Author Pre-notes: (Skip to the line break if you don't care about any of this)
Hi folks. Its me Kmid :) I am finally back on ! I recently finished the Soul Eater Anime, and it's my latest obsession! ^_^
WARNINGS: This fic could take a lot of different directions so for now I will just say pairings are not decided (and my never be) I tend to focus on a-typical friendships and interpersonal intimacy rather then OTP or just shipping up my "faves" to have juicy sexy time while the plot falls apart. That is not to say that it wont have anything juicy, just not in the typical "meet-cute sexy-up happily-after" way. IF YOU CANT HANDLE THE FOLLOWING DON'T READ: Gender blurring, potential inter-sexuality suggestions, a-typical friendships, homosexual suggestions (of ANY gender.) violence, heartbreak, possible Croma moments, Real emotion, anime-verse, english-ization of character's language and POST final episode story. Spoiler warning if you haven't finished it. This story may or may not contain all of the above. :D just the way I like it.
Feel free to skip to the page divide now if you haven't read or don't care about Hollywood Died
HOLLYWOOD DIED FANS: For anyone who has kept up with me you will know that I have not written on my Hollywood Died FMA fic in a long time. The reason for that is because I lost my files. I had about ten more chapters on my computer that an ex destroyed while claiming to be "fixing" it. (one of the many reasons this person is an ex. But enough of that.) The good news is is I still have that computer, and once I can save up 100$ to have the geek squad extract my old files that story WILL be continued. I would just re-write more new chapters but I don't want to start if there is a chance to pick up where I left off ;.; I do plan on this story having the same level of detail and intricacy as that one did, I am ready to get back into the swing of things.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters or settings retained by their creators. Those rights and privileges are exclusive property held by those that own the Soul Eater story.
For a little extra fun, as with Hollywood died, all the chapter titles are drawn from song titles that reflect the chapter or attributes of the characters, so if you know the songs enjoy, and if you don't look them up on youtube...its worth it.
WITH NO FURTHER ADUE!
-line break -
Aftermath-Remix
I'm You
'what will we do if he says I can't come back after everything that's happened? Where will we go? We will be all alone again. Me and the other me...and the one who lives inside. Ragnarok...So much has happened...Lady- I mean...medusa. Just medusa. I have to remember that, Maka told me so. Medusa...she's finally dead. I am not happy that she is dead. Anyone being killed never brought me much joy. I feel...how do I feel...relieved a little. Still not sure what to do with myself though. Looking at my feet I remember when I got these boots. They are all beat up now, but they were new once. My old ones impeded my ability to fight so she brought me these. I know now that she only did that for her own profit. We were always just for her profit. My stomach is queasy...I think I might go throw up to settle it down. Ragnarok's overeating is giving me stomach aches. I never noticed this archway is a bunch of those things they use to chop off people's heads. Oh I am definitely going to be sick...where will we go if he says we have to go away? Will we still be allowed to stay in death city? I definitely won't be able to handle things if we have to go away...oh no, my legs stopped moving...what do I do now...Maka...she is looking at me with those eyes of hers...she has really shiny eyes.
"Crona?" Maka asked when the other meister had suddenly stopped walking next to her. She had only gotten a few feet ahead when she realized he had stopped. She turned her head to peer over her shoulder at his frail form. Certainly, he had gained some ground from the day she had broken his spirit open for the first time. He was now strong enough to stand on his own two feet when times got tough, but when it came to change he still didn't adjust well. She knew that as his friend she was only beginning to scratch the surface of what he had been through. It was at times like this that she was faced with it the hardest. When he stood there, mouthing words into the air and staring at something no-one else could see in order to avoid looking at the real world. He stood, knees together, thin frame ever bent at an awkward angle, dress robe clinging to his bony shoulders, hands clenched tightly over forearms and crossed over his chest. He looked so unstable when he acted that way.
"Crona..." She said again, turning towards him this time. He jumped a little and met her gaze with his own worried eyes. "I know what it is already...you don't have to tell me. You were never actually given much most of your life...and anything you were was taken away pretty soon afterward huh?" The pale teen could only nod slowly in reply. "So you are really afraid that is going to happen again, aren't you." 'he was so calm the other day...I can't believe it was just the other day...when the kishin was finally killed. He was so much more collected. Now he seems frightened and unstable again...'
"M..maka I don't want to have to leave...But Lord d-death didn't say I could stay yet...he didn't tell me that I could stay after I was exiled and went after...m..ma..ma-du..ma..." He took in a deep breath. "Her."
"That's why you wanted to speak to Lord Death though right? To make sure you were going to be allowed to stay?" Maka replied, choosing her words carefully. "You won't ever find out...if you just keep waiting here forever..." She pointed out. He looked at her, shaking slightly. His eyes told her exactly what it was he was pleading for internally. Comfort, a sign that this was the real reality. She stepped closer and pulled off her gloves, shoving them in her coat pocket. She placed her small hand over one of his clenched hands, signaling without words that he should take it. He did so with only a hint of hesitation. He needed the touch too bad right now to over-think it. Hand in hand now they began walking again. When they reached the end of the hall there was Death, the grim reaper himself, sitting at a low coffee table drinking tea with Deathscythe.
"Meister Maka and Demon-swordsman Crona, What brings you to my coffee table? Come, sit. I would stand for you but I am afraid I am still recovering." Crona winced when Death uttered his name. Sometimes it pained him to always be the 'demon' swordsman. But how else could someone describe the creature that lived in his veins, the very spirit of the sword who's liquid form made up his own life blood, Ragnarok.
Maka made her way across the room, Crona in tow and they both sat traditionally at Death's table. Deathscythe waved lightly at Maka from the other side of the table. She nodded. So far since the battle over the world she had actually giving a distant respect to Death-Scythe Spirit, her father. The red headed man beamed and straightened his tie. Maka turned her attention back to the Reaper that sat directly across from her. She could feel Crona as if he were trying to fold into himself and become even tinier than he already was. She squeezed his hand enough to distract him from his nerves.
"So..." Death began in his friendliest tone. Maka knew this game all too well. Death would beat around the bush until somebody else finally spoke up. He would do this by saying phrases like "so" and "well" and "is that so?" and "hmm" each with long pauses punctuating them to leave blanks for students (and sometimes teachers) to fill in. She waited as patiently as she could for Crona to speak up. This wasn't her battle. Yet.
It was a long silence made more obvious by Death's occasional slurping noises and Spirit thrumming his fingers as if to pretend the awkwardness wasn't hanging in the air like heavy fog. Finally Crona twitched slightly, then relaxed and opened his small, pale mouth to speak.
"Well..." Death uttered with a long pause, oblivious to the fact that he had just interrupted the young swordsman as he was almost able to finally speak.
"Lord Death, Crona wanted to talk to you about something." Maka interjected at last, deciding that twenty minutes of silent tea-slurping with the Grim Reaper, her Father and her painfully introverted friend was quite long enough. You could almost hear the Reaper smile.
"Is that so?" He asked.
"Eep." was all that came from Crona's mouth.
"eep?" Repeated death. He turned his head to one side as if studying the word. "eep." he said again, this time he seemed to be trying to make it sound philosophical in some way.
'this is getting me nowhere...I need to just do it...ready...deep breath...and...go' Crona steeled himself in his mind.
"L-l-lord Dd.?" He sputtered. The words tasted a little funny after such a long silence, but he found his tongue again quickly.
"Hmm?" The Reaper replied expectantly. Maka got the disconcerting feeling that Lord Death knew exactly what was going to be said, but instead he was going to force Crona to say it himself. Still, that might be a good sign.
"Well I uh...I..." Another deep breath. "I w..wanted to know if I was going to be allowed to stay...here...now."
"No." Death replied almost instantly, shocking all three that sat at the table. The Reaper was not flustered by all their gasping though and simply took another sip of tea before pausing for a refill.
"But Lord Death, respectfully, I know some things got really messed up but Crona almost died fixing them. He would have given his life to make things right here with you and everyone that was involved...I really want you to reconsider! No...I demand that you reconsider...if you don't let Crona come back to school I swear I will walk out! I will quit!" Maka blurted, her rage speaking faster than her mind could think. This scenario had crossed her mind but she didn't actually expect the caring Death-god to say no.
"m..maka no! It's okay...We still have to do what he say-" Crona tried to justify, but he was interrupted by laughter. Two laughing voices...one was Death's...and the other Spirit's.
"Papa..." Maka warned.
"Calm down Maka..." Spirit bantered playfully.
"Then don't laugh at Crona!" She snapped, getting to her feet.
"Simmer down or reaper-chops for all!" Death said over the noise of the quickly escalating argument. Everyone was silent, even Maka though she still shook quietly. "Now. Crona didn't ask me if he could continue attending school here. He asked if he could stay. And he can't. A prison cell is no place to call home. He will have to move out as soon as he is able and into a more stable, comfortable place. It is healthier. Now, my Demon-sword Meister, you are more than welcome to continue attending classes, and you are more than welcome to live in Death City. Your past crimes are grievous, and people will most definitely going to have a problem with my letting you continue your education here..."
"And abilities like yours need to be trained and honed so that you won't accidentally or on purpose hurt people one day." Spirit added, his face finally serious again. Maka looked as though she might faint. They had...tricked her. Her head spun. That play on words was meaner than even she could come up with.
"Not only that, Crona, but I think you need to continue to work on your confidence and your mental health. Do you remember those sessions you had with the counselor?" Death said. Crona nodded through the cold sweat he was going into. He too, was having a hard time recovering from being tricked. He had thought his life was over only a few moments before only to find out it had only just begun.
"Those sessions turned up some interesting results about you that I will go over with you at a later time. But I am serious, staying in that dungeon any longer, I have been told, will just add to the damage of your mental state. Please find a warm, suitable home asap!" Death said, sounding as if he had a smile on his face.
"Thank you...?" Crona whimpered, still looking a little lost.
"Think about it like this, you too Maka. Rather than punishing Crona, we need to give him the things he needs to do better. Things that will make him strong enough that what happened to miss Marie will never happen again. That is a better solution than any punishment." Spirit said with a smirk. Maka took a deep breath and nodded.
'what did I expect...Death and my Dad to take life seriously? Pshyeah...I should have known much better. They have a point in there somewhere, but it's buried in jokes. Still...' She glanced and Crona through her thoughts. He looked like he was trying to laugh, cry, be perfectly still, dance and die all at the same time. 'as long as he is going to be okay, it's worth dealing with these two.'
"With that said, Crona, you are free to move about as you please. Let me know when you have found a place to live or someone to stay with so I may have your things sent. If you aren't able to find a place, let me know and I will help." The Reaper re-assured him. Crona gave an awkward nod and tottered to his feet, almost too dizzy to walk. He began stumbling towards the entryway, waves of relief washing over him with each step. Maka stood to follow quickly after, but found herself gently pushed back down by Death's large white hand.
"No, Maka I need to speak with you just a moment longer." Death said. As if taking a cue, Spirit stood to leave.
"Later Maka...Papa loves you." He said with a small wave and a smile. She waved back but quickly turned her attention back to the Reaper who was now sitting much closer to her, within whispering distance.
"I really do not want you to take offense to what I am about to tell you, but you need to listen either way, Meister Maka. I am very well aware of how deeply you care about Crona, perhaps now more than ever. You are so completely willing to lay it all on the line for any small amount of hope he has. The results from his psychological evaluation were not great. Crona is very emotionally disturbed. Even more so than most of our Meisters here, who in the human world would probably be certifiable, my own son included. Meisters are made from tougher stuff than normal humans, thankfully." Death said to her, quiet but serious as could be.
"What...did his evaluation say?" Maka ventured, extremely curious.
"As the exact results are confidential between patient and counselor, I can only give you an outline. In addition to the inner turmoil of sharing a body with Ragnarok, the weapon-partner, Crona shows a strong lack of understanding of almost all standard human concepts. Almost everything about Crona's life now is completely foreign to his mind. From touch to light to warmth, food, care, bonds...Foreign and new concepts. He will either ease into them on instinct or eventually reject them all and fall back into his old self." Maka's face fell. "It's not all bad! He is adjusting better than expected and I believe he is just a bit stronger than everyone gives him credit for. He was severely abused beyond what anyone I have ever known can understand. A truly deprived childhood and teenage years including neglect, torture, denial of basic needs and betrayal of all forms of physical privacy and by that I mean his blood replacement by Medusa at an early age. It's amazing there was anything left of the person that is Crona. Still, it's undeniable that its there. I will let him tell you more about himself in his own time. What I really meant to tell you was this. Asura was a very, very dear friend to me. He too, was frightened and nervous and very, very powerful." Death's voice lost its squeaking tone, replaced by a much older, serious one. "He was dear to me, a companion and sibling. Watching the madness fear placed on him was the most terrible thing I have ever seen. I watched him go downhill and didn't try to stop it. I didn't want to hurt one of my very own closest friends. But in the end, he only suffered worse because I wouldn't keep him at bay. The day I ordered you Meisters to kill him at all costs broke my heart and I think you know why."
Maka thought for a long moment. Tears welled up in her eyes as she imagined having to do that herself. To order the death of someone she once was so close to? What if soul went mad and started killing...and she had to order those around her to end his life...or worse yet...
"Crona..." she muttered softly.
"I am by no means saying that Crona is going down that same road, but should he ever stray and you are unable to bring him back...be aware that you would then be the only one capable of stopping him. The way I had to stop Asura." Death said finally.
"I..." Maka couldn't help the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I understand...Lord Death." Unable to contain herself any longer, she began to bawl into the table openly. She was suddenly glad her father was no longer in the room.
"There there Maka, I didn't mean to scare you. I honestly in my very soul believe that between you and the others, Crona will be just fine. You must always remember that your friends are your strength. Crona said that himself, when you were in the orb up against Kishin Asura." The Reaper patted her gently on the back as she slowly stopped sobbing. That was the first time she had cried since two days ago when the battle was over. All her emotions and those swirling around Death had overwhelmed her for a moment. She wiped her tears and looked up, smiling at last.
"Thank you." She said as she stood to leave. Death responded with a peace-sign.
"Always good ta see ya Maka." He said loudly as she stepped towards the entryway. She paused though and looked back over her shoulder.
"Hey Lord Death...Why did you decide to go ahead and let him stay enrolled? Just..curious." She asked.
"Two reasons. One, we seem to be needing to do a lot of updating to our justice system. There is new rumor that if I hire the most qualified candidate for a teaching position he is requiring me to allow permissions for a particularly young witch to be allowed in the city and on the school premise. Rules need adjusting to keep up with changing times. And number two...I see something in you Maka, that I did not see in myself back before Asura became a Kishin. The very same thing you used to beat him in the end. I wonder sometimes, if I had had that back then...would he ever have done what he did. If I was that brave, as brave as you are now...could I have had the same chance of helping him...that you have to help Crona?" He seemed to ask himself the last question. Maka paused for a moment, reflecting on what Death had said. He looked up at her and offered a small wave. She nodded and waved back, then walked out without a word. She understood, and she knew there was nothing that could change Death's past. He wanted her to change her own and Crona's future before they repeated his past.
"So we have to move...but we can keep going to classes. What do you think Ragnarok?" Crona said aloud to his own reflection in his small gothic-style mirror. It was one of the four things in his room, the same room that had once been his cell. A dresser, a mirror, a bed and a trash can. Those things had been added after the cell was to be a room. The thin boy placed one spindly hand against the icy stone wall behind the mirror. There was a familiar feeling right between his shoulder blades, like the prickling of rough wool. It was followed by a feeling of warm dampness against his skin. He winced, but he had long ago gotten used to Ragnarok bleeding himself out of the skin on his back. It never did damage since the weapon had complete control of Crona's blood vessels. It was one of the stranger things about him he didn't care to explain thoroughly to anyone. Ragnarok was the one who lived inside of him. Every black little blood cell belonged to the demon-sword. These days, as small as Ragnarok became after the madness was partially drawn out of them, the weapon didn't cause nearly as much pain upon arrival. He was literally the meister's constant companion.
"People don't understand us here, Ragnarok. They think we are strange...but our friends really like us. I think that's why I wanted us to stay so badly. Living in the city is scary...I don't know how we are going to deal with it but I guess we will manage." Crona spoke in a low, calm tone he couldn't muster well around others. Only when he was alone with Ragnarok was his voice so even, speaking in full, unstuttering sentences. He knew others didn't understand he and Ragnarok's relationship. How he could tolerate the insensitive weapon, how Ragnarok knew everything that Crona knew, He knew Crona's body, mind and soul every moment of the day unless he was asleep inside. Ragnarok needed sleep too, and often did it when Crona was awake and moving. It was one of the many ways they co-existed. These days it was better. Without the heavy madness they had both been prone to accept, Ragnarok was now how he used to be, the way Crona remembered him as a child. Funny, sarcastic, mean...but not evil.
"You expect these idiots around here to understand? HA! It's laughable. Look at us Crona...we were made for evil things...Lets go kill them." Ragnarok laughed, turning his attention to their reflections.
"Stupid." Crona gave a half hearted upward swing to the side of his companion's face. "We aren't going to be like that anymore...You can eat kishin souls when we go on missions, their all yours. But we don't eat human souls anymore. No more killing innocent people. I like you better without all those souls inside of you. You are more calm."
"Hey don't hit me! I'll hit you back!" The demon landed a small punch to the side of Crona's pink head, which the meister ignored. "Anyway you changed a lot too. Aw fine it was getting boring anyway, having to take the lead all the time when you were being all psycho back then. I got tired of fighting all your battles because you were too nuts to have any fucking clue was was going on. At least now I get what I want all the time."
"If you don't stop eating so much I am going to start throwing up all the time. I can't stand throwing up..." Crona said offhandedly. They lapsed into silence, staring at the mirror. Finally Ragnarok broke the silence again.
"I've been meaning to tell you something Crona."
"Wha?" Crona responded, pulled from his thoughts.
"Your haircut is stupid looking."
"It's not my fault I had to cut it myself last time it got too long! Next time you cut it!"
"Fine I will, I'll cut it all off. You let everyone call you a boy, I'll cut it all off really short so you look like one!" Ragnarok laughed loudly.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You still don't get the idea of sex after all these years."
Crona blushed, looking back down at the dresser, eyes fixed on the empty wooden surface. "I am just me..." He muttered. "But...but I still don't want all my hair gone. It feels safer when it falls over my eyes." He took a long, slow, shuttering breath that fogged the glass slightly and turned his eyes back to the mirror. He just noticed that his companion was striking poses at his own reflection. Ragnarok had no attention span.
Haziness and reality came and went for Crona. This was one of those sobering moments where reality was very clear. He wasn't all that afraid right now so things were very easy to see. He let his thoughts wander as he stared into his own sad eyes.
'I still don't really understand who I am. I don't really understand what we are. What I am, what the other me is, or what Ragnarok is. We just can't remember. My eyes, my hair, our body, our blood. It's so hard to categorize things when there isn't anyone like us to compare. The counselor had that in his notes. It wasn't my fault that Ragnarok grabbed the extra copy from the top of the file Cabinet when we were left alone in the room for a while. I read them but I didn't understand them...I look at it now where I stuck it to the mirror. it says "check all that patient shows more than three symptoms of"... Dissociative identity disorder, gender-disphoria, agoraphobia, ,anti-social personality disorder anxiety, anorexia, depression, mania, bi-polarity, Autism, Avoidant personality disorder, Borderline personality disorder, Posttraumatic stress disorder... the list is really long and I don't understand most of it. I don't get how I can be all those things at once. What are we? Are we all those things?'
"What are we, Ragnarok?" He spoke his mind finally.
"You answered that already dumb ass. We are just us. You are just 'stupid Crona' and I am just 'awesome Ragnarok the demon sword!' Hahaha."
Crona smiled a tiny little smile. "Lets start putting our stuff in a suitcase so when we find another place to live we will be ready."
"You can do that all by yourself, Crona. You're a big boy now." Ragnarok responded in a mocking down, then disappeared immediately into Crona's back. He usually did that whenever some form of work was mentioned. Crona sighed.
'me, the other me, and Ragnarok...all inside. I am him, he is me, and so is she. We are just us...'