lie - my marriage to a man for the past two years being only the start of it.
I am in love with my husband's best friend's wife – also my high school friend: Fujino Shizuru.
Every Friday evening when I see her face, a part of me dies inside.
Fate is twisted.
Fate is cruel.
I shouldn't have to be so close to the one I love every week and know that no matter what… I can't have her.
Author Notes: There you have it - my first and probably not my last - complete angst. You can go ahead and say you hate it, I don't really care. The truth remains that not everything is all sweet and sugar laced. Sometimes no matter the intention, no matter the love, things simply don't work out. Fates way of dishing you a dose of reality.
So from me to the reader audience, this is my dose of reality. Even fictional characters need to face the possibilities.