Hello all! For those of you wondering why I haven't been updating, I was away for the whole month of July, and decided to fill out some prompts on the Kink Meme while I was gone. This is one of them.

So I'm still writing. Just got sidetracked.

- Phisat

"Hush, luv."

He watched her scramble, repositioning a Thermal Discouragement Beam, sliding under the grid (Well, not so much a grid as lines, really) of lasers, her- oh, that's a nice view- her arse just barely getting under the beam…

Oh, Chell.

No. His Chell. The whole facility was his now. His property. Wheatley Laboratories. And she was part of this facility. A legend if there ever was one. Chell hadn't beaten Her just once (Already an amazing accomplishment) but with his help, twice.

Yes, a legend. His legend.

Something caught Wheatley's eye on a far left monitor. Wait, was that…

But before he had the chance to guess what was happening, he heard a faint, mechanical voice. His attention immediately returned to where it had been not two seconds ago.

The small potato on one of the Portal Gun's prongs was speaking in Her hoarse whisper. And Chell was listening to it. Even worse, she had stopped testing to do so.

Oh, how he loathed Her.

She was conspiring against him, he knew it. That's all She did, scheme, lurk around, telling Chell to rebel against him. She'd already tricked his legend into believing the facility was going to explode with him in charge. What else had She convinced Chell of?

He didn't want to think about it. It could only upset him.

He would rather watch Chell test, and not think about his most bitter enemy (And hers too!) twisting his perfect test subject. His Chell, with her pale-ish complexion and her beautiful eyes and breasts and arse and legs and how she quickly solved-

Hold up. This test should have been solved by now. He could feel it. Wheatley glared at the monitor. If mutual feedback had been on, his displeasure would have been apparent.

Very bloody apparent.

"So you understand the plan? Good. Now let's just keep this little idiot-"

Wheatley's voice suddenly cut in.

"Excuse me, but I can't help but notice the lack of testing going on here. And you're here to test."

Chell's lone empty fist clenched in anger. Wheatley had been her friend. Seemed as soon as he had any sort of power that was all forgotten.

No, worse, he wasn't just her friend. He was the one person Chell had decided she was going to open up to. She hadn't spoken in… Years, at least. Not that she'd want to speak to androids trying to kill her at every waking moment. But Wheatley had almost ended her self-imposed silence…

She should have known that mainframe was evil. It was a total role reversal once Wheatley's core had been plugged into the mainframe. GLaDOS was actually being… Well, not nice by a long stretch, but decent at least. And Wheatley, tiny little Wheatley…

Chell shot a portal at the last wall. She didn't need this. They'd been about to escape, damn it! They had been so close! And now her friend was absorbed by whatever that hell the mainframe was pumping through him to make his want to test-

"Oh, this… Yeah, I'm sure this is gonna be great, any moment now, ready to love it…"

No.

She wasn't accepting this.

"Four more chambers," GLaDOS had said. "Then we can escape and get our revenge."

But maybe Chell didn't want revenge. She and Wheatley had been friends once. She had to at least try diplomacy with the metal ball.

But first she had to get his undivided attention. So she waited.

It didn't take long.

Wheatley hissed in a mix of annoyance and anger. What was she doing? She had the cube, was in front of the button… What was she waiting for? There was no paint drying, no grass here… He slammed his hand on the intercom button.

"Just what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

Chell turned towards the monitor, giving an icy glare in response, along with some kind of hand motion. The potato was murmuring something in a panicked tone. He hit the button again. "You, potato! What's your friend there getting at?"

Before She had a chance to speak, Chell made a jabbing motion towards the monitor. Aggressive. Nasty. Without any pleasantry.

Even Wheatley was silenced. Temporarily.

Chell quickly jabbed at herself, then made a sort of half-hand movement.

He squinted, pushing his glasses up as he did so. He seemed to remember this one…

"She obviously wants to talk to you, moron. Though if you couldn't figure that out, I doubt you'll be able to…"

"I! AM NOT! A MORON! Could a moron speak? Could a moron tell you your new mission is to disobey this mission? Could a moron do that?"

"Yes he- Wait mission disobey…" Suddenly the potato fell silent.

Wheatley leaned back, pleased.

Just as he'd planned. Brilliant.

An alarmed instantly appeared on Chell's face. She shook the Portal Gun, trying to get a response from the potato. In vain.

"Thought I hadn't noticed what She was up to with that earlier, didn't She? Can't put a paradox past Wheatley, luv. Now, if you're wondering why it didn't work… Well, you'll find out soon."

That took care of one problem, now…

The panel Chell was standing on suddenly flipped, pushing her onto an Aerial Faith Plate (cunningly) placed behind her while she'd been distracted by the paradox. As she flew, the wall she was about to crash into retracted.

Chell sailed through the hole into nothingness, an Excursion Funnel scooping her up just in time.

Wheatley stood. She wanted to talk? Fine. They'd talk.

After he dealt with this Itch.