Broken Wings of a Broken Angel

By: Parker Lexington

He's truly gone, he's not coming back…I miss him…I miss him so bad. But no. He doesn't love me. He never did. But I can't stand it anymore. I just want to leave. Everything feels like a dream. But it's too painful to be a dream. Especially what I've been doing.

Right now, I'm standing in the shower, with a razor to my arms. Watching the blood flow from the other deep gashes. Ecstasy. The only things I can do to keep my mind from him, are smoking, doing drugs, alcohol, and cutting. I am very different from the old Bella…but I love the new Bella.

I replaced my mahogany hair with short black scene hair. I know how much he used to love my long hair. So I had to change it. I have snake bites, a nose piercing, 2 eye brows, 5.8 gauge earrings, a belly button, and a tragus. None of them really hurt. What does hurt are peoples staring.

Charlie isn't much wiser then everyone else. He doesn't care why I take such long showers, he doesn't care about my extensive purchase of razors, he doesn't care about the piercings, he doesn't care about the hair, he doesn't care about the clothing, he doesn't even care why I send so much time in my room. I don't thing he cares about me anymore…well who does?

I got out of the shower, dried myself off, put some rubbing alcohol on my fresh cuts, and walked out of the bathroom. I went to my room, and pout on some skull pajama pants, and a black thermal shirt with some designs on it. I curled up in bed, and grabbed my journal. This journal is full of poems, feelings, and dripped blood…

I grabbed my shiny purple pen…my precise… and started to write. Tonight I decided to write a poem. I slowly wrote with all the agony in my heart just pouring out. I slowly wrote everything I was feeling, every pinprick emotion.

It took all my strength to stay here
In the darkness only your voice I can hear
To see your face and touch your heart
My fear keep drifting us apart

Felt like I'm falling in bottomless abyss
But you're the one who lure me in, I couldn't resist
Wordless I need to say to show
This is a part of the life I know

Every time I fell asleep
I saw you in my dream
And every time I open my eyes
I realized it's what it seems

I'm tired of spreading my broken wings
Just to caught up with you I kept on flying
You're still so far away
I can't find the words to say

Maybe we're just meant to be in different line
I think I'm giving up this time
But before I go I want you to know
Without you I'll be back to being hollow

But If you could come with me, stay with me
You'll keep me alive, you'll make me breathe

It was true. Without him, I am slowly dying. Everything reminds me of him…from the music player in the corner, to the window on the wall. I remember, for the first week I just locked myself in my room. Until I found my little friend hiding in my sock drawer. A little, shiny razor. And everything is a blur from there. From my first cigarette, to my first beer, to my first hit. Everything is so much better now…

I leaned back onto my pillows, pulled out a cigarette lit it, took out my flask took a sig of whisky, and pulled out my side table drawer and took 2 Vicodins. My nighttime ritual. To nights going to be a good night. Tomorrows going to be hell.

A/N: Is it good? Is it bad? I don't care! Just respond! How did you like my poem? Written from the heart, really truly! I'm sorry it was so short. But next chapter will be longer. I promise! But I'm sorry, I'll have to have some good responses to continue!