How will Ichigo beat up Ulquiorra?

Hi. All Bleach characters belong to Kubo Tite. Any other public figures mentioned belong to themselves :) I know non-fictional characters are not allowed, but hey, I just mentioned him, so it must be ok. I just couldn't help myself after manga chapter 345. Naturally, if you don't follow the manga, this will be a huge spoiler and you should leave this page… NOW.

Ichigo's fingertips slowly felt the edges of his broken mask. His eyes were widened, but there was something beyond fear that lightened up the depths of those brown orbs. There was… anger.

Ulquiorra eyed him impassively and searched to put his hands in his pockets. Unfortunately, his resurrection-robe had none. He sighed and crossed his arms. Come on, don't get upset now, Kurosaki Ichigo – he thought. – I ain't gonna kill you (although I really wish to.) But you're the main character after all – you die, we all die, simple logic. Besides… Orihime will be really mad if I upset you.

"Now, now, you little piece of trash…" – he stated aloud with cool irony. – "Did I break your mask? Don't cry… Die!"

Ichigo scowled and gave Ulquiorra his most mean look. Why, you… cursed…emo… dress wearin', make-up usin'… arrogant… flying… HAMSTER! Calm down, Ichigo, stay cool… Think about happy things… Swords, stoner rock music…

"Oh, don't worry Ulquiorra. It's your head that is going to roll!"

"Oh. And just how do you plan to achieve that?" – The green-eyed reincarnation of Bruce Wayne couldn't help but smile sarcastically. Then again, he was curious too how the mangaka no kami will be able to turn the tables.

Ichigo smiled menacingly, his eyes were in the shadow of his spiky hair. Ulquiorra thought this was a ridiculous image for the otherwise sunny boy.

"Well" – Kurosaki started slowly – "I'll just have to replace old-man Zangetsu…"

Zangetsu: Huh?!?!

"…with…"

Ulquiorra: ?

"OZZY!" – a.k.a. Death of Bats Osbourne.

Ulquiorra's eyes widened a little by the sight of the cheery and borderline insane face of the old metalhead who was once known for not being a Batman fan and for biting off the heads of his kind.

"Shit." – the green-eyed arrancar said.

First thing I thought after reading the chapter was: omg, he's Batman! I'm soo in love! Second thought was that ridiculous thing about Ozzy biting off his head. I originally made this as a fancomic, you can see it at: frederik21st. deviantart. com/art/Ichigo-vs-Ulquiorra-Spoiler-113082581 (no spaces) Then again, I realized drawing is not exactly such a great strength of mine… not at all.

I know this parody is utterly ridiculous, but reviews are still welcome. Cya:)